Self-Control Freaks
The Productive Life, prt. 3
Wildwind Community Church
March 26, 2006
David K. Flowers
Annie Dillard once wrote that you don’t have to go outside on a dark night. You don’t have to clear away all distractions, get far away from everything in the city, and look up into the sky with a telescope. Unless of course you happen to be interested in learning more about the stars. That’s what I love about God’s Word. You don’t have to open that book and learn what’s in it. You live in America, where you don’t have to know how to find anything in it, or believe anything it says. Unless of course you are interested in the possibility of a God who created you, loves you, and has a purpose for you that goes beyond what you can easily observe around you every day. If you’re interested in knowing that God, it’s essential to look into the Bible. The Koran won’t show you that God. Judaism won’t show you that God. In neither of those religions does God have much interest in any personal interactions with you – that God just wants you to follow the rules. Buddhism won’t show you that God – Buddhism actually is what’s called an atheistic religion and does not really believe in God at all. Hindu won’t show you that God, because in Hinduism there is no personal God of any kind – just kind of an impersonal life force. Pop culture – most movies, TV shows, books, music, and magazines, will certainly not show you that God, for they’re all too busy saying that God is whoever you make Him out to be – they don’t consider that God might have a mind of His own that we could seek, and partly find, and act on in order to see our lives changed.
You don’t have to come to church on a Sunday morning and listen to a preacher talk, and crack the pages of an ancient book. But if you sense in the deepest part of your soul that something is missing, and if you would like to see what can be done to find that missing part, and maybe make some kind of contact with a God who created and loves and has a purpose for you, then you came to the right place. Welcome, my friends.
Our current sermon series is called The Productive Life, and we’re trying to find out what it means to live a spiritually productive life – in other words, a life that begins on the inside, at the deepest part of who we are, and extends outward from there. Here in Titus the writer (Paul) doesn’t say, “You know what, rules are evil, Titus – ditch ‘em all – tell the people they can do whatever they want to. That’s the key to a productive life.” Nor does he say, “Crush these people with an iron fist, Titus – show them who’s boss – make them beg for mercy.” Not at all. The fact is, if you want to be a certain kind of person (a Godly person), there are certain paths that will get you there and certain paths that will not. In Titus we explore a little of each. In Titus, Paul says the path is not to just blindly follow your leaders – in fact he lays out the kind of people leaders need to be in chapter 1. He says the path is not to just blindly follow rules – in fact, as we saw last week, rules can sometimes be the main thing that KEEP us from God. What Paul says is that the path that will help us achieve real spiritual change in our lives is a path he calls the path of “sound doctrine.”
Titus 2:1 (NIV)
1 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine.
If you want to live a spiritually productive life, then you must follow the path of “sound doctrine.” My search on Google for the definition of “sound,” revealed three relevant definitions. If teaching is sound it is logically valid, in good condition, and free from moral defect. Doctrine is defined as a belief or system of beliefs accepted as authoritative. So Paul instructs Titus to teach people systems of authoritative belief that are logically valid, in good condition, and free from moral defect. Teaching that claims to be moral teaching, but that is done for immoral reasons, contradicts itself before the message lands on the ears of those who hear. Spiritual teaching cannot be sound when done for the sake of dishonest gain, or really for any other purpose other than what we have already covered – the embrace of God’s cause, the love of God’s people, and the teaching of God’s truth.
So after having laid out in the first chapter of Titus what kind of lives authentic spiritual leaders should be living, and after going on to show the calamity that results in the church and in families when this does not happen, Paul goes on in chapter 2 to give Titus some practical teaching points. Katie, can you put Titus 2:1 back up for us please, only this time show us the text in both the New International and the New Living Translation.
Titus 2:1 (NIV)
1 You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine.
Titus 2:1 (NLT)
1 But as for you, promote the kind of living that reflects right teaching.
Promote the kind of living that reflects right teaching. So right living stems from right teaching. Wrong living stems from what? Wrong teaching leads to what? Right teaching leads to what? Powerful connection, huh? Pastors know that the lives of the people in their churches will be shaped and formed along the lines of whatever they are teaching and that if there are areas where the people are veering off course to the left or to the right, that almost certainly means the pastor has not paid attention to the issue up front. Right teaching leads to right living. Paul told Titus to promote the kind of living that reflects right teaching. Let’s take a look at that teaching now.
