FRIENDSHIP 101: By Pastor Chris Jordan
Part #1 – THE HONEYCOMB CONNECTION:
We’re going to take a look at the blueprint that God has given us for the church. Because if we’re not doing things the way that God intended us to do things in the Bible, then we are living far below that great, awesome and exciting standard that He has for our lives. If we want to know what church is supposed to look like, we need to go back to the beginning where Jesus started His church in the book of Acts.
The Bible says, “They committed themselves to:
1. the TEACHING of the apostles...
(one thing that was so important to the early church was the Bible – they committed to believe, and learn, and practice what God has to say for our lives),
2. the life TOGETHER...
(they realized that as Christians, God has not called us to go through life alone. In fact, one of the very first things that God said in Genesis chapter two was, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God brought us together for a reason, to connect in friendships with each other and go through this journey of life together),
3. the common MEAL, and
4. the PRAYERS
(another important part of the Christian life is prayer).
5. Everyone around was in awe - all those WONDERS ADN SIGNS done through the apostles!
(Another aspect of the early church was that it was a place where signs and wonders, and healings and miracles took place. If you’ve been around our youth group for the last couple of months, you know we’ve done some teaching on healing and miracles, and we’ve seen amazing, miraculous things happen, because that’s the church the way God intended church to be!).
6. And all the believers lived in a wonderful HARMONY, holding everything in common. They sold whatever they owned and pooled their resources so that each person’s need was met.
7. They followed a daily discipline of WORSHIP in the Temple
(worship is an important part of our lives as Christians),
8. followed by meals at HOME, every meal a celebration, exuberant and
9. JOYFUL
(joy is an important part of our Christian lives – it’s fun being saved! God wants us to have fun and enjoy life! Some of you take your Christianity too seriously – you know we’re supposed to be holy and sanctified, but do you also know that the Bible says, In God’s presence there is fullness of God; at God’s right hand there are pleasures forevermore? There is a joy and a fun that you can have in God!),
10. as they PRAISED GOD. People in general liked what they saw. Every day their number grew as God added those who were SAVED.” (Acts 2:42-47, the Message).
The title for my message is “FRIENDSHIP 101.” If you go to university or college, you see that on a lot of courses that you take: Humanities 101 or 102 or whatever. And I thought wouldn’t it be good if we took some time to learn about this thing called friendships? One of the things I’ve noticed when you go to school is that they don’t offer a class in friendships. You go to school and learn all these subjects, and you take your math and French, and you ask, “When am I ever going to use this again?” Have you ever asked that question before? How much more would it benefit our lives if we took a practical class in friendships? All of life is based on relationships. From now until the day that you die, every single day you’re going to interact with people. And wouldn’t it be great if we could learn to do that in a way where we got along with one another? Where we enjoyed our friendships with one another, and weren’t fighting and backbiting all the time? Thank God He has given us the Bible – the book of wisdom – that tells us how to have good relationships with each another. Here is the key Scripture in the Bible that shows us how to live in right relationship with one another. This is a foundational principle for the Christian life:
“Jesus said, "’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ’You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37-40).
Do you know what Jesus meant by that last statement? Jesus is saying that if we could keep just two commandments, to love God with all our heart, and love our neighbour as ourselves, we would be keeping every other commandment in the Bible. Wow!
As Christians, we need to to focus more on friendships. The goal that God has for our youth group is that we would develop a strong family atmosphere. This is not just an entertainment center where we come and hang out and have fun with each other, although we will have fun. It’s a place where we can get connected with one another in deep and meaningful relationships. Some of you are going through really hard times in your life, and you don’t have anyone that you can go to, to talk to about your problems. You’re going through serious stuff. Wouldn’t it be great if you had a place where you could com, to share the deep things that are going on in your heart with someone else and know that they’re not going to make fun of you or gossip about you, but that they would listen to your problems, pray with you, encourage you, and help you with what you’re going through? That’s what I believe God’s desire is for us.
