Christianity has often been referred to as a crutch for the week. Have you ever heard that. I have a lot of problems with that statement. Mainly because I think that life – at some level was much simplier – before I was a Christian. In my opinion live would be easier – if I were NOT be a Christian. The commands and exhortations, the way we are supposed to live as Christians can make life – actually much more difficult for us – BUT - it’s a Better LIFE. At times more difficult – but it’s a better life.
When we live without Christ - there is bitterness, apathy, despair, hopelessness, revenge. But life with Christ there is hope, fulfillment, love, grace, unity. What we have to do and how we have to live to get those results can be difficult, but when we choose to live lives of faith and trust that what the bibles says is true – then that makes all the difference.
And the really great news about all of this is that God gives us the power to live out all these things as he lives in us and changes us and make us new people – God is transforming us into the image of Christ. However, just like we had to freely choose our new life with Christ, we must freely choose to allow God to work in our lives, and trust him and do what He says and live out (with His help) the kind of life he desires us to lead. That takes commitment, it takes humility – as we recognize we can’t do it alone and most of all – it requires that we trust God. That we trust God with our lives and our future –even when it doesn’t make sense.
If you haven’t figured it out already - the Christian life often doesn’t make sense – we have a limited, finite ability in our perception of the bigger picture. The picture where God is the artist and not us. It’s by design. God intends for us to learn to trust him. As we do that over time – we will begin to change and become more like Christ.
I’d like to cover a difficult topic today. This can be more difficult for some then it is for others – depending on what you have experienced in life. But I’m convinced that if we embrace the truth of God’s word on this topic it will help us to grow exponentially in our walk with God. What I’d like to talk to you about today is forgiveness.
Forgiveness – that’s a powerful word. But it is easier said then done isn’t it? We don’t like to forgive. What we really want to do is retaliate. In fact, some of us have come up with little creative ways to do that.
Maybe we talk behind people’s back and we try to get other people not to like them. We create a faction and recruit other people to be mad at them with us. In fact - I learned very early on you can get away with talking bad about people in the church if you do it the right way. All you have to do is first say “Bless his heart…”
Let me give you an example – lets say – you and I were talking about our Worship Minister – Jeremy Tudor - All I would really have to say is - Jeremy - Bless His Heart – he doesn’t know anything about leading worship.”
Just a subtle little way we retaliate – or take revenge. I don’t recommend doing that – especially now that the secret is out.
Some of us retaliate with sarcasm. It’s a way to mask words so they appear humorous – but it’s just another way to retaliate. Especially when we do it in front of a group of people and direct it at the certain offending person
Sometimes we retaliate financially – J. Paul Getty – changed his will 21 times before he died because of grudges against his family. It’s not natural to forgive. But the bible tells us – it commands us to forgive.
I heard a story about a little boy that got in trouble he was punished by his dad and later that night, they were about to eat dinner and the dad tells his son – Listen son – I know you don’t feel like saying the blessings but I want you to do it anyway. The boy grudgingly said ok and He prayed “Dear God thank you for preparing this table in the presence of my enemies.”
There is something in us that resists forgiveness. Forgiving is difficult.
Some of you are here today and you have been deeply hurt, legitimately wronged by someone. Maybe you’ve gone through…
Bitter divorce
Abused by parent
Victimized by a criminal
Slandered by a gossip
Humiliated by a superior at work
Taken advantage of by your co-workers
Neglected by your children
Betrayed by a friend
Someone in a business relationship has cheated you
I bet everyone in this room has been hurt in someway or some form. You’ve been hurt – Someone has legitimately hurt you, sinned against you or wronged you. Let me emphasize - You have been offended against and your feelings are justified and valid. You’ve been hurt – some of you very deeply, wounded and scared, certainly emotionally some of you even physically. Do not hear me say this morning that those offenses against you are not wrong – they are. In fact, when someone has hurt you or wronged you. There is a sense that something has been stolen from you.
Sometimes its tangible – someone took money or damaged something of yours. But usually – most of the time - its something intangible. If you’re spouse left you – what’s been taken from you is the opportunity to have a happy marriage with one person for the rest of your life. Maybe what was stolen from you because of a divorce – is the opportunity to put your kids to bed at night. You can’t do that – because your kids live with her now and you’re alone.
If you’re the child of divorce what was stolen from you is the opportunity to grow up in a happy home with both parents. You never had that – it hurts – it hurts bad.
