INTRO: This morning we are continuing our look through the Song of Songs. Just in way of review for those who were not here the last couple of weeks:
Solomon lives in the 10th century. He’s the richest king in Israel’s history. He’s out looking over his vineyards when he meets a country girl, Shulamith. She captures the king’s heart. For some time the king pursues her and makes periodic visits to see her.
Solomon asks her to marry him. Shulamith gives serious consideration and she accepts. We learned about the concept of attraction.
-Men: your name, your character is far more important than your appearance.
-Ladies: what is more important than your appearance is your servant hood, your obedience to authority.
-Have a set of standards, won’t settle for anything less.
Last week we learned:
-That a relationship takes time
-There needs to be respect
-Looked at how love grows (it is a choice not a feeling)
TITLE: Three Important Factors of A Healthy Relationship
TEXT: Song of Songs 2:8-17
This morning I want to talk about three important things that help make a healthy relationship. I. The First Important Factor that Makes Up A Healthy Relationship is – Excitement (v. 8-10)
A. Shulamith is very excited to see Solomon. Verse 8 – "Listen: My lover Look! Here he comes."
1. Shulamith is waiting in anticipation to see her lover.
-She is listening.
a. There is a difference between listening and hearing. H. Norman Wright says, "Listening is paying attention in order to hear, while hearing is the process of receiving sound."
THOUGHT: In a healthy relationship couples need to listen rather than just relying on their hearing.
2. She’s not only listening, but she is looking – longing for her lover to come to her. -She is keeping her eye out for him.
IDEA: This is where her whole focus is on. It’s on him. It’s like the father in the story of the prodigal son, the father sees him off in the distance and then runs out to meet him. (He sees him in the distance, longing for him to return).
B. Let’s look at Solomon – v. 8 – "Leaping across the mountains."
1. This man is excited to see his woman.
IDEA: That this journey may be long and even strenuous, but it’s not even hard because of his excitement to see his lover.
2. Ask a question: Men: are you so excited to see your wife that work seems simple because you are longing to get home to see her?
Ladies: Are you watching and listening, longing to see your husband walk through the door?
3. Guys, take a look at her perception of him – that he was like a gazelle or a young stag.
-These animals suggest speed and sexual virility.
-In other words, her perception of him was "he’s a hunk, a babe, a knock-out!" SUMMARY: So the first factor in a healthy relationship is excitement.
II. The Second Factor In a Healthy Relationship Is – Does Your Relationship Produce Life? – V. 10-14
A. Solomon wants to go out on a walk – the winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers are here. The season of singing has come.
1. Spring is here – life is abounding everywhere.
-Just as springtime is a representation of life, so too, should our relationship within marriage produce life. I’m not speaking about having children, even though that is a part of marriage if the couple so desires.
2. I’m speaking about life coming into a marriage that was dormant while single.
-God has designed only certain things to bloom in the context of marriage. When you try to grow these flowers outside of marriage, you only have grown weeds.
Illustration: How many times have you witnessed singles begin to date and one was spiritual and godly and the other one was not. And as time went by, (they drop out of church, Bible study, stop reading their Bible, start to get promiscuous and they don’t have any desire to follow the Lord).
-Young people – Let me give you a gold nugget – I’ve watched for over 20 years one person in a relationship who is on fire for Jesus begins to hang out with someone who is not, and before long they begin to lose their excitement and enthusiasm for Jesus. In fact, you can sit back and watch their spiritual life get sucked right out of them.
-Why? Look at the traits of your kid’s close friends, that’s what your kids will become. You’ve heard it said, "Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future."
B. A godly relationship should draw you closer to Jesus not further from him.
1. Let me speak about a lie from the pit of hell many people believe. (It’s the idea - I can change someone).
-"Pastor, I’m going to marry this person. I know they’re mean or unfaithful or lazy or unforgiving or whatever it may be (fill in the blank), but change them."
