[Read Genesis 2:18-25.] In Genesis 2:22, we read of the world’s first marriage ceremony: “[God] brought [the woman] to the man.” God “gave away” the first bride and Mr. Adam and Miss Eve were joined together in holy matrimony. You could say it was a marriage “made in heaven.”
Once when the Pharisees asked Jesus a question about divorce (see Matt. 19:3-9; Mark 10:2-12), He answered them by going back to Genesis 2. He went back to “the beginning”—to the first marriage…the marriage of Adam and Eve. What does this tells us?
• First, the account of Adam and Eve is historical, not allegorical. Jesus believed that Adam and Eve were real people who were actually married; so should we.
• Second, the guidelines for marriage found in Genesis 2 are for all marriages, not just the first one.
Married couples soon learn that marriage is not a fairy tale lived happily ever after in a castle. It’s easy to get married; it’s the living together part that causes all the problems. Someone who had a poor view of marriage once said, “Marriage is a three-ring circus: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Obviously, that was not God’s intention for marriage. Marriage is a creation of God, so it is good (though we often make a mess of it). In Genesis 2:18-25 we find God’s original plan for marriage—or, in other words, marriage as it was meant to be.
1. Marriage was meant to be a LOVING relationship.
“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (v. 18).
In the Genesis 1 account of creation, there is one statement that is repeated over and over: “And God saw that it was good” (vv. 4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). However, in 2:18 there is a difference: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” What was God’s solution? God decided, “I will make a helper suitable for him.” This “suitable helper” would be the woman. The account of God’s creation of Eve reveals a few facts about women.
a. Women are men’s RESCUERS.
The woman was created to rescue the man from loneliness. She was created to be his “helper.” Our English word “helper” doesn’t sound very important. One dictionary defines “helper” as “one that helps; esp.: a relatively unskilled worker who assists a skilled worker, usu. by manual labor.” The original Hebrew word, however, is much more meaningful. It conveys the idea of someone who “assists another to reach complete fulfillment” (Charles Swindoll, Strike the Original Match, pp. 21-22). It is used elsewhere in the Old Testament when referring to someone coming to rescue another. In Psalm 46:1 this word is used of God Himself: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” As God can rescue us from fear, a woman can rescue a man from loneliness.
b. Women are men’s COMPLETERS.
In verses 19-20 we are told that God brought all of the animals to Adam so that he could name them. As Adam named each kind of animal, he would have noticed that they came in pairs—male and female. But, as verse 20 states, “for Adam no suitable helper was found.” There was no female human—only male, only Adam. Adam was living in paradise, but there was something missing. God’s creation of man was incomplete; Adam was incomplete. The woman was made to complete the man. [This does not mean that single people are incomplete. However, every person—single people included—are not meant to live alone. Everyone needs friends—preferably both male and female.] The woman was created to provide the missing piece in the man’s life.
c. Women are men’s EQUALS.
In verse 21 we read of history’s first surgical operation. With His divine scalpel, God took a piece of the man and used it to make the woman. Most Bibles say that God “took one of the man’s ribs.” [When Adam found out that he was getting a wife, he asked God how much it would cost him. God answered, “It will cost you an arm and a leg.” Adam thought for a moment and asked, “What can I get for a rib?”] Actually, a better translation might be “side.” [The Hebrew word appears thirty-five times in the Old Testament and this is the only time it’s translated “rib.” Most of the time (in at least twenty of its occurrences) it means “side.”] Notice in verse 23 that Adam describes the woman as “bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” A piece of Adam’s side would consist of both bone and flesh.
[Some people foolishly argue that if this account is really true, men should have one less rib than women. But if I had accidentally cut off one of my arms before the birth of my sons, would they both have been born with only one arm? Of course not!]
Why would God have taken a piece of the man’s side to create the woman? Perhaps God used Adam’s side to demonstrate that women are equal to men. He didn’t use Adam’s feet, which would suggest inferiority, and He didn’t use his head, which would suggest superiority. Genesis 1:27 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” Both male and female were created in the image of God.
The marriage relationship is to be one of love and friendship. In Song of Solomon 5:16, the bride affectionately refers to her husband with these words: “This is my lover, this my friend….” “In a healthy marriage, lovers are also good friends. Too often people are driven into marriage by the exciting feelings of love and passion before they take the time to develop a deep friendship. This involves listening, sharing, and showing understanding for the other’s likes and dislikes. Friendship takes time, but it makes a love relationship much deeper and far more satisfying” (Life Application Study Bible, p. 1161).
2. Marriage was meant to be an EXCLUSIVE relationship.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife” (v. 24a).
a. The husband/wife relationship is exclusive because of its importance.
Leaving our parents does not mean cutting off all contact with them. To “leave father and mother” means to break the parent-child bond, to sever the tight, emotionally dependent strings that once provided security, protection, and financial assistance. One person sent the following story to Readers Digest: “We were visiting friends when they received a phone call from their recently married daughter. After several tense minutes on the phone, the mother told the father to pick up the extension. The newlyweds had had their first big fight. In a few moments the father had rejoined us and tersely explained, ‘She said she wanted to come home.’ I turned to him and asked, ‘What did you tell her?’ The father responded with words I’ll never forget: ‘I told her that she was home.’”
