I am sure that I am the only one here who ever slips up and allows stress to get to me. I know I am probably the only one who ever works hard to cover it all up and show one person on the outside while inside there is something completely different going on.
To describe what I mean let’s reference some of the greatest philosophers of our time, the Muppets. I think Jim Henson’s Muppets probably say things better than anyone else on some of the more important matters in life.
I have caught myself on many occasions walking around and in every face to face encounter I have I act like the blue guy and say my own version of “Hi dare! I am your lovable pal Grover.”(In your best Grover voice) And all the while I am promoting this smile and cuddly, lovable attitude with smiles and winks or warm handshakes and quips there is, inside of me, this voice that wants to scream out “AN-I-MAL”. (In your best Animal voice.)
When the bank teller is taking to long I smile and say “tank you” but inside I am raging and wanting to say “MON-NEY NOW”.
When I am driving down the road and that guy cuts me off I smile and yet inside that voice screams “I-Di-OOOT”
When I come home and my wife does something that I don’t particularly care for that voice may actually leak out “WOOOOOOOOMAN”.
Now help me out here. I know that I am surly not the only guy that has this problem. The problem of never being able to properly express my stress. I am almost certain that I am not the only one with stress.
The fact is that we all have stress. My stress is no worse than yours and your stress is no worse than mine. I admit that I may feel that my stress is worse than your’s but it is only because it is my stress. If I were to take your stress I am sure I would feel your stress is worse. The thing is that we all have stress and we all feel very prominent about our stress.
Now I have been talking about putting on a happy face while inside the stress is screaming like an animal. This attempt at living two realities is also the cause of a lot more stress. Wouldn’t you agree that it is more stressful to keep it all bottled up? Don’t you think that it is probably pretty dangerous to your health, and to the health of those around you, to let the pressure build up inside you until that day when you finally POP?
As with any problem we have in life we need to take this problem and look for possible solutions to it. There are two possible solutions I have come up with for handling the problem. I am going to share them with you and I want you to figure out which one is probably better.
The first possible solution is to let the inside voice be heard on the outside.
What might be good about this solution?
Some people assume that if they vent they will feel better. Often this is the case. Often if we can just unload a little we do indeed feel better. Sometimes, when we talk it out, we can feel a load lift from our backs. However, on the flip side of the same coin I have noticed that with many occasions I actually feel worse when I spend time whining about it. I notice that when I think I am venting I am actually whining and complaining and as a result I am driving myself deeper and deeper in to a hole of negativity and gloom.
Getting it out may have another advantage. By telling someone else about all your problems and by venting all your anger too them then two people can carry your burden. After all, wouldn’t it be nice to have some help with your struggle.
This is certainly a good answer. Sometimes we need some help carrying our load. Sometimes it is more than we can bear. However, I have noticed that most of the time when I really want to tell somebody something, even though I have convinced myself that I am just venting, I really have a very different motive. In truth I may be telling someone something (venting) so I will look better. In other words I may be venting in order to tear someone else down a peg or two.
If I am not trying to tear someone down then I may just be trying to camouflage a good packet of gossip. While I know gossiping is wrong I can disguise it as venting and somehow that helps it be OK
I have known some people who vent just because they want pity. Their reason for blowing off is because they want someone to feel sorry for them. In other words, they may be trying to get praise for the work they are doing or for the stress they endure. According to Christ, however, “they already have their reward.” Matthew speaks of this kind of thing on several occasions and each time he tells us that someone going after praise already has their reward. Boy, that sounds like an attraction for even more stress.
What might be bad about this solution?
First of all, do you remember how I was sharing with you that everybody has stress and everybody thinks theirs is the worst? Well, that’s still true. And I can guarantee you that if you go around with a whinny or even an angry attitude all the time your list of friends is going to get really short really quick. I am not suggesting that you don’t ever let off steam with a friend. What I am suggesting is that you may not be the person anyone wants to be around if you are always a stressed out, negative and beat up person.
Remember, we are dealing with our own stress. If you are going to be a sap all the time we may not want to be around you. In fact we may dread to see you coming. “Oh, no. Here comes Chuckles. What Crisis is he going to tell us about today?”
