INTRO: This morning we are continuing our look through the Song of Songs. Just in way of review for those who were not here last week:
Solomon lives in the 10th century. He’s the richest king in Israel’s history. He’s out looking over his vineyards when he meets a country girl, Shulamith. She captures the king’s heart. For some time the king pursues her and makes periodic visits to see her.
Solomon asks her to marry him. Shulamith gives serious consideration and she accepts. Last week we looked at the concept of attraction.
-Men: your name, your character is far more important than your appearance.
-Ladies: what is more important than your appearance is your servant hood, your obedience to authority.
-Have a set of standards, won’t settle for anything less. TITLE: The Art of A Relationship
TEXT: Song of Songs 1:8-17; 2:1-7
I. The First Thing Needed in a Relationship
A. The first is time – a relationship takes time.
-Isn’t it amazing when you are engaged and newly married you spend all sorts of time together; but if you are not careful as time passes, you spend less and less time together.
1. Be careful, as the years go by, that you make sure to spend enough time with one another to keep your relationship intact.
-So 20 or 30 years down the road, when the children are grown and the careers are coming to a close, when you find yourself with a lot of time to spend with one another, and it’s awkward because you hardly know the person you are married to. (You literally are married singles).
2. To those who are not married – spending time together must have boundaries. -Spend time together in public places. Romans 13:14b (KJV) make no provision for the flesh.
POINT: Friends, don’t open the door to passion before it’s time, or you will not be able to close it.
3. The king and Shulamith were out in the open.
v. 12 – "While the king was at his table."
v. 16 – "And our bed is verdant."
v. 17 – "The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs."
-According to Tommy Nelson they are outside having a picnic together, out in the open with no strings attached looking at the grass and trees.
II. The 2nd Thing Needed in a Relationship – Cultivating Respect. Friends, we need to understand the greatest sex organ is the mind. Respect and romance are cousins.
A. How to cultivate a friendship – gentle – What do you say to a girl in order to win her heart?
1. Look at how Solomon sees her:
-v. 9 – "I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. -In the orient the horse was not a beast of burden.
a. This mare was a white stead that leads the army of Pharaoh (most precious thing in Egypt).
-Basically saying, "You are one in a million, beyond value". He calls her my darling (Hebrew word means to guard and care for).
2. Look at what she says about him – v. 12-13
a. Most precious thing to a woman, according to Nelson, was her pouch of Myrrh. It gave a woman her fragrance. It was very expensive.
-This woman is likening Solomon to the pouch of Myrrh. His love brings out her beauty. All she does is think about him all day long.
Q: Husbands and wives: do you think about each other throughout the day?
B. How to regard one another – Solomon compares her to a mare. Shulamith compares him to Myrrh.
1. V. 15 – "Your eyes are like a dove". Idea of being tender. He looks at her beauty (her inner beauty) and he’s soft and gentle.
2. She looks at him – Oh, how charming. This is the same word David uses for his best friend, Jonathan (soul mate).
-NIV gives a poor translation.
-Idea that your mate is your best friend.
-Today, if we were going to take a survey (would you consider your spouse your best friend). If you say no, you are out of God’s will.
3. So they’re out having a picnic – v. 16-17. Seems strange she’s talking about bed, beams of our house are cedars, our rafters are firs.
-What she is saying is, "You are so wonderful that I feel like a millionaire." (She’s as happy as a queen living in a palace).
-And all I need is you.
4. Ladies: this is how you should feel when you’re around your mate.
-Notice, gentlemen, you have not put a mitt on them.
Ex...Guys have a tendency to conquer because they are competitive. So when they have won they no longer send flowers or do the special things they did before they were married.
-Men, if they’re not careful, go out and conquer other adventures.
Men: you have to continually guard and respect your wife and treat her gently.
C. What happens when you have given the time to cultivate a relationship (regarding and respecting one another)?
1. Ladies, she is speaking – Chapter 2, v. 1 – "I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys."
a. Simply put – she feels that she is the most special woman in the world.