You and I are like a little Cheerio, and we’ve been thrown into the cereal bowl of life. We’re all floating around in a big cereal bowl. There’s Cindy-Lou Cheerio, and Chad the Cheerio, and Chico the Cheerio, all hanging out in different parts of the cereal bowl, lonely little Cheerios. But there’s another cereal called Honeycomb that’s a little sweeter than the Cheerio. Instead of being one isolated little Cheerio, you have a whole group of people connected to the middle – which represents God – and connected to one another. When we get connected in deep and meaningful relationships with God and each other, we are no longer floating through the cereal bowl of life all by ourselves. Life is so much sweeter when we get connected. Wouldn’t you rather be a part of a honeycomb, than a lonely little Cheerio?
Part #2 – UNCOVERING THE SPIRIT OF THE PHARISEE:
“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10).
It is important for us to realize we’ve got an enemy – the devil – who has come to steal, kill and destroy. The devil hates it when we get connected with the Lord and one another, and he wants to destroy those connections. If there’s any one thing the devil has been busy doing from the beginning of time – in the Garden of Eden when there were only two human beings, Adam and Eve, who connected with God in a sweet honeycomb connection – it’s destroying relationships. Satan knew that when they were together they were strong. He knew that there was strength in numbers. So when he caused them to sin, he separated them from God and one another.
Now we’re going to talk about being involved in loving relationships, where we care about one another, where we begin to bear the burdens of one another, where we pray for each other, forgive each other, and welcome and accept one another. But we need to remember that we have any enemy who is hell-bent on destroying our relationships, and will do everything he can to make sure we don’t make those connections. And so, I want to talk to you about the spirit of the Pharisee. This is something that can so subtly creep into a youth group and tear it apart.
What is the spirit of a Pharisee? Let’s take a look at the natural, physical Pharisees in the Four Gospels in the Bible. When Jesus came to the Earth, He came to help people, to heal people. Jesus is a loving Saviour who cares about people. But the Pharisees contended with Jesus every step of the way.
“…the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees…” (Matthew 5:20).
The first thing we learn about the Pharisees is that they did many outward acts of righteousness. Matthew 9:14 says, “Then the disciples of John came to Him, saying, "Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?" If you were to look at them on the outside, you would have said that they were very spiritual people. They were the people who went to church and did the good deeds. They fasted and did everything outwardly that they were supposed to do. And you would have thought, “Man, those are the pillars in the church! Those are the best kids in the youth group! They show up every week! They bring their Bibles! They’re in pre-service prayer and doing all the right stuff!” But just because you do all the ‘right stuff’ doesn’t mean that you’re pleasing to God, because the Pharisees were not pleasing to God. In fact, they were fighting against what God was trying to do. As we’re going through this list, I want to give you a question to ponder – are you a Pharisee?
“The Pharisees said to His disciples, "Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” (Matthew 9:11). The Pharisees were very judgmental. They got mad at Jesus because he sat down with some notorious sinners – the worst of the worst. The spirit of the Pharisee is the spirit of judgmentalism that looks down on others – no matter how good they are. Jesus did a lot of good deeds, but they didn’t focus on that.
“’These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me.” (Matthew 15:8). What is the spirit of the Pharisee? They did all the right stuff, they sang all the right songs, “Oh, I love You, Lord, You’re so wonderful,” they’d sing, they’d dance, they’d shout, but their hearts were far from God.
“For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.” (Matthew 23:4). The Pharisees were religious leaders, and do you know what their job was supposed to be? Helping people bear their burdens! But do you know what the spirit of the Pharisee does? Instead of helping people with their problems, they put more burdens on them. “Here are my expectations for you, here’s what I think you should do! Here’s how I think you should have a relationship with God!”
What else do we learn about the spirit of the Pharisee? They do all their good works to be seen by people (Matt. 23:5); and they love to be given places of honour and recognition (Matt. 23:6). They make long prayers. “Oh, look at me! I love Jesus so much! I’m so wonderful!” They do good deeds, not because it’s the right thing to do, but to be seen by others. They want to be up front, they want to be seen by people, they want to be given honour. They’ll even spiritualize it and say, “I’m a child of God, so you need to treat me with respect, and do things for me! It’s all about me!”
