Harmony in the Local Church
(I Peter 3:8-12)
1. When conflict arises, some Christians throw out all or many of the rules.
Robert Louis Stevenson wrote, Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde
"Stevenson’s man found a trick by which he could change himself into the person of another man, make an actual transformation of himself. He could change, not only his internal thoughts and feelings, but also his external looks and actions. Whenever he wanted to turn himself into Mr. Hyde, he took a drug and the miracle was accomplished. He changed his handwriting. He had a separate bank account for Mr. Hyde--everything in life was separate. When Mr. Hyde, (who went down into sin and constantly wallowed in those depths of iniquity) wanted to get away from being Mr. Hyde, he took the drug and went back to being Dr. Jekyl. When the officers were after him, he had simply to go into the laboratory and swallow a pill, and when they arrived the man they were looking for was not there.
That process went on through the years, but this was the peculiar fact about it: Not only by his will could he change himself into another man, and so on back and forth, but he discovered at last, when it was too late that, every time he transformed himself from the good Dr. Jekyl into the evil Mr. Hyde, then Mr. Hyde became increasingly the stronger, until at last the climax was reached. It became harder and harder to make the transfer, and then, it could not be made at all. Dr. Jekyl was dead, and Mr. Hyde still lived, but he was damned to eternal darkness and death, helpless and hopeless."
(source: elbourne.org/sermons/index.mv?illustration+3614)
2. There are two of you, the normal you and the conflicted you. Does your Christianity run so deeply that it affects both of you? Are you able to let your convictions guide you, even when your emotions are chiming in? Or do you turn into Mr. Hyde during conflict?
3. Nothing tests your personal maturity like conflict: marriage, children, work, neighborhood, and church. It can be impossible to be Mr. Spock-like and non-emotional, for we are not robots, but we can keep our emotions in check by grabbing onto convictions, like holding a railing while we are walking in the dark.
4. Peter has been talking about relationships: slaves, spouses, and now about relationships within the church family, but it also includes relating to our marriages and families, since, in most instances, our family members are also members of the Body of Christ.
Main Idea: God’s will for us is not only relevant when we are at peace, but it is also relevant during conflict.
TS--> Peter suggest three principles to help us handle conflict the right way.
I. Live In A Way that PROMOTES Harmony (8)
A. The context: fellow BELIEVERS
1. some people believe the myth that conflict will not occur in church, of all places
2. if the early church experienced conflict after conflict, why should we be exempt? idealism is nice on paper, but we are about real life…
3. conflict occurs when people have strong opinions or agendas
B. The summary: nurture HARMONY (8a)
1. harmony means unity of thought and feeling
harmony = o(mo/frwn (homophr?on) "like minded"
2. harmony is not surrender
3. as important as harmony is, certain truths are more important
4. Marylu and I
• paperwork/office work = no harmony; so harmony here means division of labor)
• Youth work/people work = great harmony
C. Ways to PROMOTE harmony (8b,c)
1. SYMPATHY
• sumpaq´hs (sympath?as) = sharing in feeling
• You must have sympathy for the right people. I read a book called, "The Wounder Minister," and the author recounts story after story about churches that destroyed ministers because of an unhealthy board member and his friends. Generally, the people of the church know these things are happening, but they are passive, sort of like passing by and watching someone getting mugged without getting help. But the author, Guy Greenfield, mentioned a church that had sympathy for the right party.
• They nabbed the troublemaker when the new pastor came.
• They confessed they should have spoken up earlier and not allowed this man to attack the other pastor and make his life miserable.
• They told him, ’"behave or you are out."
• Just like in the realm of crime, we should have more sympathy for the victims than we do the perpetrators…
2. BROTHERLY LOVE
• fil´´adelfos (philadelphos)= love of brother
• this comes from vulnerability and honesty (opening up)
• this comes from shared experiences
• for some of us, it takes a long time being comfortable being human
3. COMPASSION
e´´u)splagxnos ( (eusplagchnos) = compassionate tenderness
Do you care? Do you start off with harshness and then tone down, or do you start out with gentleness and get firmer as needed? What is your assumed starting point?
4. HUMILITY
tapein´´ofrwn (tapeinophr?on) = humble minded Do I check arrogance? Do I try to find easy solutions for complex problems?
God’s will for us is not only relevant when we are at peace, but it is also relevant during conflict.
II. When Wronged, Do Not ESCALATE the Situation (9)
“The difference between spiritual and unspiritual community is not whether conflict exists, but is rather in our attitude toward it and our approach to handling it. When conflict is seen as an opportunity to draw more fully on spiritual resources, we have the makings of spiritual community.”
SOURCE: Larry Crabb in "The Safest Place on Earth," p. 40.
A. Anticipate wrong doing
1. Seemingly saintly people can turn into DEMONS during conflict
2. You see a different side in CONFLICT MODE
3. When immersed in conflict, it becomes difficult to think CLEARLY or UNEMOTIONALLY
B. Convictions to guide us: put God first, even in the midst of conflict (9)
these things are all hard to do when you are in a conflict
1. Do not REPAY evil for evil
2. Do not INSULT because you have been insulted
3. Remember ETERNITY: God will reward you if you handle conflict ethically
4. Like God testing Abraham by asking him to offer Isaac, so conflict will show you how DEEPLY your faith runs
God’s will for us is not only relevant when we are at peace, but it is also relevant during conflict.
III. Pursue PEACE When Possible (10-11)
A. Controlling our TONGUE
1. we all say things we regret and need to apologize
2. we should not expect perfection, just not extremism
3. God wants us to confront problems, not absorb them; but we need to do so calmly, considerately, at the right time, and in the right way
4. Controlling our tongues does not mean lying to maintain the peace, but reasonably addressing what needs to be addressed; stuffing differences only
makes for a greater eruption later
5. And we should not lie with our tongue to make excuses:
• all of a sudden, people who never consult God about anything "feel led"
• Judge Ziglar, loved to tell the story of the fellow who went next door to borrow his neighbor’s lawnmower. The neighbor explained that he could not let him use the mower because all the flights had been canceled from New York to Los Angeles. The borrower asked him what canceled flights from New York to Los Angeles had to do with borrowing his lawnmower.
• "It doesn’t have anything to do with it, but if I don’t want to let you use my lawnmower, one excuse is as good as another."
• [Excuses: Any Will Do?, Citation: Zig Ziglar, Something Else to Smile About (Thomas Nelson, 1999)]
B. Controlling our ACTIONS
1. when you are heated, determine to seek peace nonetheless
2. make the effort to listen to the other side
3. do not make hasty or spontaneous decisions; if it is a good idea today, it will be a good idea tomorrow
4. I have learned that sometimes things are more complex than they seem, and sometimes there are missing pieces of information that make certain events understandable or even clear up conflicts
C. Pursuing the path of PEACE
God’s will for us is not only relevant when we are at peace, but it is also relevant during conflict.
CONCLUSION
1. It is better to learn how to deal with conflict than ran away from it.
2. This is true in marriage, church, and life in general. God wants to be Lord of the "conflict you," the Mr. Hyde you. Remember God when those feelings start escalating.
