Healing in the Home
Ephesians 5:22-28
The trends in American families during the past several years reveal that families all across America need healing in the home.
This past year 2.4 million couples exchanged the words or similar words in their wedding vows: “I take you to be my lawfully wedded spouse, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish until we’re separated by death. As God is my witness, I give you my promise.”
These couples were congratulated by well wishers with people clapping and blessing their new commitment to each other in marriage.
Yet this past year 1.2 million couples, for many different reasons, separated or divorced.
Families today look different than they did just 30 years ago. Thirty years ago the traditional family had a working father and a mother who stayed at home to care for their two children. The traditional family made up 60 percent of all households in America. Today the so called traditional family reflects only 7% of our households.
Today the average American family has one child and both parents work outside the home.
Today parents are having fewer children and having them later.
More and more households are blended families with children coming from two or more marriages.
Cohabitation before marriage is more common today than ever. One half of adults under 30 will live with someone before they get married. The census bureau statistics show that couples who cohabitate before marriage are even more likely than others to get divorced.
Among couples who have been divorced and remarried, 60% of all second marriages end in divorce.
In Ephesians 5:21-28, the Apostle Paul gives foundational teaching on marriage and family. We find in these verses guidelines and safeguards for the family.
From Ephesians 5:21-28 I want to share three basic teachings concerning relationships in the family. These teachings are helpful whether you are single, married or divorced.
I. Equal submission is God’s plan for lasting relationships.
Ephesians 5:21 - “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Marriage is a partnership…it is a relationship of mutual submission. In a partnership neither partner tries to dominate the other. The marriage relationship is based on unconditional love.
Someone has written: “Woman was not made out of man’s head to be dominated by him, nor out of his feet, to be trampled upon; but out of his side that she might be equal with him; from under his arm, to be protected by him, and from near his heart to be loved by him.”
When you see the outcomes of shattered and broken relationships you realize that lasting relationships require mutual submission. The Apostle Paul adds, “Out of reverence for Christ.”
When Jesus is left out of relationships the relationship can become very self centered. “I’ll do what you want if you will do what I want first. If you fail to live up to my expectations then I will have to look for new relationships.”
To make mutual submission work requires equal responsibility. A relationship is in trouble when one or both in the relationship have the view that there are no absolutes in life.
When there is mutual submission in marriage both husband and wife willingly make decisions that are best for the family and not for themselves. That kind of submission calls for servant leadership. Jesus said, “Let him who would be greatest among you be as a servant.” Several years ago, singer Garth Brooks skipped the ceremony in which he was to receive the “Entertainer of the Year” award. Why? Because it was too close to the scheduled date his wife was to give birth to their second child. Garth Brooks understood his priorities and responsibilities as husband and father.
I remember when Carollyn went to the hospital to have our fourth child. We had three children at home and our youngest was only 18 months old. I visited Carollyn at the hospital after spending the night at home with our three children. I told Carollyn that taking care of three children was an awesome task. “How were we ever going to manage with four children?” We did! It took both of us working together to do it.
The drama team today presented the skit titled “The Personal Trainer.” The theme of the skit showed the importance of taking time to make relationships work. Meaningful relationships don’t just happen, they take time.
It is possible to get so wrapped up in your own world that you lose touch with those closest to you.
I’ve noticed that people living in the Bay area are high tech and low touch. Instead of playing with their friends out on the ball diamond, children are much more likely to be in front of a TV playing their 360 X Box or Sony Play station or PSP. Relationships with people are being replaced by television, computers, fax machines and ATM machines.
Louise Bernikow, author of “Alone in America: A Search for Companionship” says, “American life has become privatized. People are wrapped up in selfish, individual pursuits of material goods. We are not often encouraged to value people. We also live in a world where it is not so clear what other people are for any more. All the advances in our life may not cause isolation, but they have made it more possible to live that way.”
As a local church we are a community of caring people. When one person hurts we all hurt and when one person rejoices we all rejoice. We are more like a hospital than a museum. We want to provide healing for human hurts.
To have healthy relationships in your family, “…Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” A second teaching is found in Ephesians 5:22-24.
II. Wives Submit to Your Husband as to the Lord
What kind of submission is the Apostle Paul talking about in Ephesians 5:22-24?
“Wives submit to your husband as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church should submit to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husband in everything.”
Paul is not talking about submitting to an abusive relationship. He is not talking about being under the absolute control of a husband out of control.
Paul is talking about the wife being submissive to her husband’s spiritual leadership. God has ordained that husbands are to be the spiritual leaders of their family – by their words and actions. I Peter 3:7 the Apostle Peter writes: “… You husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard.”
Wives are to be supportive of their husbands. Wives are to be the number one encouragers of their husbands. Wives are to have a positive influence, not a negative influence on their relationship.
You give a positive influence by giving up on a perfect marriage and working toward a good marriage.
Give praise and appreciation instead of seeking it. Greet your husband with affection instead of complaints and demands. Focus on what’s right rather than what’s wrong.
Giving mutual support means abandoning all hope of changing each other through criticism or attack.
Mutual support and responsibility means you work at spending time together. Go out on weekly dates. Share responsibilities and make communication a high priority.
