FRUIT THAT IS NEVER OUT OF SEASON
PATIENCE
Galatians 5:22
John Maxwell
INTRODUCTION:
As I continue my series on the fruit of the spirit, I’ll remind you that Paul says that . . . "God’s spirit makes us loving, happy, peaceful, patient," -- I’m going to talk about patience this morning-- "kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled." Galatians 5:22
I almost had Pastor Tim preach this message. I almost said, "Tim, I think I’m going to take a Sunday off." Patience is not my greatest strength. How many of you have a problem with patience? Whoa! Why don’t I just give an altar call and we’ll all go forward? Heard a cute story the other day about a little boy in a department store. He was at the end of an escalator, and he kept watching the railing as it went around. And a salesman came and said, "Son, are you lost?" And he said, "No, I’m just waiting for my chewing gum to come back."
Joseph Haydn wrote a musical piece of which the flute player did not enter until the 75th measure, and then had only one note to play. On that 75th measure, on the upbeat, the flute player was to play that one note. And one of the people who played the flute in the Boston Symphony said, "When Haydn wrote that musical piece, he had a very special, patient person in mind."
Patience means long wrath and slow anger.
This basically means that we are to handle our anger slowly. Remember when God spoke to Moses and he said to him, "The Lord is compassionate and gracious. God is slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness"? He was literally talking about patience here. Our God is slow to anger. Well, you know the fruit of the spirit are all attributes of God. Here we see the attribute of God’s patience -- he’s slow to anger. A lot of times people think that anger is wrong. Really it’s not a sin. It’s when it’s uncontrolled. Paul tells us to not let the sun go down on our anger or our wrath.
What we’re going to talk about is the root of impatience, which is anger. So we don’t want to just talk about patience today; we want to go right down to the foundation, which is uncontrolled anger. Remember patience is slow anger.
Now, as I grew up in my background, the holiness tradition, we were taught that anger was wrong, that it was a sin. If you’ve been angry at least once, raise your hand because we all have faulted a little. Because I grew up being taught that it was a sin, we never talked about anger. What I found a long time ago is that Christians, when they have sinned, they give other labels to it. So in my group growing up we were never angry, we were righteously indignant, which means we were real ticked. That’s the Greek for righteously indignant. But anger itself is not wrong. But when anger in itself is not controlled or disciplined, it begins to rage and go into all forms of impatience, and that’s where it becomes wrong. So because I always try to be very practical and applicable and relevant, let me give you the seven keys to managing your anger.
Seven keys to managing your anger:
1. Resolve to manage it.
"It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to control an army." Proverbs 16:32(LB)
The first thing I want you to know today is that anger can be managed. In fact, anger for a right cause, managed directly, is a tremendous attribute. Don’t you get angry about injustice and sin? And aren’t there times when it literally motivates you or compels you to do something about it?
Now, here’s where the problem comes in. When I’ve talked to people who have a real problem with anger, they’ll say, "I just can’t help myself. You don’t understand, I mean, when it happens, it happens, and I’m a volcano. I mean, I blow up." Sure you can manage it. Sure you can help yourself. Sure you can control it. I can prove that you can control anger. Let’s say that you’re really mad at your kids. I don’t know what they’re doing but boy, you’re yelling and screaming. You’re pointing fingers and all that stuff. I mean you’re really giving it to them. You know what I’m saying?
Now the phone rings. I’ve seen this happen. You are not a happy camper. But you pick up the phone and go, "Hello." Aren’t we sweet? And don’t our kids wish that they were on the other end of that phone line? Sure you can control it. You pick when you’re going to be angry. You better believe you do. That’s why you get angry at your kid behind closed doors. If the neighbor kids came over the same day and did the same thing, you’d say, "Oh, that’s all right. That’s no problem. I know you broke the vase, but it’s just a vase. It’s only been in the family for 230 years."
A pastor I know said that a member of his church said, "Well, my anger is bad. It’s not controllable. It’s probably the cross I must bear." Now, the pastor said, "No, it’s not the cross you must bear; it’s the cross your wife has to bear. It’s your sin; it’s her cross."
