Plumbed to the Depths
Life After the Wedding, part 5
Wildwind Community Church
February 19, 2006
David Flowers
I want to talk to you today about something that affects adults from every background, every religion, every ethnicity, every moral stripe. I want to talk to you today about a tragedy that often leaves people blindsided, even when other people might have seen it coming. I want to talk to you about marital unfaithfulness. Adultery. Cheating. Extra-marital sex. Getting it on the side.
But I want to do justice to the topic this morning. I don’t want to merely stand up here and tell you adultery is a sin. That’s no big revelation, although if you didn’t know that, it’s definitely worth knowing! What I want to do with you today is to look closely at sexuality in light of what we have already talked about – the fact that God desires through marriage that you become holy – that you come gradually to reflect his character more and more. 1st Cor. 10:13 tells us that God is faithful. God desires that we come to look like him in our actions, emotions, and attitudes. If God is faithful, God desires that you and I become people who are faithful. So I’m as interested this morning in talking to you about faithfulness as I am in talking about adultery, in fact the only reason adultery is worth talking about is because adultery is faithlessness, and really it’s faithlessness that interests me.
Today’s message will be rated PG-13, so I want you to be aware of that in case you have business you might need to attend to with children who are still in the auditorium, or in case you are a particularly sensitive person. There will be parts of today’s message that some will consider shocking, but I believe this is ground we must cover frankly. The first thing we want to do here today is remove the veil of secrecy from the issue not only of adultery, but from sexuality itself. Sexuality can be embarrassing when discussed frankly, especially when the intent is not to joke or demean but to take it seriously. I know the church doesn’t have the greatest track record when dealing with sex, but all we can do is be responsible for ourselves here today and try not to make it worse!
I’m going to spend a lot of time talking about sex and sexuality this morning, because obviously sex is wrapped up in adulterous relationships. And here’s my key question today, and this is huge so listen carefully:
What if your sexuality – your gender – the way you are wired sexually – has a direct line to your soul? What if it’s not just tissue and nerves and muscle? What if there’s a direct spiritual connection?
Does that seem hard to accept? Not to me. The Apostle Paul wrote several of his Bible books to people who, before they had received Christ in their lives, had participated in temple prostitution rituals. As far back as you go into history, sexuality and spirituality have been linked. Sexuality has always had transcendent power for human beings – and uniquely for human beings. Let’s talk about that for a minute.
The Transcendent Power of Sex
Did you know that of all the creatures on the face of the earth, human beings are the only ones that have sex face to face? Did you know that? Do you think that means something? Do you think it suggests that those who would reduce sex to a merely physical/biological act (like many in our society have) have drained it of most of what it means? Have you ever wondered why it is that sex has been used in religious rituals since the dawn of history? Have you ever thought about why it is that America is of two minds about sex – that on one hand we diminish it – we say you can and should have sex with anyone who consents as long as they’re old enough. So we treat it casually on the one hand. On the other hand we exalt it – we worship it and glorify it in magazines. We set it outside the flow of everyday life by making sex itself a kind of celebrity. We can’t decide whether sex is animal and natural and casual, or whether it is glorious and spiritual and transcendent. We insist on treating sex casually when it suits our fancy (say, when a person is bar-hopping and seeking to “get laid”). In those times we’re content to act as if we’re just “being natural,” just “doing what animals do.” We minimize it with phrases like, “Everybody does it, it’s the most natural thing in the world.” But you know what? Tens of thousands of babies are born every day in this country, but who doesn’t almost come unglued when the baby that is born belongs to them? Who doesn’t acknowledge that in the most so-called “natural” act, a miracle has occurred? Just because everybody does something, or something happens regularly, doesn’t mean we’ve explained it, that we understand it, that we have figured it out, that it’s not a mystery. There are times when we sense a spiritual connection during sex – we sense that something more is happening than meets the eye, that all is not as it appears, that something deeply mysterious is happening right in that moment and that somehow we are both causing it, and also caught up in it. We sense a bond of a special kind. We enhance the power and intensity of that bond by looking our partner in the eye, staring into the soul if possible – or trying to. On this level, sex is not merely animal/natural – mere exchange of bodily fluids. Sex on this level is “soul-exchange.”
