In the April 16, 2006 issue of Parade Magazine, Marlo Thomas wrote the following words in an article titled “We Can Become Bitter of Better”:
There are times in our lives when the right words spoken at the right moment can transform us. They challenge us at a crossroads, carry us through times of sorrow or dare us to action. I learned all over again how much the right words can mean from contributors like church secretary Judith Grace of Hoffman Estates, Ill. For her, the words came from a former neighbor who rescued Judith from inconsolable grief after the death of her newborn son.
“Whenever something hurts us in life,” the neighbor told her, “we have a choice to make: We can become bitter or better.” Judith chose better.
That advice that Judith Grace received is nothing new. In fact, that is the message from David’s life that we’ll take a look at this morning. As I’ve shared with you many times before, we can’t do anything about many of the circumstances that come into our lives. Because we live in a world that is full of sin, we will experience pain, trials, afflictions and suffering. Following Jesus Christ is no guarantee that we’ll somehow be spared from pain and suffering, in spite of what we might hear from some pulpits and in some books written by authors who call themselves Christians.
This morning, I’m once again indebted to Eugene Peterson for some of the ideas that I’ll be sharing with you. And once again, Peterson has a great way with words when he writes about the fact that Christians are not immune to pain and suffering:
I don’t take any particular pleasure in writing this. I would feel better if I could promise that being a Christian gave us a distinct advantage over the competition. Some of the most prominent and well-paid religious leaders in North America are following that line these days – giving people tips on how to be successful in marriage and business, assuring congregations that if they’ll sign up and give a little more money they’ll experience prosperity. They design books and lectures and sermons to sell lottery tickets on a jackpot of the supernatural.
[Leaping Over a Wall, pp. 194-195]
Certainly the life of David, the man after God’s own heart, is no advertisement for a trouble-free life. As we’ve made this journey together through portions of David’s life, we’ve discovered that it often consisted of one trial after another. He spent years in the wilderness, running for his life even though God had already anointed him as king. As we’ll see this morning, his family was the epitome of a dysfunctional family. David committed adultery and murder and he suffered the consequences of his sin.
Like David, we can’t control much of the difficulty and suffering that comes into our lives, but we certainly can control how we respond to those afflictions. And depending on how we respond, we can either become bitter or better.
One New Year’s Eve at London’s Garrick Club, British dramatist Frederick Lonsdale was asked by Symour Hicks to reconcile with a fellow member. The two had quarreled in the past and never restored their friendship. "You must," Hicks said to Lonsdale. "It is very unkind to be unfriendly at such a time. Go over now and wish him a happy New Year." So Lonsdale crossed the room and spoke to his enemy. "I wish you a happy New Year," he said, "but only one."
Perhaps Lonsdale would have been better off if he heeded the words of the great theologian Buddy Hackett:
I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.
The events in the life of David that we’ll look at this morning cover quite a long period of time – probably about eleven years or so. They are recorded for us in 2 Samuel beginning in chapter 13 and continue through chapter 18.Obviously we don’t’ have time this morning to read all 6 chapters, so I’m going to give you some background and then we’ll look at a few passages that present three principles that David applied that helped him to become better rather than bitter.
In chapter 13, we read that David’s son Amnon was infatuated with the sister of his half-brother Absalom. So Amnon staged an elaborate plan that provided him with the opportunity to rape Tamar. Absalom was outraged and in turn he devised a plot to murder Amnon. Even though he was David’s favorite son, Absalom knew that David would not be happy with him and he went across the Jordan River into exile.
Three years later, David invited Absalom to return home, but David, in his bitterness, did not allow Absalom to see him or even have any contact with him. Eventually Absalom gave up any hope of intimacy with his father and he began plotting to overthrow David’s kingdom and take the throne himself.
After four years of sowing seeds of dissention, Absalom executed his plan and took over Jerusalem and the royal palace and David once again had to flee for his life. Yet again, David found himself back in the wilderness, the place where much of his character had been developed before. And in the wilderness, David returns to those roots and he is transformed from his bitterness.
We’re going to look at three passages this morning that demonstrate how David recovered those characteristics that helped to make him a man after God’s own heart and how by doing so he was able to become better rather than bitter.
HOW TO LET MY SUFFERINGS MAKE ME BETTER:
1. Recover my humility
Read 2 Samuel 16:5-14
As we’ve seen before, from time to time David had a tendency to get wrapped up in himself and in his position as the king of Israel. We saw that last week when David decided that he would build a house for God. And certainly much of the sin in David’s life occurred when he focused on himself and his power and influence.
For instance, David’s sin with Bathsheba was not all that different from what occurred with President Clinton several years ago. In an interview with Dan Rather, President Clinton was asked why he had engaged in the affair with Monica Lewsinsky. He replied:
I think I did something for the worst possible reason - just because I could.
Perhaps David would have said something similar about his adultery with Bathsheba. In a sense, David sinned because he could. He had the power and authority that enabled him to commit adultery and murder and even get away with it – for a while.
But now in the wilderness, as Shimei yells curses at David, David recovers his sense of humility. Instead of killing the messenger like his officials wanted to do, David chooses to listen to the words of Shimei and through Shimei he hears the word of God. David is brought face to face with his own sinfulness and he is humbled. David realized that he wasn’t any better than anyone else. Because he recovered his humility, David allowed his suffering to bring him into the presence of God where he could find mercy and grace.
Whenever I go through a difficult time in my life, I have a choice. I can sit there and stew in my anger toward another person who I feel has wronged me or caused my problems. I can let my anger against God control my life. I can sit there and wallow in self-pity. Or I can, like David, choose to humble myself and enter into God’s grace and mercy. I can reflect on the fact that I am a sinner, saved only by the grace of God.