2. Realize the cost.
Anger is one letter away from danger.
"A hot-tempered man starts fights and gets into all kinds of trouble."
Proverbs 29:22
You never get to the top when you keep blowing your top. When you lose your temper, you lose.
The Bible is very specific about the damage done by uncontrolled anger.
Proverbs 15:18; 14:29; 14:17; 11:29
It destroys relationships.
Proverbs 15:18, "Hot tempers cause arguments." Proverbs 14:29, "Anger causes mistakes." Proverbs 14:17, "People with hot tempers do foolish things." Proverbs 11:29, "The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left." Maybe I ought to read that one verse one more time. "The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left. " Resentment is nothing more than stuffed anger. In fact, there are two things that society has a problem with: depression and resentment. Both of them have the root causes of anger.
Zig Ziglar was here Friday at our church growth conference and said something very interesting. He was talking about men in the Florida penitentiary. This was astounding to me. You know, sometimes you hear a stat and you just can’t get away from it. This one is just astounding. In fact, Margaret and I talked about it a couple times this weekend. He said that at the Florida penitentiary, they did some psychological, emotional checkups on the inmates, and they found out that 100 percent --not 90, not 95 -- of the men in the penitentiary were angry with their father.
You know, as parents, all of us have gotten angry with our children. And you know what, there’s something about when you get angry at your kids they straighten up a lot quicker. And so that almost reinforces parents to show anger quicker because it kind of gives quicker results. But I guess God’s words says that you may get quick results, but what happens is that it begins to go into resentment in their life and the payback sometimes comes even years later. So realize the cost.
3. Reflect before reacting.
"A stupid man gives free reign to his anger; a wise man waits and lets it grow cool." Proverbs 29:11
You know, delay is a tremendous tool in helping you control your anger. I’m not talking about delaying for months or weeks. I’m talking about catching yourself and pulling back maybe for a half hour. Letting it kind of simmer a little bit. Just understanding what’s happening to you, your feeling, your reactions.
Anger is the result of .. Hurt
Frustration
Fear
And haven’t we all had these moments when we said something and then five minutes later, we thought, "Boy, wish I wouldn’t have said that." We’ve all had that haven’t we? I heard a story about a fellow who was so angry at his father and he was telling his friend, "Boy, I’m so angry at Dad that I’m going to right him a letter, express my anger." He did. He wrote a letter, signed it, put it in an envelope, gave it to his friend and said, "Mail this for me." But his friend realized he was just angry at the moment. So instead of mailing it, he put it in his coat pocket and held on to it. The next day his buddy came up to him and said, "Man, I wish I wouldn’t have had you send that letter. I’d give $50 to have it back." Sometimes we’re not fortunate enough to get the letter back. We all know what it’s like to not delay and pay the consequences for it.
Thomas Jefferson, in his book Rules For Living, said, "When you’re angry, count to 10 before you speak. And when you’re very angry, count to 100." Haven’t you done that before? 75 years later, Mark Twain took those words and revised them. He said, "When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear." That’s not biblical advice.
4. Release your anger appropriately.
There are right ways and wrong ways to do this.
"If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin."
Ephesians 4:26 (GN)
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11
Now, you know what psychology says? Psychology says that on the inside, we’re a bucket full of anger. They say the way to get rid of it is to just spill it. They call it "emotional venting" or "vomit." They say once you empty the bucket of anger you’ll be okay.
Now, I want you to know, that may be what psychology says but that isn’t the way it really works, because you’re not a bucket full of anger. You and I are a factory. There is a world of difference between a bucket and a factory. When anger is released inappropriately, it just increases the volume of anger that we have on the inside. God’s word and human experience will tell you that if you become aggressive, it usually leads to more aggression. And if you become abusive, it usually leads to more abuse. And if you become angry, it just leads to more anger until it becomes a pattern within your life.
