INTRO:
An elementary school teacher gave each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insights may surprise you!
Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
The original proverb: Better to be safe than sorry!
A rolling stone... plays the guitar.
The original proverb: A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A bird in the hand is... a real mess.
The original proverb: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
The squeaking wheel gets... annoying.
The original proverb: The squeaking wheel gets the grease.
I think, therefore I... get a headache.
The original proverb: I think, therefore I am.
There is nothing new under the... bed.
The original proverb: There is nothing new under the sun.
A penny saved is... not much.
The original proverb: A penny saved is a penny earned.
Two’s company, three’s... the Musketeers.
The original proverb: Two’s company, three’s a crowd.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and... you have to blow your nose.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and... someone yells, "Shut up!"
The original proverb: Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.
The grass is always greener... when you leave the sprinkler on.
The grass is always greener... when you put manure on it.
The original proverb: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
“The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.”
This is true in many areas of life, but especially, it seems, in the area of marriage. So many people who are single are sure they would be happier if they were married. Many married people feel convinced they would be happier if they were get divorced. Many divorced people feel they would be happier if they had never been married at all.
But which type of lifestyle is best for being a follower of Jesus Christ? Is it better to be married or to be single? Is it better to stay married to an unbeliever or divorce them?
These are the types of questions Paul addresses in the 7th chapter of 1 Corinthians. Up to this point he has been dealing with issues he had heard about from others, but now he begins answering some specific questions they sent him in the form of a letter he received while in Ephesus.
Before we get into this chapter and the advice it gives to people in different marital situations, let’s remember who the Corinthian church consists of. These are people who lived their entire life outside of anything remotely like “Christianity”. When many of them got married, the gospel message had not yet come to Corinth. Sexual immorality was rampant, and a major part of idol worship in Corinth. And so, those who converted to Christianity had questions about the role that sexuality and marriage had in their development as Christian disciples. Let’s listen is as Paul advises them – and see what we can apply to our own lives.
1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (NLT)
1Now about the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. 2But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. 4The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife. 5So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control. 6This is only my suggestion. It’s not meant to be an absolute rule.
Advice to married people regarding sex: do not deprive each other. (v. 1-6)
Evidently there were some in Corinth who, because of the rampant sexual immorality of the day, equated sexual behavior with sin. And so they asked Paul if being a Christian meant they needed to live a celibate lifestyle, even if they were married.
Paul gives them a clear answer. It is not “more spiritual” to live as married people but abstain from sexual relations. In fact it will most likely lead to sinful behavior.
Rather than agreeing that they should keep themselves pure from sexual relations, Paul actually exhorts husbands and wives to willingly give themselves to their spouse. Just like we talked about last week – God designed sex and he meant for married people to enjoy it as a tool for increased intimacy between them. His advice to married people was this:Enjoy the sexual benefits of marriage, and serve God where you are!
1 Corinthians 7:7-9 (NLT)
7I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do. But we are not all the same. God gives some the gift of marriage, and to others he gives the gift of singleness.
8Now I say to those who aren’t married and to widows--it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. 9But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.
Advice to single people who desire to get married: Go ahead and get married if you can. (v. 7-9)
Just as it is not “more spiritual” for a married couple to deprive themselves of the sexual relationship with each other, it is not “more spiritual” for a single person to remain single just for the point of trying to be a good Christian.
Throughout history there have been people known as “ascetics” who believe that the way to spiritual maturity is through the denial of anything the physical body finds pleasurable. They advocate only eating certain bland foods, only dressing in bland clothing with bland colors, and they believe that denying sexual urges elevates one to a higher spiritual plane.
What does the Bible say?
Paul mentions that certain individuals are given the gift of singleness and are able to control their sexual desires. For these people, Paul says it is better for them to stay unmarried (just as he himself is). (Next week in verses 32-38 he will explain why being single can be a great benefit to your spiritual life and for the Kingdom of God.)
But if a single person decides that they are going to live a celibate lifestyle simply as a means to spiritual maturity, and that decision to stay single creates in them an unhealthy amount of…let’s just use the same word Paul uses…lust, then it is better to marry. Again – there will be more on this next week.
