Max Lucado, in his book In the Grip of Grace tells the story of the family of God in the form of a parable. He writes, “God has enlisted us in his navy and placed us on his ship. The boat has one purpose — to carry us safely to the other shore. This is no cruise ship. . . . We aren’t called to a life of leisure, we are called to a life of service. Each of us has a different task. Some, concerned with those who are drowning, are snatching people from the water. Others are occupied with the enemy, so they man the cannons of prayer and worship. Still others devote themselves to the crew, feeding and training the crew members. Though different, we are the same. Each can tell of a personal encounter with the captain, for each has received a personal call. He found us among the shanties of the seaport and invited us to follow him. Our faith was born at the sight of his fondness, and so we went. We each followed him across the gangplank of his grace onto the same boat. There is one captain and one destination. Though the battle is fierce, the boat is safe, for our captain is God. The ship will not sink. For that, there is no concern.
There is concern, however, regarding the disharmony of the crew. When we first boarded we assumed the crew was made up of others like us. But as we’ve wandered these decks, we’ve encountered curious converts with curious appearances. Some wear uniforms we’ve never seen, sporting styles we’ve never witnessed. ‘Why do you look the way you do?’ we ask them. ‘Funny,’ they reply, ‘we were about to ask the same of you.’ The variety of dress is not nearly as disturbing as the plethora of opinions. There is a group, for example, who clusters every morning for serious study. They promote rigid discipline and somber expressions. ‘Serving the captain is serious business,’ they explain. It’s no coincidence that they tend to congregate around the stern. There is another regiment deeply devoted to prayer. Not only do they believe in prayer, they believe in prayer by kneeling. For that reason you always know where to locate them, they are at the bow of the ship. And then there are a few who staunchly believe real wine should be used in the Lord’s Supper. You’ll find them on the port side. Still another group has positioned themselves near the engine. They spend hours examining the nuts and bolts of the boat. They’ve been known to go below deck and not come up for days. They occasionally are criticized by those who linger on the top deck, feeling the wind in their hair and the sun on their face. ‘It’s not what you learn,’ those topside argue. ‘It’s what you feel that matters.’ And, oh, how we tend to cluster.
Some think once you’re on the boat, you can’t get off. Others say you’d be foolish to go overboard, but the choice is yours. Some believe you volunteer for service, others believe you were destined for the service before the ship was even built. Some predict a storm of great tribulation will strike before we dock, others say it won’t hit until we are safely ashore. There are those who speak to the captain in a personal language. There are those who think such languages are extinct. There are those who think the officers should wear robes, there are those who think there should be no officers at all, and there are those who think we are all officers and should all wear robes. And oh, how we tend to cluster.
And then there is the issue of the weekly meeting at which the captain is thanked and his words are read. All agree on its importance, but few agree on its nature. Some want it loud, others quiet. Some want ritual, others spontaneity. Some want to celebrate so they can meditate, others meditate so they can celebrate. Some want a meeting for those who’ve gone overboard. Others want to reach those overboard but without going over board and neglecting those on board. And, oh, how we tend to cluster.
The consequence is a rocky boat. There is trouble on deck. Fights have broken out. Sailors have refused to speak to each other. There have even been times when one group refused to acknowledge the presence of others on the ship. Most tragically, some adrift at sea have chosen not to board the boat because of the quarreling of the sailors.”
It is interesting being the pastor of a church where people come from all kinds of backgrounds. We have former Baptists and Church of Christ folks who can’t understand why we don’t immerse everyone. We have former Charismatics who think we don’t emphasize the power of the Holy Spirit enough. We have former Presbyterians who think we are not formal enough, and others who think we are too formal. We have people with Episcopal and Catholic backgrounds who think we do not have communion enough, and former Salvation Army folks who don’t believe in communion. We have people from the holiness tradition who think we do not emphasize sanctification enough. We have people from fundamentalist backgrounds who think we need to come down harder on smoking, drinking and movies. We have people who think we should talk more about doctrine. Others think we should have more emphasis on social issues. Some people want an altar call every week; others don’t want any at all. Some want more prayer, others want more action. It is so much fun to be a pastor.
Compare Lucado’s parable to what Paul said in his letter to the Colossians, where he talked about the character of the people of God “clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” He said, “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” The real problem with the average American church is that people who desperately need God are not attracted to it since it looks like any other organization with its politics, cliques, and strife. Someone compared the church to Noah’s ark saying, “The only thing that made them able to tolerate the stink inside was the storm that was raging outside.”
What does it mean to be the family of God? What does it look like for us to live in community? I think the first thing is: A commitment to the hard work of relationships. It is very frustrating for us as a church when someone says, “I just don’t feel like I fit in. It is hard to get to know people here and feel like I am a part of the group.” Most often these are people who never join a small group, become a part of a Sunday School class or come to the ministry opportunities — the things that would help them make friends and be a part. Richard Wafford says, “Life is a series of giving’s that we might gain. Only where there is input can we expect an output. Only when we deposit, can we expect return. Don’t participate, don’t expect. Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could.”
I am often amazed and dismayed at how little people are committed to relationships and how easily we let go of them. How little the people of God practice forgiveness and follow the scripture that says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13). Or what about the love chapter of the Bible that says that love “is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Many people cannot let go of their grievances; they keep a list of them in their head. A disagreement or disappointment comes and we are more than ready to let go of our friendship with other people. We just set off and look for new friendships which will last only as long as it takes for us to see that they are imperfect as well. Relationships are hard work, but people are often not willing to do the hard work.
