Single and Satisfied
1 Corinthians 7:7-9, 25-35
Rev. Brian Bill
10/30/05
A first grade teacher gave her class the first part of a proverb and asked them to finish the second half. Here’s what they came up with…
• Better to be safe than…punch a 5th grader.
• It’s always darkest before…Daylight Saving Time.
• Don’t bite the hand that…looks dirty.
• A penny saved…is not much.
• Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and…you have to blow your nose.
• Children should be seen and not…spanked or grounded.
• A miss is as good as a…Mrs.
We’re going to see this morning that according to Scripture a “Miss” is just as good as a “Mrs.”
Speaking of children, I heard about a pastor who was visiting a fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage. As part of his teaching, he asked the class, “What does God say about marriage?” Immediately one boy shot up his hand and replied, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”
While it’s certainly true that some people get married today and don’t know what they’re getting into…to those of you who are single, I want to ask you to forgive us as a church for making you feel second class or unimportant. Please forgive us for we know not what we are doing when we put pressure on you to get married, or make disparaging comments, or tease you, or just leave you out of things. That’s wrong. And we will stop.
The U.S. Census Bureau’s newest numbers show that married-couple households have slipped from nearly 80 percent in the 1950s to just 50 percent today. In an article entitled, “Bowling (and Living) Alone,” The Wall Street Journal reports that the nuclear family of two parents and their children is no longer the most common living arrangement. In its place at the number one spot are what are called “single-adult” households. According to census figures, the largest chunk of American households now consists of people who live alone.
I share the same struggles this morning that Pastor Rick McGinnis verbalized when he preached a sermon called, “Solid Singles” (www.northheartland.org). He mentioned that he had a certain amount of dread when he was preparing, not because the Bible doesn’t have anything to say on this topic, but because he wondered if any single person would want to listen to a married guy speak on singleness. He also didn’t think married people would want to hear about singleness, unless of course they were planning to join their ranks.
And then this pastor realized that the tension he was feeling is the same tension that exists in general between married couples and single people. Married folks often don’t know how to relate to singles and some singles feel like they’re on the wrong side of the wall and can’t connect with couples. One single person put it this way: “Being single would be easier if others would accept it as a valid lifestyle.” One of my goals today is to help tear down these walls so that we can accept one another.
McGinnis then lists four marital myths that need to be addressed.
• Myth #1: Marriage is the only God-ordained lifestyle. Some people think that God’s preference is always for people to get married. Some singles even believe this. Contrary to what the DaVinci Code purports, Jesus was not married and He sure lived a fulfilled life. As we will see this morning, singleness is Scriptural and has a lot of advantages. Matthew 19:12: “…Others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven…”
• Myth #2: The grass is greener on the other side of the matrimonial fence. Some singles think that if they were married everything would be better and some married couples wish they were single again. Many people try to bust through the fence no matter what the cost. Married people bail on their vows thinking their life will improve and some singles forget that no spouse is better than the wrong spouse. Friends, listen: If you get to the other side of the fence you will learn that life is good and bad no matter which side you are on. Don’t jump the fence only to discover that the grass looks about as green or brown as it did on the side you were on. One of the things we’ll learn from our text is this: Don’t be in a hurry to swap sides. 1 Corinthians 7:17: “Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.” Paul takes this a step further in verses 27-28: “Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned…” Ray Stedman comments on this passage by saying that singles should stop the “frantic, almost frenzied search for marriage.” And I would add that married couples need to be content with their covenant of unconditional commitment to their imperfect spouses.
• Myth #3: My life + someone else = happiness. Our culture communicates that if we just get the right person in our life then we’ll be happy. Singles are faced with this all the time but so are married people when they consider leaving their spouse to find someone else who will finally make them happy. It’s like the married person who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…and then it was too late!” Friends, contentment only comes from Christ and does not depend on anyone else. Paul, who was single, put it this way in Philippians 4:11-12: “For I have learned to be content in any and every situation…I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” It’s only through Christ that we can find contentment.
