INTRO: A farmer was sitting on the porch of his house when a stranger came by and asked, "How’s things?"
"Tolerable," came the reply. He continued, "Two weeks ago a tornado came along and knocked down all the trees I would have had to chop down for this winter’s firewood. Then last week lightning struck the brush I had planned to bum to clear the fields for planting."
The stranger responded, "That’s remarkable, what are you doing now?"
The farmer answered, "Waiting for an earthquake to come along and shake the potatoes out of the ground."
-I read this short story and thought, "Isn’t this just like marriage?"
1. God is doing so many wonderful things to help our marriage be the best it can be.
2. All the while we sit around waiting for him to do one more thing.
Tommy Nelson talks about 4 major issues we will have to deal with within marriage. He calls them the 4 Horsemen (taken out of the 4 horsemen in Revelation).
1. Sin — illusion will fade of whom you married.
2. Age — your beauty fades.
3. Forgetfulness — take for granted the faithfulness of your mate.
4. Laziness — where you take each other for granted, early in the relationship there was tenderness, romance, and love —
-Now, after a few years, it seems to be worse.
-One fellow put it like this — the 1st year of marriage, guy pulls out chair for his wife and takes off her coat and says, "We don’t want my darling to get a sniffle."
3rd year of marriage, "Honey, cover your mouth when you cough." 5th year of marriage, "How can we eat with you barking like a seal?" POINT: Friends, this is the way marriage will go if you let it. Review: We’ve been going through the Song of Songs — we’ve looked at:
The right way to attract
The right way to court
The right way to fight
The right way to deepen your marriage
TITLE: Deepening Your Relationship
TEXT: Song of Songs 7:1-13, 8:1-3
I.. Concept: We’ve witnessed on their honeymoon Solomon progresses from her head on down talking about her body parts.
But now they’ve been married for a while and the order is the exact opposite order starting at her feet and then to her head.
A. Principle: I believe what it’s speaking about here is change. What was good on our honeymoon, or our five-year anniversary is not God’s best for our ten-year anniversary. We need to continually work on getting better.
Ex... Let me phrase it another way so you can better understand. You hire an employee to do a job. Initially the employee is learning, so they’re not very proficient at their assigned task, but six months down the road, they should be better, or five years later, they should be better.
-What would you do if your employee were less proficient after five years than the first week of the job he was hired? In other words he did his job better the first week than after five years of training. It would not make sense.
B. Q: Why is it that way sometimes in marriage? The longer you are married, the worse your marriage is! It’s because of an unwillingness to change. Tommy Nelson would call it laziness.
1. So the first and important point today is a willingness to change.
-Key: You change for God’s sake not your spouse’s sake.
TS: Next I want to focus on the men v. 1-9a and how Solomon treated Shulamith.
-Then it will be the ladies turn – v. 9b-8:4
II. Some Topics Men Must Deepen in Marriage
A. Your knowledge of your mate – How beautiful your sandaled feet. Solomon knew every square inch of her, from her feet to the top of her head.
1. Men, you must become an authority of your wives – spending time with your mate does this.
B. 2" – Your exaltation of your mate – 0 prince’s daughter.
1. In this letter we’ve seen Solomon call her Dove, Unique One, Perfect One, His Darling, Mare, Lily, Rose.
-Now he is calling her Royalty.
POINT: Friends, I think we agree that there is a tremendous danger in taking each other for granted, so let’s go the opposite way and elevate our exaltation for one another so we don’t fall in that trap.
C. 3rd — Knowing intimate details of your mate – your graceful legs are like jewels, your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine, waist is a mound of wheat.
1. Wine and wheat was a spring and fall crop in Israel.
-Joseph Dillow – "it would appear that Solomon is suggesting that her garden is never lacking sexual pleasure for him."