So many of us - probably all of us - have been hurt or wronged by someone in some way. Well what do we do about that? As followers of Christ – what do we do?
The bible is very clear, it’s extremely clear, it’s obvious what we are supposed to do in these situations. We are supposed to forgive. God calls us to forgive.
The apostle Peter thought he understood forgiveness but he found out he wasn’t even close. In Matthew18:21-22…
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.”
You see Peter actually thought he was being generous. There was this Jewish tradition that three times was all you really needed to forgive, so Peter is probably trying to impress Jesus and say - seven times how about that? That’s pretty good right Jesus? Jesus goes way beyond – he is actually using hyperbole, and says 70 times 7, and what he means is infinitely we are to forgive – over and over and over again.
Let me give you a good definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is clearing the record of those who have wronged me and not holding a grudge.
There are two greek words in the new testament that are translated into forgiveness. The first is the idea that there is a canceled debt. That is you owed something. Now you don’t. The other word is the idea of release or letting go. So that’s what forgiveness is – its saying debt canceled – you don’t owe me anymore – you’re released. With Christ in our life there is forgiveness – without Christ there is retaliation. As Christians - God calls us to give up our right to retaliate.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with the offender and has everything to do with you. Jesus didn’t say to Peter – forgive 70 times 7 and even then “only when the person is remorseful and fully acknowledges his wrong doing.” Forgiveness is a decision – it’s a decision to cancel that debt – No matter how the other person sees the offense. Forgiveness is saying - I’m not going to wait for you to apologize, I’m not going to wait for you to realize it or come to a decision yourself, its OUR decision to say – you don’t owe me anymore – regardless of the other persons view. We release our right – and we do have a right - we’ve been wronged legitimately – but we release our right for revenge.
Incdientally when you do forgive – very rarely do you go up to the person and announce your forgiveness. That takes away from the true spirit of forgiveness. If you’ve been wronged by you boss – you shouldn’t go to work tomorrow morning and say to him – You take advantage of me, you don’t appreciate me, you don’t pay me enough and you’re a jerk to me – but I forgive you.
Husband don’t come home from work and say, “Hi honey. The house is a mess, my dinners not ready, the kids are rowdy and out of control – but I forgive you.
Wives – you don’t say, you leave your dirty sox on the floor, you haven’t fixed anything in the house, you never help around the house, your lazy and all you do is sit on the couch and watch ball games – but I forgive you!
No – that’s not how you forgive. When we forgive – when we release the offender, when we cancel the debt – we just do it. You don’t go around saying – I forgive you – you just do it. That’s true forgiveness.
That’s why forgiveness is hard. But if we do it -When you forgive - something inside of you happens – and it manifests itself out of you – how you talk - what you say – how you treat people around you. God uses it in your life – and you become more like Christ.
I know what your thinking. I’ve thought it myself. Some of you are thinking to yourself – but if I forgive them its like I’m rewarding them for what they’ve done. I’m letting them off the hook. Is that right? Is that a good thing? That’s the wrong perspective. The bible says in Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
That means we have to entrust that person and their offense to God. We have to let God take care of the offender. Here is something else about forgiveness.
Lets say the person who has offended you does show up at you doorstep one day and say – I was wrong – your right – please can you find it in your heart of hearts to forgive me. They couldn’t repay you anyway. They can’t give you back the lost nights of putting your kids to bed, they can’t turn back the clock and make it right anyway – so why don’t we just forgive.
Let me give you and illustration. Let’s say that today you found out that you have cancer. You wouldn’t spend a whole lot of time on how you got it. You wouldn’t spend a lot of time trying to figure out the source of the cancer – was it in your family – do I live close to power lines. What caused this - NO – your primary focus wouldn’t be on the source of your cancer – you would focus on the solution – What do you have to do to get rid of it – what’s the plan to rid this cancer from your body. What is the solution?
Bitterness is a cancer to our souls and when we focus on the source of our bitterness it only gets worse – the solution is forgiveness.
An unknown author once wrote - To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was YOU.
Some of you are still having trouble grasping forgiveness.
Let me tell you – the ultimate reason why you need to forgive. The BIG reason why. This is the trump card. Because you’ve been forgiven.
Ephesians 4:32 tells us why. “Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.”
You see we have to let people off the hook because we’ve been let off the hook. If you have a problem forgiving someone – it’s because you have forgotten, or you aren’t fully aware of just how MUCH you’ve been forgiven by God.