TRANS: Now Paul turns his attention to followers of Christ who are married to followers of Christ.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 (NLT)
10Now, for those who are married I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. 11But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.
Advice to those in Christian marriages: stay married. (v. 10-11)
You may feel like you will be able to serve the Lord better if you are not married – but Paul reminds the Corinthians that it is not God’s will for Christians to separate from each other in order to be freed to serve Him more effectively.
Maybe God has given you some grand idea of how you are called to be a missionary in a foreign country – but your spouse would never go for it. The question could come to your mind, “Shouldn’t I pursue this ministry dream for the sake of the Kingdom, even though it means divorcing my spouse?” Paul’s answer is a resounding NO.
It is never God’s will that you divorce your spouse in order to free yourself to serve Him. What you need to do is serve the Lord in the situation you find yourself. It may not be perfect – but offer yourself as a living sacrifice to Him in your present situation, and keep praying for a way to fulfill your “ministry dreams”.
TRANS: Next Paul addresses those people who were married when they converted to Christianity, addressing their question of whether they were REQUIRED to divorce their unbelieving spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:12-16 (NLT)
12Now, I will speak to the rest of you, though I do not have a direct command from the Lord. If a Christian man has a wife who is an unbeliever and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. 13And if a Christian woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. 14For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not have a godly influence, but now they are set apart for him. 15(But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them, for God wants his children to live in peace.) 16You wives must remember that your husbands might be converted because of you. And you husbands must remember that your wives might be converted because of you.
Advice to Christians married to non-Christians (v. 12-16):
Stay together if the non-Christian is willing.
You can see how someone who became a Christian after they were already married might begin thinking that being married to a non-Christian was limiting them in their development as a Christian. They might feel as if their life was heading down a very different direction than their spouse, and might think that God would have them come out of that relationship.
But Paul says NO. If the non-Christian is willing to stay in the marriage with you, then you have been given an important role of bringing holiness to your marriage and family. As the only Christian in the family, you have been given the opportunity of demonstrating the love, acceptance and forgiveness of Christ to your spouse, and may even get the opportunity to lead them to receiving Christ as their Savior!
Don’t leave your non-Christian spouse in order to be a better Christian – serve the Lord where you are!
The other bit of advice Paul gives to those married to unbelievers is this:
If the non-Christian leaves, let them go.
“God wants his children to live in peace.” (v. 15)
If your spouse desires to leave you now that you are a Christian, you are not compelled to stay married to them because you want to honor God and stay married. If the other person really wants out, and in fact leaves you – you are freed from your commitment to that marriage as well.
Nothing good will happen by desperately hanging on to a non-Believing spouse who wants out. In the name of peace for your family, Paul instructs you to allow that person out of the marriage.
TRANS: Since I will not have time to finish the whole chapter today – I’m going to stop with the next 3 verses, because they help to summarize what Paul has taught about sex, marriage, and singleness.
1 Corinthians 7:17-19
17You must accept whatever situation the Lord has put you in, and continue on as you were when God first called you. This is my rule for all the churches. 18For instance, a man who was circumcised before he became a believer should not try to reverse it. And the man who was uncircumcised when he became a believer should not be circumcised now. 19For it makes no difference whether or not a man has been circumcised. The important thing is to keep God’s commandments.
Advice to Everyone: Accept your situation and serve the Lord there. (v. 17-19)
Here Paul uses circumcision as an example, but we could just as easily insert other words in verse 19.
It makes no difference whether or not a person is…
…single
…married
…divorced
…happily employed
…unhappily employed
…unemployed
…healthy
…sick
…rich
…poor.
The important thing is to keep God’s commands. Right where you are, in the situation you find yourself.
Yes, you may think the grass would be greener if you were in some different situation. Yes, maybe you think you’d be able to serve God more effectively if somehow your life situation changed. But God wants you to learn to serve Him today. Carpe diem!
You’ve been given the Holy Spirit. You’ve been commissioned as His ambassador – His representative in the world. And God is able to use you – and wants to use you – in your present life situation.
May each of us strive to honor God by keeping His commands and living for Him in our present situation.
