INTRO: This morning we are continuing our series through the book of Song of Songs (Song of Solomon). Let’s review for those who’ve missed:
-This book is 8 chapters long, taking a couple and giving you 7 snapshots of their relationship. Imagine a 3,000 year old document that, if you can apply these concepts to your life, will not only deepen your relationship with God, but spouse, and friends.
-Solomon, King of Israel, is out looking over his vineyards when he meets a country girl, Shulamith. She captures the king’s heart. For some time the king pursues her and makes periodic visits to see her.
-Solomon asks her to marry him. Shulamith gives serious consideration and she accepts. Some important concepts we’ve looked at:
: Attraction – your character and servanthood are more important than your appearance.
: Relationship takes time, there needs to be respect. The will is more important than feelings. : Three factors of a healthy relationship
: Becoming one, idea of counting the cost
TITLE: The Path of Becoming One – Pt. 2
TEXT: Song of Songs 4:5-16
Background: Solomon and Shulamith have gone through the wedding ceremony and now are in the bridal chamber. Solomon has progressed to removing her veil and undressing her.
-This morning I’m going to talk about ten important factors of intimacy.
1. The first important factor of intimacy is romance – v. 1-4. I talked about it last week (I trust the handouts blessed you).
2. The second important factor of intimacy is gentleness – v. 5
a. Tommy Nelson – "Greatest and most inspired bit of text as to how a man should see his wife". He’s talked to her now he has undressed her.
Q: Men, how do you approach the sexuality of your wife?
-You approach as you would two fawns of a gazelle to take a picture not as a hunter going and blasting away, but as a photographer. It’s slowly and gently.
b. Joseph Dillow – The reference was a Dorcus gazelle, an animal about two feet high at the shoulders, and a marvel of lightness and grace. Their beauty creates within his heart a desire to reach out and fondle them, as one would pet a gazelle feeding by a brook.
c. Idea presented by Solomon is to move slowly and gently. The parameter you and your wife share is up to both of you. Learn to communicate. If you have trouble talking about things, write it down.
d. Men, when it comes to intimacy, we have the tendency to try the same combination over and over again (like opening a safe, it worked before, it’ll work again).
-Reality the same old combination does not work all the time (try something different).
-Generally speaking, men are easier to please when it comes to intimacy (like a dragster off the line, they are ready instantly). While the woman is slow initially like a Volkswagen, but can easily out distance the dragster in the long run.
-Men, in order to have deep intimacy, you have to be sensitive, patient, conscious of your approach. Approach your wife like you would the two fawns.
3. Third important factor of intimacy – is that it is exhilarating.
a. Solomon is talking about having sex all night long with his wife.
-This is very passionate. This is why Jewish boys were not to read this book until they were older.
b. Years ago young English women were told on their wedding night to just lay there and think of the queen.
-Meaning you endure sex to have babies to fight for the empire. (It was an early Christian teaching that original sin was sex). This is why some view sex as dirty or a hidden evil.
-This is not a Biblical view, just read Song of Songs.
4. Fourth important factor of intimacy – is it’s frightening – v. 7.
a. Solomon calls her beautiful, no flaw in you. Remember a couple of chapters before she tells him not to look at her because she is darkened by the sun.
b. Men, Solomon is teaching a very important point – that is to speak blessings rather than curses.
-All women tend to be self-conscious of their bodies (There is always something they want changed).
-So fellows, the most painful thing you can do to your wife when you see her naked body is to say something negative. She will have trouble forgetting it, and it will hinder your intimacy.
c. Remember, when I talk about you can read Song of Songs either as Solomon and Shulamith (2 individuals); or you can read it as an allegory of Christ and the church where he is the groom and we are the bride.
-What’s the groom’s view of the bride? Eph 5 – radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless
5. Fifth important factor of intimacy is the union of marriage – v. 8.
a. When you are intimate with your spouse – you mesh your bodies, emotions, spirits. You take your DNA and wrap it around her DNA to produce life.
-Idea you first have to leave before you can cleave. Gen. 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."
b. The NT puts it this way – I Cor. 7:4 "The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."
1. Husbands and wives – let me talk about a powerful weapon to destroy marriages and families [that is depriving one of the partners of sexual fulfillment].
Ex... Someone will get angry and then penalize the other partner of sexual fulfillment.
-When you do this, let me tell you what you’re doing (all you are doing is opening the door and inviting the devil in).