They hinder other people from getting into God’s kingdom (Matt. 23:13); they neglect important values like justice, mercy & God’s love (Matt. 23:23), and they make everything look good on the outside, but not on the inside (Matt. 23:25). They did everything right on the outside. If you were to look at them, you would say, “Oh, you’re a very spiritual person!” You see, the spirit of the Pharisee makes everything look good on the outside, so they can be acceptable and pleasing to others. But they don’t care about what’s on the inside. Jesus said, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.” (Matthew 23:27).
“The proud Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ’I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else, especially like that tax collector over there! For I never cheat, I don’t sin, I don’t commit adultery.” (Luke 18:11). The spirit of the Pharisee thinks that they are more spiritual than other people. They look down on others and criticize and condemn them. “Who do you think you are? If you were a more spiritual Christian, you wouldn’t do that. Christians don’t do that!” They put other people down so that they can make themselves feel better. They looked down on others who didn’t fast like they did (Mark 2:18). The Pharisees said, “Jesus, how come your disciples don’t fast like we do? This is how we do things! This is how we have a relationship with God, so your disciples should have a relationship with God like we do!”
“And in vain they worship Me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.” (Mark 7:7). The Pharisees were hypocrites who taught convictions as commandments. It’s one thing to have a personal conviction, and believe that certain things are right and wrong, but when you put that conviction on someone else, you are putting a heavy burden on them that they might not be able to bear. Now there’s nothing wrong with having convictions, and living in purity and holiness. It’s great if you want to make a choice to never watch TV at all, but don’t look down on someone else who thinks its okay for Christians to watch TV.
The Pharisees wanted to judge and condemn sinners. Remember the women caught in adultery in John 8:1-11 that they threw down at the feet of Jesus? They said, “Jesus, she’s a wicked, evil, sinful woman! We caught her committing adultery, and our law says we should stone her!” See, here’s the spirit of the Pharisee. They had become self-proclaimed judges. They thought it was their job to go around looking for people who cross that line and judge them. How did Jesus respond to the Pharisees in this situation? He said, “Those of you who’ve never sinned, you throw the first stone.” And you know what happened in the story, one by one her accusers walked away. We have no right to become a judge of someone else and their relationship with God! Someone else already has the job of Judge, and He likes it! God is the judge of all the Earth, and that includes all of your friends. Let Him be the Judge!
Part #3 – OVERCOMING THE SPIRIT OF THE PHARISEE:
So far, we looked at one of the most destructive forces that can tear apart youth groups – the spirit of the Pharisee. The Pharisee spirit is that “holier than thou” attitude that says, “You have to be just like me if you want to be a Christian!” In Isaiah 65:5, the Lord says, “Yet they say to each other, ’Don’t come too close or you will defile me! I am holier than you!’ They are a stench in my nostrils, an acrid smell that never goes away!” The spirit of the Pharisee is a stench to God!
Now that we have uncovered the spirit of the Pharisee, let’s take a look at how we can overcome it! The antidote is found in Romans chapter 14, quoting from The Message Bible:
Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with - even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department.
We could stop right there – that is good advice! What do you do when you see a Christian who is walking below the standard of holiness that you think should be the requirement of every believer? If someone has a different opinion than you do about whether or not it’s right to listen to secular music, or whether or not its right to watch TV, go to movies or dress a certain way, God says that your job is to welcome them with open arms. Don’t jump all over them when they say something you don’t agree with!
Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently. For instance, a person who has been around for a while might well be convinced that he can eat anything on the table, while another, with a different background, might assume all Christians should be vegetarians and eat accordingly. But since both are guests at Christ’s table, wouldn’t it be terribly rude if they fell to criticizing what the other ate or didn’t eat? God, after all, invited them both to the table. Do you have any business crossing people off the guest list or interfering with God’s welcome? If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help.
