BEING A DADDY BY DESIGN
In Genesis chapter 1 and verse 1 we read "In the beginning God (have them help finish the verse) created the heavens and the earth."
In the beginning God created. He created the heavens and the earth. He created the light and then separated it from the darkness. He created an expanse between the waters and called it “sky”. He created dry land. He had the waters under the sky gather into one place. He had the earth bring forth plants: fruits, vegetables, trees, and all of that stuff. He created the sun moon and stars. God said, “let the waters swarm with living creatures,” and it did. He said, “let the earth produce living creatures,” and it did.
Then God said, let us make man in our own image. So, God created man in His own image.
God had all of the animals come before man, for man to name. Adam named them all, but there was none suitable as a companion for Adam. God said, “It is not good for man to be alone,” so He had a deep sleep come over Adam and while He slept, God took a rib from his side and made Eve from it. When Adam woke up, God brought Eve to Him. Adam stood there staring for a minute, rubbing his eves in disbelief. Finally a smile crept across his face and Adam, looking at what God had just created screamed, WOMAN.
God said, “I guess you’re pleased with the helpmeet I made you.” (That was a rhetorical question, because God knew exactly what Adam was thinking) Adam just stood there staring in disbelief until he finally caught his breath and answered, “God, Sir, You’ve outdone yourself this time. You did a great job with the sun and moon and all of those stars. I love all of these trees and this lovely garden you’ve placed me in. But God, this sure does beat all of that.
God replied, “Yeah, I thought you’d like her. But there’s a catch. I want you to be fruitful and multiply. I want you to father children.” I want you to be a Daddy.
From that day until this, we men have been confronted with mountains of boxes that bear the logo “some assembly required”. From that day until this, we have been unable to give our wives those little swats, and secret pinches we so love to give, without having to first look over our shoulders to make sure little eyes aren’t watching. From then until now, our days have been filled with finishing little one’s plates, searching for tools that mysteriously grow legs, attending innumerable children’s ball games, and sitting through music recitals that would be considered cruel and unusual punishment if forced on death row inmates. I can’t remember the last time I watched a TV program that wasn’t interrupted by the darting body of a dancing, or cart wheeling little boy.
But, you know what? I wouldn’t trade it for an instant and neither would you. Who among us would ever willingly miss out on the joy of wrestling with our children? Who among us would willingly miss out on having that little boy or girl wave to us as they cross home plate, walk across stage, or score one for their team? Which of us would willingly give up the feel of that little hand in ours, or the lump you get in your throat when that little one looks up into your eyes, trusting, believing you can do anything? Which of us would willingly give up that embrace and the long-delayed “thank you” you receive when your children grow up and begin to recognize all you’ve done for them? And you men with daughters, is there anything in the world like walking that beautifully dressed young woman down the isle and placing her hand in the hand of that undeserving, not good enough for your daughter, young man?
My dad was a manly man. He was a former Marine, and would tell you in a heartbeat. He was a sheriff’s deputy and didn’t take guff from anyone. I only saw my Dad cry 2 times in my life. The first time was the day I was ordained as a pastor and my dad was on my ordination council. He cried as he laid hands on me and prayed. The second was on the day I got married and my Dad saw me get the godly wife he had been praying for. Who would give up such experiences, such memories?
None of us would give that up, because God made us to be daddies. He designed us to be daddies. God gave us many tasks in the world, many jobs, many roles we are to play. We are to be witnesses for Him. We are to be men of God, godly men. We are to be godly husbands, loving our wives as Christ loved the church, but one of the most important tasks you and I can ever do is to be daddies.
A number of years ago a head-hunter, a personnel director who had the job of hiring executives, was interviewing a man for an opening they had. The interviewer said usually when he was interviewing people, he’d lean back, put his feet up on his desk, and get them relaxed. When they were relaxed and had their guard down, he’d suddenly drop his feet to the floor, lean across the desk, and ask them what their goal in life was. He said, usually they’d flounder around for a while trying to come up with something.
… One day he did it and the man he was interviewing immediately answered, “My goal in life is to go to heaven and take as many people with me as I can.”
Let me tell you sir, you can’t take that new car to heaven with you. You can’t take that big house to heaven with you. You can’t take those nice clothes or that promotion to heaven with you, but, you can take your children.
Turn to your neighbor and tell him, “With God’s help, I’m going to take my children with me.” I’m going to take my children with me. It may cost me some golf games. It may cost me a promotion. It may cost me a vacation. It may cost me a fancy ride. It may cost me some new clothes. It may cost me some TV time, but I’m gonna take my children.
- Ephesians 6:4
I. HABITS TO AVOID
The word translated here as “stir up,” means to continually, habitually, anger your children. No matter what you do, there are going to be times your children are angry with you, when they are upset with you. I had a great dad, but I can remember times when he sent me to my room when I wished he’d get hit by a bus. I can remember those times.
Guess what, there are times when I get upset with God also. Can I be honest here? There are times when I don’t think God is fair, when I think He ought to treat people differently, or something. If you can get mad at God, you can expect your children to get mad at you as well. But the Bible says we do not treat them in a way that causes them to be habitually angry, habitually upset. There are a number of things you and I do that will cause our children to develop into angry and bitter young people.
