(Slide 1) Last week was the Super Bowl and those who love the color of black and gold are rejoicing because their beloved Steelers are the champions!
The half-time show was tame, (at least by Rolling Stones standards,) and I never thought I would see 60-year-old men rumble up and down a stage as they did. I glanced at a headline on yahoo.com after their performance and it implied that they were not happy with the ‘censorship’ that had been applied to perhaps their performance as well as the entire situation. Some of us were more interested in the commercials than the game and those companies who advertised this year had to pay a record 2.5 million dollars for a 1 minute commercial!
Speaking of commercials, I would love the NFL to team up with Staples and their easy button (Show button) for a commercial. Now, your favorite team would be able to get out of a tough spot.
(Slide 2) The Colts would be able to take the next step toward the Super Bowl and simply hit their ‘easy button’ (press my ‘easy button’) and errant field goals would suddenly right themselves.
My beloved Bengals would be able to finally return to the Super Bowl because when there is a key play during the playoffs, all they would have to do is hit their ‘easy button’ (press button again) and there would be an automatic first down or touch down which ever they needed to stay in the game. Even the lowly Houston Texans (Slide 3) would be able to get ahead by pressing their ‘easy button’ (press button again) and get the number one NFL draft choice they want without a problem.
(Hum… NASCAR season is here… ooh, the possibilities.)
Wouldn’t it be nice if life had an ‘easy button?’ (Show button again) When it was time to go to the dentist (Slide 4) just push your easy button and ‘voila’ instant filling or crown.
How about having one for those very important appointments such as a job interview? (Slide 5) Just press the button and ‘boom’ all nervousness and anxiety would disappear!
But life does not come with an easy button, does it? (Slide 6) Especially as we come to the ninth of twelve steps to God’s way of living the step of reconciliation. (Slide 7)
We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
How do we take this step?
First, we need to look at Step 8 again. (Slide 8)We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. The key word for this step is forgiveness.
Our main text for this morning links forgiveness and reconciliation, two very important themes in the Bible and especially in the New Testament, together. Here is how it reads in the New Living Translation:
(Slide 9) All this newness of life is from God, who brought us back to himself through what Christ did. And God has given us the task of reconciling people to him.
(Slide 10) What does it mean to reconcile? It means to resolve, patch up, or settle differences between others.
In our text, we read that the central mission as followers of Christ is to help others to resolve, patch up, or settle their differences with God through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. However, as we have been reflecting on our journey so far and coming face to face with those ruts in our life that trip us up, we are very much aware that we also need to be reconciled with others and others with us. We are painfully aware of the fact that part of reason that we get in ruts and that we need a personal relationship with Christ is due to conflict and alienation with other people and the Bible clearly acknowledges this issue. (Slide 11) In Colossians 3:13 we read ‘You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.’ All of us have our quirks and issues that irritate others but Paul goes on to say that we must move beyond making allowances for those quirks and truly forgive someone who offends you because forgiveness is at the heart of Christ’s actions on our behalf.
And, as we have heard before (Slide 12), resentment has no place in our hearts and lives as well as we read in Job 5:2 ‘Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.’ The offenses that have hurt us, hurt. Of that, there can be no doubt. But, are we going to let them destroy us?
Resentment and jealousy are like acids that eat us up. We cannot afford to let them do that to us. It robs us of the joy of living and it makes life miserable.
Now, I have no doubt that some of us here have endured some very painful wounds at the hands of others. And that these wounds are serious and deep. They are hideous wounds; wounds that no human being should ever have to endure. I realize that.
But, a willingness to forgive is one of the ways to allow God to help heal those wounds, even if you never hear the words, ‘I’m sorry, I was wrong,’ or you see the person that wounded you, held responsible for their actions. Remember this, all of us will face the Lord one day and we will be judged without excuse.
So how do you make amends? Here are some very important suggestions from Marty Grubbs:
(Slide 13) First, one makes amends prayerfully. We read in James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God.” There is good reason for this prayerful approach. Think Jacob. (Slide 14)
Jacob dug some big ruts in his life and the result of that rut digging left a big gap between he and his brother, Esau. We first met Jacob and his family in Genesis 25. It is not too far into the story that we see Jacob starting to dig the rut that would get deeper and deeper. With the aid and resolve of his mother, he carries out a plan to deceive his father and brother in order to gain the birthright that gave the family inheritance to the first-born son. Life goes down hill from there.
