Series: Where Is God When It really Hurts
Topic: Changing Your Bitter Life into A Better Life
Offenses and pain are bound to happen especially in our relationship with people. These things will be faced by us even if we try to avoid them because we are living with people who are imperfect like us. Our response to this reality can either break us or make us which can also affect the lives of others. Jesus Christ even warned us that things like these will happen but He showed us how to deal with it in a way that will give us freedom and joy. Are you willing to follow His way of facing your hurts? Are you willing to let Him direct your course of action?
Truths We Need To Know . . .
• Life is full of hurts and it always will be! As long as you live, people are going to hurt you, offend you and disappoint you. But you don’t need to be the "victim" of their offenses. You can learn to rise above life’s disappointments .
• We are either motivated by fear and bitterness or love in dealing with our relationships especially when we face conflicts. Love builds bridges but fear and bitterness builds walls when pain is involve.
• What we are today is primarily how we have responded to circumstances in our past. We can’t control, change, or stop people’s choices and reactions towards us but we can control ours.
• One true expression of Faith is the releasing of love and forgiveness. ( Luke 17:3; Galatians 5:6 )
• Forgiveness is God’s only way for us to be healed from our hurts!
Releasing Forgiveness Is Possible When I….
A. Honestly admit that I am are hurting .
( Proverbs 11:3; James 5:16 )
• Revealing your feelings is the beginning 0f healing.
• Most people cant release forgiveness because they deny that the hurt exists. However they don’t realize that the first step to releasing forgiveness is acknowledging that we have been hurt by the offense.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE BITTER
No one wants to admit they are bitter. Sometimes everyone else can tell but us. Let me ask you to be honest with yourself and answer a few basic questions:
1. Does it irritate you when people don’t agree with you?
2. Do you think you are usually right and others are usually wrong?
3. Do you find yourself giving more criticisms than compliments?
4. Are you short with people?
5. Do you ask people "loaded" questions just to irritate them?
6. Is it difficult to talk to someone who has hurt you in the past without constantly bringing it up again?
7. Do your conversations tend to turn into arguments?
8. Do you feel disappointed, mistreated or betrayed?
9. Do you feel like God has let you down?
10. Do these kind of questions make you defensive?
B. Continually refresh myself with God’s love and forgiveness.
You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. ( Colossians 3:13 )
• People who will not forgive are those who have either not receive the forgiveness of God or have forgotten God’s forgiveness in their lives.
• They have have fogotten that they themselves are imperfect and capable of hurting God and others.
C. Realize that extending forgiveness is more for my benefit than for the person being forgiven.
( Matthew 18:31-35; Mark 11:21 )
• The problem with bitterness is that you can’t hide it, nor contain it. It spreads like a plague until it affects everyone around you. Some people are so bitter that they can’t talk about their husband or wife, parents or children, friends or relatives, pastor or church, without expressing bitterness about how much they’ve hurt them.
• If we are unable to deal our hurts in the past and our pains now, these will affect our relationship in the future. If we are not at peace with our past we will never be at peace with our future.
• The only way for us to be healed and be free from the pain of offenses done by people we love and respect is to RELEASE FORGIVENESS. We are the ones who will receive the benefit when we forgive. This is the only way that God has provided for us to be healed. This is the only way that we can fully experience God’s forgiveness and freedom. ( Matthew 18:21-35 ).
• Some people are robbed of their sleep and their diets are being affected because of trying to push their pursuit of getting even. Some even make themselves miserable in trying to make a statement. The problem here is that sometimes people who have offended us are unaware they have hurt us. However, if we release forgiveness we enjoy the benefits of living a life released from unncessary baggages in our hearts.
D. Trust God’s wisdom by releasing my personal will and embracing His plan.
( Genesis 45:4-7; Romans 8:28; 12:17-21 )
Romans 12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
• One of the reasons why people won’t forgive because they want the offender to suffer the way they want it. This pursuit is futile and can only bring more frustration because most of the times things don’t happen the way we want them to happen. However, if we trust God’s love- the He cares for us, and His wisdom-that He knows what is best for us by allowing Him to be in control, releasing forgiveness can be given by us.
E. Face the pain and the consequences of the offence with God’s presence and comfort.
( Genesis 39:2; Isaiah 26:3; Hebrews 4:14-16 )
• Sometimes offenses leave marks that can be literally seen as we live our lives. Like for example a teen age girl being raped and end up being pregnant. Part of forgiving is choosing to move on despite of the consequences. Joseph faced the consequences of being a slave when he was sold by his envious brothers. He faced them with God’s comfort. He knew that God’s plan for his life is greater than the pain that he encountered. He knew that the unwanted circumstances in his life would not dictate nor stop the purpose of God for his life. He knew that God was with him when he was in pain and that God can turn that pain into victory.
F. Just release it. ( Genesis 45:4-7 )
In our selfishness, we muster a host of excuses for not forgiving. These include:
*Revenge (I enjoy hating him.)
*Anger (I’m too upset to forgive.)
*Jealousy (I can’t let him do this.)
*Fear (I’ll be hurt again.)
*Pride (I was right; he was wrong.)
*Emotion (I don’t feel like forgiving.)
*Self-righteousness (He doesn’t deserve it.)
*Guilt (I can’t even forgive myself.)
*Suffering (I’m just too hurt to forgive.)
*Worry (What if he doesn’t understand?)
The ultimate excuse is... I can’t forgive... which really means I won’t forgive!
• Forgiveness is not a matter of time but a matter of choice. It is not a matter of emotions but a matter of the will.
• Healing begins when we choose to forgive not waiting for time to past. It does not mean forgetting but forgiveness can result to forgetting. It means you are agreeing to live the consequences of the offender’s sin. It is the only way to take off the heaviness in our hearts as we go through the consequences of the offenses done to us.
G. If the hurt is too deep I will ask help from those who can pull me out of bitterness. ( Ecclesiastes 4:9-13; James 5:16 )
Sometimes when the hurt is too great for us to handle, we must not be ashamed to ask for help. However the Bible is telling us to ask help from those who love God. Those people whose lives are walking right before God and are capable of helping us. That’s why it is very important to be part of a discipleship group. We must learn to open up our lives to godly people because God can use them to help us rise above our bitterness and hurts.