• Myth #4: Singleness produces loneliness, while marriage produces intimacy. Some people believe that if you’re alone, you must be lonely and if you’re married then you’re never lonely. Actually, there are many singles that are not lonely and there are many married people who are. The key here is that no one person is designed to meet your deepest needs – only Christ can do that. Hebrews 13:5: “…Be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”
Did you know that there’s an entire chapter in the Bible that celebrates singleness and explodes multiple marital myths? Please turn to 1 Corinthians 7 to find Paul’s manifesto on marriage and his treatise on singleness. If you’re using one of the Bibles that we’ve provided, this text is found on page 809. In the book of 1 Corinthians, Paul is addressing some questions that have been sent to him as he tries to correct some pervasive problems in the church. Notice the first phrase of verse 1: “Now for the matters you wrote about…” There were people in that culture who frowned on marriage and there were others who looked down on singles. On top of that, sexual immorality abounded in this seaport town. Kind of sounds like America today, doesn’t it? Let me be quick to add that Paul was not against matrimony. In fact, in Ephesians 5 he establishes that the love a husband is to have for his wife is a picture of the love Christ has for the church.
This passage is deep and very practical and deserves careful study. In these verses, marriage is validated, singleness is held up as advantageous, recognition is made that not everyone is equipped for marriage and not everyone is called to singleness, and the reality of human passions is stated without reservation. Balancing all of these truths while speaking directly into the cultural confusion and answering their specific questions, Paul advocates just two alternatives:
• Self-controlled singleness
• Monogamous marriage
We don’t have time to tackle the entire chapter so I encourage you to read it this week for yourself. This outline from Doug Lyon shows that Paul is really answering three questions from the Corinthians:
• Is marriage preferred? (1-9)
• Is marriage permanent? (10-24)
• Is marriage paramount? (25-40)
I see three truths in this passage to be single and satisfied.
1. See your singleness as good (verses 1, 8, 26). In the second half of verse 1, Paul states his thesis statement: “…It is good for a man not to marry.” The word “good” means acceptable, beautiful and honorable. These are words of life to those of you who have felt shame in your singleness. Look at verse 8: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” The Jewish culture taught that it was wrong for someone to be single, even teaching that it would be a sin for a man to reach the age of 20 and not be married. Here’s the Apostle Paul, who is no doubt single when he writes this, saying to singles: It’s good for you to be single just as I am. He repeats this emphasis in verse 26: “I think that it is good for you to remain as you are.” And in verse 40, he gives his input to those who are widowed: “In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is…”
That reminds me of a bachelor named Uncle Frank, who at 78 years-old was a healthy and wealthy man. He had dated a number of women but in his words he had “never boiled over -- just simmered.” On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends. When he returned, his relatives asked him what he found out. He exclaimed, “Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women. They’re all widows now.” Uncle Frank clearly saw singleness as a good thing because for him it was a matter of life or death. Singleness is not a curse. It is honorable and totally acceptable to the Almighty. You are not incomplete just because you are not married. You are a family and you have a place here in this church family.
2. See your singleness as a gift (verses 7, 24). Singleness is a good thing because it is a gift from God Himself. Look at verse 7: “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” The word “gift” is the same word that is used extensively in chapters 12-14 where Paul answers another question about spiritual gifts. This word denotes a free gift of grace. Actually, Paul is teaching that marriage is a grace gift and singleness is a grace gift. It all comes down to recognizing and receiving your situation as a calling from a gracious and generous God. Drop down to the end of verse 24: “Brothers, each man, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation God called him to.” God is the giver of gifts and the setter of situations.
What this means is that if you’re single right now, you have the gift of singleness. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll have this gift for your whole life, but that right now God has presented you with this present in the present. God may change your assignment or you may become increasingly content with being single. As one author says, “There’s grace for being so gifted either way.” If this gift is just temporary for you, next week we’ll learn some practical principles about what to look for in a mate. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, who is single, writes this: “There is no greater Giver than God Himself. He loves to give good gifts to His children! As with human givers, when God gives us a gift, He is pleased when we receive it, thank Him for it, and use it for its intended purpose…I am not single by accident. I am not single because I have made up mind not to marry. Rather, I am single because God has chosen for me the gift of singleness” (www.familylife.com).