2. No, you are going to be married to a mean, unfaithful, lazy, unforgiving person that you cannot change unless they are willing to change themselves.
-I can’t count how many marriages have been smashed on the rocks of this life, and if the marriage survives, it’s only a shadow of what God intended.
C. Let’s look at a picture in a relationship – of how a man and woman develop and go deeper in their relationship.
1. Verse 14 – "My dove in the cleft of the rocks, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely."
a. This woman is an innocent dove up in the cleft of the rocks giving the idea of being hidden from all who would cause harm.
-In a relationship between a male and female, there are hidden deep things that you will not share with anyone, but as your relationship deepens, it’s like the dove coming out of its cleft.
-Leaving its protection to come out and fly.
b. This is what God has intended for marriage – to know the deep things of one another, to help each other to grow as one and ultimately to become one.
-Two weeks ago I said, "If your spouse is not your best friend, you are out of God’s will for your marriage."
c. It takes gentleness, respect, time, Christ at the center, to grow a godly marriage.
THOUGHT: Friends, I know people who’ve been married a long time, where the woman is still in the clefts of the cliff and the man’s sitting there wondering what to do, and they’re both out of God’s will. If you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve been there.
-This brings me to my 3rd point.
SUMMARY: A healthy relationship -There needs to be an excitement -There needs to be life
III. 3rd Important Factor In A Healthy Relationship is – There Has To Be A Commitment To Solve Problems -v. 15-18
A. Catch the foxes – these little foxes are seldom more than 15 inches tall; and in digging their holes and passages, they loosen the soil so the vines do not grow.
1. They would also eat the blossoms; therefore, it would never bud to produce the fruit.
-The fruit would never come to maturity because something would eat it.
2. This business of keeping foxes out of vineyards is more difficult than it sounds. Vineyards in Palestine were surrounded by stonewalls topped by a hedge. The families stayed in villages in the middle of the vineyards to protect them from wild animals. This demanded much perseverance; if the people failed to watch, the foxes would begin their work of destruction.
-It’s the same in a relationship; unresolved conflict will destroy a relationship. -Prov. 18-19a, "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city."
3. John Maxwell – "If you always do what you’ve always done, then you will always get what you’ve always gotten."
Illustrate: In marriage men usually have a problem – anger. Women usually have a problem with submission.
-So, if you always do (get angry, not submit) what you’ve always done (get angry, not submit) then you will always get (a poor marriage) what you’ve always gotten (a poor marriage)
GOLD NUGGET: Friends, you can pray all day long, fast until you blow away, cry and beg God until there are no more tears, nothing is going to happen (husband gentlemen, wife to be more loving)
-until you are willing to have God change you!
EVERYBODY: Turn to someone and say, "I need God to change me."
4. More Quotes:
-Sir Josiah Stamp, "It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of our responsibilities.
-Paul Myer, "Ninety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit."
B. Hope, God is a God of second chances – Maybe you are sitting there feeling, "Pastor, I have allowed those little miserable foxes to destroy my vineyard that God has given me."
1. The Bible tells us that God can restore what the locusts have eaten. Jesus serves the best wine last. -Don’t quit, try a different approach and ask God to change you.
-God is in the business of restoration.
C. If you are successful at catching or keeping the little foxes out of your vineyard – here is what takes place (v. 16-17)
1. My beloved is mine – I trust him, I belong to him, safety and security.
-An environment to grow (what grows)
a. Trust, admiration, passion
2. Friends, you are sitting there thinking – I wish I could have that. I want to say, "You Can!" -I can do all things through Christ Jesus.
IN CONCLUSION: Three things To A Healthy Relationship – Excitement, Life, Commitment to Solve Problems
-How is your relationship with God?
: Are you excited to come to his house?
: Is there life in your relationship with him? (Are you seeing fruit?)
: Are you able to solve problems with him? (Are you breaking down strongholds in your life?) -These will show you – Do you need to strengthen your relationship with Christ?
