INTRODUCTION
Why did God say no to adultery? Is it just another example of God being a narrow minded spoil sport? Isn’t he human? Can’t he feel that you may no longer love your marriage partner and that you profoundly love someone else? And doesn’t God understand, since he made us, what human love leads us to do? What is wrong with adultery?
I) BECAUSE SEX MATTERS
What is sex? The humanist says it is an appetite that must be fulfilled like eating and drinking and that sex is a hangover from our animal evolutionary history. Sex is simply a physical desire that must be satisfied at all costs and in any way.
But the bible indicates that sex is NOT only a physical thing it is a psychic thing. I mean by that, that a physical act of sex cannot be treated as the same thing as eating a delicious apple pie. For the simple reason that eating apple pie does not involve your whole personality. Sex does. By giving ourselves physically we give ourselves psychically, and we can never be the same again. The act of sex is irreversible both physically and emotionally.
In addition to this the bible points out that sex is not only a physical and psychological thing, but also a spiritual part of us. In Genesis 1 we see that man and woman were both made in the image and likeness of God. Therefore our sexuality somehow reflects the spiritual nature of God. In the N/T Paul goes as far as to say that marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church.
So God said NO to adultery because sex is not a casual affair, sex matters.
II) BECAUSE MARRIAGE MATTERS
He also said NO to adultery because marriage matters.
What exactly happens when two people marry? Is it merely a convenient contract? The bible says no. Something absolutely radical changes when two people marry, and it’s this: the two become one. Not just one flesh, though their bodies might be united, they become one person. Therefore if two have become one, then each person has become half (Which is the better half?)
Marriage reduces a person from one whole to a half of one whole. So as long as their marriage partner is alive, a spouse remains a half a married person. This is what the bible teaches us about marriage. It is not just a convenient contract, two have become one and each one have therefore become half, and is incomplete without the other. This is the meaning of marriage.
For this to take place there must be two circumstances which accompany it. Firstly there must be a cleaving between husband and wife and secondly a leaving between parent and child. There must be the breaking of a relationship and the making of a new unity. It’s because of this that marriage is never a private matter. It is not a thing that you can have with two people just deciding to live together.
Marriage effects other people, it effects society. This is why marriage is legally a public matter - you cannot get married without witnesses. You are breaking other relationships to make this one. A marriage effects others very, very deeply - when two become one. For one thing people are now related “in law” who were not related before. This is the meaning of marriage
III) BECAUSE LOVE MATTERS
The third reason God says NO to adultery is because love matters. And here I must say a little bit more about marriage.
What really is love? Or is it spelled L.U.R.V. lurv these days? Everybody’s singing about it; everybody’s talking about it, but what is it? How would you define love?
One of the problems we have in the English speaking world is that our language is so limited that we only use one word for everything to do with love. But there is more than one kind of love. And there are at least three kinds of love which are most common in a marriage. But only one of these has the ability to hold a marriage together.
a.The Rational view
……says that love is primarily a matter of the mind and of deciding who fits who. “Can you provide?” “Are you well matched?” “Does he have a good sense of humor?” “Can she cook like my mother?” “Is he athletic enough for you?” “Is she too pushy?” The rational approach is a remnant of a time when marriages were arranged by the parents.
There was once a couple and the man said, “I am making a list of your good points and when I get to twenty I will ask you to marry me - I am up to number 12 so you’d better hurry up.” And the woman replied, “Well I’m making a list of your bad points and when I get to twenty I’m out of here - I’m up to 19!”
As odd as it may sound I think we are sometimes too quick to right off the rational approach - especially when it comes to the opinions of our parents. It is healthy to ask, “Are we really meant for each other?” If you are then others will see it too - and it is good to have that confirmation.
b. The Romantic approach
Then there’s the romantic approach to love. The romantic approach says that love is primarily a matter of our feelings for one another. The false view of the romantic approach to love in marriage is that, “love stops as soon as you have no feelings for each other.” This is a lie that has been reproduce over and over in hundreds of Hollywood movies and relationships.
There’s no doubt that relationships are harder to maintain when the spark is gone, but it is equally true that relationships based on gush are shallow and unfulfilling.
c. Religious view
The final view is the religious, or Christian view of love in marriage. This view says that the heart of love does not lie in the way we think about someone, nor how we feel about them, but in the way you act towards them. As a result it is centered, not in the heart, nor in the mind, but in the will.
The religious view of love has a rational understanding of love and a romantic approach to love, but when two people stand before God to marry we don’t ask them, “Do you think you are well matched? Do others think you are well matched? Do your parents approve?” Nor do we ask, “How do you feel about one another at the moment?” - because that is usually quite obvious. And a couple do not reply to the questions asked at a wedding, “I think I love her,” nor do they say, “I feel like I love him.”
The question we ask when two people stand before God to marry is, “How do you intend to act towards each other?” “Are you prepared to be loyal - in sickness and in health; for richer, for poorer; forsaking all others; until death parts you? Will you be loyal no matter what happens?” If so then, then that is true love in God’s sight, because that is the kind of love God has for us. It is not a love that is conditioned by the way he thinks about us, nor by the way he feels about us - I’m sure God’s feelings towards us are quite mixed at times. God’s love for us is conditioned by the way he has vowed to act towards us. God’s love is the kind that says, “I will love you no matter what happens.”
