Opening: What My Parents Did Right (Bill Gaither) is a book that demonstrates how to parent affirmingly. Note what these authors had to say:
Gloria Gaither- “Home doesn’t just happen; somebody had done something on purpose to create it.” Parents were always there. Prayer was a natural response to problems and crises as well as good news and celebrations. Our home was filled with great thinkers, teachers, missionaries, evangelists and theologians. Our home was also filled with orphans, strays, and runaways. Could ask questions without being belittled and question any answer without being condemned.
Kay Arthur- No matter what happened; no matter what I did Mom and Dad told me I could always come home.
Robert Benson- Giving us books for gifts was his favorite thing his father did for him.
William K. Brehm- His mother always escorted him to bed. She taught him a good-night prayer and the Lord’s Prayer.
Jill Briscoe- Emphasized commitment – they had to follow through; instilled in them a sense or responsibility concerning their family name.
Dr. Anthony Compolo- First, she was always there. Second, she believed in me and helped me to believe in myself. Minimized his failures and accentuated his accomplishments. She taught me that where you are is not the important thing; but what you do where you are is of great significance.
Bart Compolo- Father was not paralyzed by what he couldn’t do nor overcome by what he didn’t have; father spent a lot of time talking with me.
Charles W. Colson- Father told him, ”There is nothing more important than telling the truth. Always tell the truth. It’s the right thing to do.” Other character-shaping words during childhood, “Whateveryou put your mind to, you can do. And whatever you do in life-it doesn’t matter if it’s cleaning toilets-do it well. Do it with excellence.
Dr. Lawrence J. Crabb, Jr.- Nothing matters more than relationship – it really is the center of life and the source of life’s deepest joys.
John R. Dellenbach- Instilled in me that family relationships are important and that family members help each other out; expected to pitch in when tasks needed to be done at home.
Dr. James Dobson- My dad loved my mother with great intensity and was deeply committed to her. I knew my mother dearly loved my father.
Joni Eareckson Tada- Every dimension of our lives are indeed spiritual. Family work days taught us spiritual lessons. Music and art were especially sacred in our family. Parents were interested and involved with school. The Lord Jesus was in it all. We spoke of him at the dinner table, praised Him on moonlit hikes and sang of him around the campfire.
Carl Erskine- My father thought of me when he was away. (He would always save me something out of his lunch)
Colleen Townsend Evans- In the midst of the daily struggle simply to survive and the very real pain of a broken marriage, she managed to have fun and to be fun.
Bill Gaither- Showed us the importance of being there when there’s simply nothing else you can do and the importance of dependability. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose; for showing us how to grow old gracefully; for creating a real awareness of the value of life and how to appreciate it while we are living.
Larnelle Harris- They took time to be involved in my little world.
June Hunt-
G-Give grace instead of guilt.
R-Refuse to live in Pity City.
A-Accentuate the positive.
C-Cultivate the feeling of freedom.
E-Encourage love for the Lord.
Florence Littauer- They spent time with us. They stayed optimistic. They kept our minds moving. They kept us taking lessons. They kept us in church. They gave us a sense of history. They gave us hope.
John F. MacArthur, Jr.- First, my parents loved the Lord. Second, my parents loved the Scriptures. Third, my parents love each other with uncommon devotion. (“I believe that the chief ingredient in a fulfilled family is not the love parents give their children, but the love that they have for each other.” Fourth, my parents loved their children enough to encourage and discipline. (Dad was always on the sidelines of all my athletic endeavors and he was always eager to tell me what he was learning from reading the Scriptures.) Fifth, my parents love books. (“More of my time is spent reading-the only way to really learn-than any other single thing I do. And whatever richness there is in my preaching is the result of the Spirit stirring the thoughts, ideas and insights I’ve gained from reading.”)
Tony Melendez- Firm without being overbearing. (we were allowed to learn from our mistakes). We often did things with relatives. We always sat around the dinner table for dinner. We were taught to stick together.
Frank Peretti- It’s okay to dream, to aspire, to try and fail but then to try again. He didn’t hear phrases like, “That’s a dumb idea,” “It can’t work,” or “Remember that last project?”
Dr. Ron Snider- They always made decisions together. They did their parenting as a team. They demanded obedience, work, and responsibility. They also gave him increasing space to mature and decide for himself. They taught him how to confess when he blew it.
They communicated unconditional love. They taught me how to save money.
Gary Smalley- Four key ingredients for a loving relationship:
1} Unconditional security.
2} Meaningful communication.
3} Shared experiences.
4} Healthy touching.
Dr. Kenneth Taylor- Family prayer time – he went into the day with his parents’ blessing. He remembered his father praying more than once that God would protect his sons from “That moment of temptation that could ruin their entire lives.”
Sheila Walsh- Her mother told her, “There will be many times in your life, Sheila, when you feel like running away because nothing makes sense anymore. These moments can crush you or strengthen you- and you alone can choose.” Her mother also told her “Sometimes to love means to embrace the pain.”
Application: What is your home atmosphere and climate like? What are some ways that you can draw your children into your home day after day? How can the home become a place that children and spouses want to come to often? Does it have affection, respect, order, joy, affirmation? If so, what an incredible home, and oh what an incredible witness that will be in our world and community.
Application: Some final suggestions for remodeling your house into a home (Hendricks, Heaven Help the Home).
1. Review the status of each member of the household to see that everyone feels he is a VIP in the family. He can believe in himself because this group where he lives likes him, accepts him, and trusts him.
2. Check the basic structure. Dad is to Lead. Mother is to support that leadership. Children are to share responsibilities.
3. Scrutinize family values. Make sure Jesus is the center. Anything else is too weak to hold the family together.
4. Develop family pride through accomplishment. Celebrate them.
5. Build up the fun side of the family with laughter.
6. Ease up on forced togetherness. Relationships need to breathe.
7. Keep the home ventilated with positive comments and relaxed attitudes.
8. Sweep out the old grudges.
9. Keep the door open to family friends.
10. Expect periodic spills of immaturity and imperfection.
RECOMMENDED BIBLIOGRAPHY
J. Otis and Gail Ledbetter, Family Fragrance, 1998.