Ephesians 5:25,28 has a third teaching to safeguard the family.
III. Husbands love your wives with Christ-like love.
“Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. …In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
What does it mean to love your wife as Christ loved the Church? There are several words and meanings of love in Scriptures. The Hebrew word, “hesed” means a faithful, committed kind of love, an everlasting love. It is the love that God used to describe Himself.
Another Hebrew word for love is “ahav.” “Ahav” is a compassionate love. It is seeing someone in need and having compassion and concern for the person.
The New Testament primarily uses two words for love, “phileo” and “agape.” Phileo love is a brotherly love. I love you because you are my bother. I love you because you do something for me.
Agape love is unconditional love. It is love with no strings attached.
Gary Inrig in his book, “True North, Discovering God’s Way in a Changing World” quotes Tom Anderson who tried to show authentic love to his wife.
Tom Anderson made a vow to himself as he drove with his family to spend two weeks at a vacation cottage. For two weeks he would try to be a loving husband and father. He made the decision after listening to a tape on his car’s tape player. The speaker said, “Love is an act of the will. A person can choose to love.” Tom admitted that he had been a selfish husband. He made the commitment for two weeks to make changes.
Right from the moment they arrived at the vacation cottage he kissed his wife Evelyn at the door and said, “That new yellow sweater looks great on you.” “Oh, Tom, you noticed,” she said, surprised and pleased; and maybe a little shocked.
After the long drive, Tom wanted to sit and read. Evelyn suggested a walk on the beach. He started to refuse, but then he thought, Evelyn’s been alone with the kids at home and now she wants to be alone with me. He agreed and walked with his wife on the beach while their children flew their kites.
For two weeks Tom did not call the Wall Street investment firm where was a director. He did visit the shell museum, though he didn’t like museums. His wife seemed so relaxed and happy he decided to keep remembering to choose love after they got home from vacation.
On the last night of their vacation his wife stared at him with the saddest expression. Tom asked her, “What’s the matter? “Tom,” she said, in a voice filled with distress, “do you know something I don’t?”
“What do you mean?” “Well, …that checkup I had several weeks ago…our doctor…did he tell you something about me? Tom, you’ve been so good to me…am I dying?
It took a moment for it all to sink in. Then Tom burst out laughing. “No, honey,” he said, wrapping her in his arms, “you’re not dying; I’m just starting to live.”
With the love of Jesus in your heart you can practice I Corinthians 13:4-7 in your family. In place of love put your name: “Ray is patient, Ray is kind. Ray does not envy, Ray does not boast, Ray is not proud. Ray is not rude, Ray is not self-seeking, Ray is not easily angered. Ray keeps no record of wrongs. Ray does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Ray always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.”
It is the love of God that helps you to have new beginnings in your marriage and in your relationships. God’s love in your helps you forgive and forget. God’s love helps you to live in spite of scars.
Do you have any physical scars? I have a three inch scar in the arch of my foot. I can’t tell you which foot it is on without taking off my shoe and looking. I received the scar when I was 8 or 9 years old. I was wading in Spring Creek not far from where I lived. I was barefoot and stepped on some broken glass and cut a deep gash in my foot.
We had one doctor in town and he made house calls. He came to our house and since he didn’t have any anesthetic on hand he commenced to put three stitches in my foot. My dad was holding me down as I put up a yell so all the town of 500 could hear. My Dad turned white so my mother had to take over.
I have scars in my arch today, but I seldom think about the scar. Healing took place. You may have past scars in relationships, but healing can take place. You may think of the scars from time to time, but for most of the time you live without thinking about the scar.
Jesus the Master healer can bring healing to your life and your family if you give Him a chance. The love of Christ will make a way.
Some of you probably remember the comedian Jack Kublesky. He was from Waukegan, Illinois. He passed away years ago. His professional name was Jack Benny. When Jack was a young man, he was working in the same studio as a young lady he wanted to date. He thought she was beautiful, but he was too shy and embarrassed to ask her out. He couldn’t get up the courage or the nerve so he started sending a single, red rose to her desk with no note attached to the rose.
Every day she received the red rose. Finally one day, she asked the delivery man who was sending her the roses. He said a guy named Jack who worked in the same studio. She found out who he was. Finally they began talking and Jack asked her out for a date. She thought that after they started dating the roses would stop. But they didn’t. They kept coming…a single rose every day.
They were engaged and she thought the roses would stop. But they didn’t stop. They even kept coming after they were married. Every day a single rose would show up for Mrs. Benny.
After five years and ten years and decades later a single red rose continued to show up. Jack Benny died. The day after the funeral, a single rose showed up for Mrs. Benny. After several days Mrs. Benny went to the florist and said, “I don’t know if you realize this or not, but Mr. Benny passed away. I know it is kind of you, but you don’t need to do this any longer. The florist responded, “Mrs. Benny, you don’t understand. Jack made provisions years ago to provide you a single red rose every day you are alive.”
The month of May we celebrated Mother’s Day. We want all ladies to know you are loved by our church. We pray that every member of your family shows you love.
We are going to give every lady a red rose to remind you that God loves you and so do we.
