KEEPING THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN
The story is told of a couple who lived in upstate New York, who decided to move to Florida to get away from the cold weather. The husband left a bit early and drove down with their stuff while the wife was finishing up things in New York. When he arrived he sent her an email to let her know he was there, but he typed her e-mail address in wrong and instead his e-mail went to a little old lady in Iowa, who had just buried her minister husband the day before.
When the little old lady turned on her computer and read the e-mail, she screamed and fainted on the floor. The note said simply:
Dearest darling. Just wanted you to know I arrived safely. Looking forward to you being with me tomorrow. Signed, Your husband. PS: It sure is hot down here.(SermonCentral, Steve Malone)
Let’s face it. There are many opportunities for miscommunication in marriage, and yet good communication is vitally important for strong and healthy relationships and especially in marriage. This morning I would like to share some instructions from the book of Proverbs on communication within marriage. First I would like you to note that good communication requires listening.
KEYS TO GOOD COMMUNICATION
1. Listen to what’s being said
- Proverbs 18:13
Sometimes we’re like the couple who were with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. Mary said, “Oh, Tom and I will never need marriage counseling. We have a great relationship. He was a communications major in college and I majored in drama. He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.” (Rich Young, Sermon Central).
My friend, the Bible says that if we do not listen to one another, if we answer without listening, we are fools.
Do you remember how easy it was to talk when you were dating? My goodness, you would talk about anything and everything. You talked about your past, your future, your hopes and your dreams. You talked about your plans together. Now, we are often so busy that we don’t take time to talk. We settle for leaving a short note on the table on the way out the door.
When we are together, often we just pretend to listen to one another while our minds are a 100 miles away.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt got tired of smiling that big smile and saying the usual things at all those White House functions. So, one evening he decided to find out whether anybody was paying attention to what he was saying. As each person came up to him with extended hand, he flashed that big smile and said; “I murdered my grandmother this morning.” People would automatically respond with comments such as “How Lovely!” or “Just continue with your great work!” Nobody listened to what he was saying, except one foreign diplomat. When the president said, “I murdered my grandmother this morning,” the diplomat responded softly, “I am sure she had it coming to her.” (-James S. Hewett, Illustrations Unlimited, Wheaton: Tyndale, 1988). p. 318.
My friends, listen to one another. Turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper, talk and listen. Second, be honest in all you say.
2. Be Honest in all you say -
- Proverbs 12:22
If there is ever a place where there must be honesty, it is in the home. There must be honesty in the family and there must be honesty between spouses. Speak openly and honestly about your finances and your spending. Be honest about where you go and what you do. Be honest about what you feel and what you think.
Talk openly and honestly about sex. Be honest and up front in the things you do. Don’t give your spouse any reason to question your honesty and integrity.
Gentlemen, one of the quickest ways to destroy your wife’s respect for you; is either to lie to her, or to lie to another person. She wants someone she can trust and respect. That requires honesty.
If you want to keep the lines of communication open in your relationship, then listen. If you want to keep the lines of communication open in your relationship, then be honest in all you say. If you want to keep the lines of communication open, then think before you speak.
3. Think before you speak
- Proverbs 15:28
It is easy to fly off the handle some times. It is easy to let our emotions, or our weariness, or our frustration to speak before our mind gets into gear. But the Bible says the wise man thinks before he speaks. It is so important to think about something before you jump into it because the way you respond to a situation can make all the difference in the world.
> Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.
> Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
> Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.
Oh my friend, when so much rests on what you say, think before you answer. When you mess up, and we all do, say you’re sorry, quickly. Don’t let it fester.
Listen, be honest, think before you speak, be kind in what you say.
4. Be Kind in what you say.
- Proverbs 12:25
> Colossians 3:8 But now you must also put away all the following: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and filthy language from your mouth.
There is no call to be belittling, insulting, or abusive in what you say. Be kind in the things you say. It makes all the difference in the world. ...
Sometimes, you have to be painfully honest, but even then you can do it in a kind way. It’s not always what you say, but the way you say it.
The story is told of an ancient king who had a dream that all of his teeth had fallen out. The nightmare shook him up, so he called in one of his counselors to interpret the dream. The counselor thought for a moment and said, “Your highness, the dream means that all your relatives will die and you will be left alone.” The king became so furious at the interpretation that he had the advisor kicked out of the room. He called in a 2nd advisor.
He told the 2nd advisor his dream and the man replied. “Rejoice O King! The dream means that you will live many years. In fact, you will out live all your relatives! Long Live The King!” The king was so pleased that he gave the counselor a large purse of gold.
- Proverbs 19:13, 21:9, 21:19
Listen, be honest, think before you speak, be kind in what you say. 5th, say kind things.
5. Say Kind Things
> Proverbs 27:5 Better an open reprimand than concealed love.
It’s better to openly reprimand someone than it is to conceal love. In other words, never miss an opportunity to encourage, to build up the one you love, the one you care about. It’s one thing to be kind in what you say. It’s something else to say kind things. You need to look for ways to encourage, to build up, to compliment, to point out the strengths in others.
- Proverbs 15:30
Gentlemen, when was the last time, before Valentine’s Day, that you complimented your wife? ...
> Proverbs 12:25 Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.
Ladies, encourage your husband. Point out the good in him. Thank him for the things he does well. ...
CONCLUSION
My friend, I know it can be difficult. I know life can be difficult, but you must quit making excuses for the state your home is in and begin to do something about it. You may not be able to fix your spouse. That’s not your responsibility. It’s your responsibility to work on yourself. And God will help. The Bible tells us in
> 2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a Spirit of timidity, but a Spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.
