INTRODUCTION
A little boy ran into the living room where his father was reading. “Dad, where did I come from?” The boy’s mother cleared her throat and excused herself to let the father answer this long-feared question. Father cleared his throat and went through a long, careful explanation of how children are born. When he was finally through, his son commented, “That’s OK dad; but my pal Joe down the street says he comes from Melbourne and I just wanted to know where I came from.”
In recent decades societies attitudes towards sex have been flipped upside down. We live in a culture saturated with sex. Sex is THE god and THE idol of our times. In many cases sex has replaced God as the object of worship – it’s become the ultimate goal in life for some. Yet in the church we hardly ever talk about it. Well we’re going to address that imbalance today. Today I want us to take a look at a few hot and taboo topics. In the process we should develop what will be a Christian and biblical perspective on sexual issues.
1. SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE
The first topic off the rank is sex outside of marriage. Firstly, sex before marriage.
a) Sex before marriage
Is it OK for a Christian to engage in sexual relationships before marriage? First Thessalonians 4 gives us some direction here.
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8)
The Christian writer Josh McDowell tells the story of a non-Christian guy he spoke to once. This guy said, “I’ve had a real free-love lifestyle – casual relationships, meaningful relationships, plenty of sex. Then herpes came on to the scene. It got my attention, but it didn’t change my lifestyle because it’s not fatal. You can never get rid ofd it, but it’s not fatal. Then AIDS came onto the scene, and I decided that I had to change my lifestyle. So I found a woman I cared about, fell in love, got married, and she gave me herpes!”
Why does God say no to pre-marital sex? Because God doesn’t want anything like that to happen to us. He doesn’t want us to have to face the heartache of an unwanted pregnancy; he doesn’t want us to face the pressure of acceptance based only on our performance in bed; he doesn’t want us to face the guilt and shame of telling any future partners about our past sexual exploits – particularly any potential marriage partners. God loves us and he says, “save sex for marriage” because he wants the best for us.
There are three very good reasons why God says no to premarital sex. The physical reasons are obvious – serious disease and pregnancy. Not so obvious are the spiritual and emotional reasons.
Spiritually we risk breaking fellowship with our heavenly Father, we risk his judgment and we risk our Christian witness. God wants to protect us from that. And if we choose to follow him we know that the Lord will “withhold no good thing from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11). We also know from Psalm 34 that “his eyes are on the righteous and his ears are open to their cry.”
Emotionally we risk confusing sex with love, we risk being used and suffering resentment and depression, we risk the intense emotions of breaking off a relationship where sex is involved. God wants to protect us from all that. On the other hand by waiting, we develop more Godly attributes such as self-control and the ability to focus more on the true needs of the other person.
Christian singles “God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.” Girls, if your boyfriend wants you to try out his new water-bed, tell him you don’t swim. Guys, if your girl says sex will make you a man, tell her your dog has sex and he’s not a man.
b) Adultery
What about those who are married? Well Jesus taught clearly on the issue of adultery.
"You have heard that it was said, `Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” (Matthew 5:27-30)
Sex outside of marriage is always wrong. Why? Because it’s an attempt to isolate one aspect of union – the physical – from all other aspects that were intended to make a total union of two people. There is nothing wrong with sexual pleasure – in fact God created it – however, if we attempt to enjoy sex as an isolated physical sensation we are only getting half the pleasure that God fully intends us to have within a secure marriage relationship.
In a recent valentine edition of the Perth Weekly magazine restaurateur Warren Mead was promoted as a classic romantic on the basis that he had eight children to six different women – the argument was that he must be some great lover to have had so many women fall for him. While some in our society see nothing wrong with adultery, Jesus’ teaching goes in completely the opposite direction. Not only does Jesus condemn the physical act outside of marriage, he goes on to say that adultery can be committed within the heart and mind.