1. Blaming and never praising – If you point out the faults in your children, if you point out the areas where they fail and yet you refuse to compliment or praise them, you will cause them to become bitter. A number of years ago a study was done where it was determined that in the average home, children are corrected 10 times for every time they are praised or encouraged.
Gentlemen, the opposite should be the case. Praise your children. Encourage your children. …
2. Showing favoritism – Gentlemen, if you show favoritism among your children, your children will become bitter. Joseph’s dad showed favoritism, and his brothers became so bitter that they wanted to kill him. …
3. Breaking Promises – Breaking promises will cause your children to become bitter and discouraged. … We all have times when a meeting comes up, or we have to work late or something, but don’t make a habit of it.
Jesus says, “Let your yes be yes.” Be a man of your word.
4. Putting them down – Making light of their problems. Mom’s do a better job of showing empathy than we do, … Don’t insult them, when they act like children, if they are children.
5. Legalism – Legalism, can embitter your child and cause him or her to be angry. Is it any wonder so many pastor’s children rebel and head out into the world? You can’t keep all of the law so God sent Jesus to allow you grace. Dads, let your children breath. Give them the same grace you want yourself. Let them learn from little mistakes, so, prayerfully, they can avoid larger ones.
Gentlemen, if you are going to be the Daddy God intended you to be, you will avoid embittering your child. But there is another side to that coin as well. Not only are there things you and I are to avoid doing, but there are things God fully intends for us to do as well.
Look there again at Ephesians 6:4.
- Ephesians 6:4
II. HABITS TO DEVELOP
“Bring them up.” The word translated here as “Bring them up,” is the same word translated in chapter 5 and verse 29 as “provides and cares.” In other words, dads, you and I are to provide and care for our children. Let me give you another way to say that. You and I are to love our children.
- 1 Corinthians 13:1-7
Ninety-nine percent of parents will say that they love their children, but love is more than a feeling; love is an action. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son” (John 3:16a). God showed that He loves us by His action of giving His Son for us. (Sermon Central)
The habits we must develop in order to love our children include, being there.
1. Be there - Too many fathers today, are not home. Too many fathers today are not there when their children need them. Too many fathers today are attempting to parent by proxy. Too many fathers, perhaps some of you, are laying all of the parenting responsibility on the shoulders of your wives. You never assume the responsibility, your position as a leader, as the head of the family that God intended you to have. It reminds me of some of the farmers I’ve known from my time in the Mississippi Delta.
Several years ago, when I lived in Arkansas, I had the opportunity to work one summer with a farmer there who was a member of our church. During the summer I worked for him, I noticed that there were basically 2 types of farmers, at least in that area.
There were farmers who hired others to do the farming for them, and then there were farmers who got out and worked, those who did the farming for themselves.
The first group was made up of men who owned the
equipment, and the land, and who provided all of the supplies needed to farm, but who did little actual farming themselves. They paid to have it done for them. The loyalty of their workers was tied solely to how much they were paid. The workers were paid, but they received little guidance, and little encouragement from the boss.
The second group of farmers was made of men who supplied all of the financial and material things needed to farm, but who were also involved in the actual work, in the day-to-day operations themselves. They got in there and plowed, they harvested, and they worked to maintain and repair their equipment. The second is the best type of farmer. The second is the type people like to work for. It’s easier to work late, or to be concerned about the crop if you know the boss is there with you. When you know that he’s not asking you to do anything that he’s not willing to do himself. That’s the kind of boss men are committed to.
Well my friend, the second group also makes the best fathers. Rather than just sending down decrees from on high about how things are supposed to be done, and instead of simply coming home and talking about how the family and the house is supposed to be, the second group of fathers are the ones who get in there and help build the family, realizing that the crop they are rearing in the home is much more important than any that can be grown in the field. Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Tell me sir. Are you such a father? Do you take time to spend with your children? Are you investing yourself in their lives? That is the first fundamental of a godly father, and that is your first assignment from the class, “DADDY 101.” Go home and be with your children. Spend time with them.
Love requires time. Second, love requires discipline.
2. Discipline
- Ephesians 6:4. The word translated here as training, means literally, education, training, and discipline. The Bible says that our heavenly Father disciplines His children.
> Proverbs 3:11-12 “My son, do not despise the LORD’S discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in”. Withholding discipline is not love. True love, the love of a Daddy, requires discipline.
> Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Pr. 13:24).
> Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
> Proverbs 19:18 “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death”.
Now, spanking may not work in every case. It may not be necessary in every case. Some children are too old for that to be effective. But discipline is necessary regardless.
A while back my brother, who is police officer in Jacksonville, was called to a home for a domestic dispute. A mother was having trouble with her teenage son. I don’t remember exactly what the problem was, but the son had gone in his room and locked the door, and his mother couldn’t get him to come out. The boy had been in and out of trouble and felt that he could come and go as he pleased and didn’t have to do anything his mother said when he was home.
