Tomorrow is the birthday of my lovely wife of 16 years. A difficult time in the Monck household as Debbie rapidly approaches the big 4-0.
Reminds me of the story where Johnny asked his grandmother how old she was, and she said, "I’m 39 and holding." Johnny thought about that for a minute, then asked, "How old will you be if you let go?"
She will be a young 38, and of course, I’m not far behind. On top of that, Jamie is starting middle school. We are the parents of a middle schooler. That is a bit mind boggling.
We are both reaching that point in our lives where we have lived outside of our parent’s home longer than we lived in our parent’s home. And we are reaching that mid-life point where instead of being the young ones in the crowd, there are usually about as many people younger than us as there are older than us.
The other day I came across these, “You Know You’ve Been out of College Too Long When . . .” statements. All of you post-collegians ready for this?
Your potted plants stay alive.
6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
You carry an umbrella.
You watch the Weather Channel.
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 5.
You’re the one calling the police because those kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
MTV News is no longer your primary source of information.
You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
Grocery lists have more on them than macaroni & cheese, Diet Coke, and Ho-Ho’s.
Let’s take a survey this morning. If you are over 40, stand up (pause). Okay, you may be seated. How about if you are under 40, stand up. We still get to stand Deb, for another year or two. But we are pretty much nearing the middle of the pack.
As an early birthday gift for Debbie, let me provide some insights on aging that might help you as you celebrate your birthday, and might help others of us as we gracefully grow older.
Some insights on aging from some veterans of aging –
"I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over."
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman asked, "What do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She replied, "No peer pressure."
Another senior provided this encouraging insight. "The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs."
One provided this insight. "My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be."
And we have all run into a few of these. "I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank the Lord; I still have my driver’s license."
Well, if you have a hard time laughing at those, this message may be for you. Or if you laugh at those with a little too much entertainment and vengeance, this message also might be for you.
You see, the more you read the Bible, the more you realize that often the struggles and challenges we face today, have existed as long as there has been a record of human life. One such struggle and challenge is that every generation throughout human history has struggled with its own version of the generation gap between the young and the old.
It seems like every generation thinks that the next generation is worse than its own. Older people can tend to look at younger people with suspicion and concern. Younger people look differently, they dress differently, they embrace new technologies, and they’re filled with dreams and new ideas.
And younger people pick up on this; they feel as if older people don’t take them seriously. Younger people fear older people will always look at them as kids, even after they reach adulthood. I can’t begin to list the number of things that I have had said to me as a pastor, that I know would never have been said to a pastor that was 50, or 60 years old. Or at least one that looked older than Opie.
And it goes both ways. Younger people tend to disregard the wisdom of older people. They figure older people just don’t understand. As a result, older people tend to feel unappreciated by younger people.
Mark Twain summed up this generation gap pretty well. He said, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
And of course, it goes without saying that the generation gap exists in churches as well. Many of the power struggles churches go through result from tensions between different age groups. Should we have Sunday night church and Wednesday night prayer meeting? Should we sing hymns or praise choruses? Should we have drums or an organ? Should we wear jeans or shorts to church, or dresses and ties? How often do the sides of these discussions fall down along generational lines?
It’s no wonder that older Christians start to get nervous when younger Christians start rising to positions of authority and responsibility in the church. And it’s also no wonder that many younger people simply give up on the established church and start their own thing.
So the question for today is how can we close the generation gap? Or maybe an even better question is how do we behave like believers and insert grace into that generation gap?
We are in the book of I Timothy. Today, chapter 5. I Timothy 5 (read verses 1 & 2).
Now, I don’t want to overcomplicate this today. We pastors are good at that. We can take a 15 minute Sermon on the Mount, and preach 6 years on it. But I don’t want to overdue these two little verses, and I think there is some pretty easy to grab hold of wisdom here.
1. THIS APPLIES TO EVERYONE.
No one can look at these two verses and say, that doesn’t apply to me. The following verses talk about care for widows. There are probably people in churches that don’t know a widow, don’t come in contact with a widow, and can say, not much there for me.
Earlier in the letter, Paul talks about how women are to behave in the church. If you are not of the female gender, you could probably argue that there isn’t a whole lot of personal application there for you.
But there are no exclusions or even attempts at getting out of these two verses. Here is why. Do me a favor, and if you know of anyone that is younger than you in the body of Christ, anyone, just one person younger than you. Raise your hand. Okay, keep your hand up. If you know of anyone within the body of Christ that is older than you, even just one person older than you. Raise your other hand.
I’m guessing there shouldn’t be anyone without at least one hand up, and most of us both. So you can put your hands down knowing that this passage is for you. Because it talks about how you deal with men older than you. How you deal with men younger than you. How you deal with women older than you, and how you deal with women younger than you. That pretty much covers it, don’t you think?
