We, as a society, seem to constantly be in a hurry. Although we live in a city of 3 million people, walk past tens or possibly hundreds of people everyday, we rarely come into contact with people. Our schedules are packed and rest is something we jam in every chance we get. The office just needs customers contacted, I have to finish 2 term papers for school, we have to rush out and buy the groceries, Johnny has to go to soccer practice and Suzy has ballet. We spend so much time focusing on our own lives that we forget what it is to have a meaningful conversation, let alone a whole relationship. We get used to it just being “ME” and people wonder why there is so much divorce, people don’t know how to communicate or function much further then themselves. We would rather do things alone, mind our own business and not be bothered.
Bowling Alone, a book by Robert D. Putnam gives some very interesting statistics that shows how we have become increasingly disconnected from democratic structures, neighbors, friends, family, and church. The very fabric of our connections with each other has plummeted, impoverishing our lives and communities. Putnam draws on evidence including nearly 500,000 interviews over the last quarter century to show that we sign fewer petitions, belong to fewer organizations that meet, know our neighbors less, meet with friends less frequently, and even socialize with our families less often. People bowl alone, play games alone, watch T.V. alone, go to movies alone, eat alone, work alone, study alone, workout alone, spend free time alone, think alone, hurt alone, suffer alone and eventually you wake-up one morning empty, cold and in pain.
God’s model of life doesn’t include anxiety, stress, loneliness or emptiness. It is a model of support, peace, joy and fulfillment. This morning we are going to speak of how we can move from society’s model of life to God’s. It’s not about independence, but dependence. It doesn’t exist in some formula or special equation, when it all boils down it rests in understanding one simple fact, what it means to love.
In Matthew 22:39 Jesus underlines a simple commandment, “love your neighbor as yourself”. It is something some of us have heard a thousand times, but how do we live that out?
Live
It is difficult to imagine a world without anyone else but you, but so often that is how we live. We focus only on our own needs, desires, wants and our own well being. Society tells you that to achieve, to push and to do what you need to do to succeed is to live. That, my friends, is a formula for loneliness, fatigue, stress and eventual destruction. To really live is to love, to share, to have relationships and to be accepted as you are. (Mat. 16:25; John 10:10) Doing does not equal living (skit). Loving equals living, that’s how God wired us. (John 15:9-14) All of scripture is made up of people who gave their love first to God and depended on Him. In turn God gave them the love they needed truly live by giving love to so many others and the understanding that they needed to depend on one another.
Opportunity
Now that we have established that to really live means more than just being active doing things, how can we move toward loving our neighbor? Well the next step is very practical, make opportunity for you to come in contact with people. This is not as difficult as you may think. In fact if you take the time to be perceptive, there are opportunities around you everyday. It may be as simple as bringing someone a coffee or taking to extra seconds and asking the person by the water cooler how they are really doing. You could invite people out for dinner or ask someone over for dessert some night. In Ephesians 5:15-17 Paul encourages us to good and to do it every opportunity we get for that is what God’s will is for us.
Vulnerable
This is the one where most people stop and reverse. ‘Whoa, I am not going there’. You see you could be in a group of people eating dinner, laughing together, even singing, but you aren’t really being transparent. We’ve perfected the art of not being vulnerable. We can spend a whole week with people and never reveal anything that’s happening inside. This is where we fail to really love our neighbors as ourselves. We love to appear like we have it together, like nothing is wrong, like we are a strong individual, but it’s a show. Let me let you in on a little secret; nobody is perfect, so why do you have to pretend to be? In fact even as Christians we try to give this impression of super Christian, but Romans 3:23 says we’ve all sinned and failed, but verse 24 says Christ declares us not guilty. If we know that we are forgiven then why can’t we open up to people and let people see that we’re not perfect, but that’s ok. Galatians 6:2 says, “share each other’s troubles and problems others burdens, in this way we obey the law of Christ”. It seems pretty clear that we need to be able to be vulnerable with each other; this is where real relationship starts.
