Lesson 3 Sex And Marriage---Choosing To Marry –1 Corinthians 7:1-9
A recent study tells us that the number of unmarried couples living together has increased from 523,000 in 1970 to 4,236,000 in 1998. To probably a lot more today.
It also stated… that couples who live together have an 80 percent greater chance of divorce than those who don’t, and that women who live with a man before marriage are twice as likely to experience domestic violence.
A National Center for Mental Health study revealed that women who live with men that are not married will experience depression four times more than married women, and two times greater than single women.
There is also far more unfaithfulness by both partners.
In a survey of over 100 couples who lived together, 71 percent of the women said they would not live together again.
The Scriptures have always said what secular sociologists are only recently concluding through these studies… that living together without the commitment of marriage is not helpful to a fulfilling relationship — even if the couple eventually marries.
Paul is the author of the passage in 1 Corin. 7:1-9
One thing is certain, by the time he wrote 1 Corinthians in 55 A.D., he was single (1 Corinthians 7:7), and remained so until his death.
Let us establish that Paul is not against marriage? In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul compares marital love to the love Christ has for His church. This and many other passages shows that Paul is very pro-marriage.
Verse 7: 1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.
This phrase implies that the Corinthian believers had written to him about something that they were having problems with.
“It is good for a man not to marry” - It is not clear if they were asking Paul if this statement was true or if this was a statement Paul had actually made and they wanted him to explain himself more.
One group took the statement to mean that Paul felt marriage is either wrong or not a good idea for Christians.
Another group took this to mean that Paul was saying marriage is fine, but don’t have sex as a part of the marriage relationship.
Paul challenges the extremism in both views. In all this, he never denies the value of the single life.
The New Living Translation interprets vs 1 as “Yes it is good to live a celibate life.”
The Corinthian believers had written to Paul, asking him several questions, or perhaps even taking issue with some of his principles, relating to the Christian life and problems in the church. Apparently this first question regarded whether people should stay married or if those previously married should remain celibate by not having sex anymore.
Christians in Corinth were surrounded by sexual temptation. The city had a reputation even among pagans for sexual immorality and religious prostitution. To this sexually saturated society, Paul was delivering these instructions on sex and marriage. The Corinthians needed special, specific instructions because of their culture’s immoral standards.
Some believers were teaching Christian married couples should not have sex within marriage because of a mistaken notion that sexual relations were sinful; some were proposing separating from or divorcing spouses in order to stay pure.
To the first question, Paul answered that it is good to live a celibate life (“It is well for a man not to touch a woman,” NRSV). At first glance this may seem to contradict God’s words in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (NLT). Paul maintained a high view of marriage (Ephesians 5:25-33). In 7:1, Paul was not stating an absolute; rather, he was simply explaining that celibacy was normal, and that it may be God’s will for some to remain single.
Paul’s advice may have been directed at the “present crisis” referred to in 7:26; he thought it would be easier to face persecution as a single person. But, as Paul would explain later in this chapter, his words do not mean that married couples should divorce or that Christians ought not marry.
For those whom God calls to celibacy (such as Paul himself), the lifestyle is in accordance with God’s will for them. They should see it as a gift to be used to further God’s kingdom (7:7).
Although Paul prefers the undistracted attention to the Lord over marriage, he realizes that many people need partners to go through life with.
Not everyone is gifted to go it alone. There are a lot of benefits associated with marriage that extends far beyond the marriage relationship. The friendship and companionship available in marriage is just as important as the sexual relationship. It would be a mistake to read this passage and assume, the only reason a person gets married is to control themselves sexually.
Keep in mind the context of chapter 7 comes after the teaching on sexual behavior in chapter six. That is why the emphasis is on sex in this chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians. If you were to read Ephesians chapter 5, you discover a deeper purpose of marriage is to be found in totally committing yourself to serve another person. There is very little emphasis on sex in that passage, but a lot of emphasis on self sacrifice. That is why it is important to look at the context of a passage, and to look at the bible as a whole.
1 Corinthians has been dealing with the issue of sexual purity. Sexual immoralities lure many away from purity. Notice v.2...
1 Cor. 7:2
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
This passage is not teaching to go and grab a husband or wife in order to control your sexual desires. It is saying that this is proper way to have a sexual relationship with another person is through the commitment of marriage. Having a husband or a wife does not put an end to sexual temptation, to lust, or unfaithfulness. Your body does not know if you are married, single, engaged or whatever. It is up to us to deal with what we allow our eyes to see and our minds to dwell upon.
If you are struggling with pornography before marriage, you will struggle with it after marriage. If you have a difficult time being faithful to another person in a relationship, that problem will still exists after you’re married. Marriage does not cure sexual temptation. It is a vehicle to express sexual feelings with another person.
1 Cor. 7:3
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
There are certain obligations in the marriage contract. When you say yes to a person in marriage, you are agreeing to have sex with the person and with only that person. Again sex is only a part of the contract. If you read Ephesians 5:21-33 you will discover a lot more about the kind of obligations you have to each other beyond the sexual realm.
