Opening Statement: Thomas Kinkade has become a popular artist because he has been able to capture the love and warmth, belonging and cheer that a home ought to represent. He manipulates light in such a way that we all find ourselves wanting to go to the places that he paints. They shout to us “Welcome!”
Explanation: The sum total of what you believe, how you behave, the attitudes you demonstrate, and the values you cherish when all taken together, will create a home environment – an atmosphere in which you do family life - a painting that says “Welcome.”
Illustration: I love a great home environment. Monday evenings come to mind. After a productive day at work, I love to arrive home to the smell of some tasty Italian dish with Garlic bread in the oven and tail-wagging dogs at the door. After hugging the Lady of the House, I love to get into some shorts and a tee-shirt and catch up on the news. It’s great to hear Will practicing his Saxophone (that I’m still paying for), to listen to what Levi has to say about the Monday Night Football game, and to hear Megan tell about a new friend she has. I love going outside and sneaking in a game of pickup football, where I am all-time quarterback and the boys and their friends run the plays that I call in the huddle. I love hearing the call that “Dinner is ready – come inside to eat.” I love taking a few post-dinner snaps before the game. I love it when we’re all finally lined up to watch the opening kickoff and Hank Williams Jr. sings “Are You Ready for Some Football?” “No amount of money can buy that feeling of incredible contentment, that inner sense of fulfillment, that surge of release and relief as the noise and pace of the world are muffled by the sounds and smells and sights of a happy, relaxed evening at home (Swindoll, Finishing Touch, 594).”
Application: I realize that everyone is wired differently and that our ideal evenings at home will look a little different. What concerns me is that there are many homes and families where this kind of home atmosphere is foreign or even nonexistent. It was nostaligic thoughts of home that drove the Prodigal to go back there (Luke 15). The warm thoughts of home will bring back the prodigal. That’s one reason why this topic is so important.
Title: Creating a Great Home Climate
Key Word: There are some key words that we need to consider as we create a great home climate.
OUTLINE
Affection
Exposition: 1 John 4:11 Dear friends, if God so loved us, then we also ought to love one another. 4:12 No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God resides in us, and his love is perfected in us. 4:13 By this we know that we reside in God and he in us: in that he has given us of his Spirit. 4:14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.
Definition: Affection is a consistent, loving act of the will, openly and sometimes spontaneously displayed toward its recipients.
Explanation: Family members love hearing their name spoken, their head stroked tenderly, and full body embraces.
Illustration: Zig Ziglar shares that his kids told him that there were two memorable things they remember about their childhood. One was being able to order off of the adult menu in restaurants. Secondly, in the morning while they were first waking up, their father would gently be stroking their cheeks as awakened to a new day. Affection is never forgotten.
Illustration: I do family hugs. I call it a little bit of heaven. We all lie down and pile on top of one another and hug. Growing up, my kids really liked to wrestle. I think what they enjoyed most was the intimacy they felt as we wrestled! We would bear-hug. The intensity of my hugs were based on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most intensive (eyeballs popped out on that one). As they have grown, affection finds expression in other ways, namely doing things together and creating memories.
Illustration: I have a friend I went to seminary with. After I asked him what he thought would be good to share with you, he shared: “If I could include a topic or two it would probably be off the beaten path and include items like these below (which comes out of my own "unbonded" family experience). I can’t express this enough - I think it is so important for families to play and do things together while making memories. Years later when everyone has gone their own ways (kids off to college or married and starting families of their own, parents with an empty nest (or deceased), etc) media is a great way of cherishing the "Family". Bonding as a family: doing mini-trips and excursions together. Give them practical tips on places to go and things to do and show them how to do it on a budget. Ask for insight from families that have lived in the area awhile and see what they have done. Also, these don’t have to be "big" trips...just an occassional Saturday and Sunday. Making memories and using media to record memories (importance of photos and video). This ties in with the above....I would show them practical ways to record their adventures....Photos, Video Snippets, Journals... Also, I would show the importance of considering letting other families and friends into their family life and not just have a "Family against the world" or "Family on an Island" mentality. Go with them (or take them along) on trips, activities and excursions. Taking time out to even play catch with your child for 10 minutes is very important and something he/she may remember for a lifetime (especially if you die young). It is even more important to take time out to do little everyday things (watching your kids ball game) than to do huge vacations, etc.
Observations: Some affection guidelines…
1. When you must discipline a child, never allow your child to equate your rejection of his/her behavior as a sign that you don’t love him/her.