2. THIS APPLIES TO HOW YOU TREAT EVERYONE IN THE CHURCH.
Unless you have had the fortunes of meeting an individual who was born at the exact same nano-second that you were, everyone you come across in the body of Christ will fit in to one of the categories of either being older than you, or younger than you. Highly profound truth today, wouldn’t you say. Everyone is either older than you, or younger than you.
So isn’t this great? You don’t have to ask them how old they are. You don’t have to determine if they are of an exclusionary age that you don’t have to deal with. You don’t have to group people by baby boomers, baby busters, generation X, generation Y, Melinialists, post-moderns, or whatever other label we can come up with to write a bunch of books about, and make a lot of money defining.
It’s much simpler than that. In fact, it is almost as simple as point number three. . .
3. TREAT OTHERS LIKE FAMILY.
Paul says, male or female, older or younger, I’ve got the instruction for you, and it boils down to treating others within the body of Christ like your own family.
Now. I say this is almost as simple, because this is where things get a bit complicated. We have all seen how some of us younger individuals talk to our moms and dads. And we are not so sure we would want to be treated like that.
We have all seen how some of us parents and grandparents can talk to our children or teens. Again, I’m not sure that is how we want to be treated by each other.
I’ve seen the way people of older generations look down their noses at younger people, their music, their dress, their conversation, their approach to life. If that is how you look at your younger brothers or sisters, I’m not sure that is how I want to be treated.
I have seen how some younger generations assume that if you are older than them, you don’t have a clue what is going on in the world or how to relate to the world. If that is how you treat your mom and dad, I’m not sure that is how I want to be treated.
Or to get real, honest and personal. I know how I often have treated my brothers and sisters, mom and dad, and I’m pretty sure that there have been times and examples of behavior that would be ways that you would not want to be treated.
Let’s face it. Each family is unique. Each family has its own things that from the outside don’t look so hot, even if from the inside they make pretty good sense.
It is kind of like the old marriage 101 rule. Just because my wife says something about her mother, doesn’t mean I am allowed to say the same thing. There is a family line there. Jamie and Allie can bicker, quarrel, snap at each other, and get pretty ornery in their verbiage towards each other, but that doesn’t mean that outsiders have the same rights. Right?
So we need to understand the culture this was written in. Back in Paul and Timothy’s day, respect for your parents, your family was an extremely important cultural value. And I’m not just talking about for Christians, but also for all Jews, Greeks and Romans in the ancient world. Pretty much everyone in the ancient world believed you were supposed to respect people older than you, and especially your mom and dad. You treated your family, including your siblings, with respect and honor.
Not so much today. A rough modern picture might be how we often view Asian cultures. For example the Japanese culture. Where there is great respect for the elderly and especially elderly members of your family.
That is the type of context Paul is encouraging Timothy in. In a context where there is a great deal of respect for those within the family, and within positions of authority in that family. He says, that is how the body of Christ should treat each other.
However, I think Paul was even aware that in some families during his time, those dynamics might not be very healthy. So notice, he doesn’t say to treat them as your father, or your brother, or your mother, or your sister. He says treat them as “a” person in that position. The way a person in that position ought to be treated and respected and gracefully encouraged.
So let’s look quickly at the four scenarios we have here.
A. OLDER MEN – EXHORT AS A FATHER
Paul says, those men that are older than you within the body of Christ, exhort him as a father. Don’t rebuke them. That word "rebuke", the way Paul says not to treat them is a strong verb in the Greek. It means to "express strong disapproval" by rebuking, reproaching, or denouncing. This is exactly how Timothy was probably tempted to act to older people who didn’t take him seriously, especially when it was because of his age.
He was probably tempted to express a strong disapproval for their attitudes, and denounce their treatment of him. But Paul says, rather than rebuking them, exhort him as a father. Instead of demanding his way, he’s to exhort or encourage.
The word that is used there is the word parakaleo. Listen to some of these definitions and uses of this word: “beseech”, “comfort”, “to strive to appease by entreaty”, “to console, to encourage and strengthen by consolation, to comfort.”
When you find yourself needing to address, relate, communicate with a man that is older than you, rather than doing it in a corrective, “You don’t know what you are talking about old man” kind of tone. It is to be done as if encouraging, and beseeching your father. Striving for a place where he will be appeased and satisfied with the outcome.
Second scenario –
B. YOUNGER MEN – AS BROTHERS
The way this grammar is put in place, parakaleo again applies to the treatment of younger men. If he is older, entreat him as a father. If he is younger, entreat him as a brother. Same tone. Some style of communication. But now, rather than as someone in position of authority over you, as someone growing alongside of you. Not beneath you, but with you.