Secondly, it doesn’t bring honor to God at all. If you call yourself a Christian then you should be living a life of victory. I am absolutely not saying that your life won’t be tough. I am, however, absolutely saying that God is greatly offended by the fact that you think you have to carry his load. Yes, I will have to deal with struggles and difficulties here on Earth, and yes, I will have great deals of stress but ultimately it is God who wants to carry the load so let Him.
6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6,7
It may be helpful to put it into perspective. I heard a story on the radio this week about a guy who was on vacation. While he was out he stopped by a Jewish Rabbi’s house. When he walked inside he was astounded to notice that there was no furniture in the house. Confused, he asked the Rabbi, “Where is your furniture.” To this the Rabbi asked, “Well, where is your furniture.” The man said, “Oh, I am just a tourist. I am only passing through.” To this the Rabbi smiled and replied, “me too”.
It is important for us to remember that this world is not our home. This stress that you and I deal with now:
-The kids that won’t behave
-The job that is tough
-The money that isn’t their
-The guy who won’t call you back
-The girl who dumped you
-The spouse who ticked you off
…is only a vapor in the passing of time. From the perspective of eternity it means nothing. It certainly means to little for you let it ruin your life and the live of everyone around you.
The second possible solution is to train that inner voice be influenced by the facade you are putting on the outside.
In other words sweeten up that growl that you have burning inside you.
What might be bad about this solution?
The only thing I can think of that might be a bad thing about this solution is that if you don’t go around whining and complaining all the time then everybody else won’t know what kind of tough life you have to live. But since you aren’t seeking glory from other people that shouldn’t be a problem.
If I had to dig for another problem with this solution I guess I could say that I could say that by sweetening up your inner growl it might seem that you aren’t dealing with your life. After all doesn’t it seem that if you are in control of things then you will be stressed out and therefore have a reason for that inner growl. I mean, isn’t an exhausted demeanor evidence of a person who has his or her life in control?
But since you are going to be casting your cares on the God who can actually carry them, when you were never able to do that good of a job with it anyway, then this shouldn’t be an issue.
What might be good about this solution
While I am not an expert at it, because I am still learning myself, I can tell you that from some of my own experiences if you will actually experience a much happier life. When you are allowing God to handle the problems in your life then it will free you up to do a lot more things. Such as help other people be happy by giving them a smile. You can spend more stress free time with your family, causing them to actually want to see you. You can spend more time in the word learning about the God who is taking care of you.
When you are less stressed you are healthier physically, mentally and even spiritually. When you are less stressed then you have a clearer head. When you are less stressed you can then tell other people about the God who is helping you. When you are less stressed your heart doesn’t have to work so hard.
How to make the second solution possible.
Notice I haven’t been saying you should have less stress. If you have lived a day you know that isn’t going to happen. A lot of people, ironically, cause themselves more stress by trying to find out how to have less stress. Less stress isn’t the answer. The answer is how to deal with the stress you encounter.
We have already talked about the first and most important method for dealing with stress and that is to cast your cares on God. When you do that then the stress you do have is much easier to handle.
We hear about stress management all the time. Every week some new guru has come up with a way deal with stress. Yoga is a big answer but to follow yoga to the “T” ends up forcing you out of the realm of God and into the strength, or the lack thereof, of your own power. There are classes offered all over the city to teach you how to deal with stress. This obviously doesn’t work because I still see a lot of over-stressed people.
The answer isn’t in having less stress come your way because that doesn’t happen. The answer isn’t in managing stress well because well managed stress is still stress. In fact the management can become an additional stress.
I think the answer to the stress problem is in exercising the principle of the duck’s back.
Ducks live in all weather. They live in weather that gets down right cold. Even if it isn’t cold they live in conditions that are often rainy. But have you ever seen a duck with a cold? How does the duck stay warm and dry all the time. The secret lies in his feathers. The way they are position prevents the water and the cold from getting to his body. Therefore the answer for us is not in how to keep the stress from coming at us or in how to coddle it when it gets here. The answer is in keeping the stress flying at us from affecting us.
Trick #1
Just because someone throws you the ball doesn’t mean you have to catch it.
Trick #2
Exercise the eleventh commandment. “Thou Shalt Not sweat it”
Trick #3
Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking.
Trick #4
Remind yourself that when you Die, Your “In Basket” won’t be empty.
Trick #5
Lower your Tolerance to Stress
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:4-8