Deception is the main tool in Jacob’s rut digging toolbox and it is used on him as well as by him. Finally, after many years of alienation from his brother, he has to wrestle with his conscience and with the Lord, as we read in Genesis 32 beginning with verse 24, ‘But during the night Jacob got up and sent his two wives, two concubines, and eleven sons across the Jabbok River. After they were on the other side, he sent over all his possessions.
This left Jacob all alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until dawn. When the man saw that he couldn’t win the match, he struck Jacob’s hip and knocked it out of joint at the socket. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is dawn.”
But Jacob panted, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” “What is your name?” the man asked. He replied, “Jacob.” “Your name will no longer be Jacob,” the man told him. “It is now Israel, because you have struggled with both God and men and have won.”
“What is your name?” Jacob asked him. “Why do you ask?” the man replied. Then he blessed Jacob there. Jacob named the place Peniel—“face of God”—for he said, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been spared.”
All those years of deception had left Jacob internally isolated. Now that isolation turned physical. He had come to the end of the line, he would meet his brother whom he had so deeply deceived and did not know what would happen to him.
Earlier in the chapter, around verse 9, Jacob prays to the Lord and reminds Him of the promises that God made to him and his family. That prayer and the experience we have just again heard, is an illustration of this first way of making amends. He sought the help of God. We need to be aware that when we make amends, we are going to be dealing with old wounds that perhaps have scarred over or are still fresh. We proceed cautiously and with the help of God.
(Slide 15) A second way to make amends is personally. In Matthew 5:24 Jesus says, “…go and apologize and be reconciled…” This is a passage of scripture in which face-to-face reconciliation is expected, not optional. We hear it in the text. “So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”
This is a most challenging and difficult passage of scripture because it leaves no room for exceptions. It follows a segment in Matthew 5:21 and 22 in which Jesus declares that anger is an unacceptable attitude to have because it is just like murdering another person. The alternative that Jesus suggests is one in which, when we know that someone is angry with us, we go to that person and be reconciled face-to-face.
A third way to make amends is peacefully. (Slide 16) We read in James 3:17, “The wisdom that comes from heaven is…peace loving…” In Proverbs 15:1 we read, A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. An important attitude in making amends is to do so as peacefully as possible. There will be enough tension when you go to make amends, so you need to so with a gentle softness that can diffuse the situation in the right way. The Holy Spirit is there to help us in this way. Keith Miller has written that in making amends ‘the reaction of the other person does not control your recovery.’ Making amends is about taking care of what you need to take care of.
(Slide 17) A fourth way to make amends is proper timing. Sometimes our anxiety to make things right can cause us to push amends making too soon. Again we hear Jesus saying in Matthew 5, “Leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right,” and we realize the truth of what He is saying. We need to go the minute you remember it and make things right. But we also need to remember to make amends when God gives you the opportunity to make it right.
Keith Miller speaks of four groups who need amends: (Slide 18) People you go to at once; Miller notes that this is a select group of people to whom you tell of your intention to change your ways and make amends and, quoting Miller, ‘it’s best to start slowly.’
This does not negate what Jesus is saying. I would suggest that the original language implies that the person who is angry with you is very close to you and that there is a ‘shorter distance’ to an apology. Here Miller speaks of people who already know that you have dug a rut for yourself and question if your intention and amends will bear fruit or not.
(Slide 19) The second group is people you make only partial disclosure to. Miller indicates that these maybe people to whom a ‘complete disclosure might do more harm than good,’ and gives an example of making amends to someone that you had an affair with by going to their spouse. Probably not a wise thing to do. (Telling your spouse is another story however. It needs to be done at some point.) The point of making amends is not to ‘dump’ your guilt and shame on someone else but to change your ways and admit responsibility for your actions.
(Slide 20) A third group are specific family members, friends, business associates, and other individuals in your past. Miller goes on to state that again, moving slowly is best because if there has been a history of saying, ‘This time, I promise, I am going to change,’ and nothing happens, another layer of skepticism is laid.
Again, making amends is more than saying, “I am sorry.” It is making a commitment to a course of action in which change becomes a noticeable thing before the words start coming out of one’s mouth.
(Slide 21) The fourth group is people with whom you can’t make personal contact. Maybe they have died, maybe they have moved. So what do you do? A common suggestion is to write a letter out and then read it to someone that can help you process what you have written.
(Slide 22) A fifth and final way to make amends is to do so positively. In Romans 12:18 we read, “…As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” We need to work at getting along with everyone as much as possible. But our experience and wisdom tells us that not everyone will get along with us as much as we work at it.