Sex and Christian spirituality
The Bible deals very frankly with sex. Some of you may not be aware that the Bible contains an erotic love poem. Song of Solomon, sometimes known as Song of Songs, is ancient. From the earliest times this book was read by the Hebrews on two levels. First, it was seen for what it was: an erotic poem about human beings in love. Second, it was understood as a metaphor for God’s faithfulness to us and love for us. Listen to this.
Song of Songs 4:9-16 (MSG)
9 You’ve captured my heart, dear friend. You looked at me, and I fell in love. One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!
10 How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend— far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine, your fragrance more exotic than select spices.
11 The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor. Your clothes smell like the wild outdoors, the ozone scent of high mountains.
12 Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.
13 Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits— Ripe apricots and peaches, oranges and pears; Nut trees and cinnamon, and all scented woods;
14 Mint and lavender, and all herbs aromatic;
15 A garden fountain, sparkling and splashing, fed by spring waters from the Lebanon mountains.
16 Wake up, North Wind, get moving, South Wind! Breathe on my garden, fill the air with spice fragrance. Oh, let my lover enter his garden! Yes, let him eat the fine, ripe fruits.
Pretty explicit, isn’t it? Of course we don’t have time to read all of the Song, but the theme of this book is – simply and powerfully – relationship. Human beings relate to each other sexually, from hugging to holding hands to kissing to intercourse. We, of course, do not relate to God that way, but what the Hebrews wanted to always remember is the passionate way that God loves us – the way God pursues us, cares for us, thinks of us, RELATES to us. God does not pursue us sexually, but the important thing is that He pursues us. His passion is not romantic passion, but the most important thing is that God pursues us with passion. Some of you may be uncomfortable with the idea of an erotic love poem being a metaphor for our relationship to God. But it’s just the ancient Hebrew (and now Christian) way of acknowledging what religions of all kinds throughout history have known – sex is, or can be, a pathway to the divine.
My friends, if you’ve seen animals have sex it’s not hard to ascertain that for them, it’s definitely not a pathway to the divine. Not only do animals never look one another in the eye during sex, not only is it over in 20 seconds (no comments, women), but the females could not look less interested. It’s almost like the females don’t actually have sex at all, like he does, but she doesn’t. It’s not relational so, therefore, it cannot be spiritual.
Yet we have these stupid pop songs that keep coming out, don’t we? These stupid pop songs that say the best way to have sex is to have it like animals. A number of years ago there was that song, “You and me baby we ain’t nothing but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery channel.” Talk about the schizophrenia our society has about sex. Is there anything accurate in that song? Are animals actually wild and unfettered when it comes to sex? Do animals experience amazing, incredible, passionate, nail-the-furniture-down sex? Of course not. Animals are completely casual about sex. Animals don’t have hot sex. Female animals barely notice sex is even being had! Male animals always ejaculate right away and they DON’T feel embarrassed by it, they DON’T seek out counseling, they DON’T consider how their partner feels. Do you see what I’m saying? My friends, human sex has the unbelievable power and force it has specifically because it is NOT like the animals on the Discovery channel – specifically because it IS human – specifically because we CAN and DO look into each other’s eyes – specifically because it is SPIRITUAL.
So the song I’m talking about says completely contradictory things. Baby, let’s have sex like animals. Let’s be wild and free and nasty. Of course the problem is that animals don’t have sex that way. Animals are completely casual about sex. Animals don’t regard it at all, heck, the female barely notices it’s happening. This idea of hot sex is unique to humans and the thing that makes sex hot is precisely the fact that, unlike animals, we can’t consider it just one more act. Something in us knows it’s not. The song may say let’s have sex like animals, but what they mean is the exact opposite. What they mean is, “Let’s have sex like only humans do – turned on by the vulnerability involved, amped up that our partner allows us this kind of access to them. Wanting it to keep going a little longer. That’s not as catchy as the Discovery channel thing. But it’s more honest and less idiotic.