We are tempted to make excuses –
You don’t know how bad they hurt me – you don’t know how bad your sin hurt God.
You don’t know what they’ve done – then you’ve forgotten what Christ has done on the Cross.
All of us loose our excuse not to forgive – because all of us are reminded we had a debt we could not pay – and God said canceled
Forgiving someone costs us a little bit of out pride, but when God forgave us – it costs him his Son. That’s why we forgive – we say debt canceled – you don’t owe me anymore – because God said to you – You don’t owe me anymore - Debt canceled.
Forgiveness if you get right down to it - doesn’t make sense. Forgiveness doesn’t make any sense – no reason to forgive – unless – you understand that you are a forgiven person. And when we forgive we come one step closer to Jesus.
Someone once said
We are most like beasts when we kill
We are most like men when we judge
And we are most like God when we forgive
I know it’s hard – forgiveness isn’t easy. But when Christ is in our lives – God promises to give us power to forgive. (pause)
Corrie Ten Boom lived in Holland in the 1940’s when the Germans took occupation of the country. The Nazi’s began moving Dutch Jews into concentration camps and the Ten Boom Family – strong and committed Christians were moved by this in justice – Corrie – her sister Betsie and their father started an underground movement to rescue and shelter Jews.
One day in 1944 the Germans were tipped off regarding the Ten Booms and their effort to hide Jews. Corrie and her sister and her elderly father were sent to a Nazi concentration camp.
The conditions were so harsh that Mr. ten Boom did not survive and died at the hand of the Nazi’s within days of the raid. Corrie and her sister would endure harsh treatment from the Nazi’s. But they would take comfort in the secret bible they were able to smuggle into the concentration camp. Betsie and Corrie would encourage other prisoners and together they would trust in god in the midst of their terrible circumstances and would refuse to become bitter.
Eventually Betsie died in the concentration camp. Her last words to Corrie were, “ ...(we) must tell them what we have learned here. We must tell them that there is no pit so deep that Christ is not deeper still. They will listen to you, Corrie, because you have been here."
When the war was over – Corrie was released from the concentration camp. For the next 30 years Corrie would travel the globe sharing her story - that forgiveness and love were more powerful then hate and bitterness. She would say that forgiveness was like casting offenses into the depths of the ocean never to be remembered.
One day she was speaking at a church in Munich – when she looked out into the crowd and she recognized one of the guards that had severely mistreated her and her sister Betsie.
The guard came up to Corrie after the service and it was obvious the man did not remember her.
This was the first time Corrie had come face to face with one of her captors. The guard said excellent message Frauline. I was a guard in Ravensbrook during the occupation.
Since that time I’ve become a Christian and I trust that as you’ve said that God has forgiven me for all the cruel things I did there, but it would mean very much to me if you’d forgive me as well. He reached out his hand to shake Corries and she was face to face with her opportunity to forgive. She didn’t think she could do it. She saw the faces of her aging father and her beloved sister Betsie. Both were gone because of the cruelty suffered at the hand of this man.
She writes - I stood there lifeless– could this man erase their terrible deaths simply by the asking. I knew that I needed to forgive but – I stood frozen – unable to move.
Jesus – help me – I prayed – I can not forgive even though you’ve called me to do it. I told God - I’ll raise my hand but you have to do the rest.
Slowly she raised her hand and took the former prison guards hand and as she describes a healing warmth began to flood her body and she felt God’s very presence and through tears she cried out – I forgive you Brother – and there stood a former guard and a former prisoner in a tight embrace– she said – I had never felt God’s love so intensely as I felt it then.
God will give us power to forgive. There is a passage in the Gospel of John that gives us a great perspective on this issue of forgiveness. Its in the book of John chapter 8 – starting v. 3
John 8:3-11
The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
Now there are a lot of things going on in this passage. I’m just going to touch on a few. They have brought this woman before Jesus. She was caught red-handed. The law is real clear – that the women should be stoned and killed. They are trying to trap Jesus. They think to themselves, “We’ve got him now, because if he shows mercy on her, we get him for being soft on the law. If he says, ‘Stone her,’ His reputation as being compassionate, the friend of sinners, is gone.”
The question here is if Jesus is going to choose the side of mercy or justice? That is what hangs in the balance.
The genius of Jesus in this moment is that he confronts the crowd with a decision – they must make. “Go ahead and throw your stone if you want. Pass judgment. Condemn her. It’s your call. Just make sure you’re sinless yourself first. Just remember that sinful people—fallen people—are in no position to throw stones.
