Introduction
The biblical model for the order of the home, as we find here, is not as confining as many would paint it to be. Rather, it is freeing. Take, for example, the illustration of a train. Is a train functioning as a train when it is off track and careening down into a ravine? NO. It best operates and functions, as its designer determined it should, while it is kept on-track. The engine leads, and the train follows – all the way back to the caboose. It is better for the train to be on the rails than to derail.
And so it is with the order of the home. When the family unit determines to travel on the rails of love and submission, the family operates and functions as its Designer determined it should.
Last week, we considered verses 25 through 33. “Men, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” What an example of masculine love! The primary reason that I took the Apostle’s instruction out of order was for the need of establishing the husband as the responsible party in the home in regard to love, and in regard to being the spiritual leader in the home.
This evening, as we approach this touchy issue of submission, it would serve us well to understand that, yes, submission is an issue which terribly needs addressing in this post-modern age, however, the word “submit” appears in the NT, as it does here, in the form of the word hupotasso, only eight times. And only once more does it appear in the NT, and that is in a similar form, namely hupeiko.
The word love, in its varying forms appears 223 times in the NT. Continuing to support the truth that love is the most important, most eternal, most God-like. If we love, then, Paul says, we will be willing to submit to one another.
Let’s take a look at what Paul says to the believers in Ephesus; literally to all who read this epistle (including you and I).
I) First, we see the ASSEMBLY that Paul was writing to. (vv. 1; 8; 15; 18-20)
A) Dear children of God (v. 1)
B) Children of Light (v. 8)
C) Wise (v. 15)
D) Spirit-filled (v. 18)
E) Worshippers (v. 19)
F) Praisers (v. 20)
There is no doubt that Paul’s letter was addressed to Spirit-filled believers.
II) Next, we see the ADMONITION (VV. 21a, 22a)
Now, Paul, as he instructs us in verse 21, is continuing a thought, or teaching that we see in verse 18. “Be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit. Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;”
Notice the semi-colon at the close of verse 20. Verse 21 is saying, “As believers who are filled with the Spirit, submit yourselves one to another.” Verse 21 is a continuum of verse 18. Paul writes to believers. This teaching is for believers. For those who are “filled with the Spirit.” No one can do what the Apostle says to do, unless he or she is in the Spirit. The world cannot comprehend what this means to submit to one another.
So what does it mean to “submit to one another”? Well, the word submit here is the GREEK word hupotasso. The word hupotasso means “to surrender, or submit.” Strong’s Complete Dictionary of Bible Words establishes that this word is reflexive, denoting an action upon the subject by itself. Literally, to surrender or submit ONESELF to.
Simply put, we can no longer have our own way. We can no longer allow ourselves to sit upon the throne of our lives. As we place the Lord Jesus Christ on the throne of our life, we see ourselves as a functioning part of His body, the church. As a finger, or ear, or toe, we cannot allow ourselves to continue on in the sinful selfish nature, but submit ourselves one to the other as all of the individual members of the body do. Our head is the source of all motion, for it is the head that houses the brain – the center of thought, motor skill, etc. With Christ as our Head, we function at His bidding. We must learn to work together, as members of a body. If the ear itches, the hand submits to the need of the ear and scratches it.
If we are “filled with the Spirit,” we will be joyful, longsuffering, gentle, good, kind, faithful, meek, and temperate.” If we are full of those characteristics there will be no problem with us being able to “submit to one another” readily, willingly, voluntarily, always for the sake of others and for the good of the cause. The only individual who can do this is the one who is showing the fruit of the Spirit because he is filled with the Spirit.
In our culture, actually, throughout history, submitting to others is looked upon as a sign of weakness. It does not mean becoming a doormat for someone else. Jesus Christ should be our example. Jesus Christ – who overthrew the tables in the temple and drove the money changers from it; Jesus Christ, at whose name every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth. When we submit to God, we become more willing to be obedient in submitting to others. In a marriage relationship, both husband and wife are called to submit. For the wife, this means willingly following her husband’s leadership in Christ. For the husband, it means putting aside his own interests in order to care for his wife. Submission is rarely a problem in homes where both partners have a strong relationship with Christ and where each is concerned for the happiness of the other.
So we see that Paul addresses the issue of submission in a general way in verse 21 (submitting yourselves to one another), and in a more specific manner in verse 22 (wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands. Paul says, wives, place yourself under the headship of your husband.”)