How do you respond to anger? You have four possible options, and two of them don’t work:
1. Don’t deny it.
If you’re angry or upset with someone, don’t act like you aren’t. Haven’t you said to a person, "You’re angry with me, aren’t you?" "No, no, absolutely, not. I’m not angry with you." I think it’s healthy, at times, to let your children know you’re angry. Not that you don’t want them, but that you’re angry with what they’ve done. God let’s us know that he’s angry with some of the things we do. Don’t deny it and act like well, it just didn’t happen. Or in my tradition, "Well, I’m righteously indignant."
2. Don’t suppress it.
Again, you show me a depressed person and I will show you an angry person that has suppressed anger for so long, they have stuffed it deep down inside. I’ll show you a person that has never allowed it to be appropriately released within their life.
The #1 cause of depression is suppressed anger.
3. Do confess it.
There’s nothing wrong with this. The psalmist did it. If you really want to know how to release anger in a correct fashion, just read the psalms. David did a marvelous job venting to God how he felt, what he thought.
4. Do express it.
Learn to express it in positive, healthy ways. I’ve always been convinced that everybody needs to have some way to release anger that doesn’t hurt anybody. Now, I don’t know how you do it. Before I hurt my back, I used to play racquetball. It was a great place to go for one hour and hit a ball as hard as I could hit it. It was good for me.
Another one, I’ve done this for years. Go out to the golf course. Take a golf ball, write the name of the person right on that golf ball, like Ralph. Take Ralph, tee him up, get out the one wood, fairway’s that way, woods are that way. Line up that way, take that one wood, say, "See you later, baby." This is almost like getting saved all over again. Some of the finest golf shots I have ever made in my life involved sending Ralph to the woods. There’s a therapy about hitting him and watching him go into the woods of "never to be seen again." I remember one day I was playing golf with my buddy and the guy was bothering me and so I wrote his name down, teed him up, faced the woods. He looked at me and said, "What are you doing? Fairway’s --" I said, "I know, I know." I had decided that this guy was not going to bug me any more. "Hasta la vista, baby." I mean, I hit one of the finest wood shots. I’m telling you that ball just rolled so beautifully. I mean it was screaming out of that place. It went into the woods and hit the trees, which even made me feel better.
Confessions of your pastor this morning. And all of a sudden, the ball comes flying out of the woods, right back to me, lands at my feet. I didn’t have to take a step. I just reached down, picked him up, looked at him, kind of banged around a little, stuck him in my golf bag. I looked at my friend and said, "You know, some people you just can’t get rid of." Learn to release it appropriately.
5. Re-pattern your mind.
"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2
The way you think determines how you feel.
The way you feel determines how you act.
Your beliefs control your behavior.
So if I’m acting angry, it’s because I’m feeling angry. And if I’m feeling angry, it’s because I’m thinking angry. So I have to go clear back to my thought line and begin to re-pattern the way I think, since my thinking controls my behavior. You see, our mind needs to be reprogrammed, because I can almost guarantee that if you watch any TV show, somewhere in that show, anger will be expressed, and almost always in the wrong way. Somebody will get a gun, shoot somebody. Somebody will smack somebody across the head. Somebody will cuss and swear. You’ll see a great deal of anger expressed wrongly, because it’s very common in our American society.
If you have a real problem with this, I encourage you to take the verses I’ve mentioned this morning, and memorize them. Reprogram your mind.
6. Relate to people that are patient.
"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared." Proverbs 22:24-25
Anger is contagious. And it’s a learned behavior. In fact, we learn how to blow up from watching other people blow up. It’s a learned behavior. And the proverb writer says, "Don’t hang around with those kind of people, because if you do, you will find yourself becoming an increasingly angry person."
7. Rely on Christ’s help.
"May God who gives patience, steadiness, and encouragement, help you to live in complete harmony with each other -- each with the attitude of Christ toward the other." Romans 15:5
Patience is waiting without worrying.
I don’t know about you, but in life, I’m kind of a Federal Express person. When it absolutely, positively must get there overnight. Do you relate to this? Sometimes I wonder what I ever did without a fax machine. Now, that may not be you, but that’s me. I’m a FedEx person. Have you ever thought what they did a hundred years ago in the pony express days when it absolutely, positively had to be there within three months? I’ve often told Margaret, God knew when I had to be born in the world.
