Lose approval addiction and gain security
Lord who in the scriptures had an approval addiction?
Jonathon did not! He did what was right, despite his fathers manipulation.
In fact King Saul did!
Living the Good Life
Jesus came for one purpose
John 10:10b
“…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
Learning about Living the Good Life
Finding the Source of Significance – John 1:1-13
Satisfying the Hunger for Approval – John 1:14-34
Discovering Your Purpose for Being – John 1:35-50
Understanding the Root of Happiness – John 2:1-11
Focusing on the Valuable – John 2:12-25
The Hunger for Approval
We all hunger for approval
We want to be noticed, appreciated, respected, and loved. We want it from our peers and our parents. We especially want this approval from our father.
When it is withheld it creates a huge vacuum in our center – the place inside us that aches for a kind word, a gentle smile, or a pleased look.
When this is absent it creates in us a drive for a substitute. In young girls the absence of this approval from a loving father can result in a search for love from others – sometimes in all the wrong places and in all the wrong ways. In boys this absence of approval can lead to anger. It often helps to create a person who is driven to succeed no matter the cost.
When we get older and our parents are gone we find ourselves still hungry, seeking approval, wanting affirmation, loving the applause, thirsty for acceptance.
All of this, and more, because we hunger for the approval of a loving parent.
Approval is not a bad thing to hunger for
Imperfect people
Unfortunately, We live in imperfect world with imperfect people. There are lots of abnormal people out there and many of them are parents.
The problem for many is that we are seeking approval from people who are incapable of giving it.
They aren’t normal. They are irregular people who have been damaged by life. They are like cells in a body that have had a neutron radiated through it destroying chromosomes, breaking down DNA, and mutilating genes. The result is an emotional Quasimodo.
The truth is they aren’t normal and neither are you. There are no normal people. We have all been damaged by life. Of course there are some who are more not normal than others
Our Informed Youth
SAN JOSE -- With his mother holding his hand, a 20-year-old Marine reservist declared himself a conscientious objector, saying he didn’t realize the implications of signing up and accepting pay as a reserve serviceman. "They don’t really advertise that they kill people," he said.
Management Strategy
FREMONT, Calif. -- Two men who met at an anger-management class got into a brawl that killed a chicken and trashed a van while working on a home-improvement project together.
Bling Bling
SAO PAULO, Brazil -- A Brazilian woman with the most body piercings in the world -- said to number 1,903 -- says she still hopes to achieve 2,000 piercings even though she now dangles so much jewelry she fears being mugged for it. "I love pain," she said.
Unkind Cut
ELMIRA, N.Y. -- A man shot a next-door neighbor for mowing his lawn too often.
No one is really normal
So… How can we ever get the approval we seek? Yes, but you have to go to the one who can give it.
God Satisfies the Hunger for Approval
This is where Jesus got the approval that gave him the stability and strength to do what His father sent him here to do – die for our sins.
This is where we receive our approval and this is what brings the peace into our centers and allows us to rest in God’s approval.
So how do we satisfy the hunger for approval? Simple…
Let’s begin by reading from John 1:14
John 1:14-17 (NIV)
14 The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,d who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
15 John testifies concerning him. He cries out, saying, “This was he of whom I said, ‘He who comes after me has surpassed me because he was before me.’” 16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
John 1:32-34 (NIV)
32 Then John gave this testimony: “I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. 33 I would not have known him, except that the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, ‘The man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is he who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.’ 34 I have seen and I testify that this is the Son of God.”
Jesus received the approval of God
This is my son! I’m proud of him. Who among us does not resonate to the sounds of these words!
We want our fathers to be proud of us! Jesus had the Father God’s approval – no question about it.
Why? Well, Jesus, as they say, was a chip off the old block. Jesus was from God and He was from God. Jesus had two characteristics are mentioned in particular in this passage.
Jesus was full of grace and truth
This is a strange combination! These two characteristics would seem not to be in harmony but in juxtaposition. They are not complementary – they are in opposition. Grace and Truth. Yet, Jesus was able to combine both and it was pleasing to the Father God. The Spirit of approval came upon him.
