What is Love, Really?
1 John 4:7-12
11/13/05
You may recall the story of the Velveteen Rabbit who wanted to know what it meant to be real. He was a new toy and wasn’t like many of the other toys in the nursery of the house. He was looked at as different because he was shiny and new and all the other toys were rough and worn out from being played with so much. The little rabbit soon felt alone because of his differences but was befriended by the older and wiser Skin Horse. The rabbit doesn’t feel as if he is real in this nursery world because of his differences so he inquires of the old and wise Skin Horse- “What is real? What does it mean to be real”? And the Skin Horse tells him what it is to be real- “Real isn’t how you are made…..It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become real. It takes a long time. Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all because once you are real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” “Does it hurt?” asks the little rabbit. “Sometimes”, said the Skin Horse, “But when you are real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
This is a wonderful children’s story that has to do with self-esteem, love and the meaning of life. We don’t often associate pain with love but as the old Skin Horse knew, pain is a necessary part of life if we are to be real, if we are to know what it really means to be loved. For it is often in the most painful moments of life, that we discover what love really is and who it is that truly loves us. When life is good and everything is going our way, we believe that we have hundreds of friends who would do anything for us. But when the storm clouds hover in our lives, many of our so called friends run for shelter. It is only those who truly love us, those who are real, that remain by our side.
The church should be a place where love is real and people should feel as if they can come here and find comfort and peace of mind when their world is crashing down on them. The people of God should love with a real kind of love because we realize that God loved and loves us that way.
For the past couple of Sundays, we have been discussing who God is, who He loves, and how He proved His love for us. v.10 “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” God loved us and proved His love for us by sending His Son as a sacrifice for us, that is a love that is real. v.11 “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” The point is that when we have received that love from God that is real, we have an obligation to love one another with that particular kind of love, that love that is real.
The problem is, we are so confused as to what love is. We live in a world where love has so many definitions that we’re not certain as to what it means to love someone this way.
I love my children-they are the pride and joy of my life and I can’t think of a stronger love than when a parent loves their children. I love my parents-they are the most wonderful people in the world and have gone overboard at sharing their love with me. But I love my children and my parents differently. I am in love with Rose-she is a gift of God to me and I don’t like it when we’re not together. I love Miss. State-as painful as it sometimes is, I love the Dawgs and will be loyal to them til the day I die. I love chocolate-give me a bag of peanut M&M’s and I am in heaven!
I love all of these people and things in my life but I love each of them differently. So when the scripture tells us we ought to love one another, what in the world does that mean? What is this thing called love? What is real love?
We could look it up in the dictionary to see how Webster defines it, we could ask one another what love is, but by the time we were finished, we’d probably be as confused as were from the start. But there is One who is true and there is One who is real and the best place to discover what love really is, is found in His Word.
The bible wasn’t written in English but is primarily composed of the Hebrew and Greek language so we have to translate that language into something that we can understand. You can’t just read “love one another” in English and really understand what that means until you dig a little deeper, and translate it from its original language.
The Greeks had 4 different words for love and it’s important that we understand the meaning of each because the bible states that we should love each other with these kinds of love.
1) Eros- this is the Greek word for love from which we get our word erotic. It is an intimate kind of love, a sexual love. So when John says “we ought to love one another”, is he talking about an erotic love? No, the bible says eros love is specifically designed for a husband and wife. God created within each of us the desire and capacity for this kind of love but He created it specifically within the bounds of marriage. If people abided by this stipulation, we wouldn’t have much of the pains and sorrows that we have in this life.
2) Storge- a Greek word referring to love found among family members, the kind of love found between a parent and child. As I mentioned earlier, I don’t think there are stronger bonds of love than that between a parent and child. You can hurt me, but if you hurt my children, then you will answer to my wrath. So are we to love one another this way? No, John is not referring to this kind of love either. I don’t think it’s possible for us to love one another with this kind of love.
3) Philia- a Greek word for friendship and affection. In the OT, David and Jonathan had this kind of love. Outside of the family, it is perhaps the most loyal of loves for it is a love that is learned and experienced over a long period of time. I’ve had a best friend for 31 years and we have this kind of love for one another, we’re loyal to one another despite any differences that we may have. Is this what our scripture reading means by “loving one another”? No, for it goes beyond even this strong of a love. For even the best of friends may change and sometimes their love for one another changes as well.