A military general once came up to John Wesley and said, “I never forgive and I never forget” to which John Wesley relied – “Then sir. I hope you never sin.”
I think many of us here this morning have been hurt – deeply – hurt – something has been stolen from us and we are ready to pick up a stone and throw it. We want justice. We demand justice.
So I want to ask all of you who are wrestling here, anybody in this room need to let go of a stone this morning? Some of you came in here carrying a stone. Maybe it was against somebody who hurt you - a mom or dad, maybe a spouse or ex-spouse - maybe a boss or a co-worker. You came in carrying a stone, and the truth is, you’ve been carrying it around so long you don’t remember life without it.
And it’s killing the joy and the love and the humanity inside you day after day after day after day. You are justified in carrying that stone. The offense against you is real. It hurt you. Something was stolen from you. But carrying that stone isn’t going to help you.
At the end of this passage after the crowd left - Jesus tells this women he doesn’t condemn here. You and I understand, in a way that she did not yet, that Jesus said this at great cost. Because what Jesus ultimately said was, “I don’t condemn you. I will take your condemnation on myself. I don’t condemn you. All the condemnation will be on me. All the judgment will fall. All the stones will be thrown on me.” Jesus offers this forgiveness and grace at a tremendous cost.
And he offered it to you. He forgave you. He said debt canceled. You don’t owe me anymore. Lets do something this morning. Lets do a little exercise. I need you to humor me.
I found this stone on the way in this morning. I want you to imagine that you have one just like it. Take you fist and hold it like this - hold it tight - clench it and imagine you have a stone. Clench that stone tight. For some of you this will be a very applicable exercise for others - this can just be a commitment to become a forgiving person.
Clench that stone – hold it tight – I want you to close your eyes now. (Band come out) I want you to think of the person that has wronged you. Maybe its several people. Think of all the people that have wronged you. Imagine their faces. If you can’t think of anyone that’s ok, but I bet many of you can. Do you see their faces – what did they take from you? What was it? What did they steal from you? Think about that for a moment. Can you see there face? Now fade that persons face out and replace it with the face of Christ. Do you see the face of Christ? It’s Jesus and he’s looking at you and he says to you. Debt canceled. Paid in full – he says your name - and then “you don’t owe me anymore”. Now let go of that stone – just drop that stone – you don’t need it anymore – just let it go – Debt canceled – they don’t owe you anymore.
Song – for a chorus or so
Conclusion
Now for some of you that was a very real exercise in forgiveness – I hope that it was. Now – I’d be lying to you if I said you’re never going to remember that offense again.
In fact a big myth is the idea of “forgive and forget.” You may never forget. You might, but you probably won’t completely forget - but over time it will become easier.
Corrie Ten Boom described forgiveness like a bell. When you ring a big church bell by a rope – you pull that rope several times and when you let it go - there will be a few more rings of that bell, but slowly the bell will stop ringing. Forgiveness is like that – you will think of that offense again. When you do – when your offender comes back to your mind - picture the face of Christ. Remember Jesus. Remind yourself what he did for you. He said debt canceled.
I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least touch another part of forgiveness. There is another group here today – you’re the offender – this message wasn’t about you – none the less – you know you’re the offender – and you’ve stolen something from someone. In the bible it says God blesses those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit. If you’ve wronged someone – you need to have a broken and a contrite spirit and go and ask for their forgiveness. You need to use those words – Please forgive me. And you should make restitution for your offense – if its possible. That’s a message for another day. But we all should put into our vocabulary the phrase – Will you forgive me – not just – I’m sorry – but I’m sorry AND “will you forgive me.” My wife and I use this all the time in our relationship – and its our key to a happy marriage – because we’re both willing to admit when we’re wrong and ask forgiveness.
When we learn to regularly seek forgiveness we will find it much easier to forgive when it comes time.
Philosopher Bernard Metzler once said.
When you forgive, you in no way change the past - but you sure do change the future.
When we forgive we take one step closer to Christ. He meets us there when we do.
Invitation
Some of you have never embraced the forgiveness of God that has been held out to you. Maybe its time for you to embrace that forgiveness and give your life to Christ. Today can be your day. Maybe some of you want to make it official and make this your church home. Or perhaps you need someone to pray for you. Whatever it is I’ll be done here – you can come as we stand and sing.