There are five primary groups Paul told Titus he needed to be teaching. Older men, older women, young men, young women, and slaves. And in these groups, there is one primary quality he stresses again and again. It’s the quality of self-control. You’ll see this quality keep popping up this morning, because it’s key to living a spiritually productive life – in other words a spiritual life that goes somewhere, that produces real results, that is substantially different from a completely non-spiritual life. Let look at what Paul tells Titus to teach the older men.
Titus 2:2 (NIV)
2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance.
Guys, can we just be honest – how many of you struggle with anger and other self-control issues? Paul’s tells Titus, “Teach these older guys that they have to get past that.” They need to be worthy of respect, why? Because there are going to be younger people who need to respect them, and it’s important that they be worthy of that respect. Guys, regardless of your current age, you will almost certainly one day be an old man. Let me ask you this: Do you want to get into your 60’s and 70’s and still find yourself having tantrums and saying things you regret? As you get older, people are increasingly going to need to respect you. Be worthy of that respect.
Titus 2:3 (NIV)
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.
Now here Paul does not use the word “self-control,” but just like Paul hits on temper issues with what to teach the older men, he hits on mouth issues with the older women. These are both self-control issues. Generalizations are always general and therefore never apply to everyone, but it’s safe to say that generally when it comes to self-control, guys struggle with anger and porno, and women struggle with gossip and spending. Generally.
Paul makes the same demand on the older women that he makes on the older men; to be self-controlled in the way they live so they will earn the respect of those who are younger. Nothing renders you more worthless as a teacher and role model than when people don’t respect you and don’t see you living out what you teach. In other words, you cannot teach others if you cannot teach yourself. Good leadership begins with self-leadership. Women, as you age, people will increasingly need to respect you. Are you learning to live in a way that will command and justify that respect from others? Self-control is the thing that will be required.
Next Paul does not tell Titus what to teach the young women, but he tells him what to teach the older women to teach the younger women. This goes back to those healthy boundaries I talked to you about a few weeks ago. Titus was himself a fairly young man, and Paul tells him to instruct the older women to be teachers of the younger women. That’s called wisdom, and I suspect had a great deal to do with the necessity of Titus practicing self-control!
Titus 2:4-5 (NIV)
4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.
There’s that self-control thing again. For all the talk we hear about control freaks (I mean, really, who’s NOT a control freak in some way), it’s not really our natural inclination to be self-control freaks, is it? How many of you have ever referred to yourself as a control freak in the context of controlling YOURSELF? We always use that term to refer to controlling those around us, or controlling our circumstances, don’t we? Nearly everybody is a control freak. Very few people have extraordinary personal discipline – are what we’d jokingly refer to as “self-control” freaks.
Paul isn’t saying to be freakish about self-control. He’s not saying we should be miserable, shouldn’t allow ourselves to have any fun, etc. But we clearly get the picture that self-control is THE cornerstone of sound doctrine and that if we are serious about our faith, that seriousness will show itself in increasing self-control in every area of our lives – increasing control over food, over money, over sex, over temper, over jealousy, over laziness. It doesn’t happen overnight, but we can conclude nothing from this passage if not the fact that to be a follower of Jesus will both require and produce increasing self-control in every area of life. That doesn’t mean you will “arrive” in every area.
Let’s look at this “being subject to husbands” issue. Now it seems no matter how many times I teach on this idea of women being “subject” to their husbands, or women “submitting” to their husbands, there’s always someone who hasn’t heard it or hasn’t gotten it, so I have to touch on this again. I can’t just read something like that and keep going. It’s not the direct subject we’re on today so I’ll keep it brief, but I do want to hit on it, mostly today because in the way Paul uses it, it’s another self-control issue.