III) Next, we see the APPROACH (or Attitude) we are to demonstrate. (vv. 21b; 22b)
A) General (v. 21b) “in the fear of God.” This appears in the Alexandrian Copy, Vulgate Latin and Ethiopic versions as “in the fear of Christ.” Ultimately the result is one and the same. Christ is the Judge of all men. As His children, He is the One that we should strive to please. I have a genuine fear (or awestruck reverence) of God the Father, however, my fear is of becoming a disappointment, or grieving the One who died for me (Hebrews 2:13, “And again, I will put my trust in him. And again, Behold I and the children which God hath given me”). The One whose desire it is to present me as part of that Bride, perfect, without blemish or spot. My fear is of spotting or soiling the desire that Christ has to present me spotless. We are His possession, His people. His name is upon us. We are His representatives; His reputation is in our hands. Generally, as we endeavor to accomplish anything in life, we should do it “as unto the Lord,” or “in the fear of Christ.”
B) Specific (v, 22b) “as unto the Lord”. Paul is saying, “Wives, in your homes, place yourselves under the headship of your husband ‘as unto the Lord’. The word Lord here is the Greek word kurios (supreme authority). Elsewhere, Isaiah 6:1 = Adonai (proper name of God only); Luke 2:29 = despotes (Lord, Master). Not: in a spirit of slavery, drudgery, grudgery, or resentment - but LOVE. Paul chose to stress this, so we should seek to grasp the fact that this is to be our ATTITUDE as we do anything. AS UNTO THE LORD. Whether ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do as unto the Lord.” It is not by chance that Paul continued this line of thought throughout this entire lesson. To wives, “as unto the Lord” (v. 22). To children, in 6:1, “in the Lord.” And then to servants in 6:5, “as unto Christ.” The differentiating mark of the Christian is that he does everything “as unto the Lord.” This is the motive which is to govern the whole of Christian living. WHY? Because Jesus Christ is LORD! This kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members. Why did Paul tell wives to submit and husbands to love? Perhaps Christian women, newly freed in Christ, found submission difficult; perhaps Christian men, used to the Roman custom of giving unlimited power to the head of the family, were not used to treating their wives with respect and love. Of course both husbands and wives should submit to each other (Ephes. 5:21), just as both should love each other. But isn’t it interesting, that throughout history, man’s desire has always been to be respected, while the woman’s basic need is to be loved?
VI) In verses 23-24 we see the AIM (Argument) READ VERSES.
1) “For the husband is the head of the wife.” It has been said that “the husband may be the head, but the wife is the neck that turns the head.” While this is somewhat humorous, those who really hold to that statement do not understand the doctrine that Paul is teaching in this passage. Everything in nature has order. There are leaders among less intelligent creatures. “Leader of the pack,” and many other real illustrations in creation. The disciples had Jesus as a leader, and Peter stepped into this role upon Jesus’ ascension. The church was established with leadership. Government is lead by leaders, ordained of God. The home in no different. In Deuteronomy 6, the man is charged with the role of spiritual leader in the home. In God’s Word, the man is ordained with the authority to be the disciplinary leader in the home.
2) “Even as Christ is the head of the church.” Colossians 1 indicates, along with other passages, that Christ’s head-ship was given, or ordained of God. Paul says, “even so is the husband’s head-ship given of God; even as Christ…”
3) “And he is the savior of the body.” Now, while we know that we, as husbands, are to love our wife as Christ loved the church, this does not mean that we are to redeem them from sin, but rather that we would be willing to die for them. The word “savior” does not always carry the same meaning of Christ giving His life for the church, and His blood being shed. While it is the common meaning, it is not the only meaning; there is a wider meaning to this term ‘savior.’ What it means here is ‘preserver’ – that he looks after, he cares for. The husband is to look after, and safeguards the wife. Notice verses 29 (esp. b); nourisheth and cherisheth = acts of a savior, looking after and preserving.
4) “Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ…” “Seeing that the husband is the leader in the home, just as the church responds to and respects Christ, so let the wife do toward the husband in all ways.”
The word subject translates the same as submit. It comes from the word hupotasso. Just as the church submits itself to Christ (for this is the order of things), so should the wife be subject to the head-ship of the husband.
V) The ANALYSIS (v. 33) “Nevertheless” = Moreover.
A) Love = agapeo (ah gah pah o)
B) Reverence = Respect. Be submissive.
Conclusion
Only the child of God can fully appreciate both the exhortation and the example that we find within this text. As Christ, so as the husband. As the church, so as the wife. Paul develops a beautiful picture hear of the husband wife relationship, and how it is to implement the example of the doctrine of Christ and His church.
If you are not pursuing this pattern within your home, your home is not a God-honoring home. Husbands, do you love your wife as Christ loved the church? If so, there is no end to what you would do to safeguard her as your gift from God. Wives, do you reverence your husband as the God-ordained ‘head’ of the home? If we cannot answer positively to these questions, our home, in essence our lives, are not honoring God.
