In Honor of My Mother
Patricia Jean Nelson
February 02, 2006
Opening Statement: I am deeply grateful to all of you who have expressed your prayers and concerns for our family during this difficult time. Thank you so much for coming to this service and for all that you have done to express your love over the last couple of days – the conversations, the memories, the telephone calls, the food (I think you knocked at least 2 people off their diets!). In the final hours, we were all encouraged by Cathy, Rosie and Kenneth, Sue and Nancy, Debbie and Loretta and many others.
I also want to thank those who made this service possible. I have often stood before hurting families, searching for the right words and phrases to say to help them process their loss. Today, I am the one hurting and your words have comforted me as well as the entire family. I thank you.
I personally need to thank all of the extended family members. I’ve never walked through the valley of the shadow of death with someone as closely as I’ve done with mommy. It was such a unique experience. There would be a gathering around and an anticipation of the final moments as we literally counted the labored breaths, held her hand, hugged and kissed her, and shared our assurance of love to her. Then, as if it were all too painful to bear, someone would share a memory, and for a few moments our mourning would be turned to laughter. All of you helped to create a resurrection atmosphere in the midst of the hurt. I so appreciate the support of all the sister-in-laws and Andrea. And then, specifically I need to say something to my brothers and sister. Randy, thanks for your music and song and for always looking out for our best interests. Becky, what a faithful companion and loving presence you were to the very end. Jeff, thanks for sharing your stories that renew hope and that celebrate the funny things in life. Rob, thanks for your bedside prayer and life of faith that has kept all of us focused.
Illustration: We have to tell you. As mommy died, she really didn’t look like herself. She had fought a long, hard battle. But as we encircled her and continued to talk about her moments after her death, something happened that I believe was a gift from God to us. Her face resumed its normal shape, and she was smiling. Thank you God. She’s smiling at each of you today.
Proposition: I think it’s so important that we do four things in her honor. First, let’s celebrate her life. She was a godly woman who lived a truly good life. Second, let’s be comforted by words found in her favorite book – the Bible. Third, let’s listen to her words and life lessons one more time. Fourth, I would just personally like to share with my Mom a final good-bye.
Celebrate Her Life
Explanation: There are several titles that I think about when I think about celebrating her life.
1. Spiritual Leader. Since 1957, my mother never ever quit on her spiritual journey. I can remember that nearly every night she had a family time. She would read a Bible story, and get us all on our knees afterward and pray for each of us by name. She also loved to read and mark up her Bible. Jeff has shared and we all concur that she was the happiest when we were all loaded up in the car headed for church. I think everyone of us learned how to drive a car illegally while going to and from church. At church, we heard songs, sermons, and testimonies. We’d see her singing with Mitch and Patsy, in the choir, and later in life, heard her and Randy sing some duets that I still remember to this day. At church, we encountered interesting personalities (like Auto Baldwin who pulled the altar over on top of him; or like Desken Kirk and the harmonica; or Dow Kirk running the aisles to the mantra of “Whoopee!”) – all of which gave us a different look at the spiritual life and how it worked in their lives. We made life-long relationships and learned what it meant to be sensitive to the Lord’s leading in our lives from an early age. What I personally didn’t realize in all of this was that she was not just leading the family spiritually, but she was preparing me personally for a vocation. I’ve been in the church my entire life, watching and observing, participating and learning. I pastor a church today and have no problem leading in a church setting because of her influence and her indirect training from the time I’ve been an infant. I fell asleep on the pews listening to sermons! She was a spiritual leader.