-When the enemy comes in, your marriage will be destroyed, your children will be scared for life, most importantly, and your relationship with God will be in jeopardy.
2. This weapon is born out of unforgiveness, bitterness, and revenge, and fueled by pride. -These are not the things of God, but the things of the devil.
6. Sixth important factor of intimacy is – it’s sensuous – v. 9-11
a. Sight is very important to a man – as one lady wrote, "wives, if your husband likes black, see-through lingerie; don’t wear flannel pajamas to bed. You’re not living in a nunnery. You are sleeping with a man."
b. v. 10 – Gives two ideas under sensuous.
1. How much more pleasing is your love than wine?
-Solomon is complimenting her on her skill of making love (friends, learn the art of love¬making).
2. Smell is a very important art to the Hebrew evening of pleasure.
c. v. 11 – deals basically with touches
-What kind of kiss is this (ask audience)?
1. France did not become a country until the treaty of Verdon in the 9th Century AD. -This predates a French kiss by 19 centuries.
-It’s a Hebrew kiss.
POINT: Tommy Nelson — "Kissing a person is meant to be frustrating, because it’s designed to lead to lovemaking. That’s the way you’re built, so don’t do it until you are married."
7. Seventh important factor of intimacy is – it’s holy – v. 12
a. The idea spoken of here is purity. Garden or well is a poetic way of speaking about the women’s body while a spring is speaking about a male body.
b. Fellows, he has kept her a virgin. Marriage is for virgins.
-Be encouraged the wonderful thing about the Word of God, isn’t just because it gives you a standard.
-There is a person who died for the violation of it.
-There’s a Holy Spirit who can change your life to conform to it. -And a Bible that can illuminate your way in it.
-Bible helps you (you can be clean from this day on).
8. Eighth important factor of intimacy is keep the little foxes out – v. 13-15
a. Remember when I talked about – little foxes who come into the vineyards and eat the tiny buds, literally destroying the crop before it ever comes to harvest.
1. This vineyard has come to fruition; the crop is in full bloom, now it’s being harvested. -Josh McDowell calls this maximum sex.
b. v. 15 – You are a garden fountain, a well flowing, water streaming down.
9. Ninth important factor of intimacy is responsiveness
a. Shumamith has mentioned twice before, "Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
Ladies, what’s the first words she says to her husband? (She is asking him to make love with her).
1. Tommy Nelson – says this is the most erotic verse in the Bible. This woman has been cared for, loved, nurtured, romanced.
2. Ladies, whose garden is it? Let my lover come into my (his) garden and taste its choice fruits.
b. Idea here is that this woman is responsive. Ladies, fulfilling lovemaking has more to do with how you respond than anything else.
-Tommy Nelson talks about three things that bring excitement to a man.
1. What he hears – no man on his honeymoon night is going to say, "Shhh honey, be quiet." -Whatever you feel you need to tell him. There may be a lot of education you may have to teach your husband. (Verse 16)
2. What he sees – It’s exciting to a man what he sees. Ladies, invest in apparel that he will like (v. 11 fragrance of your garment).
Ex...Ladies, I’m sure you have your standard issue nightie that you sleep in. It comes from Moose Jaw, Alaska. It’s made of sealskin and it’s about an inch thick. You love it because it’s warm and comfortable. (Ladies, invest in something a little more sexy).
3. What a man feels – everything you do registers with him.
-Shulamith understood this even though she was a virgin. (She was skilled in the use of cosmetics, perfumes, and apparel).
c. Joseph Dillow writes about this chapter. Same gentleman who wrote the romance test I handed out last week says this: "women spend more time selecting a head of cabbage than a new shade of lipstick."
-Idea he’s speaking about – Ladies, if you long for your husband to be romantic (then do something about it).
-Spend a little more time in the art of intimacy to improve your skills (cosmetics, perfumes, apparel, and being a skilled lover).
-Learn to respond
10. Tenth important factor of intimacy is that it’s nourishing.
a. Chapter 5:1 (READ)
-Verb tense has changed (past perfect). Their lovemaking is over.
b. Solomon speaks – 9 times he makes reference to mine (my), basically saying I’m nourished on you.
c. Do you want to see what God thinks of these last couple lines of verse 1 (READ)? God gives his approval.
-After all he created it. This is not some dirty act. It’s beautiful in the right context. CONCLUSION: Stand and pray.