Women, you saw images on the news of Afghanistan and Iraq. In these countries women are second-class citizens – or at least they were. That is rooted in tradition that goes back thousands of years. Let me tell you what Paul is and is not saying here with the “be subject to your husbands,” thing. He’s not giving husbands permission to abuse their wives and he’s not assigning women to second-class status. The reason this had to be brought up at all is because Jesus had honored women in his life. In fact it appears Jesus’ ministry was financed by a wealthy woman. Women were the first to spot the empty tomb after the resurrection. That’s good evidence that it wasn’t made up, because in that society if the writers of the gospels wanted to produce a credible and believable fabrication, they wouldn’t have chosen women to be the witnesses – truly, women had no clout in that society. But they did have a great deal of clout with Jesus. And this had been passed on through Paul and had gotten into the church so that women understood there WAS no division between men and women.
Galatians 3:28 (MSG)
28 In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ.
Jesus abolished both the status that came with being male, and the shame that came with being female. So the reason Paul had to write what he wrote was not because early Christianity was anti-female. The reason Paul wrote what he wrote was because early Christianity was in fact so pro-female that some of the women were getting campy and starting to do this, “You’re not the boss of me anymore,” thing to their husbands. They were standing up in church making challenging statements to the teachers, challenging their husbands, and just generally being belligerent because they had heard for the first time, “Hey, God loves you as much as he loves your husband. You are as valuable as he is,” and some got carried away and began causing disorder in their families and in the church. Obviously no spiritual principle that leads to dissension and chaos is being clearly understood, so what Paul was saying was, “Ladies, I’ve told you you’re as valuable as your husband, and that’s true. But some of you are being so snotty and belligerent that non-believers are starting to look at your life and say, “Is that what God’s freedom does to you – turns you into a jerk?” So Paul encourages women to maintain order, to be respectable, to not take their newfound freedom to a place where their lives begin to give people the opposite message than what is intended. The instruction was to maintain basic propriety. Make sense?
I want to skip down to where Paul deals with slavery (v. 9) because there he does exactly the same thing. Paul doesn’t say, “Hey, I think slavery is a great idea.” He doesn’t say, “Slaves are the property of their masters.” What he does do is encourage those who were slaves to live self-controlled and respectable lives even in that situation. After all, if our faith can’t be lived out under the hardest circumstances, it’s not worthy of being practiced at all. Again,
Galatians 3:28 (MSG)
28 In Christ’s family there can be no division into Jew and non-Jew, slave and free, male and female. Among us you are all equal. That is, we are all in a common relationship with Jesus Christ.
Finally I want to look quickly at what Paul instructed Titus to teach the young men. I want to use The Message rather than the NIV for this passage, but follow along in verses 6-8 if you wish:
Titus 2:6-8 (MSG)
6 Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives.
7 But mostly, show them all this by doing it yourself, incorruptible in your teaching,
8 your words solid and sane. Then anyone who is dead set against us, when he finds nothing weird or misguided, might eventually come around.
Guide the young men to live disciplined lives, in other words teach them the value of self control. The young guys must abandon the recklessness that is characteristic of youth, and pursue discipline. And how does Paul say that Titus will guide these young men? By modeling this quality directly to them, and to these older and younger women and slaves and older men.
So we come full-circle because as we look at what Titus is to teach to his people, we see that essentially he is to teach them various ways of being self-controlled, and he is to do this primarily how? By modeling self-control to them – by walking the talk – by ringing true, as we talked about two weeks ago. The key to living a productive life from a spiritual point of view is to learn self-control. Because as you learn self-control, you increasingly ring true with others because you practice what you preach. That’s true whether you are a spiritual leader as a pastor, or a layperson doing that daily modeling that is so important as people look to your life to see if you’re the real deal, and by association if God is the real deal. There is no way to become close to God without reigning in some of our bad passions, habits, and attitudes. Now just doing those things will not save us – only Jesus does that. But we can only conclude from this text that an essential part of Christian spirituality is learning how to gain basic mastery over ourselves.
