Influencing Your Family for God
1 Peter 3:1-12; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16
Introduction
In the past two weeks during this marriage and family series, we have talked about speaking the truth, conflict, submission, responsibility, and the example of Christ’s love. I didn’t really talk about arguing, but I wanted to let you know that during the last argument I had my wife, I had her down on her hands and knees – she was saying, “Come out from under that bed and fight like a man!”
Today I want to talk to you about influencing your family for God. I am still using the context of marriage, but if you participate in the message today, you will understand that these principals apply equally well to almost all relationships.
Because we are relational beings, we get a lot of grief in our life from the relationships in which we find ourselves, especially when the other party doesn’t eventually “line up” with our beliefs. Because of the sin factor that we all deal with at some point in our life, we seek to influence the other party in many ways – some for the good and some for the bad. Sometimes we tend to feel like Rodney Dangerfield when he said, “My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next week.”
I want you to understand that as we explore this together, that I operate under the basic assumption that everyone has influence. John Maxwell said it this way, “If your life in any way connects with other people, you are an influencer.” 1 So why not seek to influence your family members for God?
Well, pastor, how would I do that? How can I be an influencer for God in my family? How can I influence someone for God? I’m glad you asked! To begin, let us read a couple of introductory passages together, and we will read several others as we go along.
1 Corinthians 7:12-16; Ephesians 6:1-9 1 Peter 3:1-12
First we find that we influence someone for God when we honor God. This principle can be found in these passages we just read, as well as many others.
1. You influence them for God by Honoring God
We are called to honor one another while we honor God. “The heavenly calling does not set aside our earthly callings.” 2
Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” See also Titus 2:4
Honoring them brings grace to the relationship. Here is what one commentator had to say about this “sanctification” of the unbelieving partner: “Those inseparably connected with the people of God are hallowed thereby, so that the latter may retain the connection without impairing their own sanctity (compare 1Ti 4:5); nay, rather imparting to the former externally some degree of their own hallowed character, and so preparing the way for the unbeliever becoming at last sanctified inwardly by faith.” 3
Or as Doug Lyon put it, “The believer may have a positive, spiritual influence on their unbelieving mate. The unbeliever may get saved due to the believing spouse’s example and lifestyle. Live an exemplary Christian life in front of them. Who knows? Maybe your example will eventually lead them to Christ.”
Doug goes on to tell what happened to his in-laws, Harold and Dorothy. When they got married, Dorothy was a believer and Harold was an unbeliever. And Harold was content to stay married to Dorothy so they never even considered divorce. Now, Dorothy was careful not to nag Harold with the gospel. She simply prayed for him, answered his questions about the Lord when he asked, and endeavored to live the Christian life in front of him. Finally, in 1987, after 48 years of marriage, at the age of 75, Harold accepted the Lord as his Savior. Doug says, “I’m convinced that my father-in-law is in heaven today because of the patient, faithful witness of his wife, Dorothy.” 4
But when it comes to those we live with, and those of our families, we often subconsciously believe in several lies that affect our influence. Here are 2 lies we believe about our influence and about ourselves:
“LIE: I can make it without consistent time in the Word and prayer.
TRUTH: It is impossible for me to be the spouse/person/man/woman God wants me to be apart from spending consistent time cultivating a relationship with Him in the Word and prayer.” My wife consistently went to church, had her devotional time and lived it before me – even when I discouraged her to not do so. You cannot know what it did (and still does) to me to see her reading the Bible, studying and writing notes as she studies.
“LIE: It is my responsibility to change my mate.
TRUTH: A godly life and prayer are a wife’s two greatest means of influencing her husband’s life. It is far more effective for a woman to appeal to the Lord to change her husband than to try to exert pressure on him directly.” 5
2. You influence them for God by Praying for them
Stormie Omartian said, “Praying not only affects us, it also reaches out and touches those for whom we pray.” 6
Colossians 1:9-14. One lady writes that all of the ladies in her prayer group used this passage in praying for their husbands, all with miraculous results. Pray it over him when he is asleep. Pray it on his behalf when he is gone.
“Asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”
Also see 1 Peter 3:7
3. You influence them for God by Serving them
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged,” and Ephesians 6: 4 “Fathers do not exasperate your children” imply many things, but included in the ways of really discouraging and angering your children is when you don’t listen to them.
And listening is one of the best ways to serve your spouse. Listening without interruptions, or making value judgments on the feelings expressed, while maintaining eye contact can change the balance of influence in a relationship.
Men want women to really listen because they are hiding behind masks and fear exposure. Women want men to really listen to them because they are hiding behind walls and fear betrayal.