2. Faithful Mother. She was always a stable presence in our family. Not one time did any of us ever go to sleep at night with even an inkling of a thought that she would not be there to greet us in the morning. She cooked meals. She doctored us when we were sick and even argued with the doctors over their diagnosis. She served all of us daily. Growing up, there was one person who cared enough about how our character was shaping up, that she disciplined us and taught us to do right from an early age. In her later years, she told me, “Looking back, the happiest time of my life was when I had all my kids at home with me.” She pursued us in relationship, and not just us but her grandchildren too. Her refrigerator is totally covered with their pictures. She would draw all of us out of our hiding places and then offer a helpful word to guide us or a loving touch to affirm us. She’d sit on our bedside at night, draw us into conversation, tease out what we needed to talk about and offer her friendship and her wisdom. She stayed snapped into her mothering role until the very end. As things grew progressively worse last week, Jeff was looking for something in the refrigerator. Her conversation by this time had been reduced to a few words at a time and a quiet moan with a lot of sleep in between. She overheard him say what he was looking for in the frig. And she stirred to clear consciousness and said just a clear as could be, “bottom drawer on the right.” Such a mother! Mom loved to dispense motherly advise, even after we were grown: “Love your wife. Feed your kids. Pay attention to them. Help around the house. Watch your weight. Don’t act like a know-it-all. But perhaps her mothering impacted us the most as children. Rob and I both remember that as children we somehow got on the topic of kissing. Mommy decided to show us how to Eskimo kiss. She would get really close to us and then move her nose back and forth against our noses. As she drew her dying breath, Rob reached over and gave her one final Eskimo kiss for the journey home. You see, that represents the depth of her love for all of us – from the time we were just children to the last mile of the journey, her love for each of us was never questioned. Some time ago, I came across this piece and sent it to mommy in a card. It is called “Mother O’ Mine” by Rudyard Kipling:
If I were hanged on the highest hill,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
I know whose love would follow me still,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
If I were drowned in the deepest sea,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
I know whose tears would come down to me,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
If I were damned by body and soul,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
I know whose prayers would make me whole,
Mother o’ mine, O mother o’ mine!
She was a faithful mother.
3. Prayer Warrior. She and Billy Joe Holland were prayer warriors together. I would not fear a thousand enemies if I had these two ladies praying for me. She prayed with frequency and fervor. As an older child, I knew if mom went into the room and closed the door, that she was going to engage in spiritual warfare for her family and friends. I would overhear the battle and so many times she emerged victorious. She like all of us went through difficult places in life, but the Devil never beat her in the place of prayer. I can’t tell you how many times that she prayed us through a crisis situation and won our battles on her knees. She was a prayer warrior.
4. Personal Friend. She has been a warm smile, a word of encouragement, an act of kindness, a godly servant to so many people, both adults and children. A few years ago, I was going through a really tough place in life. It turned out to be a period of obscurity that God really used to shape me. But in that time, I noticed a change in our relationship. My mother became my best friend. She said a few weeks ago: “The most important thing is love; without love, what else is there?” She was so careful to treat others very even-handed. She was a personal friend.
5. Leaver of a Legacy. As I reflect on all the memories, I realize now what she has done. I find myself moving in the direction of all of these things that she has been to so many others. I am becoming a stronger spiritual leader in my own family and bonding my kids to the local church. I am determined to be a faithful father who is meaningfully present in my children’s lives and to pursue them in relationship. I am endeavoring to regain the vision for frequent, fervent prayer. I am trying to add value to others. This is the essence of her God-focused legacy. She was a legacy leaver.
Comfort from Her Favorite Book
Explanation: Not only is it important to celebrate her life, it is also important for us to find comfort in her favorite book. Our mom would want us to remember that God’s Word has the answers to our greatest questions.
1. What is God like? Psalm 103
2. How can I be assured of eternal life? John 11:25-27
3. Where is my loved one after they die? Philippians 1:21-23
4. When will I see them again? 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
5. How can I live today in light of their absence? 1 Corinthians 15:55
6. What is heaven like? Hebrews 11:13-16. It’s an eternal home beyond imagination. We get a new body - 1 Cor. 15:50-54. We have a custom-built living area - John 14:1-3. We get to enjoy great meals - Revelation 19:19. We get to see/speak with loved ones and Bible characters - 1 Thess. 4:13-17 (Mary, mother of Jesus was mom’s favorite). We get to live in a perfect world – the land of “no-mores” - Revelation 7:16,17, 4, 8, 27 - No more hunger, thirst, scorching heat, tears, death, bad guys, impure things, night, no pollution, no violence, no hospitals, no funerals. We get to see and experience God unhindered with our loved ones by our side. It’s called life eternal.