Many people today “leave father and mother” before marriage. On the other hand, many people bring their mother or father into the relationship, which can lead to many problems. [Example: Ray Barone on TV’s “Everybody’s Loves Raymond”]
We need to realize that the most important relationship a husband and wife have is their relationship with each other. It’s to be closer than their relationship with their parents—even closer than their relationship with their children.
[Notice that they came together only after marriage. This means that living together before marriage is unacceptable to God (even though our culture has accepted it).]
b. The husband/wife relationship is exclusive because of its uniqueness.
There are some things that you share with your spouse that you are not to share with anyone else. And I’m not just thinking about sex. I think it’s possible to commit adultery without doing anything physical. I think there’s such a thing as emotionally committing adultery—when you give to someone else the feelings that are supposed to be given only to your spouse. Jesus said, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). That primarily speaks to men. On other hand, women often have romantic feelings toward another man. That is also adultery.
Adultery is portrayed in movies, novels, talk shows, etc. as an exciting alternative to monogamy, which is more often portrayed as monotony. Nothing could be more diametrically opposed to such thinking and practice than the instruction given in Proverbs 5. There we see the stark contrasts between the person who walks down “Adultery Avenue,” which leads to a frustrating dead end, versus the wise man who walks along the “Fidelity Freeway,” which leads to fulfillment and life. [Read Proverbs 5:1-18.]
God has said, “You shall not commit adultery” (Ex. 20:14) because He loves us and wants what’s best for us. When a person commits adultery, he/she sees some benefit in doing so, which they temporarily believe outweighs the risk of any negative consequences. But Proverbs 5 warns that everything could be taken from an adulterer: his honor (v. 9), his time (v. 9), his wealth (v. 10), and his body (v. 11). There’s also the warning that an adulterer will live with constant regret (vv. 12-14).
3. Marriage was meant to be a PERMANENT relationship.
“…and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (v. 24b).
The Hebrew word for “be united” literally means “to glue together.” God intended marriage to be a life-long bond. Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, “What God has joined together, let man not separate.” Ideally, only death should dissolve marriage. Romans 7:2 says, “By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.” Today, more marriages end by divorce than by death, but, as Jesus said, “It was not this way from the beginning” (Matt. 19:8).
The only exception to the Bible’s no-divorce rule is when adultery occurs (physical adultery). Jesus declared in Matthew 19:9, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Perhaps sexual unfaithfulness is the only exception because when adultery occurs, the marriage bond has already been broken. However, even when unfaithfulness occurs, reconciliation is to be the first option. [Example: Hosea and Gomer (book of Hosea)—a picture of Israel’s spiritual unfaithfulness and God’s forgiveness]
Divorce can occur in any marriage, whether there is a legal divorce or not. Many marriages may never end up in divorce court, but they are just as cold and loveless and filled with hate and anger. One unhappy spouse said. “I am not married, just undivorced.” [See Matthew 5:21-30, where Jesus says that our thoughts (hatred and lust) are just as serious, in God’s eyes, as our actions (murder and adultery). Emotional divorce is seen by God as actual divorce.]
Marriage is a covenant, a promise that we will love and cherish our husband or wife for better or for worse (hopefully for better) till death do us part. I believe this promise should be made not only to one’s spouse, but also to God.
Chuck Swindoll writes, “Today’s problem is largely explained by the fact that couples enter the marriage relationship believing it is terminable. ‘Till death do us part’ is, unfortunately, a mere verbal formality to many who utter those words. The whole concept of establishing a permanent bond between a husband and a wife is quickly becoming a foreign thought. More and more it is being interpreted, ‘Till disagreement do us part’ or ‘Till other interests do us part’” (Strike the Original Match, p. 37).
God will forgive the sin of divorce (as He will forgive any sin), but, remember, there are always consequences to sin. God may permit divorce in certain situations, but divorce has never been acceptable to Him. God said in Malachi 2:15, “Guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” And then He declared in verse 16, “I hate divorce.” God hates divorce because He knows the harmful consequences of divorce, especially to children.
4. Marriage was meant to be an INTIMATE relationship.
“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (v. 25).
God created sex not only for making children, but for enjoyment between a husband and a wife. In Proverbs 5:15-20, marital intimacy is compared to spring water. Water of course was the most valuable and essential commodity in the ancient world for sustenance, refreshment, and satisfaction. The water here is a picture for sexual satisfaction, given and received in an intimate relationship. Solomon, the author, instructs men to “rejoice in the wife of your youth” (v. 18), not to trade her in for a newer model. Wives are people, not cars. Verse 19 says, “May you ever be captivated by her love.” The word translated “captivated” means “intoxicated, exhilarated, or invigorated,” hardly bland or boring.
This is what marriage was meant to be. Marriage was meant to be…
• A loving relationship
• An exclusive relationship
• A permanent relationship
• An intimate relationship
Those of you who are married, how does your marriage compare to God’s original plan for marriage? Confession: I am not a perfect husband. My marriage is not perfect.
Success in marriage is not so much finding the right mate as it is being the right mate. Will you pray a prayer of recommitment today to be the right kind of husband or wife?
Prayer of Recommitment
Lord, I confess / that I am far from being the perfect spouse. / Today I recommit myself / to You and to my spouse / to love and cherish my spouse / till death do us part. Lord, please bless my marriage / as I seek to obey Your will. / Amen.