Our brochure we give to everyone when they get here talks about how everyone has flaws and hang-ups. That’s true, isn’t it? We might as well admit it and get on with the business of seeking God together. But we cannot simply say that how we live is immaterial – that it has no effect on our ability to know God. Now my purpose this morning is not to give you ten tips on how to gain control of yourself. For most of us the problem isn’t that we don’t know what to do, it’s that we don’t want to do it, or it’s hard to do it. But I do want to leave you with one tip that I believe makes all the difference in the world, and ask you to start there.
Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV)
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Get it? What you think about really matters! This is the same guy writing here – the Apostle Paul. This is the same guy who writes to Titus and tells him what behaviors to teach the people in his church. In this passage he looks at behaviors too, but only after he has looked at thoughts. He begins by telling us what to think about. You and I live in a society that tells us that what we think and how we live are disconnected. Our society would have us believe that married men can fantasize about other women sexually – heck, that it’s even good for us because we can then bring this adventurousness into the bedroom with our spouse. Our society would have us believe that women can dwell excessively on what it would have been like to be rich – to have married into a bit higher social status. And then psychologists in that same secular society will turn around and tell you that the way you think is what’s causing most of your problems, because they know the connection is real. They just want to pretend that it matters when you want it to matter, and it doesn’t matter when you don’t want it to matter. Madison Avenue pays millions of dollars to get you to fantasize about what you might want to have, or do, or be, because they know eventually the things you think about most will determine your behaviors, and ultimately that means money in their pockets.
What’s the key to self-control? It’s learning to think in a controlled way – learning to rule out of our minds thoughts about things that contradict our highest aspirations. This isn’t psychobabble, this is Bible – think about what’s excellent, what’s noble and praiseworthy. If you spend your time thinking low thoughts, you may never act on them, but you will never rise above the level of those thoughts in your heart spiritually. They will determine the kind of person you become – they will set your level of ultimate spiritual productivity.
Self-control. Listed in Galatians as a “fruit” of the Spirit – in other words, as evidence that God’s Holy Spirit is in your life. So is it? Is God’s Holy Spirit in your life? Is God shaping the course and agenda for your life? Have you confronted the reality of your sin and your need for a Savior to clear a path for you to get to God? Allowing Jesus to be your forgiver and leader will not make you perfect. But it is the beginning of a journey where you will, over time, learn to control yourself better as you surrender more of yourself to God – because in doing that, God will be able to make more of you. God loves us exactly the way we are today – but far too much to let us stay this way!
I want to pray with you right now, and I want to give you a chance to allow God to begin determining the course and agenda for your life, to begin producing more self-control in you. I’m not going to ask you to come up front – I want this to be a heart thing between you and God. Will you pray with me?
God, my life in some ways – or many ways – is out of control. I have done everything I can to regain control and the harder I try the worse it gets. I know deep down that that is because I have a sinful heart that seems to somehow make things keep turning out badly. I know my sin cost Jesus his life, and Jesus, I thank you that you were willing to pay that price. You died for me, so I want to live for you, but I don’t know how. Thank you for this church where I can learn how by the hearing and practicing of sound doctrine. Right now in my heart, I step down from the throne of my life and I ask you to walk up there and have a seat. It’s yours now – it belongs to you. At those times when I lose control of myself and keep climbing back on the throne, give me a humble heart that is willing to keep getting back down, laying my crowns at your feet. Teach me what it means to belong to you, to live for you, to see you all around me. Free me from the guilt of my sin – thank you that I no longer have to carry that around. I invite your Holy Spirit to live in me, to teach me the way to go. Amen.
Now if you prayed that prayer with me, I want to ask you to do something very simple. If you made a decision to allow Jesus Christ to be the forgiver of your sins and leader of your life, would you just indicate that on one of the cards we are passing out? I’d like everyone to fill one out, but for those who prayed this prayer will you indicate that so I can follow up with you and get you started in your new life on the right track. Also, if you prayed that prayer, and you came to Wildwind with a friend, I want you to tell that friend that you just made a commitment in your heart to follow Jesus. Tell them just as soon as we start worship. It will be the greatest news they have heard all month! Drop your card in that box in the back there with the slot in it and I will get in touch with you this week. Bringers, if a friend of yours decided to follow Jesus today, I want to hear from you right away – see me after church, drop me an email – I just want to hear from you.