-Compare this with Chapter 1, v. 6 – "Do not stare at me because I am dark." -Interesting how much her attitude has changed about herself.
WHY: Because Solomon treated her like a queen.
Ex...If you don’t tell your wife she is special, the devil will find someone who will.
b. Not only did this woman’s view of herself go up, but also her view of Solomon went up.
1. Like an apple tree among the trees.
-Idea: Other guys don’t even matter - it’s only you.
2. I delight to sit in his shade – she enjoys his protection and feels safe and secure.
3. Fruit is sweet to my taste – she enjoys his presence, his very life.
4. V. 4 – His banner over me is love.
-History tells us a general on the field would identify their troops by a banner. -The general owned these troops and his protection was put over them. -His mark of ownership was love.
D. Do you get the picture – Do you see how love grows.
-Men, treat your wife like a queen. Respect her, and honor her; and her self-esteem builds. -The man provides, protects, and promotes his wife.
THOUGHT: So men, if you want your wife to love you, make a choice to treat her like Christ treated the church and her self-esteem, self-image, will grow which will benefit you.
GOLD NUGGET: In marriage we have a tendency to play The Blame Game (her fault, his fault). Rather than doing that, men, recognize we are compared to Christ and women are compared to
the church.
-Eph. 5:25 – "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
1. In other words: Men, if you’re sitting out there wondering how to get your wife to love you or increase her love for you, here it is:
-1 John 4:19 – We love because he first loved us."
a. The Apostle John tells us – the reason why we love God is because he first loved us.
-So, if you want to have your wives love you (you must first love them!)
c. So rather than playing The Blame Game, make a choice to love (which will entail death, Christ died for the church).
-Spiritual headship of the home requires a leader, a leader leads.
2. What will grow – not only will your wife’s self-image.
Self-esteem and her view of you will grow, but her sex drive for you.
a. V. 5 – "Strengthen me with raisins" – considered by the Jews to be an aphrodisiac.
-2 Sam. – when David finally gets the Ark back to Jerusalem, dancing and celebrating, David blesses the people by giving them raisin cakes.
WHY: Because the kingdom was enthroned with God’s glory, righteousness prevailed. David was fulfilling the Abrahamic Covenant (descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky).
-They were to go home and be fruitful and multiply.
IDEA: "I admire him. I love him. I feel so good because he treats me this way. Now, with you sustaining me with raisin cakes, I’m lovesick for you."
III. 3rd Thing Needed in a Relationship – is Restraint
A. Friends, when you spend time regarding and respecting a person, the natural phenomenon is to give yourself in romance. That is the way we are made.
1. V. 7 – "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."
-In other words, do not go down this path until you are married. Do not open the door to passions because you will not be able to shut it.
But building a fire in a fireplace (what it’s designed for) brings warmth, light, and comfort. Sex in the marriage is God’s plan.
-Sex outside of marriage destroys.
B. In a relationship – You feel good and you get married. You treat the young lady with tenderness and devotion because you fear God.
-But if you take the easy way of sexuality and sensuality, it may appear as love when in the act. But you can’t build a marriage on it, and down the road, it will come to a crashing halt.
1. In marriages like this – down the road, he does not treat her with gentleness and she does not respect him.
-They start manipulating each other to get something. She cuts him off sexually. He cuts her off in tenderness; they get mean and mad.
2. Then they go outside the marriage, her seeking tenderness, him seeking respect.
-She goes into civic duties, starts a new career, she goes back to school. (These are ok) but if they are used as a substitute for the mate, it’s wrong.
-He plays softball three times a week, a workaholic, to get all the trinkets to show he is a man.
3. One day, if they’re not careful, she’ll go out to the grocery store; and she’ll run into a man who is nice (Oh, that felt good).
-Next time she goes she makes herself up a little better. (She’s going down the wrong road).
-Or, the man will run across a lady who shows him respect; and if he is not careful, it could lead to an affair.
IN CONCLUSION: Stand, pray.
