Married, But Not Best Friends, Pt. 4
Song of Solomon 5:16
3 Key Words to unlocking the door of marital friendship:
• Companionship—time together.
• Conversation—talking together.
• Commitment—trying together.
For our friendship to continue and grow, there must be a mutual respect for each other. This is true for any friendship.
6 areas of commitment that will help build mutual respect:
1. Commitment to sacrifice
2. Commitment to closeness
3. Commitment to honesty
Now the last 3 areas…
4. Commitment to prayer
1 Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
“Weaker” doesn’t mean inferior. Many of us married way above our heads. It generally means “more delicate.” [there are a few exceptions in pro wrestling today!] It doesn’t mean less valuable. A vas is more valuable than a vase, but also much more delicate. Same with silk as opposed to denim.
“prayers be not hindered” -- Peter here just assumes that husbands and wives are praying together. But sadly, in many homes that’s not the case. But praying together brings a spiritual bond…it takes your marriage to the next level.
We should pray together as well as separately…for our children and grandchildren. The temptation is great today for them, and they need our support!
Ill.—trying to raise kids today w/out prayer is like trying to cut down a tree w/ a chainsaw that’s not running!
Ill.—Missionary D.E. Host took the place in China of J. Hudson Taylor. He was working w/ 2 villages. He spent most of his time in one village where he preached and worked and counseled with them. The other he only made it to once in a great while. But it was thriving spiritually, and the other was not. He couldn’t figure it out. He asked God why…and the Lord revealed it to him that since he couldn’t be in both places he was simply praying mostly for the remote one, while working hard at this one. Basically, the one village was under his power and the other under God’s! Prayer is work and we must labor in it!
Prayer can do more in a moment than we can do in a lifetime. I’m not saying we shouldn’t work w/ our kids and spend time w/ them…but it’s all in vain if we’re not bathing it all in prayer.
Psalm 127:1
Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.
We should also be praying about our finances and major purchases / decisions…not just running headlong into all our plans.
We have no right to make big decisions w/out consulting our spouse, and we should, together, ask the Lord about it all as well.
Commitment to prayer…
5. Commitment to a good spirit
Job 32:3
Also against his three friends was his wrath kindled, because they had found no answer, and yet had condemned Job.
They just knew he MUST have done something wrong. Some people reside in this camp…the “fault vault.” They play the blame game. These were Job’s “friends.” But a true friend doesn’t turn against you…they stick w/ you even when you ARE wrong. People will turn against us at times, but we should always have our best friend at home that’s always on our team / our side, and keeps a good positive spirit…working together, attacking the problems, not the person closest by to take aim at!
We’ve focused a lot on men in this series. Now it’s the ladies’ turn.
Ladies: in case you haven’t noticed, men have big egos!
Men thrive on their woman’s admiration. Women need attention, men need admiration. Women need love, men need respect. Women want leadership, and men want a following!
How do you show your man admiration? By the way you treat him. We’re not talking about bowing down and kissing his feet…that will go to his head and he won’t be a very “fungi” to be with!
But many women make their man feel inferior, and put him in a conveniently low place where she likes to keep him. A critical spirit makes him feel like he can’t do anything right…his courage and confidence wane as she makes him feel like a little boy. Some ladies think this will be motivational, and then are shocked when he finds someone else who makes him feel like a man / important.
Your husband needs your praise and admiration. He needs to know that when there’s no one else in the world rooting for him…that you are!
Ill.—youth activity / leader announces a game and the guys say it’s dumb / then they say the girls get into it and they rise to an all new level! It even happens in our adulthood. I can bench press more when my wife is watching…I start actually adding weights ONTO the bar!
People leave in a rush after church on Sunday mornings. And maybe no one tells me that was a good sermon, but if I go home and my wife says it, then that’s all that matters…so I just follow her around and hint until she says it!
Unless they were raised by a father who really praised and reinforced them…most men have a very fragile self image. You’ll accomplish much more change in your man by praise than by criticism / nagging.
It’s amazing how often you hear of a guy having an affair w/ someone who is far less attractive than their wife. Why is this? I mean, he falls for someone who doesn’t compare…she could make a freight train take a dirt road! Why? The lady is left scratching her head saying, “what does she have that I don’t?”
You want to dramatically reduce the likelihood of your husband ever having an affair? Here’s a Bible perspective for you:
“Strange woman” in Proverbs doesn’t mean “weird.” It’s “the temptress.”
Proverbs 2:16
To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words;
She tempts not w/ her body, but w/ her words. She tells him how funny he is, how strong, how smart…and he turns to butter…he’s tied around her little finger.
Proverbs 5:3-5
For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: [4] But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword. [5] Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.
Proverbs 7:21
With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.
Proverbs 7:4
Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman:
Why do we need wisdom? To keep us from the strange woman!
Ladies: want to keep him at home and keep the fire burning? Build him up…you’re his help meet! Let him know he’s your hero. Every man wants to be somebody’s hero…he might as well be yours instead of someone else’s!
3 Ways to Never Change Your Husband:
• Nagging—it usually makes it worse.
• Criticizing—esp. in front of others…this erodes his confidence. Criticism makes men defensive…you’ll catch more flies w/ honey!
• Physical punishment—that’s right…maybe not fists or rolling pins, but by withholding marital relations…using sex as a weapon.
1 Cor. 7:3-5
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. [5] Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
You’re inviting an affair!
How will husbands respond when these 3 weapons are pulled on them?
• Some clam up—don’t want to be around you…so they look for things to do away from home.
• Some blow up—react in violence to let off the steam that has built up.
• Some give up—60% of marriages today prove this!
What can you do, ladies?
Pray for him. Don’t take it all into your own hands…realize God can do more for him in a moment than you could do in your lifetime!
Praise him.
1 Peter 3:1-4
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; [2] While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. [3] Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; [4] But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
Commitment to prayer, and a good spirit…
6. Commitment to unconditional love
“It’s not love that sustains your commitment…it’s commitment that sustains your love”
Contrary to what Hollywood says…love is not a feeling, it’s a commitment, a promise, a job!
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http://gbcdecatur.org/sermons/MarriedBestFriends.html