2. Why – because he’s been bringing sunshine to her garden in the spring and the fall. -Tommy Nelson says don’t be a butler married to a maid where there is no fun, and he writes:
3. How to have an affair – they all start with E
-Elimination - of tenderness and respect (have an emotional vacuum in the home) -Encounter – You meet someone
-Enjoyment – You begin to enjoy someone else’s company and you draw from them what you should be getting from your spouse.
-Expedition – You make sure you end up in that person’s presence, and you begin to dream about what it would be like being with them
-Expression – You start communicating to that person how you feel -Experience – You act out on what you’ve thought
D. 4th Deepening your gentleness – Your breasts are like twin fawns
1. Remember, we saw this phrase before on their honeymoon.
-Non-sexual touching is very important. Don’t just paw her like a bear. If you’re going to grab her, grab her affectionately, not sexually.
E. 5th Deepening your respect – neck of ivory – this speaks of respect. 1. Question – Do you respect your mate more now than in the past?
F. 6th Trust needs to deepen – Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon.
1. Israel could only be attacked from the north because of desert and great ravines on either side.
-This tower would watch for any enemies so it was very important to the welfare of Israel.
2. Just like trust is to a relationship, friends, trust has to deepen over time.
G. 7th Admiration needs to deepen – v. 5 – Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry.
1. Mount Carmel was a beautiful place. Hair is like royalty.
-Solomon admires her more now than when they were first together.
H. 8th His devotion for her deepens – he is held captive [word for magic, in other words, he is in her spell].
1. His devotion is deeper now than at the beginning.
TS: As these topics deepen in your marriage, so will intimacy, v. 7-9. Shulamith takes her body and gives it to him willingly (passion increases).
III. Ladies, some areas you need to deepen in your relationship with your husband.
A. Your security in your relationship with your husband
1. Listen to the statement she makes:
2:16 – My Beloved is mine and I am his
6:3 – I am my Beloved’s and My Beloved is mine
7:10 – I am My Beloved’s and His desire is for me
-Her confidence, her security in her relationship has deepened.
B. Your sexual desire for your husband
7:10 – word desire is only used three times in the Old Testament.
-The other two are in Genesis: (1) woman’s desire will be for her husband
(2) Cain’s sin is crouching at your door desiring to have you
1. Picture is of an animal consuming another.
Tommy Nelson put it – "Honey, I’m going to eat you alive."
2. Not only does her desire sexually for her husband increase, but she also –
-Becomes the initiator – v. 11-12 – "Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside. There I will give you my love.
3. She not only is the initiator, but she is creative.
v. 13 – "The mandrakes sent out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my lover.
-Shulamith is creative. She has both old and new ways of pleasing her husband intimately.
Joseph Dillow – "A wise woman once said, you can become a Rembrandt in your sexual art, or you can stay at the paint-by-number stage. Sex, like supper, loses much of its flavor when it becomes predictable. It is biblical for a wife to be a skillful lover to her husband. The young man of Proverbs 5:19 is told to be drunk with his wife’s sexual skill."
4. Read 8:1-3 – Look at her passion and aggression, her desires for her husband.
a. Israel, husband and wives could not display public affection, only brother and sister.
b. Spice wine to drink or in v. 13, talking about mandrakes, this is aphrodisiac.
-In other words, "Honey, you better be in the mood. If you’re not, I’m going to get you in the mood."
-Tommy Nelson puts it this way, "Ladies, you don’t want your husbands to die young, then don’t stagnate."
IN CONCLUSION:
I find marriage like trying to climb an escalator when it’s coming down. You have to work at it, and when you stop you find yourself at the bottom.
-Saints, in the text today, we’ve looked at what each of us can do to deepen our relationship.
-The only question left – Am I going to try? (Some of you just heard a voice, saying, "You can’t, it’s hopeless!")
-I’d say don’t believe that lie. If you are a Christian, (you can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens you).
Song of Songs
- right way to attract
- right way to court
- right way to deepen your relationship
Now it’s up to you.