And I think there is a strong scripture to guide us here. In Matthew 18:15 Jesus is talking about how to handle conflict with another brother, and he says, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”
You see, one of the ways we put grace into the generation gap is that when we have a problem with someone, rather than telling others, or rather than not mentioning it at all so that it can brew and fester, we take the time to get alone with the person, and let them know what is on our heart. That is treating them as a brother. That is behaving like a believer.
Let me strongly encourage those of us who often deal with younger generations. Don’t talk about their faults, challenges, or differences behind their back. Don’t store up in your mind thoughts of rebuke or correction just waiting to explode some day. Paul says, treat them like a brother. Take them to lunch. Invite them over for a piece of pie. And entreat them, comfort them, encourage them based on what you have witnessed as a brother.
Third. . .
C. OLDER WOMEN – AS MOTHERS
Paul is continuing to build on the words that are already in place. Again, in regards to older women, they have this position of parental authority. So do not rebuke them, but exhort them. Come to them with a desire to bring about a resolution that is peaceful, and acceptable to them.
This can be tricky. I’ve learned that many women that raise children go through an empty nest stage. And when they go through that empty nest stage, they no longer have their own little chicks to peck at and direct. So they will find others. Their natural instincts will cause them to mother, or at least speak to as a mother, just about anyone younger than them.
For younger people that can be quite offensive. We can desire to respond with, “Don’t treat me like a child.” Or “I’m an adult, talk to me like one.” But Paul says, don’t rebuke these older women. Exhort them. Treat them as if they were your own mom, and work together in your relationship for an approach that is behaving like believers.
And lastly. . .
D. YOUNGER WOMEN – AS SISTERS WITH PURITY
Paul adds a little extra to this teaching regarding the younger women. He says not only to treat them as sisters, tying in that family aspect. But also, with purity. A word that means with a sinlessness of life. A holiness of action.
Many a church. Many a Christian family. Many a body has been split apart because younger women in the church were not treated with all purity. They were looked upon without a holiness of action, and a desire to treat them as sisters entrusted by God to the care of the church.
And so a youth pastor gets flirtatious with a teenage girl. A married staff member finds himself drawn to a female college student. A man in a small group environment begins thinking things that he shouldn’t about the younger wife of another member of the group.
Sexual sin is not new. The mental and social exploitation of women is nothing new. Men domineering in action and attitude over younger women is nothing new. Paul was already aware of the temptation and leading towards such behavior. So he says, that isn’t how it is supposed to be in the body of Christ. When you are dealing with younger women, treat them like sisters, with all purity.
Now, there is an overarching principle that we find here. Applies to all four scenarios, and all relationships within the body of Christ. We close the generation gap in the church by promoting mutual respect among the ages.
It isn’t a one generation issue. The popular moan in the church is that the younger people don’t care about the older generations. It is not unusual to hear complaints that the older generations are getting pushed aside, ignored, or neglected. But do we in the older generations treat the younger as brothers and sisters should be treated? Regardless of our age within the church, do we follow Paul’s admonishes, or do we behave with a sense of entitlement, focusing in on how others ought to be treating me, rather than how I ought to be relating to them.
Jamie and Allie had the opportunity to visit their Granny and Papa Glenn this past week. And I got to thinking about some of these generational relationship issues. You see, Debbie’s parents, or my parents for that matter, really won’t teach Jamie and Allie how to relate to older generations. They only see them a few days a year. At best. They only see my parents every couple of years.
But they see people older than them at church, every single week. They watch how older generations of a church treat the children, and the youth. How they speak to them. What kind of investment is made in their lives? How those older generations speak to each other, and speak to their parents. How they treat the pastor. And that is where they draw their conclusions and make the determinations regarding how big their generation gap will be.
Their grandparents actually have very little influence on them. The church is their grandparents. Their aunts, uncles, cousins. The body of Christ is their family. Whether it treats them like family or not.
Some of you are very close to your family. Geographically, and emotionally. When they say jump, you are ready to jump. If there is a crisis, you are ready to be there for them. Do you look at your fellow believers in the church the same way? Do you see that older man as your father? Do you see that younger man as your brother? Do you see the older women in the same way you view your mother? Do you see the younger women with the purity, and protection that you would ascribe to your sister? Do you look to rebuke and avoid, or are you aiming to entreat and encourage?
With God’s grace, we can close the generation gap in the body of Christ, and model what it truly means to behave like believers. Let’s pray.
(Thanks are due to multiple SermonCentral contributors who provided helpful insight, and pieces to this message.)