Now, here’s what I want you to know. When God develops you and me, he’s not in the FedEx business. You can’t fax character. You can’t microwave the fruit of the spirit. It’s a process. It takes time. Remember the story of Moses? Remember how one day he saw how the Jewish people were being persecuted? He struck and killed an Egyptian soldier, and had to flee for his life. And for the next 40 years, you know where Moses was? He was out on the back-side of a desert. It was that 40-year, back-side-of-the-desert experience that God developed Moses to be a great leader for the children of Israel.
You see, God’s motto in developing our patience goes something like this: "When it absolutely, positively must be done in 40 years." I promise you that the best attributes in your life are developed through a long, tedious, trying process. And your greatest accomplishments will be made over a long period of time. I look at Moses 40 years on the back-side of the desert. I look at Joseph, for years in prison. I look in the Word, and I see these great men of God, like David, who spent years as a refugee in caves, even though he was ready anointed to be king. In fact, every great character in the Bible went through not the microwave process, but the crockpot process. God isn’t interested in microwave Christians. He wants to put us in the crockpot, let us simmer, bring out the best in us.
I love church history. Three men significantly affected church history. One of them you probably heard of. The other two maybe, maybe not.
Cotton Mather. Cotton Mather prayed for 20 years, 2-3 hours a day, for revival to come to America. Literally the year he died, the Great Awakening and revival under Jonathan Edwards came to America. The year he died.
William Wilberforce. If you like English history, that’s a name you know. William Wilberforce was a man who for 50 years in the British Parliament fought against slavery. Now, I’m a John Wesley fan, and before John Wesley died in the 1790s, his last letter was to this great statesman Wilberforce. Wesley wrote, "Please rid the British empire of its cancer. Fight. Have a lifelong passion against slavery." William Wilberforce, for 50 years, fought against slavery. And finally, when he was on his deathbed, the British Parliament outlawed slavery.
Hudson Taylor -- now that’s a name you probably have heard. Great missionary to China for many years. Do you know that while he was a missionary in China he saw very few converts? But now millions and millions of Chinese are being birthed into the kingdom every day because of the seed planted by Hudson Taylor.
Here’s what I’m saying. The best things in life will take a long time. And we’ll never get what we need from God if we pray a prayer like, "Oh, God, give me patience and give it to me now." I’ve prayed that prayer before, haven’t you? You know it’s interesting; I looked up a word this week: "wait." If you’ve got a concordance, go home and look at the word. I’m talking about w-a-i-t. Do you know if you look up the word "wait" in your Bible, you’ll find that it’s in there 106 times? "Wait on the Lord," wrote the psalmist, "and be of good courage and he will strengthen your heart. Those who wait upon the Lord shall inherit the earth." Don’t forget the word to Isaiah, "Yet those who wait upon the Lord, they shall renew their strength." It talks about mounting up with wings as eagles.
A pastor was leaving his church one Sunday morning and passed the flower lady: an older lady who sold flowers to make her living. She was there every day. And as was his custom, he stopped, gave her a dollar, got a flower and put it in his lapel.
He sometimes had a conversation with her. This day he said, "How are you doing?" She said, "I’m doing wonderful." And he said, "Now, tell me truthfully. It couldn’t always be good. Don’t you have troubles?" She said, "Oh, sure. I have trouble. But you can’t get to the age I am without having troubles. I’ve learned how to handle them." He said, "Well, tell me. How have you learned how to do this?" She said, "You’re a pastor; you ought to know." She said, "Just think of Jesus on Good Friday. You know, Pastor, that was a terrible day. But three days later came the resurrection. I have a lot of Good Fridays in my life. I have a lot of setbacks and dark times and difficulties. But you know, every time I get hit and have a Good Friday, I just wait three days, and I start to see the light and I start to hope, and I start to have the resurrection." Pretty good sermon by the flower lady, don’t you think?