Only religious/Christian love has the ability to hold a marriage together. This is because when we stop thinking that we love someone, and when we stop feeling that we love someone, love still remains because we choose it to be that way. That is real freedom, rather than being a slave to reason and a prisoner of our emotions.
So God said NO to adultery because love matters. He also said NO because society matters.
IV) BECAUSE SOCIETY MATTERS
What bricks and mortar are to a building, a marriage is to a community in which it lives and loves. There can be no doubt that a community will crumble and collapse if marriage is allowed to crumble and collapse. And history is strewn with example after example of this.
The Roman empire is just one. Did you know that for five hundred years in Roman history there was not one recorded divorce. Then Rome made a terrible mistake, it conquered Greece, then Greece conquered Rome. You see, it was not uncommon for Greeks to have many mistresses and wives; Cisero did, Aristotle did. And the Greeks could divorce their wives simply by telling them to “get lost” in the presence of two witnesses. Soon after Rome conquered Greece the first divorce was recorded in Rome. Soon divorce became common practice and history has proven that an empire, such as Rome, whose families are divided, cannot stand itself - because it cannot stand itself.
If you are holding a marriage together today, with the kind of love that is loyal to its vows and promises - the kind of love that is based upon how you promised to act towards each other - then you are doing something great for Australia. You are contributing to our strength and prosperity as a nation.
So God says NO to adultery because society matters. Finally, God says NO to adultery because holiness matters.
V) BECAUSE HOLINESS MATTERS
Clearly adultery is a result of a lack of physical and emotional health within a marriage relationship. When the pastures of physical and emotional intimacy are barren, the temptation is to test the green grass on the other side of the fence. This problem is commonly understood. What is often overlooked, however, is that adultery is also a result of a lack of intimacy with God. This leads me to some pointers on how to avoid adultery. The very first thing we must do is THINK.
We have to realize what we are missing out on. Pursuing sexual intimacy with someone other than our marriage partner is a sure sign that the level of intimacy in our relationship with Jesus Christ is deficient. Pursuing sex outside of marriage indicates that we have lost our fear of offending God. Adultery is easy when you have no fear of offending God. We have to think.
If you find yourself in the position of being tempted in this way, ask yourself, “Why am I emotionally or physically dissatisfied with my marriage at the moment?” Odds are, every married person in this room is emotionally and physically dissatisfied. Living in a fallen world, being married to a fallen human being can be dissatisfying to a point. Only an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ can fulfill us completely. Only the presence of Jesus Christ by his Spirit can satisfy our longings for physical and emotional intimacy - no human can do this satisfactorily. And to expect them to 100% of the time is unrealistic.
And such a level of intimacy with Jesus takes more than a mere surface reading of the bible; it takes more than shallow prayers and it goes deeper than a superficial search of our heart and its longings. But it is essential if we are to “adultery proof” our marriage. So to avoid adultery, develop an intimacy with God.
Here is a practical way in which thinking can help us avoid adultery. Plan ahead. I think in the story of David and Bathsheba, it is quite clear that Bathsheba planned ahead. Though she planned to place herself naked on the rooftop within the view of King David’s room. That’s not the type of planing I mean.
The type of planning I mean is to hold yourself accountable to others. A Christian friend once called me to say that he was going to be in a position where he had to live in close proximity to a woman other than his wife. He was worried because he felt a desire for this woman within himself. He asked me to call him in two weeks and to ask him intimate questions about this relationship. He asked me and two other people to hold him accountable. And knowing that we were going to ask him he found the strength to avoid any questionable behaviour. Are you planning a business trip away? Do you have to spend time alone with a person of the opposite sex other than your spouse? How do you feel towards them? How are you going to deal with a situation if it arises? Plan ahead.
In the sermon on the Mount Jesus urges us to take extreme action in order to deal with sin. So we must think like radicals. In Mt 5 he instructs us to chop off or gouge out certain parts of our bodies rather than let them lead us into sin. Now, Jesus is not teaching self mutilation here, he is making the point that sin must be dealt with radically.
Would it be radical to have your best mate ask you where your hands have been today? Maybe that would have helped King David avoid adultery. Would it be radical to have your girlfriend ask where your feet have lead you this week? That would have helped Bathsheba. Would it be radical to have your pastor or a mentor ask you over whom your eyes have passed and dwelt in the last hour or so? If that’s what it takes, then Jesus says do it.
If we want to avoid the sin of adultery, then we must learn to think.
CONCLUSION
I guess if we’re honest, all of us have the capacity to be unfaithful, and so I want to say to you today, that adultery is not the unforgivable sin. God forgave King David and he can forgive you too. When David cried out in the Psalms, "Blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my sin … create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me" (Psalm 51:1-2, 10), there was an immediate response from God.
Elsewhere in the Psalms we read, “As far as the east is from the west so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12). Thank God that although there are some sins that we cannot forgive or forget, God can do both.
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