Again, you’ve heard me say this before, but God is the Judge, and He likes His job!
Or, say, one person thinks that some days should be set aside as holy and another thinks that each day is pretty much like any other. There are good reasons either way. So, each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience. What’s important in all this is that if you keep a holy day, keep it for God’s sake…
There are things in your life that you have convictions about that might not be spelled out in the Bible. For example, you might say that it is wrong for Christians to listen to secular music. If you have that conviction, praise God – live that way! It’s great to have a conviction like that! Do it as unto the Lord, and enjoy your relationship with God, but don’t put your convictions on someone else!
None of us are permitted to insist on our own way in these matters. It’s God we are answerable to…not each other. (Read that last sentence again!)
That’s why Jesus lived and died and then lived again: so that he could be our Master across the entire range of life and death, and free us from the petty tyrannies of each other.
How many of you have ever been made to feel so small because another Christian came to you because of your choice in music or movie watching and said, “You are unspiritual! You are less of a Christian because of what you are doing.” Have you ever had someone else look down on you because of your lifestyle choices?
So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? I’d say it leaves you looking pretty silly - or worse. Eventually, we’re all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren’t going to improve your position there one bit. Read it for yourself in Scripture: "As I live and breathe," God says, "every knee will bow before me; Every tongue will tell the honest truth that I and only I am God." So tend to your (own business). You’ve got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God. Forget about deciding what’s right for each other. Here’s what you need to be concerned about: that you don’t get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is…
See, that’s what happens when you take one of your convictions (I’m not talking about commandments in the Bible – yes, we must obey the commandments in the Bible), and try to put it on someone else, you make life more difficult for them. You’re making it harder for them to serve God than it already is!
If you confuse others by making a big issue over what they eat or don’t eat, you’re no longer a companion with them in love, are you? These, remember, are persons for whom Christ died. Would you risk sending them to hell over an item in their diet? So let’s agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other. Help others with encouraging words; don’t drag them down by finding fault. You’re certainly not going to permit an argument over what is served or not served at supper to wreck God’s work among you, are you?
When we start fighting with each other, and judging and criticizing, we’re destroying the work of God among us!
When you sit down to a meal, your primary concern should not be to feed your own face but to share the life of Jesus. So be sensitive and courteous to the others who are eating. Don’t eat or say or do things that might interfere with the free exchange of love. Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don’t impose it on others. You’re fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent. But if you’re not sure, if you notice that you are acting in ways inconsistent with what you believe - some days trying to impose your opinions on others, other days just trying to please them - then you know that you’re out of line. (Romans 14, the Message Bible).
If we would read through and meditate on the truths contained here in Romans 14, I can’t tell you how much peace and unity there would be in this place! What is Paul saying here? If you think it’s wrong to do something (beyond what the Bible teaches), then don’t do it. Live what you say you believe. But remember: It’s not our job to judge other believers, but ourselves!
I read a book by Jerry Cook called, “Love, Acceptance and Forgiveness,” and there was one quote in this book that impacted my life, and helped to shape my personal life and ministry. This quote makes a great motto or mandate for our youth group. It says, “If you come around here, we’re going to love you - unconditionally, always, and under every circumstance!” That means it doesn’t matter how greatly you sin or fall, you will find love and unconditional acceptance here. You will not be judged or looked down upon in our youth group. We need to get rid of the spirit of the Pharisee, and develop a strong family atmosphere!
“Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NLT).
Pray this with me: Lord, I pray right now that in the name of Jesus, that you would rebuke that spirit of the Pharisee, and that it would not be found in this place, that there would not be one among us who would take it upon themselves to be in the place of God as Judge and Master and Ruler over another person’s spiritual life. Help us to realize that one day we are all going to stand before the Judgment seat of Christ, and give account of our own spiritual lives to you. Help us to love and accept one another, in Jesus name, amen!