Amends is about taking care of our lives and responsibility for our actions without continuing to make others feel that they are responsible for our actions. The Bible makes it clear in several different passages that we are responsible for our own lives. By doing so, we then begin to climb out of our rut and live again.
I would suggest this morning that Jacob did a lot of ’12 Step’ work in the days prior to his reunion with Esau. I think Jacob was truly scared as he approached Esau and that part of his motivation for sending so many gifts ahead of him was to appease Esau.
But, I also see it as a way to make amends. Notice what Jacob tells his herdsman and servants to say to Esau and his men when the encounter the herds and flocks, ‘these belong to your servant Jacob. They are a present for his master Esau.’ It is the language of a humbled man, not a proud man. He is making amends.
The story ends well for Jacob and Esau because as we read in Genesis 33, Esau takes in all that he sees before him and he refuses to accept the gifts that had been sent to him. Yet Jacob insists and in Genesis 33:10 says this, “No, please accept them,” Jacob said, “for what a relief it is to see your friendly smile. It is like seeing the smile of God!”
I have heard those who have walked these nine steps say that when they made the best amends they could make, there was a freedom and a happiness they thought they would never experience. They felt, if you will, the smile of God. This leads us to Step 10 and toward our conclusion. (Slide 23)
We continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. The key word in this step is perseverance.
The focus now moves from the past to the present and the future. A completely new way of life stands before us at this point. Again, I think that Jacob’s life illustrates this step. He has cleaned house, especially with Esau, and in his wrestling with the angel, he is given a new name and a new start.
Step 10 is a step that makes it possible to live life with greater clarity and honesty. It builds on the reflection and action of the previous nine steps and incorporates them into our way of life.
However, two words of caution from Marty Grubbs are important in making this step. (Slide 24) The first word is be careful. We read in I Corinthians 10:12, “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!”
An attitude of gratitude is a by-product of taking these steps but we have to be careful that we do not become overly self-confident. Pride of accomplishment can lead us to think that we are ‘cured’ or no longer need to stay honest. That is a dangerous thing.
However, the reverse is also true. Fear can bring us down as well. We can become so afraid of failure that we lose all self-confidence. So we need to learn to be confident in the Lord. In the next verse after verse 12 we read some very important words, “…but God is faithful…” Here is a great verse of scripture to memorize and trust: (Slide 25)
But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can’t stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.’
(Slide 26) Here are three key steps in putting this verse into practice and making it possible for God’s power to enable us to say no and not start digging our ruts again.
First, we need to take an inventory of where you’ve been, where you are, and where you are going. We read in Lamentations 3:40 “Let us examine our ways and test them…”
I suggest that when your head hits the pillow at bedtime that you take some to review the day and ask the Lord to show you if you need to make amends. Then be willing to make amends and (this is number two) (Slide 27) deal with it promptly as we are again reminded by Matthew 5:24 “…go at once and be reconciled…”
(Slide 28) Third, keep going as we read in Philippians 1:6 “He who began a good work in you will complete it…” Personal change is hard, especially when it comes to those ‘ruts’ that have deeply affected our lives, influenced our choices, and impacted our relationships.
But we are talking about progress not perfection at this point. None of us are perfect but scripture does point us in the direction of maturity. This step is a way of making progress in our attitudes and actions.
I close on a personal note. As I prepared this sermon, I realized that I needed to make amends to a former employer for something that took place 14 years ago this spring. Now, I did not cheat or steal. But, I did do something that I need to apologize for doing.
I remember trying to contact him several years ago and I was unsuccessful in doing so. I believe that I still have the right address and phone number for him and I tried three times yesterday to contact him. I will try a couple of times today.
Some may say, “Jim that’s in the past and if you have asked God to forgive you that’s fine.” Well, I believe that God has forgiven me, but I need to ask forgiveness of him because I feel that is what I am being led to do until either I am able to do so, or I believe that I am released from having to do so.
What about you? Are there some amends and or apologies that you need to make? Do you need to make something right from years ago? Do you need to admit the truth about something that you did or that you have a problem that you need God’s help with?
Has the joy gone out of your life? Has your faith grown cold? Do you need to make some amends?
The altar is open for you this morning. Do not resist the movement of the Holy Spirit today. Be obedient and do God’s will in this area of your life. Amen.
Sources: Keith Miller, A Hunger For Healing, pages 148-149, 156.
Power Points for this sermon are available by e-mailing me at pastorjim46755@yahoo.com and asking for ‘021206 svgs.’ Please note that all slides for a particular presentation may not be available.