There is something unique about sex. In the human world, sex has power that, frankly, nothing else has. It has a potential power all its own and that’s why casual sex is an affront to God. It’s impossible to even BE casual about sex, because even the fact that we desire and enjoy sex comes from our complete inability to actually be casual about it. The person who sleeps around “casually” is deeply, deeply confused about what it means to be human. The guy who says, “C’mon baby, it doesn’t have to mean anything,” is fooling himself. The only reason he enjoys it is because it means something. At the very, very least, her willingness to allow him to do this means something to him, even if only that she’s a bit of a slut whose number he’ll have to remember. In the human world, sex always means something, that’s what makes it hot. The problem isn’t that sex sometimes means something to one and nothing to the other – the problem is that it sometimes means very different things. But think with me: take all the hotness out of sex, drain it of everything interesting, take away the soul-exchange, remove the vulnerability and what do you end up with? You end up with what some of these songs and magazines say we’re trying to aspire to in the first place – animal sex. Is that worth pursuing?
Many people are confused enough about sexuality to believe that to have hot sex is to somehow be animal in some part of our nature. I want you to understand this morning that to have what we consider hot sex is to be supremely human. That’s what gives it its hotness. To think about it, to enjoy it, to even reflect on it – those are all human things. Animals don’t do any of those things. They just do it mindlessly in a way that even the most casually sexual human beings don’t approach. But as someone allows less of their humanness, less of their need for social connection to enter into the sexual equation, the more they approach that animal level. But this is true in every area of life. In every avenue of life we can make a choice between becoming more human, more the way God created us to be, or becoming less human. I believe sex is designed to fulfill and complete, to bring wholeness to something that is not whole.
Implications
So back to my question, back to your sexuality. Is your sexuality incidental to you? Is your gender mere coincidence? Is it a genetic accident that you are male or female? Is your plumbing merely biological, or when God made your sex organs, did he literally plumb the depths of you, going all the way down to your spirit? Does your maleness or femaleness reflect something spiritually real about you? Yes, absolutely I believe it does. God made every part of you to be a channel to another world. Good sex, good music, good food, good surroundings, good friends – so much of what is good in this world can be an avenue for experiencing the mystery of God, and I believe it is meant to be. I believe that in sex we’re supposed to get a small glimpse of the world we are made for, to hear, as Philip Yancey says, rumors of another world.
Kind of makes you think differently about sex, doesn’t it? Kind of makes you think differently about adultery and faithfulness doesn’t it? If God plumbed the depths of you, if your sexual capacities (and I don’t mean just genitals, folks, I mean brain, skin, smells, everything that lends sexual power to you as a human being and enables you to experience human sexuality) were created by God to be a direct line to your spirit and soul, and if God designed male and female with potential to become “one flesh,” and if God is faithful to us and wants to make us like Him, and if in becoming like Him we are joined to Him, connected to Him as Jesus talked about in John chapter 15, then God gifts us with sex and everything involved in it and then asks us to do with it precisely what He has asked us to do with everything else – use it in a way that draws us toward Him and not in a way that draws us away. And how do we use sex in a way that draws us toward God and not away? By using it in a context of total faithfulness, of complete commitment to one other person, of devotion that not only takes the hot sex but accepts the morning breath a few hours later, that not only takes the beauty and romance and hormones, but also accepts the mundane-ness and boredom and routine, because God loves us always, at all times, and in all places. God does not place limits on His love for us.
Unfaithfulness, infidelity, will naturally draw us away from God, why? Because God IS faithful. 1st Cor. and other places tell us that God IS faithful, therefore unfaithfulness draws us away from Him. If God is faithful, we can’t get closer to Him by being faithless. That would be like, if God was left, thinking we could get closer to Him by going right. Since God IS love, lack of love draws us away from Him. God IS peace, therefore anxiety draws us away from Him. God IS joy, therefore ungratitude draws us away from Him. God is forgiveness, therefore bitterness and resentment draw us away from Him. Anything we do or allow in our lives that does not encompass what God IS draws us away from God, puts a chasm between God and us. You will not get to know a faithful God better when you are living an unfaithful life. Can’t happen.
