INTRODUCTION
At some time in our lives we all need to deal with difficult people or people who have done the wrong thing by us. In this letter that Paul has written to Philemon, we discover how we can accept people who are hard to live with, in a way that is pleasing God.
Quite simply some people are just plain harder to love than others. And at the core of this letter, Paul says the way to love difficult people is to have a heart with margin - a heart with room.
A heart with margin has faith in Jesus ...
1. HAS FAITH IN JESUS (v4-5a)
One of the hit films of the late 1990’s was Notting Hill, starring Julia Roberts and High Grant. In the movie Julia Roberts plays a Hollywood superstar who meets an ordinary everyday fella played by Hugh Grant. The movie shows how their romance unfolds against seemingly impossible odds. In many ways Notting Hill is a remake of the 1950’s movie Roman Holiday, which starred Gregory peck and Audrey Hepburn. In Roman Holiday Audrey Hepburn plays the role of a princess who mingles with common-folk during a holiday period and in the process develops a romance with a commoner. There is however one stark contrast between Notting Hill and Roman Holiday. In Roman Holiday the princess realises that her responsibilities to her people and position mean she must give up her romance with a commoner and return to her throne. In Notting Hill love must win out. This reflects a dramatic shift in values in our society, our belief that in the end nothing is more important than the fulfilment of the individual. Community needs and expectations are always secondary.
A heart with a big margin has a faith that places unity in the community above their individual rights.
And Paul calls Philemon to grasp the value of the community above the individual.
I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus (Phm 1:4-5)
Paul appeals to Philemons faith in Jesus as a reason for him to reconcile with Onesemus. You see, Onesemus was a Believer too. By virtue of their faith in Jesus they were brothers. They worshipped the same Lord, which is all the more reason they were to be reconciled. They were “one in Christ.” To borrow a description from the Bible Philemon and Onesemus were
….…..being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit (Ephesians 2:22).
So the question for us here is, “What kind of dwelling place are we building for the Holy Spirit to dwell in?”
The Believers motivation to love difficult people and forgive others stems from the treatment they have received from Jesus. The bible instructs Believers to
… “Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph 4:32).
Believers of all people should be eager to have hearts with a big margin – ready to forgive in an instant because they themselves know what it is to be forgiven.
If Philemon was going to accept Onesemus back he would need a heart with a big margin. And this generosity of heart comes from the big hearted God who had forgiven Philemon all his wrong doing through Jesus. How could he not forgive Onesemus considering all that he himself had been forgiven by his Lord – Jesus?
What all this means for us is this …..
If we don’t know Jesus our ability to get on with difficult people and forgive others is limited to our own strength. We will never reach our full potential in our relationships with others because we have not reached our spiritual potential through a relationship with Jesus.
It’s the same if we do know Jesus but ignore him and what he has done for us. If we fail to live by his standards, we live a substandard life – and our relationships will be mediocre – we will become a dilapidated dwelling place for the Holy Spirit.
And as a group of believers, if we as a church fail to adopt a big heartedness towards difficult and uncaring people – we will be a second-rate church. And the people around us will see that our faith in Jesus really means nothing to us – that we are no different to anyone else.
Unity among those who share the Christian faith is such an important issue that Jesus included it in one of his final prayers before being crucified.
…. May they be brought to complete unity [and here’s why…] to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me (John 17:23).
So a heart with a big margin has faith in Jesus that strives for unity in community. And as a result this heart with margin is a powerful testimony to the love of God.
2. HAS AN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TOWARDS OTHERS (v5b)
Marjorie William’s children’s story book, The Velveteen Rabbit tells the story of a stuffed toy rabbit given to a young boy as a Christmas present. The velveteen rabbit lives in the nursery with all the other toys, waiting for the day when the boy will choose him as a playmate.
In time, the shy Rabbit befriends a tattered toy Horse, the wisest resident of the nursery, who reveals the goal of all nursery toys: to be made "real" through the love of a human. One night we get to overhear their conversation.
’What is REAL?’ asked the Rabbit one day, as they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, just before Nana came in to tidy up the room. ’Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?’
’Real isn’t how you are made,’ said the toy Horse. ’It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.’
’Does it hurt?’ asked the Rabbit.
’Sometimes,’ said the toy Horse, for he was always truthful. ’When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.’
’Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,’ he asked, ’or bit by bit?’
’It doesn’t happen all at once,’ said the toy Horse. ’You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off; and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly except to people who don’t understand.’
The toy horse had come to know what unconditional love was like.
Unconditional love is to be wanted even when ……most of your hair has been loved off; and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. Some of us know what that’s like more than others! But as the horse came to discover… these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly except to people who don’t understand.’
The point is, a heart with a big margin has this kind of love, an unconditional love towards others (OHP).
I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints (Phm 1:4-5).
No one is ugly to the person who has a heart with a big margin.
If we don’t love others unconditionally then we can’t call ourselves a Christian. The Bible makes this clear …
…….Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother (1 John3:10).
Paul notes that Philemon’s love is for all the saints. He doesn’t discriminate – he even loves difficult people – and he will love Onesimus, this person who has done the wrong thing by him.
This is the kind of love that identifies us as a child of God - because unconditional love is a characteristic of our heavenly Father – and if we truly are his children then we will inherit this characteristic. Because God has a heart with a big margin, we too, if we’re his, will have this same heart.
And we know that God loves unconditionally because we see it in the Son of God.
If we struggle with this then perhaps we should pray something like this …
Lord, if you have the capacity to forgive the sins of the world, then surely I have the capacity to forgive this one person who has hurt me – because the same love that you have now lives in me.
