Communicate, Will You?
(topical)
1. A man with a wife and daughter picked up the phone and dialed his home. There was a phone in the kitchen and an extension upstairs. Two female voices answered simultaneously, “I’ve got it,” followed by two clicks as both hung up.
Bits and Pieces, Dec, 1991, p. 12
2. Have you ever felt the way this man felt: I have something to say, but nobody wants to listen? (pastors feel this way every week!)
3. Every counselor will tell you that communication is crucial in the realm of relationship – all kinds of relationships.
4. But we limit good communication is so many ways:
Returning home one afternoon with my two daughters, Kimberley, age two, and Kristi, six months, I pulled into my driveway and stopped to check the mailbox. But when I returned to the car, I found Kimberley had pushed the locks down on both doors and I had left the key in the ignition. For an hour I tried to explain to Kimberley how to pull up the door handle. I was on the verge of tears. My husband wasn’t home, and since we live in the country, there were no neighbors to help. Finally Kimberley stood up and softly tapped on the window. As I looked down at her, she said, "Mommy, do you want me to roll down the window?" from www.higherpraise.org Diane Prestwood (Magee, Miss.).
3. Some of us have the genes that make us good communicators. We are left-brained and strongly verbal. Others of us are not very verbal.
4. But improving our communication skills is an almost guaranteed way to improve our lives; look what it does for marriage alone:
"In a revealing poll, almost all (97 percent) who rate their communication with their partner as excellent are happily married, compared to only 56 percent who rate their communication as poor. The poll concluded, ’In an era of increasingly fragile marriages, a couple’s ability to communicate is the single most important contributor to a stable and satisfying marriage." (Drs. Les & Leslie Parrot, Saving You Second Marriage Before It Starts, p. 93)
5. Yet every one of us has to communicate everyday, but we rarely work at improving our communication skills; indeed, most of us think we are adequate communicators and have little room to grow. You probably won’t feel that way after today’s sermon. We can all become better communicators.
We should do our best developing the skills that affect everyday life, like communication.
I. Some Reasons For Communication
A. Some REASONS for Communication
1. Share important or unimportant information
warnings, decisions, directions, instructing…
Prv 10:32, 15:7
2. Build a friendship/relationship
Prv. 16:13
3. Pleasure/entertainment
Prv 12:14 – conversation is an art and a form of recreation older than time
4. To relieve stress, anger, or frustration
5. To work at solutions
Prv . 27:6
6. To assert ones dignity: I speak and am listened to, therefore my opinion counts
7. To exercise our minds and creativity
8. To show love, encourage, challenge, alleviate anxiety, and to evangelize
Prv 15:4
B. Communication is a significant part of being HUMAN
II. The Foundation of Communication is TRUTH
A. Satan is the father of LIES, but Jesus is the TRUTH
John 8:44 and John 14:6
B. We are often in the habit of lying, or at least not being TRUTHFUL
1. INDIRECT Communication
2. Use of Questions in Place of ASSEERTIONS
3. Using the Word "YOU" instead of "I"
C. We avoid addressing truth through insidious TECHNIQUES
1. Manipulation by subtle GUILT
In Galatians, when we read of Peter withdrawing from gentile believers to eat with Jewish believers, he was manipulated by a sense of false guilt
2. Put downs and "HUMOR"
Eph. 4:29 reads: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
o contempt: the act of despising : the state of mind of one who despises; disdain
Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott say this about contempt: "Contempt will poison a relationship whether a couple has been together four months or forty years. What separates contempt from criticism….’is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner.’" (Saving Your Second Marriage Before
It Starts, p. 133).
o intimidation: to make timid or fearful
o mockery: insulting or contemptuous action or speech
o sarcasm: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain (it comes from the Greek word meaning "to tear flesh."
3. The SILENT Treatment
4. Attacking and DEFENDING
We’ll expand on this theme next week as we look at how to fight fair and how to ask for forgiveness, skills important for all relationships…
5. Putting Another Immediately on the DEFENSE
6. If You Loved Me, You’d KNOW
D. Some Practices That Improve Honesty
1. Being ASSERTIVE
2. Being FORTHCOMING
3. Being HONEST
4. Being PRECISE
5. Using the XYZ formula
"When you put down my friends (X), it hurts me (Y) and makes me want to hurt you in return (Z)."
"When you joke about my ability to do household repairs (X), it makes me feel like I have failed as a man (Y), and then I feel like giving up trying (Z)."
III. The Spirit of Communication is Generally KINDNESS
A. Jesus was not always GENTLE, but that was His normal mode
B. TACT is crucial (Prv. 15:2 NASB)
C. Focus on the relationship, not BLAME or SUPERIORITY
D. The biggest communication killer: a threat to SELF-ESTEEM
E. We must also learn to be a good listener
"His thoughts were slow, his words were few, and never formed to glisten; he was a joy to all his friends--you should have heard him listen!" (quoted in Our Daily Bread)
Reflective Listening….
Listening is a way to show love…
CONCLUSION
1. We should do our best developing the skills that affect everyday life, like communication.
2. Communication is crucial to a good marriage, good friendships, and good teamwork.
3. And although you can’t teach old dogs new tricks, I noticed none of us barked during the sermon.