First: Grace
We often in church circles define grace as unmerited favor. That is we get something good and beneficial which is not deserved.
This definition is only true with respect to humankind. With respect to Jesus, grace is the favor or gifts of God, which were given to Him by the father – all of which were merited. He deserved it all. The discernment, the wisdom, the trust, and the power – all of God himself was in him.
The root word in the original language means “gift”. The gift of God is… are you ready? – “God himself”. His presence and power… His nature and his love… His goodness and his wisdom… In Jesus was the fullness of God.
The other characteristic was: Truth
What is truth? Now there is a question for the ages.
I learned this the hard way many years ago when about 10 men sat down together to talk about the “truth” of a situation involving conflict between us. We talked for 10 hours with a ½ hour break and could not find the truth. Each one of us had a different perception, a different memory, and a different truth.
Recently a developmentally disabled 12-year-old boy killed a 6-year-old girl because he was imitating wrestling moves he had seen on television. Initially he was sentenced to life in prison. Now the judge is trying to decide what is right and true. All I know is that I am glad that I am not this boy’s judge. I’m glad that I’m not your judge either.
Only God knows the truth. Only God sees not only the unvarnished facts and the unwavering vision but he also knows the mitigating circumstances and the blemished realities.
Jesus had a handle on truth when it comes to humankind.
God’s Approval on Jesus came because he was full of grace and truth!
Jesus was full of God’s favor and he was full of God’s wisdom. But is wasn’t just being full of these things it was pouring them out on us that pleased the Father God.
Look at the text again.
16 From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. 17 For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.
What made Jesus pleasing to the father was his willingness to see the truth in us (good and bad) and to extend to us the favor of God – for this was God’s plan from the very beginning
This tells us much not only about Jesus but about the Father God who loved us enough to send us His son.
Build 3 points
To have the approval of God – Imitate Jesus
Become a person of grace and truth
What is pleasing to God is that we not only have that divine mix of grace and truth but that we also extend it to those we live in the world with.
It is a matter of seeing others truthfully but with a bias toward the person. Know people and give them the benefit of the doubt!
How do you let this play out in life?
1. Look in others for that which is good
There is always something good in everyone you meet
2. Acknowledge in others that which is bad
No one is perfect. Don’t make the mistake of forcing the people in your life to live up to impossible standards.
3. Relate to others expecting that which is best
Look at the people in your life and expect excellence and they will often deliver it!!!
Especially your kids! If they know you already approve of them.
This is what Jesus did his whole time on earth
The woman at the well in John 4 is a good example. He saw a hard workingwoman who had had 5 men and was living with a sixth and he offered to her the opportunity to change her life.
Zacheous the crooked taxman is another example. Jesus saw him sitting in a tree. He invited him home and challenged him to stop cheating others.
There was the woman taken in adultery. When others attacked her he said nothing but questioned their own lives. Then to her he said simply, “Go and Sin no more”
There was Peter, to whom Jesus said, “Get behind me Satan” on one occasion. And on another, “Feed my Sheep”.
There was Matthew, James and John, the woman who touched his garment, the woman who washed his feet with her tears. To even Judas Iscariot Jesus extended both grace and truth. He said to him, “What you do, do quickly” Make up your mind.
How do we extend the grace and truth to others when we ourselves have been treated poorly?
It is not easy for us – to love and extend the approval to others when we are so hungry for our own approval
How can you do that?
God wants to approve of you so much that he has extended to you his approval through Jesus.
You are already there. Now you just need to follow Jesus. Be a disciple of Jesus. Imitate him. What would Jesus do? - It’s a great test of life.
It’s not hard once you understand that you are approved of by God. You can love others and be filled with contentment that is impossible to describe.
Here is what is cool. You will be approved by God and you will be approved by everyone else too.
You see you get the approval of God and others when you accept his approval and give yours.
Decision time…