Both the husband and the wife have duties to each other. Each partner has certain rights to be respected. The bible recognizes the sexual desires of both men and women. This was a different thought then the Jews were used to. The Jewish women were considered inferior to the men. But the bible declares them equal in the marriage partnership.
We owe each other affection. We must be aggressive about it. It we agree to marry, we are agreeing to be affectionate toward the other person. We are agreeing to try to please the other person sexually.
1 Cor. 7:4
The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
We first belong to God and then we belong to each other. We never ask another person to do something with their body that would be displeasing to the Lord. We ask, does God give his approval to our behavior because we belong first to him and then we belong to one another.
We have both rights and responsibilities in the marriage act. There is a mutual surrender to each other. It is not a 50/50 deal. It is a 100/100 deal.
In the wedding ceremony, I turn to the groom and say to him: “Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and forsaking all others keep yourself only to her so long as you both shall live?”
And then I ask the bride the same question. We have all promised to honor each other.
But what does that mean? First of all…
· it means that we are promising that there will be no abuse — physically or verbally.
· There will be no neglect.
· There will be no put-downs.
· We will honor each other.
· We will value each other.
· We will respect each other.
· We will build up and not tear down.
· We will see the other person as God sees them.
· We will treat them as God would treat them.
These things are part of the marital contract. They are critical to keeping alive sexual intimacy. Since sexual intimacy is so essential in marriage, couples need to ensure that their mates’ physical needs are met.
Keeping in mind that your bodies belong to your mates will help you in regards to this. Sexual gratification should not be withheld from one another in marriage. Also…It is not to be used as a weapon.
There should be a delight is one another to fulfill each other’s need.
The only exception to staying active sexually in marriage is found in verse 5...
1 Cor. 7:5-6
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. [6] I say this as a concession, not as a command.
Paul is not writing a marriage manual here. He is just answering some of their questions here. The real teaching on building a great marriage is found in Ephesians 5:21-33 under self sacrifice. Anyone can agree to have sex with another person, but the foundation for whom you should choose as a marriage partner is someone who can live up to the qualities found in Ephesians 5.
There are three thoughts concerning married couples not having sex with each other.
1- When both couples are in mutual consent. Both the husband and wife should agree, literally be “in symphony,” that sexual relations should cease.
2- For important reasons. “To devote yourselves to prayer.” (V.5)
3- Only for a brief period of time. “So that Satan does not tempt you because of lack of Self-Control.
1 Cor. 7:7-8
I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. [8] Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.
Being single is OK. There is nothing wrong with it. It is not an unspiritual state of being. If you don’t have this gift – you will know. One way to know will be that you can handle the passions inside of you.
· If you don’t have self-control – you do not have the gift of being single for a lifetime. Later in the chapter Paul will introduce why it is important to be single. – v.9; 36
1 Cor 7:9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
If you’re single and find it difficult to control your sex drive because you’ve become involved with another person then you have the option of either marrying or breaking off the relationship. You don’t have the option of simply saying, God knows my heart and God will forgive me
Don’t try to fulfill these while you are single.
If you do, you will bring disharmony not only to your private life but also to your relationship with the Lord and other believers. (5:1-8/ 6:15-19)
Let me give you five reasons to go ahead and follow your sexual desires.
1. It might feel good to you when you do it.
2. It might make you feel loved and wanted.
3. It might get you the girlfriend or boyfriend you wanted for a time.
4. It will allow you to boast about how many people you’ve conquered and some misguided souls will think you’re all that.
5. You will have the satisfaction of nobody telling you what can and cannot have.
For those of you who have decided not to become involved in sex or you want to stop now before you really mess up, or you want to protect your current family, let me give you five reasons on why you should have wait and have sex in marriage.
1. Waiting shows that you love yourself and you love those around you who truly care about you. You will not allow your own selfishness to ruin the situation for those around you.
2. Waiting means that you will not risk getting A Sexually Transmitted Disease that could result in your life being lost or your inability to ever have children with someone you truly love and have committed yourself to.
3. Waiting means your future child will be born in home with a mother and a father to start with, and your income will stay with you and you will control how it is spent. You will never have to choose to kill your unborn child or sit by while someone else chooses to kill your baby.
4. Waiting means that you will greatly increase your chances of graduating from high school and college and becoming all that you can be with a higher paying salary and position of importance for the rest of your life.
5. Waiting means you will be choosing to become the believer in Christ that God has called you to be. Sexual sin will always push as further and further away from God. It is a leading cause of us being unable to feel God at work in our lives.
God has promised to come and live in every believer. God’s spirit dwells within our bodies. God says, each time a believer has sex with a person to whom they are not married, it is like forcing him to participate in having sex with a prostitute. There is a spiritual union taking place in sex between the spirit in you and the spirit in the other person. Even if the other person is a Christian God has stated our bodies do not belong to us to do as we please. They belong to Him and that we are to run from sexual temptation whether it comes from another believer or not.
A lot of the ideas expressed in this bible study come from Bill Burnett’s Message “Single Or Married, Which Is Better Found at Sermon Central.Com”