No one is too ugly (like the horse), to be loved. The person who has a God birthed heart – a heart with a big margin, has the divine capacity to love people unconditionally – No matter who they are and what they’ve done.
3. WALKS THE WALK (i.e. puts their faith into action – v6)
But unless we express that unconditional love in action, it’s a waste of time.
In the film “Gladiator” Russell Crowe plays the character Maximus. Now Maximus stands out in the crowd because of his integrity. We see it at the start of the film where he cries to his troops, "What we do in this life leaves echoes in eternity". Ultimately Maximus is offered the rule of Rome because he is a man of his word; and a man who puts his words into action.
He [Maximus] exhibits a heart with a big margin that puts what it says into action and walks the walk.
You see, it’s not what we believe or what we think that leaves “echoes in eternity,” but it’s what we do with what we think and what we believe that’s really crucial.
The bible doesn’t say here, “I pray that you will be active in believing your faith;” or “active in thinking about your faith;” It says, in v6, “I pray that you will be active in sharing your faith (v6).”
The challenge God is putting to us here is that we must stretch our capacity to love others. It’s not enough to just believe that we should have hearts with a big margin; it’s not enough just to accept that it’s a good thing for other people either.
If we have heard the Lord and are obedient to him and so have become people who have hearts with a big margin – then it must be proven in our lives. Let’s see it in action. Don’t just think it’s a nice idea. Don’t just talk about it – just do it. Extend your heart to difficult people.
It doesn’t mean we have to become door mats for people to abuse – but it does mean we can love even those people who have mistreated us.
When we leave here today the Lord wants us to have a greater capacity to love others. That’s what the Lord is offering to give you today.
The challenge for every Believer here is to make their faith work.
Elsewhere in the NT it says, “Faith without works is dead.” So what kind of faith do you have, dead or alive? A real Christian puts their faith to work in the good they do for others.
You’ve all seen the bumper sticker that says, “Practice random acts of kindness.” Well, that’s not margin for the Christian. That’s expected! That’s the minimum that’s expected!!
You see the problem with randomness is that the human heart will always take the path of least resistance – and it’s easy to love people who treat me right me and give me what I want – that’s the path that has least resistance. But there’s nothing random about a heart with margin.
The margin – the over and above bit – is to intentionally practice acts of kindness towards people who don’t deserve it!!
And if you’re not a Believer today, this is how you will recognize a true Christian – a real Christian does good to people that the rest of the world says they should despise. A real Christian has a heart with a margin big enough to fit in even the most difficult people. I invite you to test us today (and help me keep God’s people on their toes!!).
As a Believer, what kind of example will you set? I believe that Russell Crowe’s character Maximus was right when he said, "What we do in this life leaves echoes in eternity".
Even if we don’t believe the same question applies. What kind of example will you set?
Will we lead lives where everything we do is driven only by our emotions, our opinions, our desires, and our fear of what others might think? Will we take the easy path to loving others? Or will we let Jesus be the living Lord of our life?
God’s intention for us is to enjoy harmonious relationships with all people, even difficult people and people who have mistreated us. And when we give our lives to Jesus, he can give us that margin in our hearts that we need to do that. And we can stop just talking the talk and start walking the walk.
4. BRINGS REFRESHMENT TO OTHERS (v7)
If we make the commitment to live for Jesus, we will make an impact now that really will leave echoes in eternity.
And that impact starts right now, with sharing our margin with others. You see, a heart with margin – a generous heart – is a contagious heart. It frees other people from living with small hearts and refreshes them; releasing them to enjoy a heart with margin too.
I came a cross an example of this, this week. Let me read it for you ...
He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary’s School in Morris, Minneapolis. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, but had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful.
Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving - "Thank you for correcting me, Sister!" I didn’t know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.
One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice-teacher’s mistake. I looked at him and said, "If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!"
It wasn’t ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking again." I hadn’t asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it.
I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened my drawer and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark’s desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing he winked at me. That did it! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark’s desk, removed the tape and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."
At the end of the year I was asked to teach junior-high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instructions in the "new math," he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in the third.
One Friday, things just didn’t feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frowning, frustrated with themselves - and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of he class period to finish the assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend."
That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual. On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" I heard whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone!" "I didn’t know others liked me so much!" No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again.
That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual questions about the trip - the weather, my experiences in general. There was a light lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a side-ways glance and simply said, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Eklunds called last night," he began. "Really?" I said. "I haven’t heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is."
Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in action in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend." To this day I can still point to the exact spot on Interstate 494 where Dad told me about Mark.
I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was, Mark, I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me. The church was packed with Mark’s friends. Chuck’s sister sang for us. Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played. One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water.
I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who had acted as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark’s math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.
After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates headed to Chucks farmhouse for lunch. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that" Mark’s mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."
Mark’s classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck’s wife said, "Chuck asked me to put this in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It’s in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists."
That’s when I finally sat down and cried. I cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
(Sister Helen P. Mrosia)
Sister Mrosia had room in her heart for a difficult boy and a difficult class – her heart had margin. And she brought refreshment to the hearts of those around her.
Our passage this morning finishes with Paul describing how he and others had caught some margin from Philemon’s generous heart.
Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints (Phm 1:7).
What Paul is saying is, “You don’t know how good it makes me feel to see you openly welcome, love and care for others.”
CONCLUSION
The “echoes in eternity” start now. And this is the cross road I want to bring you to this morning.
Don’t let our church be known as a place where no love is wasted - where forgiveness is in short supply. Don’t be known as a person who has no love to waste.
Today we have been encouraged to live beyond ourselves and to build margin into our hearts.
And so now I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received (Eph 4:1), and to be all God made you to be.
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