Men and Women Think Differently
(Genesis 3:1-7)
1. The differences between men and women are legion.
2. For example,
"In a Harvard study of several hundred preschoolers, researchers discovered an interesting phenomenon. As they taped the children’s playground conversation, they realized that all the sounds coming from little girls’ mouths were recognizable words. However, only 60 percent of the sounds coming from little boys were recognizable. The other 40 percent were yells and sound effects like "Vrrrooooom!" "Aaaaagh!" "Toot toot!" This difference persists into adulthood.
"Communication experts say that the average woman speaks over 25,000 words a day while the average man speaks only a little over 10,000. What does this mean in marital terms? . . . On average a wife will say she needs to spend 45 minutes to an hour each day in meaningful conversation with her husband. What does her husband sitting next to her say is enough time for meaningful conversation? Fifteen to twenty minutes--once or twice a week! " www.highrpraise.org
3. Men and women are different down to their very souls, but millions of people live to old age and go to their graves oblivious of even some of the most basic differences.
4. Unless you live in an environment that is totally segregated by gender, it pays to understand how men and women differ. Our first point will be relevant to all situations, whereas the last two are applied to marriage.
Main idea: If you are going to minister to people of both genders, you have to respect both genders and try to understand how both genders operate. This is true in marriage, church, evangelism, business, and community.
I. The Male Pattern, The Female Pattern, and God
A. How God WIRED the Brain
1. everyone’s brain is constantly changing its physical shape…certain areas adding cells, certain areas deleting them
Best things to do: play an instrument, read, and listen to dramas/entertainment
Worst things to do: movies, television, videos, drugs, do not use…
2. male and female brain Male/Female
Female brain more connected, great for divided attention
Male brain segregated, great for concentrated focus
The difference in shape and connectivity occurs at 6 weeks in the womb
Both configurations have their pros and cons…
Sometimes something goes wrong
B. Moral Decision-Making DIFFERENCES
"Christian women often find themselves on the horns of a dilemma: Should they make moral decisions on the basis of rules and abstract principles (ignoring their concern for others), or should they make moral decisions on the basis of what seems best for all parties, regardless of the rules of abstract principles?" Alice Matthews from Preaching That Speaks to Women, p. 38.
C. The Male and Female Moral Value Mentality Defined
1. Men: objective laws to be obeyed no matter what the relational fallout
2. Women: maintaining harmonious and right relationships is what is crucial
3. The example of the Fall (Genesis 3:1-7)
4. Paul’s explanation (I Timothy 2:11-15)
5. Could it be that Eve also wanted to please the serpent?
6. Take abortion: most men who want to abort a baby do not want the responsibility of a child; most women who abort do so to keep on good terms with their family and/or boyfriend
C. How God Demonstrates BOTH Patterns
Genesis 1:27, "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Note that both genders are in God’s image, the implication being that to understand God, we must understand what is good in both genders and combine them.0
1. Objective laws to be obeyed
I Tim. 5:21, "I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism."
2. Emphasis on right relationships (if your brother is offended… do not hate your brother in your heart)
I Tim. 5:1-2, "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity."
Sometimes right relationships are more important than some of the lighter matters of the law… Jesus healing on the Sabbath was basically an issue about this…
3. God’s balance of justice and mercy must be our model… a difficult balance to achieve…
II. How the Male/Female Patterns Lead to TROUBLE
A. Men/women UNDERESTIMATE differences
--It is bad not to know, but worse to not know that you don’t know
--It takes an open mind to believe that the person whom you married is that different; the real test of an open mind is accepting as true what you do not understand
--I encourage home school parents who have children of the same gender to socialize with families who have some children of the opposite gender…
--You would think that paying attention would do it, but when we are confronted with the gender differences, we are often incredulous…we refuse to accept those differences, somehow thinking that refusing to accept reality will change reality.
B. Men and women VALUE and appreciate different things
1. Men thrive on respect, women are commanded to respect husbands (Eph.5:33)
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
2. Women thrive on love (cherishing), men commanded to love their wives (Eph.5:25)
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
C. Fortunately, they CONVERGE enough to share some GOALS, but differ enough to create CONFLICT
1. Many marriage problems are not about you and the person you married; they are about you and the gender you married…
2. Likewise, we all get picked on not because of our individual variations, but because of our gender
3. So we need to separate marriage problems into two categories: those caused by poor choices I make within the confines of my gender, and those caused because of my gender. And if we are incredulous about the nature of the opposite gender, this makes matters worse.
III. Some Truths to Apply
A. Men and Women CAN Learn to Understand & APPRECIATE One Another
I Peter 3:7 (NASB)
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
I Cor. 11:11-12, "However, in the Lord, neither is woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and all things originate from God."
There is a partnership between the genders. That’s why all of us should respect both genders. If you begin to look down or despise the opposite gender, you do so to your own detriment. Make no mistake about it: people can tell if someone looks down upon them.
B. Men and Women need to take great pains to COMMUNICATE fully and with TRANSLATION
1. Women often talk to express feelings and are not asking for solutions
2. Men talk to express feelings and to work toward fixing things
3. When women are talking and men try to offer solutions, it is a BUMMER
C. Generally speaking, the same social skills that make for good relationships make for good communication in marriage
1. Being ASSERTIVE
2. Being FORTHCOMING
3. Being HONEST
4. Using “I” statements rather than “YOU” statements
5. Avoiding INTIMIDATION, attacks, stonewalling, CONTEMPT,
mockery, or other communication killers
If you are going to minister to people of both genders, you have to respect both genders and try to understand how both genders operate. This is true in marriage, church, evangelism, business, and community.
CONCLUSION
1. Back when I was a boy, the female gender bore the brunt of put-down humor: female drivers, dumb blondes, and emotionally babbling women were the stereotypes.
2. Not it has changed completely: white male bashing is in.
3. But such humor is more damaging than people realize. And, saddest of all, many people believe those lies.
4. Men and women are different, but that’s okay. Sometimes it is wonderful.
5. But the genders need to start respecting and understanding one another, rather than trying to prove which is best.
6. Both genders have been affected by sin equally. And though men and women typically sin in differing ways, sin is ugly in both genders.
7. But what is left of the image of God in both genders is beautiful. And, in Christ, we are in the process of being restored. With that base of respect, we are in a good position to try to understand….and to work with what is, not what we think should be.