To make a long story short, after talking with my brother, the woman took the door to her son’s bedroom, off the hinges. She took his TV, his stereo, and his bed. She left him a mattress on the floor and told him that was all he would get in his room until he earned the other things back.
Parents, your children do not have to have a stereo in order to live, regardless of what they think. They do not have to have a Nintendo. They do not have to have a TV or any of those other things they believe they are entitled to. Those are extras you let them have.
Let me tell you, if you do not teach them to mind, to have respect for those in authority, to obey when you speak, then you are condemning them. How in the world are they supposed to hold down a job if they think they don’t have to do what their boss tells them? How are they supposed to get along in society, when they think the law doesn’t apply to them? How are they supposed to have a good home and a happy marriage, if they think the world revolves around them and that they don’t have to do anything around the house?
My friends, the best time to pull a weed in the garden is when it first pops it’s head above the ground, because if you wait and let it grow, you’ll end up tearing up ½ of your garden trying to get rid of it. The same is true with children. If you don’t discipline them when they are young, if you don’t teach them that their actions have consequences, then don’t expect someone else to be able to fix the problem you’ve avoided.
Teach them discipline now, so the law won’t have to later. Teach them discipline now, so the Lord won’t have to later.
And while we’re on the subject, let me tell you that it is primarily your responsibility to discipline your children. Don’t put that load on your wife. Don’t make her be the heavy. Don’t make her keep order and discipline in the house. We have too many ½ whipped, cowering men these days, playing 2nd fiddle to a poodle pup, without enough power of God in them to blow the fuzz off a peanut.
Quit making your wife correct and discipline the children while you’re running around with your friends. You say you’re a man, then act like it.
On the other hand, don’t go to the other extreme and punish then when you’re angry.
Dads, if you love your children, be there. If you love your children, discipline them. If you love your children, teach them.
3. Teach them
- Ephesians 6:4
The word “instruction” here means literally to “put in mind.” In other words, it means to teach them. Dad, if you are the man, the Dad God called you to be, you will teach your children. There are 2 primary ways you teach your children.
a) You teach them by talking to them –
- Deuteronomy 11:19-20 And you shall teach your children, when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when rise up. Let me ask you dad, how often do you talk to your children about the Lord? How often do you teach them at all, about anything?
We just got the FCAT results back for the state of Florida and according to the scores, many of our children aren’t doing very well. They say our teachers are failing them, or our schools are failing them. There’s a highly spiritual and theological term for that, “Hogwash.” It’s not our teachers or our schools that are failing our kids. It’s our parents. You get parents involved in education, you get Dads involved in the education of their children, you get parents and dads involved in those schools and you will see some turnarounds in some of those schools and in some of those students.
Now, God called me several years ago to plant a church in Deltona. Since that time, the church has grown and I have been forced to delegate some of the leadership responsibilities to other people. But do you know who has ultimate responsibility for the welfare of that church? I do. The Bible says I will be held accountable. I can get some help, but ultimately the buck stops here.
Dads, you can have the schools help educate your children. You can have the church help teach your children the Bible and teach them about God, but ultimately the responsibility is yours. Teach your children by talking to them. You also need to teach them by modeling.
b. Modeling – Let them see it in your life. Picking up hitchhikers. Why, because my dad did it. He modeled helping people. Model for your children what a man of God is like. Model for them what trusting God is like. …
Many years ago a farmer had an unusually fine crop of wheat. Just a few days before the wheat was to be harvested, a terrible hail and wind storm came. The entire crop was destroyed. After the storm was over, the farmer, with his little son, went out on the porch. The little boy looked at what was formerly a beautiful field of wheat, and then, with tears in his eyes, he looked up at his dad, expecting to hear words of despair. All at once his father started singing softly, “Rock of Ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in Thee.” Years later, the little boy, now grown to manhood said, “That was the greatest sermon that he ever heard. Tell me dads. What kind of sermon are you preaching with your life?
Since the hurricanes of 2 years ago, I have been doing some roofing on the side. A while back, one of the families in our church got into some financial problems. The church had helped them financially a number of times before, and I felt we couldn’t do so again, so instead, because the husband was unable to do physical labor and the wife was accustomed to it, I offered the wife a job roofing with me.
The first day she arrived, I knew there was a problem. When she climbed the ladder she stopped at the top before she stepped onto the roof. Even though the roof was only 10 foot off the ground, she was scared. During the 3 days she worked for me, she never did get near the edge of the roof, and she always had trouble stepping from the ladder to the roof. The first day she worked for me, she slipped on the shingles and her leg started bleeding from the scrape she got. Yet she never stopped.
After 3 days, she got a new job. On the day she left, she told me how happy she was to be getting the other job. She told me that she had not been sleeping well at night, for fear of getting on the roof the next day. I asked her why in the world she was willing to work on a roof for those 3 days if she was so afraid of heights. She answered, “I will do anything to help my family.”
Dad, can you do any less? Will you say this morning, with God and these other men looking on, I will love I children. I will spend time with my children. I will discipline my children. I will teach my children. I will do whatever it takes to help my family. I will be the Daddy God designed me to be. I will take my children with me.