Encourage
This is where loving each other succeeds. If you can go to a place and be yourself and be vulnerable and then be encouraged, you will always want to be there. Ever wonder why a persecuted church grows and thrives? It’s because they feel a sense of belonging, they need each other for strength and encouragement. They understand that there is no sense being closed, we need each other or we’re finished. That mentality needs to seep into our church, our lives and our hearts. We need each other. When we understand that we’re all only human and need encouragement then we will get better at giving it to one another. If I need it and I am supposed to love my neighbor as myself, then I need to encourage my brother or sister. Don’t wait for someone else. Galatians 6:4-5 says that we should do what is right because we are responsible for ourselves, no one else.
Conclusion
Dennis E. Mannering was teaching a class for adults, when he did the "unpardonable." He gave the class homework! The assignment was to "go to someone you love within the next week and tell them you love them. It had to be someone you have never said those words to before or at least haven’t shared those words with for a long time."
Now that doesn’t sound like a very tough assignment, until you stop to realize that most of the men in that group were over 35 and were raised in the generation of men that were taught that expressing emotions is not "macho." Showing feelings or crying (heaven forbid!) was just not done. So this was a very threatening assignment for some.
At the beginning of our next class, Mannering asked if someone wanted to share
what happened when they told someone they loved them. He fully expected one of the women to volunteer, as was usually the case, but on this evening one of the men raised his hand. He appeared quite moved and a bit shaken.
As he unfolded out of his chair (all 6’2" of him), he began by saying, "Dennis, I was quite angry with you last week when you gave us this assignment. I didn’t feel that I had anyone to say those words to- I had told everyone who needed to know that I loved them, and besides, who were you to tell me to do something that personal? But as I began driving home my conscience started talking to me. It was telling me that I knew exactly who I needed to say ’I love you’ to. You see, five years ago, my father and I had a vicious disagreement and really never resolved it since that time. We avoided seeing each other unless we absolutely had to at Christmas or other family gatherings. But even then, we hardly spoke to each other. So, last Tuesday by the time I got home I had convinced myself I was going to tell my father I loved him.
"It’s weird, but just making that decision seemed to lift a heavy load off my chest. When I got home, I rushed into the house to tell my wife what I was going to do. She was already in bed, but I woke her up anyway. When I told her, she didn’t just get out of bed, she catapulted out and hugged me, and for the first time in our married life she saw me cry. We stayed up half the night drinking coffee and talking. It was great!
"The next morning I was up bright and early. I was so excited I could hardly sleep. I got to the office early and accomplished more in two hours than I had the whole day before.
"At 9:00 I called my dad to see if I could come over after work. When he answered the phone, I just said, ’Dad, can I come over after work tonight? I have something to tell you.’ My dad responded with a grumpy, ’Now what?’ I assured him it wouldn’t take long, so he finally agreed.
"At 5:30, I was at my parents’ house ringing the doorbell, praying that Dad would answer the door. I was afraid if Mom answered that I would chicken out and tell her instead. But as luck would have it, Dad did answer the door. I didn’t waste any time - I took one step in the door and said, ’Dad, I just came over to tell you that I love you.’
"It was as if a transformation came over my dad. Before my eyes his face
softened, the wrinkles seemed to disappear and he began to cry. He reached out and hugged me and said, ’I love you too, son, but I’ve never been able to say it.’
"It was such a precious moment I didn’t want to move. Mom walked by with
tears in her eyes. I just waved and blew her a kiss. Dad and I hugged for a moment longer and then I left. I hadn’t felt that great in a long time.
"But that’s wasn’t his point or even my point. Two days after the visit, his dad, who had heart problems and didn’t tell him, had an attack and ended up in the
hospital, unconscious. And the gentlemen didn’t know if his father would see tomorrow. But he had a peace just knowing that his dad knew he really loved him...
This is the message God gives to you this morning, I love you and he proved it by sending his son, Jesus Christ, to die for you. It is the message that tugs at the heart and we all know why. God made us to love Him and each other, not to live as islands. Open your lives to Christ this morning and let Him transform you and pour His life into you. To make you into a person that affects people’s lives because of the love that’s inside of you. “We need to travel down Christ’s path. It’s narrower, steeper and straighter than any other. It’s a path traveled only by worshippers who celebrate their dependence on God and each other by turning their chairs towards a small community of believers and sticking with them, and who find the power of God’s Spirit to make that community work.” Wouldn’t you like to be a part of that church? Let’s commit ourselves to walking that path, not one where we are so caught up in our own lives that we miss out on the life that God has for each of us.