Life Lessons She Shared
Explanation: We’ve celebrated her life; we’ve found comfort in her favorite book. What about the life lessons that she shared. I think there were four great lessons that came from her life.
1. Live in the present moment. There’s a quote that I carried in my wallet for so long. It reminded me of how I should think about the present day on this side of heaven. Here’s what it said: “Do not fear death; but rather the unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.” God takes care of the forever part. He wants us to live and enjoy today to the fullest. Mom wants us to do this.
2. Be content with what you have. She had this quote hanging in a couple of places in her home that really emphasizes this truth: “Live simply. Love much. Laugh often.” If you have life, love, and laughter, you have the very best that life can give you. She was always careful to give God praise.
3. Bond with a local church. Follow Christ and connect to a local church where you can grow and serve on a regular basis and help others.
4. Be ready for heaven. She once answered this question in her journal: “What would be the most wonderful gift you could receive?” “I would like to know that all my children and grandchildren were ready for heaven.” She’s there now and she’s waiting.
Personal Words to an Incredible Lady
Conclusion: I would just like to address my Mom for a moment as I conclude today: “Mommy, life has come full circle hasn’t it? What started out as a little girl up in a hollow at Hernshaw with Dallas and Beulah - playing ball with your sisters - Rosie, Margaret, and Bertha - hiking in the woods, chewing on birch wood, picking berries, going to VBS, eating apple pie – it’s all come full circle, hasn’t it? And now, with a full life behind you, you are with Dallas and Beulah again in Heavens eternal hollow where all your needs will be forever met and you and Daddy can skip together on Heavens hills. And don’t go too far because life will come full circle for each of us someday, and we will follow you, not too far behind. You have run your race. You have invested your life wisely. You have loved deeply. You sacrificed selflessly and today, I have this incredible sense of a debt that I could never repay. After being gone from home now for several years, and seeing so many families shattered, I’ve come to realize that I owe you so much. I owe you for lying awake late into the night, listening for a car to pull in, or a cough or cry coming from another room. I owe you for being a short-order cook, for great Sunday afternoon meals, and for making “leftovers” taste even better the second time around. I owe you for cleaning up after my messes. I owe you for getting me better when I was sick. I owe you for making sure that I had new basketball shoes when we barely had enough to get food at that particular point in our lives. I owe you for laundry services, for hundreds of phone calls, and for a wonderful example of a focused God-centered life. I owe you for wise insights on life, for your cards and notes of encouragement, many of which I have kept. I owe you for cementing the family together with your love and we all love one another today because we had a great teacher. I owe you for not only bearing your own problems, but everybody else’s problems in the family too. I owe you for always standing on the porch to greet us when we would come in for a visit. I owe you today and yet somehow I can still hear you say, ‘You light up my life, and you don’t owe me anything.’ I guess I will forever be in your debt. I will never be able to repay you. The world may little note nor long remember what we do here today. But we will not forget you and the investment you made in all our lives. I will spend the rest of my life living out the legacy that you began. For now, I say to you, “Good night mommy. Tell daddy hello. We’ll see both of you in the morning.”
Closing: I think back to when she came home from the hospital last week. The ambulance pulled up outside. And she was so excited about coming home. I was too. It’s where her heart has always been. When they rolled her up on the porch, I had to do something, so I applauded. She was a warrior coming home to walk the sobering path of death with those closest to her. She walked that path bravely and I was wondering if you could join with me one more time and applaud her eternal home-going.