Over 2,000 years after David learned this lesson, another man after God’s own heart, the Apostle Paul, was able to apply the very same lessons in the midst of his suffering. We know that Paul was tormented by his thorn in the flesh, whatever that was. We also know that he was arrested, beaten and persecuted for his faith. But Paul faced all these trials with a deep sense of humility:
For I am the least of the apostles…
1 Corinthians 15:9 (NIV)
…I am the least deserving Christian there is…
Ephesians 3:8 (NLT)
…Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst.
1 Timothy 1:15 (NIV)
The truth is that I deserve every bit of suffering that comes into my life. No matter how good I am, I am a sinner. Time after time I have fallen short of God’s glory. That kind of humility allows me to get in touch with who I really am. And when I do that, it puts me on the road to getting better rather than bitter.
2. Recover my life of prayer
In these chapters we read about one of David’s most trusted advisors, a man named Ahithophel.
Now in those days the advice Ahithophel gave was like that of one who inquires of God. That was how both David and Absalom regarded all of Ahithophel’s advice.
2 Samuel 16:23 (NIV)
Apparently David had come to rely upon Ahithophel whenever he needed advice and counsel. Ahithophel was not just David’s trusted advisor; he also became a good friend. But when Absalom planned his betrayal of King David, Ahithophel could see the handwriting on the wall. An opportunist at heart, Ahihtophel went over to the other side and became Absalom’s advisor.
We know from our previous looks at the life of David that when he got into trouble, David often prayed. But there is some evidence in the text that perhaps David had come to rely upon Ahihtophel and his other advisors a little too much, perhaps even more that he had relied upon God. But when Ahithophel betrayed David and went over to Absalom’s side, David returned to his roots and prayed:
Now David had been told, "Ahithophel is among the conspirators with Absalom." So David prayed, "O LORD, turn Ahithophel’s counsel into foolishness."
2 Samuel 5:21 (NIV)
In fact, it appears that many of David’s prayers during this time in his life were written down and we have them today in the form of several Psalms:
• The inscription for Psalm 3 tells us it was written as David fled from Absalom.
• The Jews associate Psalm 55 with Ahithophel’s betrayal of David, which seems reasonable given that the Psalm deals with the betrayal by the Psalmist’s friends.
• Psalms 22, 41, 63, 109 and others all seem to be influenced by those who betrayed David.
When difficulties come into our lives, it will either drive us away from God or draw us closer to Him. And perhaps our response is best demonstrated by what happens in our prayer life. When we’re struggling in our life, we can either look for relief everywhere else, or we can turn to God in prayer.
Isaac Bashevis Singer, a Nobel Prize winning Jewish author, hit the nail on the head when he once said, “I pray only when I am in trouble; but I am in trouble all the time so I pray all the time.” [Leap Over a Wall, p. 158]
Humility lets me get in touch with who I am and that begins the road to recovery. Prayer lets me get in touch with who God is. And that is a crucial second step to becoming better and not bitter in the midst of my suffering.
3. Recover my compassion
Now that David has gotten in touch with who he is before God and who God is, he is in a position to complete the process of getting better by recovering his compassion. Through humility and prayer, David seems to finally recognize that Absalom’s rebellion, at least in part, is due to David’s rejection of Absalom over a decade earlier.
David’s rejection is now transformed into compassion and love for his son. Once again David is in the midst of battle. Unfortunately this time, the enemy is not some foreign country – it is his own son. Although David is ready to go into battle with his troops, his commanders convince David to stay behind and give them support from the city. But before the troops left to go into battle, David demonstrated his love and compassion by giving this specific command to his commanders:
The king commanded Joab, Abishai and Ittai, "Be gentle with the young man Absalom for my sake." And all the troops heard the king giving orders concerning Absalom to each of the commanders.
2 Samuel 18:5 (NIV)
During the battle, Absalom’s hair got caught in a tree while he was riding his mule. The mule kept going, leaving Absalom hanging from the tree by his hair. One of the men reports this to Joab, one of David’s three generals. Joab and ten of his armor bearers, ignoring the command of David, kill Absalom while he is still hanging from the tree. The word of Absalom’s death finally gets back to David and once again David demonstrates his compassion.
The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you - O Absalom, my son, my son!"
2 Samuel 18:33 (NIV)
When we face suffering in our lives, there is a tendency to focus only on ourselves. But by beginning with humility and progressing onto prayer, we find that our focus shifts from us to God and to other people. It enables us to look at those who have hurt us with compassion and love, rather than bitterness.
Sigmund Freud died at the age of 83, a bitter and disillusioned man. Tragically, Frued, one of the most influential thinkers of our time, had little compassion for the common person. Freud wrote in 1918, "I have found little that is good about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all". Because he failed to exercise compassion Frued died friendless and alone.
Over 3,000 years after David’s life, Jesus taught his disciples the importance of exercising love and compassion when we suffer:
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you
Matthew 5:44 (NIV)
If I want to become better and not bitter in the midst of my trials, I must begin by taking an honest look at my own life so that I am humbled by recognizing that I am nothing more than a sinner saved by God’s grace. Then I have to get my focus off of myself and on to God by spending time with Him in prayer. And those two steps will then allow me to treat others with compassion and love.
Looking Back
1. Think about any difficulty or suffering I might be going through in my life right now.
• Focus on my own unworthiness and thank God for His mercy and grace in my life.
• Turn my situation over to God in prayer.
• Have compassion on and forgive those who have hurt me.
Looking Ahead
Read 2 Samuel 22. See if you can find the other place in the Bible these same words are recorded. Look for parallels between these words of David and the gospel of Jesus Christ.