He says, I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. This is not to say that men and women cannot admire the beauty of someone other than their spouse. It’s normal for us to be taken by God’s beautiful creation. However, it’s what we do with that thought that counts. The first glance is normal, it’s the second glance that gives away the real intent of the heart.
And this is why the use of pornography is equivalent to adultery. Porn either has to be purchased or rented. By doing that we have gone out of our way to get it – this shows the intent of the heart is set on using another person for selfish gratification.
If you think porn is harmless consider this. You can usually get a large audience together to watch a strip show. There’s no question about it, a lot of people would come to watch a woman undress on stage, thus indulging and misusing their sexual appetites. Now suppose you visited a country where an auditorium was packed to the walls with people watching, not a girl undressing, but a guy walking out with a tray covered with a veil. The music begins to play, the lights begin to flash, and all of a sudden, after some rather enticing maneuvers, the veil is lifted and there on the tray is an orange. Next, in a teasing way, the guy begins to peel the orange while the crowd goes wild with excitement! Wouldn’t you think that in this country something had gone wrong with people’s appetite for food?
What if, in that same country, the magazine shelves in the servo had covered copies of the latest Coles and Action catalogues? What if Rules supermarket sent its catalogues out with a special sealed section (the seafood sealed section)? Wouldn’t you think that in this country something had gone wrong with people’s appetite for food?
The bible clearly speaks regarding the proper use of the body. In 1 Cor 6:13 Paul says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord.” And yet what happens in our society? The body image is distorted, exploited and perverted.
The point of what Jesus is saying here is this. Our thoughts lead to actions, and our actions lead to a pattern of life. If we allow garbage in, we will get garbage out. But if we guard our thoughts and actions we will lead pure, wholesome and fulfilled lives.
The reason God says “no” to sex outside of marriage is that he want’s to protect us from physical, emotional and spiritual harm. And also because he wants to provide us with a life that is not only pleasing to him, but ultimately pleasing and fulfilling for us. This is why the Christian view on sex is that it should be confined to the marriage relationship.
2. HOMOSEXUALITY
Now, another hot topic that falls into our basket for today is homosexuality. Although homosexual activity is rare at about 1-2% of western populations, the topic is widely spoken about. And we should expect to hear more in the coming days as our current government prepares to lower the age of consent for practicing homosexuals from 21 to 16 years of age. Be ready for this conversation to come up at work.
So what should be the Christian view of homosexuality? On this Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10;
Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes [ie the passive homosexual partner] nor homosexual offenders [ie the active homosexual partner] nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
Pretty clear. But let’s take a moment to investigate it further.
First I want to differentiate between homosexual tendencies or feelings, and homosexual practice. It is one thing to feel attracted to a person of the same sex (in fact this is regarded as a normal part of growing up), it is quite another to pursue an active sexual relationship based on those feelings.
a) Is this lifestyle an option for Christians?
So is the homosexual lifestyle an option for Christians? Well the short answer is no. Every reference to homosexual practice in the Bible is negative. Leviticus uses the word “detestable” (18:22; 20:13) to describe homosexual practice. Sodom and Gomorrah are destroyed because of homosexual practice. Judges describes homosexual practice as “disgraceful” (19:23). In the NT we have seen how explicit Paul is in his condemnation of homosexual practice. In 1 Cor 6:11 he assumes that this kind of behavior will be abandoned upon conversion;
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
The Bible also condemns not only those who practice homosexuality, but also those who approve of such practice;
Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion (Romans 1:26-27). Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them (Romans 1:32).
Now we’ve already seen that God’s context for all sexual relations is the lifelong marriage commitment. This view of marriage and sex, which Jesus endorsed, rules out all sexual relations outside of marriage whether hetro or homosexual. So the homosexual lifestyle is off limits to the Christian.
b) What should be the Christian attitude?