This is why many marriages don’t last; instead of doing the hard work of understanding the other person, seeking reconciliation and forgiving the other person, we either bury the hurt and anger and seethe in hidden resentment, or leave the relationship for one we believe will be easier. So people go from one partner to another seeking what they will never find. Divorce in our culture has become, for all intents and purposes, serial polygamy. The same thing happens in our relationship to the church — people go from one to the other. In a consumer-based culture we seek some place which will better suit our needs, instead of committing ourselves to a body of believers “for better or for worse.” We are supposed to be a covenant community where the individuals pledge themselves to the larger community. We realize the church is bigger than we are.
Relationships are difficult, but that’s what makes them interesting. They can also be very rewarding. What makes them rewarding is working through the difficulties and coming out at a new place. It is difficult for me to understand why some people are so unwilling to work at being reconciled. They write people off. They demonize them and see them as hopeless. “They will never change,” they say. A disagreement becomes a permanent barrier that they are not willing to cross. It does not matter that Christ has called us to peace and commanded that we forgive and love one another, we refuse to give up our grievance and resentment.
Here is the problem as I see it. People are more interested in being right than having right relationships. Let me ask a few questions. Is it more important to Jesus that you are right about doctrine, politics, and cultural and moral issues, or is it more important to him that you have right relationships? Is it more important to Jesus that you are right in your squabble with another person, or is it more important that you remain in love with that other person? Did Jesus say, “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you know how to argue and win a debate”? Did he say, “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you have perfect doctrine”? Did he say, “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you are more righteous than anyone else”? No. He said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). If I read the New Testament correctly, you can get into heaven with less than perfect doctrine, but you cannot get in with bad relationships. The reason is that heaven is all about relationships. People are the priority with God. And isn’t the church to be a foretaste of heaven on earth? Shouldn’t our primary goal be our relationships with each other? Our rational arguments will never convince an unbelieving world, but our relationships with each other will.
How is it that the church after two thousand years of the teachings of Jesus still has so little interest in loving each other? I believe it is because it takes hard work. It takes commitment that will see us through difficulties, misunderstandings and disappointments. When there is a tear in relationships, we have to seek healing. Healing takes place when we seek to be reconciled with another person. But so often here is how it really comes down: Someone is hurt or wounded, and instead of going to the other person and telling them how they have been hurt by what has been said or done, the hurt is nursed and a grudge begins to grow. You begin to avoid the other person. You become quiet around them or even refuse to speak. You expect them to guess why you are upset without ever telling them. You rehearse what the person has done with other people. You recruit people for your side. Then other people take up your offense and they too reject the other person and begin to treat them differently. Even if the person apologizes, the wounded person is not willing to let them off the hook that easily. They hang onto their resentment, they nurse their wound, they wallow in the wrong that was done to them. They want to be right more than they want a right relationship.
What does it mean to be the family of God? The second thing it means is: Having compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. These are the words of Scripture. If you always have to be right, you don’t have humility. If you can write people off with whom you disagree, you do not have kindness. If you have to get even and are unwilling to forget a wrong that has been done to you, you do not have mercy. If you condemn people who are less than perfect, then you do not have compassion. If you are easily irritated with others, you don’t have patience. If you are negative and critical toward others, you do not have love.
Love is not just a squishy feeling, it is a tough commitment that outlasts feelings. Love is determined to be reconciled and always holds the possibility of embrace open, even to those who have done it wrong. The Bible says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (1 John 4:7-8). John goes on to say, “Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us” (1 John 4:11-12). The apostle Peter lifted out love as primary as well when he said, “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22). He says, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Paul echoed the words of John when he wrote: “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law” (Romans 13:8). How is it then that we have consigned love to syrupy sentimentality, rather than working at it as a reality that is essential in the life of a believer.
What does it mean to be the family of God? What does it look like for us to live in community? The third thing is: A willingness to risk. Frankly, it is easier to avoid intimacy with others. It is easier to avoid friendship and withdraw into our own little private world or our personal family. It doesn’t hurt as much. Living in community — really being a part of and living within a community — involves risk. When you open yourself to someone else there is the possibility of being rejected, misunderstood or hurt. When you ask for forgiveness, you may not be given forgiveness. When you try to reconcile with someone, they may not be willing to reconcile. When you want to be close friends with someone, they may not reciprocate. Nevertheless, we are called to take the risk. It is the only way we can be the people of God.
A great example of a church that risks is the church in Lebanon that you read about in your bulletin today. Here is a church that is struggling to survive. The world around them is being destroyed, yet they are not in a self-protective mode, they are in servant mode. As their Muslim neighbors stream to them for help, they are providing medicine, food, shelter and friendship. They are loving their enemies. They are feeding and clothing them, and they are doing so at tremendous personal risk. As a result, their Muslim neighbors want to hear about the Christian faith. I can tell you for sure that they are not at all concerned about the color of the paint on the church walls. They are not fighting over the carpet or where the furniture sets. They are too busy being the church.
Rodney J. Buchanan
August 13, 2006
Mulberry St. UMC
Mount Vernon, OH
www.MulberryUMC.org
Rod.Buchanan@MulberryUMC.org