3. See your singleness as a way to bring God glory (verses 25-35). I feel bad for singles when clods like us ask the infamous and very insensitive question, “Why aren’t you married?” I like the perspective of one single who reframes this question by asking: “What is God doing in and through my singleness?” This same woman says that instead of thinking of herself as a “single” woman, she refers to herself as a woman who happens to be single. This helps to keep the emphasis on who she is and the gifts she has been given, not on her marital status.
Since singleness is a gift, keep two things about spiritual gifts in mind from 1 Corinthians 12.
• God gives gifts according to His will. 1 Corinthians 12:11: “All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.” If you are single, God has determined at this point in your life, for you to be so. And since God is good, His gifts to you are good, even if you’d rather have a different one.
• God gives gifts to grow His church. 1 Corinthians 12:7: “Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.” Ultimately, whether you are single or married, it’s not about you anyway. Each of us is here for God’s purposes and for the good of others. One single has developed an answer to the question, “Why are you still single?” by answering, “It’s for your good!”
Let’s look at how singleness can help bring glory to God from 1 Corinthians 7:25-35. The overriding principle is found in verse 29: “…The time is short.” This word means “to be contracted” or “drawn into a narrow space.” We need to give our all to Christ today because we may die tomorrow or He may return tonight and therefore we must live with expectancy and urgency. Marriage is part of a world that is already on the way out and so we must focus on things that are eternal. I like what the missionary martyr Jim Elliot said, “Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God.” Since the time is short, singles have some distinct advantages when it comes to serving the Savior.
• Singles have fewer pressures. In verse 26, Paul says that “Because of the present crisis, I think it is good for you to remain as you are.” This word can refer to persecution or calamity or trial. It wasn’t easy being a Christian in that culture and Paul says that if you’re single, you should have fewer pressures.
• Singles have fewer problems. While this is not universally true, in general, according to Paul in verse 28: “Those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” This word “trouble” means to be pressed together. If you’re single, don’t think that if you just got married you’d have fewer troubles. Actually, you would probably have more.
• Singles have fewer preoccupations. While there are always things to take our eyes off the Lord, the single person can more easily develop full devotion to Christ. We see this in verse 32: “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs-how he can please the Lord.” Paul makes the point that a married person needs to also be devoted to his or her spouse but the single person can be singularly set on the Savior in verse 35: “I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Let me make two closing comments to those of you who are single.
• Start living right now. Celebrate your singleness, whether it is temporary or permanent, and live a life of undivided devotion to the Lord. Don’t wait to start living. One single put it this way: “I need to stop asking, ‘Why am I alone?’ and start asking, ‘Why am I here?’” Unfortunately, a lot of emphasis today is on how to help singles cope with their situation or how to rope in a spouse. The Bible teaches that each of us, no matter if we’re married or not, needs to live each day to its fullest – our task is not to just survive, but to thrive. We’re not to just “put in our time” but to make the “most of our time.” Because, as Paul says in verse 31, the “world in its present form is passing away.”
• Use your singleness as a way to serve. You may be tempted to think you can just do what you want until you “settle down” and get married. Don’t use your singleness as an excuse to sin. Instead, use your gifts and abilities and time to bring glory to God and to serve others because the time is short. In the verses immediately preceding 1 Corinthians 7, Paul reminds each of us that our responsibility is to honor Him. Listen to these words from 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
I quoted the “Fellowship of the Unashamed” in a sermon over a year ago and it kept coming back to me this week as I thought about the singles God has placed in this church. This was written by an African pastor. You have no reason be ashamed – it’s my prayer that you will actually become satisfied in your singleness.
I’m part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I’m a disciple of his. I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I’m finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on his presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won’t give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till he comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till he stops me. And when he comes for his own, he will have no problems recognizing me. My banner will be clear!