Instead, the Christian community needs to show sensitivity and understanding towards those who struggle daily with their homosexual orientation. And we need to affirm them as human beings loved by God. Nikki Gumbel begins his chapter on this topic with this statement – and I can’t better it - The Bible is the story of God’s love for all humanity. God loves all people, irrespective of race colour, background or sexual orientation. In other words God loves the sinner not the sin, and so should we.
There are a number of Christians around who have been involved in homosexual practice but have come out of it. Sy Rogers is a Kiwi who travels to Perth regularly to hold workshops for those coming out of homosexual lifestyles after becoming Christians. Sy dressed as a woman for two years before deciding to have a sex change operation. He tells the story of the day he was to have his operation. He was dressing up to go to the hospital when an interview came onto the radio. The guest in the interview was the director the very hospital Sy was heading to for his operation that day. The reason for the interview? The hospital had decided not to perform any more sex change operations because they had found that it was not the answer to these people’s problems. That was the end and a new beginning for Sy who eventually found God and committed his life to Christ.
Homosexuals are not to be feared or abandoned. They are God’s lost children whom he loves and has shown that he can powerfully save.
3. THAT OTHER SEXUAL TABOO
Finally our last point is simply labeled “That other sexual taboo.” What does the bible really say about masturbation, and what should be the Christian attitude towards it?
Nikki Gumbel points out that it is estimated that 95% of men and 50% of women have some experience of masturbation – so there’s a good chance that this taboo subject is relevant to many today. What should be the Christian view of such a subject?
Well, I have no biblical reference for this. The Bible neither condones nor condemns the practice. However, there are at least three concerns that Christians should consider.
i) First, masturbation has a tendency to become obsessive. For the Christian this is a spiritual problem. Anything that becomes an obsession immediately takes the place of God in our lives and so is a violation of the first commandment – “You shall have no other God’s before me.”
ii) Secondly, masturbation depersonalizes sex. Our sexuality was given, and is designed to move us towards intimate relationship with our spouse – masturbation short-circuits this God-given function.
iii) Thirdly, masturbation is often associated with lustful thoughts and Jesus said that lust in the mind and heart equals actual adultery.
It’s common for a great deal of guilt to accompany masturbation, and this is usually out of all proportion to its seriousness. Again Nikki Gumbel quotes a pastor who describes it as, “like biting our nails – something many do as part of growing up. It’s not a good idea, but it should not be taken too seriously unless it becomes excessive” (Gumbel p54-55).
CONCLUSION
We need to acknowledge the deep guilt often associated with masturbation and any other sin we may have committed within the realm of sexuality for that matter. The downward slide to guilt can lead us further into sin so we need to be aware of it and we need to deal with it.
When it comes to our sexuality, as in all other areas of our lives, God can be trusted. Though that room in our lives which has sexuality on the door may be way out of order, even out of control, we can trust that God will empower us to live the kind of life he wants us to lead.
And though we have all strayed sexually – whether in thought, word, or deed – we can also trust that God’s forgiveness is readily available to all who ask for it. Though sexual misconduct can leave an especially stubborn stain of shame, our heavenly Father can scrub us clean when we humbly turn to him and admit our wrongdoing.
As Christians powerful scriptures such as Romans 8 should encourage us,
Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life [sets us] free from the law of sin and death.
Jesus’ provision of the Holy Spirit means that it is possible to be cleansed and forgiven and to finally break free from these kinds of strongholds in our lives.
After he slept with Uriah’s wife Bathsheba, King David prayed in desperation, “Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.” God revels in answering these kinds of prayers because they bring us back to him. When you come to him with a heartfelt request like that, he will forgive you – we will be externally restored in our relationship to him. And he will cleanse you, releasing you over time from any shame. What an awesome and loving God - in this God, and in him alone is where we will find our ecstatic pleasure.
SOURCES:
•Choices By Stacey and Paula Rinehart.
•How to help your child say NO to sexual pressure By Josh McDowell.
•Searching Issues By Nicky Gumbel
•God’s Outrageous Claims By Lee Strobel
•Issues Facing Christians Today By John Stott