2. Model intentional affectionate acts in your home on a consistent basis.
3. Learn the affection love language that each child speaks.
Respect
Exposition:
Definition: Respect is holding other people in honor so they may recognize their own true worth. Respecting a child and listening to a child and affirming a child validates them.
Illustration: In first grade, Mr. Lohr said my purple teepee wasn’t realistic enough, that purple was no color for a tent, that purple was a color for people who died, that my drawing wasn’t good enough to hang with the others. I walked back to my seat counting the swish-swish-swishes of my baggy corduroy trousers. With a black crayon, nightfall came to my purple tent in the middle of the afternoon. In second grade, Mr. Bara said, “Draw anything.” He didn’t care what. I left my paper blank, and when he came around to my desk, my heart beat like a tom-tom while he touched my head with his big hand and in a soft voice said, “The snowfall. How clean and white and beautiful.” Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up. – Pablo Picasso
Order
Exposition: 1Cr 14:40 Let all things be done decently and in order.
Definition: Order is the act of managing and modeling leadership in the home, resulting in a refuge of calm.
Explanation: If you have no structure or rules, a home will be in chaos. If you are too tight fisted and structured, your chaos will still exist, except it will only be visible in the hearts of your children. So there’s a balance.
Illustration: Erma Bombeck tells about going to a “Tidying Up Your Life” class. Of course, she was late, but on the board was a quiz on how well organized this group was.
1. Are candles in your house a touch of romanticism or the major source of light because you forgot to pay your utility bill?
2. Are you still living out of moving cartons when you have been in your home for 15 years or more?
3. Can you put your hands on the Christmas cards you bought for half price in January?
4. Is your mail stored in one spot or do you use it as a dustpan when you sweep the kitchen floor?
5. Do you put groceries away after each visit to the store or use them directly from the car?
6. Do you often misplace things you use regularly – like door keys, handbags, glasses, or children?
7. Do you forget important occasions like birthdays, appointments, and Christmas?
8. Can you open your closet door without hurting yourself?
9. Would you feel comfortable letting guests roam through your house unattended?
10. Do you accomplish what you want to in a given day or are you always asking “What day is this?”
Erma Bombeck says her score was deplorable after this quiz (Aunt Erma’s Cope Book).
Observation: As we create order and structure in our busy lives, our tendency will be to hurry our family. We don’t want to raise hurried children. If our children are going to look back and see childhood as one hurried blur that left them out of breath by the time they left home, we’ve missed it. Order and structure is meant to create more time so that we don’t have to hurry so much. Slow down. Stay home. Tell stories. Have fun. Give yourself.
Application: When you create order, remember…
1. Make rules that can be kept. Our kids love it when we clearly define boundaries. It makes them feel safe. They have complete freedom to go anywhere inside the boundaries. Develop your own boundaries within your family rhythm and rituals.
2. Hold a family meeting to communicate what needs communicated. We have ours Sunday through Thursday (excluding Wednesdays).
Joy
Exposition: Pro 17:22 A merry heart doeth good [like] a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Definition: Joy in the home is an atmosphere of enthusiasm coupled with uninhibited laughter and noise.
Illustration: Chuck Swindoll tells how that growing up in the Houston, TX area was a joy. He shares how that his family would gather around the piano and sing and laugh. He shares how that the homes were close together and when their windows were up, the neighbors could hear the music. One night they decided to shut the windows. A few minutes afterward, the next-door neighbor called and asked them to put them back up. Their laughter and music was the only laughter they had in their home.
Application: In your laughter and joy, laugh with not at.
Affirmation
Exposition: Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds… (NIV).”
Quotation: “The beautiful thing about encouragement is that anybody can do it (Swindoll, The Finishing Touch, p. 619).”
Definition: Affirmation is an established, clearly held position declared as true.
Explanation: Human beings have an innate desire to belong, an insatiable need to connect. They will search for a niche with a relentless pursuit until they find the place where they fit. If they don’t find it in the family, but find it in a gang, that’s fine with them (Family Fragrance, 137). They at least belong somewhere and are affirmed there.
Application: Your family should be an affirming environment, not hostile. Thoughts of home should not tighten the stomach, but delight the heart. Some phrases that will help you to affirm and delight the heart:
1. You know, I really to love you.
2. I’m glad I get to be your Daddy/Mamma.
3. What did I do to deserve you?
4. You belong in this family. Use the power of touch.
