Surviving Conflict Series (Part 1 of 3)
(Sermon concept & some content from Rick Stacy)
Surviving Conflict on Your Team
Matt. 5:22-26
Sept. 17, 2006 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Pastor
Introduction:
A Opening Illustration
B "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ’You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ’You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. 23 "Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. 25 "Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. 26 "Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent. Matt 5:22-26 (NASB)
1 Jesus taught His listeners to get things right between each other before they got right with God (essence of the text in a sentence).
a If we’re going to be at peace with God, we must be at peace with one another (essence of the sermon in a sentence).
b I pray you’ll give your best shot at reconciling a relationship that is in conflict (objective).
2 What do you need to be reconciled with someone you’re in conflict with? (Probing question)
a Let’s make two acknowledgments about anger that can help you give your best shot at reconciling a relationship that is in conflict.
b Pray
I Our first acknowledgment is the seriousness that anger has on our relationships.
A Jesus didn’t say that our anger leads to murder, He said that it is murder. "You have heard that the ancients were told, ’YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER’ and ’Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ 22 "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court... Matt 5:21-22 (NASB)
1 The ancients (v. 21: rabbis, scribes) were of the mind that "You shall not commit murder" was an entirely physical action, but it wasn’t to God.
a These religious people thought they were doing good because they hadn’t maliciously murdered another person...Jesus said, "You don’t get it."
b He’s telling them that hating someone with your heart is murder, too!
aa Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. 1 John 3:15 (NASB)
2 If we murder someone, there’s a real possibility our relationship with them is over.
a "Pastor, if being angry/hating is the same as murder, go ahead & kill ‘em, right?
b WRONG! Sinful feelings are not an excuse for sinful deeds.
aa We don’t get locked up as murderers because we hate someone.
bb However, more than one person has become a murderer because he/she couldn’t control their anger.
cc It’s possible for a person who has never been involved in so much as a fist fight to have more of a murderous spirit than an incarcerated killer.
c Sinful anger seriously robs us of relationships with other people.
B Hatred also seriously breaches the relationship between people and God. "But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ’You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ’You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. 23 "Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.
1 In v. 22, Jesus taught that there were consequences to anger.
a It’s hard to find two commentaries/scholars who agree on what v. 22 means.
aa Nursed hate, angry, raca, fool (moros)...court, supreme court, hell.
bb Anger/hatred of any kind never gets overlooked by God.
b "Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Jesus told them not to come to the temple if they were in conflict with a brother (stay home).
aa As long as their hearts were full of sin, their outward acts of worship were not acceptable to God.
2 When we are nurturing hatred in our hearts for another person, our relationship with God is seriously affected.
a Why? (IL) You hurt my kids/wife, you’ve just made an enemy. Natural response.
aa The person we’re talking about, hating, sabotaging, is one of God’s kids.
bb He made, formed, created them!
b Our hatred/anger robs us of fellowship with God.
c True worship is not enhanced with better music, prayers, technology, architecture, preaching.
aa True worship is enhanced with better relationships between those who have to worship.
II Acknowledge the swiftness of how anger is to be resolved.
A Jesus taught there was an urgency to resolving conflict.
1 They were to go "first" (v. 24) with a "quickness" (v. 25).
a The worsening punishment in v. 22 combined with the imprisonment in v. 25 is telling Jesus’ audience that the longer they wait to reconcile, the worse the bondage becomes.
b "Quickly" go & get it settled. "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 "But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. 17 "If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 "Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. 19 "Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. 20 "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." Matt 18:15-20 (NASB)
2 Jesus’ answer to conflict is reconciliation.
a "Brother" v. 23 & "opponent" v. 25-important!
aa I like my "brother", my "opponent", not so much.
bb If you’re angry with someone or someone’s angry at you, do everything in your power to reconcile/restore.
b In v. 26, Jesus is telling them to work it out quickly in order to avoid facing the sentence of a divine judge.
B Our anger must be dealt with quickly.
1 Confess to God, repent from the sin.
a Repent is a change of behavior
b Don’t wait for your angry brother/sister to take the first step, you do it, and do it quickly before things get worse. (Longer unchecked, greater the bondage).
c Eph. 4:15 is an integral part of dealing with conflict. ...but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ ...Eph 4:15 (NASB)
d John Maxwell relates there are 3 types of people when it comes to Eph. 4:15:
aa Hiders: they don’t share the truth
bb Hurlers: they share the truth, but not in love
cc Healers: they share the truth in love
2 Resolving conflict has NOTHING to do with winning; it has everything to do with loving.
3 Regardless who’s responsible for the conflict-usually guilt on both (all) sides-we should reserve ourselves to reconcile.
4 What if the brother/opponent doesn’t want to reconcile?
a We cannot force another person to forgive us.
aa We can’t change another person’s heart/attitude.
bb We must do all we can do from the outside to reconcile/not nurse anger EVEN if the other person does.
b I encourage you to forgive; it’s been said, "The person who refuses to forgive his brother destroys the very bridge over which he himself must walk."
aa It may take time to regain the trust of the person we hurt.
bb May not happen according to our timetable
cc REGARDLESS-we must pursue reconciliation
c Sounds like work! (That’s why we should be careful with words & actions).
aa Murder can’t bring them back (serve time/executed-victim still dead).
bb Hateful actions/hurtful words are out there...often leave scars.
cc Be careful, patient, deliberate.
Conclusion
A Jesus taught His listeners to get things right between each other before they got right with God (essence of the text in a sentence). If we’re going to be at peace with God, we must be at peace with one another (essence of the sermon in a sentence).
1 We’ve looked at two acknowledgments about anger that can help you give your best shot at reconciling a relationship that is in conflict.
a Seriousness of anger on our relationship
b
2 I pray you’ll give your best shot at reconciling a relationship that is in conflict (objective).
a Option 1: Allow anger to destroy or deal with it.
b Option 2: Have your way with anger NOW or anger will have its way with you NOW.
B What do you need to be reconciled with someone you’re in conflict with? (Probing question)
1 (IL)
2 What do you need to be reconciled with someone you’re in conflict with? (Probing question)
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Mike Fogerson