4) Agape- We discussed this kind of love briefly last week. Agape love is a love that never changes. It gives without demanding or expecting anything in return. It is so strong that it is given even to those who are unlovable and unappealing to us. It’s the kind of love that the Skin Horse and the Velveteen Rabbit would discover. It loves even when it is rejected by the recipient of that love. It gives because it loves, it
does not love in order to receive. Agape love denies self for the sake of another. It is the kind of love God had for each of us when Jesus was sacrificed for us. Jesus denied Himself, He didn’t want to face the agony of separation with the Father, but He said, “Not my will, but Yours be done.”
Agape love is the kind of love John is referring to when he says, “….since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God lives(abides) in us and His love is made complete in us.”
Our world has defined love in many ways and it gets a bit confusing. The bible describes love in 4 ways and it is very evident what God expects and demands of those who have been loved by Him. The body of Christ, this church, is to love one another with an agape kind of love.
The Greek word that John uses means “continue to love”, it’s a love that never quits. We can’t just love each other one time and think our job is done, the body of Christ, this church, is to be a place of continual love. We don’t pick and choose the folks we want to love; agape love loves regardless of looks, stature, skin color, education, wealth, etc…And why do we love that way? v.19 “We love because He first loved us.” We were loved when we didn’t deserve it and God expects us to do the same with one another.
And more than that, it’s not our love that we share. When the love of God abides in our hearts, we have an obligation to share that love. It is a gift that God has given to us and He expects us to give it away. We are to be considered as selfish people when we don’t share what has so freely been given to us.
Sometimes, we just don’t feel like loving folks though do we? I don’t imagine God enjoyed watching His son suffer and die either but He did it because He put us first. That’s what agape love does, it denies self, it doesn’t care how I may be feeling on a particular day, it loves regardless. Is there someone you need to love that way today? Is there someone within this family that you have denied sharing that love with for whatever reason? Find a way today to let that person know how much you care about them.
John gives us a certain way to check our faith, to see how close we’re walking with the Lord. v.8 “Whoever does not love(agape) does not know God, because God is love(agape).” When you’re in a close, loving relationship with someone, you soon begin to take on some of the same characteristics as that person that you love. And John says it’s the same thing with us as Christians; we are to be in a relationship with Christ, and if we truly are, we really won’t have to say a word, it will be evident in the way that we act and the things that we do. We shouldn’t have to proclaim our faith with bumper stickers, t-shirts and bracelets. If we’re truly in an intimate, close relationship with Christ, we will be loving people, because God is love.
God is love. Is He really? All the time? When we read the stories of God’s judgment on His people, we may wonder about His love. When we lose someone that we love to a long and painful illness or some tragedy, we may wonder about His love. But every act of God in your life is an act of His wonderful love. When you disciplined your children, was it because you didn’t love them? When you allowed them to make decisions that you knew would end up bringing them pain, was it because you didn’t love them?
v.10 “This is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins”
Let’s look at that verse from another perspective. The disciples who were there watching their Lord go through such agony, evidently didn’t consider this an act of love because they ran away and hid. And poor Mary, watching her son die, do you think she saw this as an act of God’s love?
Sometimes it’s very difficult to understand the big picture of God’s love, that love that is real. If God had formulated a committee of people like you and me to decide whether the crucifixion of His Son was a reasonable act of love, I would think that you and I would have voted against it. Jesus never did anything wrong, He could do so much more good by living rather than by dying. Look at what He’s done for the poor and the sick, look at what He’s done for the widows and the orphans. In our short sightedness, we would beg of God, “don’t let Him die, He’s too good of a man.”
But that agape love of God was the only way that sinners such as you and I could be saved and live for eternity. It may not always seem reasonable and we may not always understand the big picture, but God is love; and every act of God is an act of love.
v. 10 “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. v.11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” The English understanding of the phrase “ought to”
implies that it’s something we should do, but don’t necessarily have to do. But the Greek word for “ought” means obligated to. As God has loved us, we are obligated to love each other.
v.12 “No one has ever seen God but if we love one another, God lives in us and His love is made complete in us.” When we truly have understood and received the love of God in our hearts, the bible says we become “new creatures in Christ” and we begin to love in a new way. When we truly love each other, people will see God in us, which should be our goal for each day anyway.
I have no doubt that in this church, we love each other, I have no doubt in my mind.
I’ve seen your love expressed to me and to others many times since I have been here.
But I also believe we can and should do even better. Agape love is a love that never quits but continues loving no matter what. Sometimes when you’ve been around people for a long time, it’s easy to take them for granted and it’s easy to forget to love them as we are obligated to do.
Have you understood the love of God for you, the price that was paid? It’s a love that is real and stays with you no matter what you are going through. Have you received that love for yourself? If so, will you today make a new beginning in your life and dedicate yourself to loving one another as you have been loved? Real love can’t be kept, it must be shared with one another.