God IS faithful. God keeps His commitments and doesn’t break His promises. Forget my words, let me read you the perfect description of God. God is love, right?
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
4 [God] is patient, [God] is kind. [He] does not envy, [He] does not boast, [He] is not proud.
5 [He] is not rude, [He] is not self-seeking, [He] is not easily angered, [He] keeps no record of wrongs.
6 [God] does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 [He] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 [God] never fails…
(Projectionist: put 1 Cor. 13:4-8 up on the screen. Please do not change it in any way. I will read it with the changes I made above, but I want people to see it as written.)
Human beings are NOT the same as animals. Human beings ARE unique among all the creatures of the earth. We’re not unique because we have sexual capacities, we are unique because of how our sexual capacities reach down into our souls. We are unique because God has plumbed us to our depths. Somehow sex reaches the soul, the spirit. Ask any woman who has ever been the subject of locker room talk the next morning. Ask any man who has ever overheard his girl making fun of his sexual abilities to her girlfriends. Sexual sin opens us to a whole different kind of hurt. It takes hurt to a whole new level.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NIV)
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
All other sins a person commits are outside their body, but the one who sins sexually sins against their own body. See, every other sin you can commit is a sin you commit WITH your body. If you steal something, your hands take it from a store to your house. If you slander someone, your mouth speaks into someone else’s ears. Your body is the instrument for sin, but the sin occurs somewhere outside your body. But sexual sin is committed both with and within your own body. Your body commits the sin, but your body itself is also the location of the sin. That’s why Paul says the one who sins sexually sins against their own body.
Now if God is going to make you holy over a lifetime, where will holiness happen? Will you become holy in some other dimension? Will you become holy in Tijuana while your body is here? Will you become holy under the ocean while you are sucking air up here? Of course not. If you are to be made holy, if you are to become more like God, it will either happen in your body or it will not. That’s why Paul writes that your body is a temple of God’s Holy Spirit. Your body is the place where God longs increasingly to come to dwell, so that you become more and more holy.
Do I really even need to say anything about adultery in particular this morning? Do I really need to throw any more paint on the canvas? Do you get what I’m saying? Adultery is not wrong because it’s on the sly and clandestine – there’s nothing inherently sinful about secrets. Adultery is wrong for the same reason that pre-marital and casual sex are wrong – because it profanes the sacred. It draws us away from holiness. It moves us away from God’s intention to use sex for the same purpose as everything else in our lives – to draw us more closely to Him and to our partner as the person He most wants us to learn to love and serve in this world, because the potential friction in that relationship creates the best opportunities for faithfulness, love, forgiveness, etc. to be made real.
Proverbs 6:20-35 (NLT)
20 My son, obey your father’s commands, and don’t neglect your mother’s teaching.
21 Keep their words always in your heart. Tie them around your neck.
22 Wherever you walk, their counsel can lead you. When you sleep, they will protect you. When you wake up in the morning, they will advise you.
23 For these commands and this teaching are a lamp to light the way ahead of you. The correction of discipline is the way to life.
24 These commands and this teaching will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of an adulterous woman.
25 Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coyness seduce you.
26 For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, and sleeping with another man’s wife may cost you your very life.
27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap and not be burned?
28 Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet?
29 So it is with the man who sleeps with another man’s wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished.
30 Excuses might be found for a thief who steals because he is starving.
31 But if he is caught, he will be fined seven times as much as he stole, even if it means selling everything in his house to pay it back.
32 But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul.
33 Wounds and constant disgrace are his lot. His shame will never be erased.
34 For the woman’s husband will be furious in his jealousy, and he will have no mercy in his day of vengeance.
35 There is no compensation or bribe that will satisfy him.
Next week I want to talk to you about things that drive people to adultery, and give you some practical tips for keeping your marriage adultery-free. Let’s pray.
