Of all the TV shows we have based our “Jake TV” sermon themes on so far, Desperate Housewives is one show I wouldn’t recommend. Here is a typical plotline: “Susan is dismayed to see her ex-husband, Karl, emerge from Edie’s house one morning. She runs over to confront him and he admits he spent the night with Edie and may move in with her. When Edie comes by to gloat, Susan snaps back that Karl is still in love with her and recently asked her to come back to him. Susan drives off with Edie in pursuit” (abc.go.com/primetime/desperate/recaps).
I don’t suppose a plotline like that shocks anymore since most sitcoms these days are all about rival relationships. But would you be surprised to hear a story like that in the Bible? You shouldn’t be for the Bible never hides the faults of believers. Today on “Jake TV” we’re going to see what happened when Jacob ignored God’s plan for marriage and married two women. The events that led to this arrangement and the rivalry that followed between the desperate housewives don’t make for happy reading. Still, God allowed and used these events to discipline Jacob, that is, to refine his faith, just as God still does in us today.
On our last episode of “Jake TV,” Jacob was touched by angels and assured that God was still near him even though he was traveling a lonely road due to his sinful conniving. 700 km later it was obvious that God was still with Jacob because he led the patriarch to where his relatives lived in Haran. Jacob was well received by his Uncle Laban and began working for him as a shepherd. After a month, Laban insisted on paying Jacob for his work and even invited him to name his wages. This seemed to be very generous of Laban but Jacob’s uncle was up to no good. Laban knew that Jacob was in love with his daughter Rachel and wanted to marry her. In that culture, however, you had to pay the bride’s father for the privilege of marrying his daughter. Jacob only had his services as a shepherd to offer as payment so by insisting that Jacob set the bride price, Laban knew he could squeeze more work out of his nephew because Jacob wouldn’t want to set the bride price too low lest he insult his future wife. In the end, Jacob agreed to work seven years in exchange for Rachel’s hand in marriage. Just to put that price into perspective, jewellers today suggest spending two months salary when buying a wedding ring for the bride.
Although Jacob had agreed to pay an exorbitant price for Rachel, he didn’t mind. We’re told that the seven years seemed like a few days since Jacob was so in love. The long awaited wedding, however, ended in disaster. After the vows were exchanged and the marriage consummated, Jacob discovered that he had married Leah, Rachel’s older sister! How could something like that happen? Crafty ol’ Uncle Laban was behind it all. It wasn’t difficult for Laban to pull off the switch since brides in those days wore veils, as is still the case in many Middle Eastern countries today. But what was Laban’s motive? It was simple; he wanted extort another seven years of work out of Jacob in return for Rachel’s hand in marriage.
In Laban, Jacob had met his match. The deceiver was now the one deceived. Jacob learned what his father Isaac must have felt like when he had tricked him into thinking he was blessing Esau. It’s perhaps for that reason that Jacob agrees, without much arguing, to work for Laban for another seven years to marry Rachel. Was God paying Jacob back for what he had done to his father? No, this was training. The writer to the Hebrews calls such training, discipline, and had this to say about it: “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8 If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons… 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:7, 8, 10, 11).
Have there been times in your life when you were treated unfairly and suffered as a result? We may get angry with God for letting us go through a trial like that but take to heart what Hebrews 12 says. God allows hardship because he loves us and wants to refine our faith. That’s what he was doing with Jacob. He was teaching Jacob how hurtful it was to take advantage of others, and that there was no need to do so anyway since God was looking after Jacob. God has promised the same for us.
Although Jacob had been duped by his uncle, he still should not have married two women. This was contrary to God’s plan for marriage. God says that marriage is to be a lifelong relationship between one man and one woman (Matthew 19:4-6). If God didn’t like what Jacob had done, why didn’t he say anything? Just because God tolerates sin does not mean that he approves of it. Jacob would learn from experience that ignoring God’s plan for marriage isn’t a wise thing to do. Jacob had marital problems from day one. Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah making Leah desperate for her husband’s love and approval. Although Rachel had Jacob’s love, she was desperate for children since her sister had many and she had none. Rachel even demanded that Jacob give her a child but what could he do? Only God could grant children. So Rachel decided to take matters into her own hands. She gave her maidservant to Jacob and told him to sleep with her. The child that was conceived was then claimed by Rachel as her own. Not to be outdone, Leah gave her maidservant to Jacob. Now Jacob had four bed partners and was nothing more than a pawn in the struggle between desperate housewives! It wasn’t just Jacob who suffered, his wives were miserable, and his children would grow up to be suspicious and jealous of one another.
What we learn from Jacob’s experience is that when we don’t follow God’s plan for marriage, we shouldn’t expect happiness. It’s not so easy to follow God’s plan for marriage these days. The world, for example, would have us think that we should “try out” our partner before we tie the knot. But even non-Christian sociologists will tell you that couples that live together before marriage are five times as likely to have their marriage end in divorce. Or if your marriage seems unbearable right now, the world would suggest you find a new partner, someone who is more compatible with you. What the world doesn’t tell you though is that your new partner won’t be perfect either. You might not have the same struggles as you do now but you will have struggles.
If you are struggling in your marriage, take heart. God has not abandoned you just as he did not abandon Jacob. For starters, God has forgiven all our hurtful acts and sinful outbursts that have stained our marriage like cherry juice on a white tablecloth. These sins have been bleached clean in the blood of Jesus. The Apostle Paul assures us of that when he wrote: “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25b-27).
With forgiveness comes the power to live as God’s children. Own up to the things you’ve said or done to hurt your marriage. Ask your spouse for forgiveness and find out how you can make things right. Don’t wait for your spouse to do this first, just as God didn’t wait for us to say sorry before he sent Jesus to die for us. Live your marriage the way God wants you to as loving and forgiving people and you will be blessed.
Desperate Housewives has some pretty lurid plotlines but life on Wisteria Lane isn’t anymore difficult than life in Haran was for Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. While it’s sad to see Jacob suffer in his marriage, God still used that experience to further refine his faith. So even if your life feels like an episode from Desperate Housewives, trust that God is using the hardship to refine your faith as well. With the refinement of faith comes the courage to do things God’s way, the only way that leads to true happiness. Amen.