4. You influence them for God by Focusing on your own heart
Your own heart issues are more important than the relationship issues. I did not say that you don’t have to work on the relationship, or that God doesn’t care how you treat the other party. I did say that your heart issues have to take priority before the relationship can be worked on!
In Galatians 5:13-26 the passage talks about the issues of our heart and lists the ways in which we are not to have and the things we are to have in our heart. And in 1 Peter 3:1-6, the list of things specific to women have to do with how your own heart issues directly affect your man.
Here’s how Matthew Henry put in while writing about the 1 Peter 3 passage, “A true Christian’s chief care lies in right ordering his own spirit. This will do more to fix the affections, and excite the esteem of a husband, than studied ornaments or fashionable apparel, attended by a froward and quarrelsome temper. Christians ought to do their duty to one another, from a willing mind, and in obedience to the command of God. Wives should be subject to their husbands, not from dread and amazement, but from desire to do well, and please God. The husband’s duty to the wife implies giving due respect unto her, and maintaining her authority, protecting her, and placing trust in her. They are heirs together of all the blessings of this life and that which is to come, and should live peaceably one with another. Prayer sweetens their converse. And it is not enough that they pray with the family, but husband and wife together by themselves, and with their children. Those who are acquainted with prayer, find such unspeakable sweetness in it, that they will not be hindered therein.” 7
5. You influence them for God by Encouraging them
The two most important words in any relationship are “I’m sorry.” Or, as Gary Thomas puts it, “I don’t believe couples fall out of love—they fall out of repentance.” 8
And down deep we know that encouragement is not an option. Scripture states that we are to be known by the love we show one another. But I like this passage in Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad.”
And look at this one in Proverbs 31:10-12, “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” The Message AND the ESV
Conclusion:
A Wall Or Bridge
They say a wife and husband, bit by bit,
Can rear between themselves a mighty wall,
So thick they cannot speak with ease through it,
Nor can they see across it, it stands so tall.
Its nearness frightens them, but each alone
Is powerless to tear its bulk away;
and each dejected wishes he had known
[Through] such a wall, some magic thing to say.
So let us build with master art, my dear,
A bridge of love between your life and mine,
A bridge of tenderness, and very near,
A bridge of understanding, strong and fine.
Till we have formed so many lovely ties,
There never will be room for walls to rise.
Source unknown
Let us end with singing, "Change My Heart, O God."
FOOTNOTES/REFERENCES
1 Becoming a Person of Influence, John Maxwell & Jim Dornan, page 3; ? Maxwell Motivation, 1997
2 From the Commentary on the Whole Bible (Jamieson, Fausset and Brown, 1871).
3 FIRST CORINTHIANS, Chapter 7; Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible (1871); Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset and David Brown
4 Doug Lyon; Stories; www.sermoncentral.com
5 Nancy Leigh DeMoss; Lies Women Believe; http://www.familylife.com/articles/article_detail.asp?id=64
6 Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Parent (Eugene, OR: Harvest House ? 1995), 18-19.
7 Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on the Bible; 1Peter 3:8-13
8 Gary Thomas, Putting Yourself Last, Marriage Partnership, Winter 1999
SERMON NOTES
Influencing Your Family for God
Ephesians 6:1-9; 1 Peter 3:1-12; 1 Corinthians 7:12-16
“Everyone has Influence”
1. Honoring God
We are c__________ to honor one another while we honor God
Honoring God brings g_________ to the relationship.
Lies we believe:
LIE: I can make it without consistent time in the W_______ and prayer.
TRUTH: It is impossible for me to be the p__________ God wants me to be apart from spending consistent time cultivating a relationship with Him in the Word and prayer.
LIE: It is my responsibility to c_________ my mate.
TRUTH: It is far more effective to a__________ to the Lord to change your spouse than to try to exert pressure on him/her directly.
2. Praying for them
“Praying not only affects us, it also r__________ o________ and touches those for whom we pray.”
Colossians 1:9-14
3. Serving them
Listening without interruptions, or making value judgments on the feelings expressed, while maintaining e_____ c__________ can change the balance of influence in a relationship.
Men want women to really listen because they are hiding behind masks and fear e______________.
Women want men to really listen to them because they are hiding behind walls and fear b____________.
4. Focusing on your own heart
Your own h_________ issues are more important than the r___________________ issues.
Galatians 5:13-26 & 1 Peter 3:1-6
5. Encouraging them
The two most important words are “_______ ____________.”
Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety in a man’s heart w_________ it down, but an encouraging word makes it g_______.”
Proverbs 31:10-12 “A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
