RESTORING THE ROMANCE (Marriage 5)
Well, why don’t you treat me like you used to do? How come you treat me like a worn out shoe?
My hair’s still curly and my eyes are still blue.
Why don’t you love me like you used to do?
Why don’t you spark me like you used to do?
And say sweet nothings like you used to do?
I’m the same old trouble that you’ve always been through,
So, why don’t you love me like you used to do?
Well, why don’t you be like you used to be?
How come you find so many faults with me?
Somebody’s changed so let me give you a clue.
Why don’t you love me like you used to do?
(Hank Williams, Why Don’t You Love Me Like You Used to Do)
Some of you recognize that old Hank Williams song. Some of you who don’t recognize the song, can recognize the sentiment. If you are like most couples, when you married, when you got together, you saw stars.
You remember how things started out? You thought you’d be in love forever. Your palms would start sweating at the thought of holding her hand. Your breath would catch in your throat when you heard his car pull into the driveway. Do you remember how she would look at you, and you’d wonder how in the world you were ever lucky enough to get such a girl? Do you remember when just a look from her would make you feel like you could whip the world, and if she was watching you’d be willing to die trying? Now, instead of taking on the world for her, she can’t even get you to fix that drawer that keeps sticking.
Do you remember the time you would put in, fixing the food he liked, trying to make it just right? Now, if it can’t be microwaved he’s not getting it. What happened? Where’s the romance> Where is that feeling that used to make you break out into goose bumps?
Sadly, in many of our homes, your husband or your wife has become not much more than a roommate. The romance has died.
Some of you believe that romance, the goose bumps and all of that stuff is just for children and for the movies. It was fun while it lasted, but this is the real world. That stuff is for children and romance novels. It’s not like that in real life. Horse feathers! Love doesn’t have to die. Passion isn’t supposed to die. In Proverbs 5:18-19 we read Let thy fountain be blessed: rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always by her love. The word translated there as “ravished” in the KJV means to be intoxicated. In other words, God wants you and I to forever, in old age as in young, to be overwhelmed by the love of our spouses. Our love is never to grow cold.
Over the years, however, busyness, unforgiveness, parenting, distractions, temptation and exhaustion can cool the flames of passion; they can quench our love. How then can that excitement, that passion, that loving feeling be restored and maintained? Turn in your Bibles with me this morning to Revelation 2:1 as this morning w see together how to Rekindle the Romance.
- Read Revelation 2:1-5
I believe that the relationships we have and enjoy here on earth are designed by God to give us a picture of heavenly relationships. For instance, God gave us dads, strong, confident, protecting providers to give us an earthly picture of our heavenly Father. He ha given us brothers and sisters so we can more easily understand the relationships we are to have with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Just like our earthly brothers and sisters, we don’t get to pick our Christian brothers & sisters and though we may not always agree, we are to love and care for them.
The same is true of our marriage relationships. In the Bible, Jesus Christ is called the Bridegroom of His Bride, the church. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and gave His life for her. So the relationship we have with our spouses are supposed to reflect the relationship Christ has with the church. At the same time, our relationships, our marriages sometimes suffer from the same problems our heavenly relationships do.
In these verses, we find the Bride of Christ, a local church in Ephesus, has fallen out of love with Jesus. Though they are still married, though they still have a relationship, the love and excitement has left the relationship. Just like a grieving husband, Jesus asks, “Why don’t you love me like you used to do?”
In the first couple of verses Jesus praises His bride. He says, “I know you’re faithful. I know you haven’t wandered. I know how you’ve worked. You’re still holding up your end of the deal, but you’re just going through the motions. The spark is gone from your eye and the excitement has left your voice. I miss the old days.”
Let me ask you, “Is your relationship still as exciting as it was when you were dating? Do you still love your spouse as much as you did then? Is she still the apple of your eye? Do you still look forward to going home at the end of the day because she is there, or because he will soon be home? If not, then notice the instructions Jesus gives for reigniting that fire.
I. REMEMBER - v5
Remember what it used to be like. Remember how sweet it used to be. ...
II. REPENT - V5
Repent means to change your mind. It means to change your direction. In other words, you need to realign the priorities in your life. You need to change your mind about what’s really important.
What good is property and possessions if you have no one to share them with? What good are accomplishments and accolades if your cheerleader isn’t there?
You need to change your mind about what’s important.
III. REPEAT -V5
Go back to doing the things you did at first. Not just a peck on the cheek as you’re going out the door, but a kiss and a squeeze that takes her breath away and makes her look forward to you coming home at the end of the day.
Not just fixing yourself up, before you go to the store later in the day where you might run into a friend, but showing him he’s important enough to you that you fix him breakfast, that you fix yourself up for him before he leaves. Make him look forward to coming home at the end of the day and he won’t make nearly as many stops on the way.
When my parents were married, they were dirt poor. They lived in a small camper in a trailer park. The caper was so small you had to sit on the toilet and pull the shower curtain around you to take a shower. My dad was in the military was only able to come home every other day. When he was on base he ate at the chow hall because it was free, but they could only afford for my mother to eat sandwiches on those days. They had nothing. One day, one of my mother’s neighbors told her how much the other women in the park envied her. My mother was shocked. Nearly everyone in the park had more than she. When she asked her neighbor why, the lady answered, “When Gene comes home, he’s always singing and happy. He loves coming home to you. We wish we had that.” Ladies do the things you did at first.
I recently read about a lady who wasn’t happy in her marriage. So she went to see her psychologist, Dr. George Crane. And she said, “Dr. Crane, I hate my husband. I don’t appreciate the way he treats me. I want a divorce and I want to hurt him as much as I can.”
Dr. Crane said, “Well, if you really want to hurt him, this is what you should do. Start showering him with compliments. Tell him you love him. What a good husband he is. And how, after all these years, you’re glad you married him. Write him little notes of appreciation. And, after a few months, when he thinks everything is going great, start the divorce action.”
So she did everything he suggested. A few months later, she went back to Dr. Crane. He said, “Well, are you ready to file for divorce?” She said, “Divorce? Why would I want to do that? I love my husband!” You see, once she performed actions of love, the feelings of love all came back. If you devote yourself to giving your spouse creative, loving attention, you’ll be surprised at how fast the feeling could come back. (From sermon by Marc Axelrod, Sermon Central.com)
Gentlemen, do the things you used to do. Wash her car. Clean up the yard. Send her a card, or flowers. Take her out to eat. Take her for a walk on the beach. Turn off the TV and spend some time with her. Put actions to your words.
The young woman was married and had 2 beautiful children, but one day as she was standing over the sink, washing dishes, she thought, ‘There must be more to life than this.’ When her husband came home, he found a note she’d written and began to weep. She would call him once every week to check on the children, and he would always tell her of his great love for her and beg her to come home. She would always say no and hang up.
Finally she hired a private investigator to find her and he went to the apartment where she was staying, nervously holding flowers in his hand as he stood at the door. He had rehearsed over and over again what he would say and he finally got up the nerve to knock on the door. She opened the door and he started to speak, but she suddenly began to cry and fell into his arms. Through her tears she said, ‘Let’s go home.”
Months after, when things were starting to heal, he finally asked her something that had been bothering him: ‘All those times I talked to you on the phone; I asked you to come back and you refused. Why did you come back now?’ ‘Before,’ she said, ‘you were just telling me that you loved me. When you came, you showed me.’”(Illustration from Preaching Today)
Gentlemen, ladies, show your spouse you love him, you love her.
