A. I hope you have been encouraged and inspired as we have been addressing the topic of faithfulness this fall.
1. During the first four sermons of the series I tried to drive home the point that God is faithful, and that our faithfulness is to be in response to His faithfulness.
2. I have also tried to impress upon us that faithfulness is not perfection. None of us will ever be perfect, but we can through the power of the Spirit become more consistent and reliable.
3. Since then we have been looking at different aspects of faithfulness. Like faithfulness in attendance. Faithfulness in prayer, service and sharing our faith. Last week, we addressed faithfulness in giving.
4. Today, I want us to think about how we can be more faithful in our marriages.
B. It is interesting to find out what kids think about marriage and falling in love.
1. When asked how you decide who to marry, a 10 year-old girl said, “No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all, way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.”
2. An 8 year-old boy said, “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.”
3. A 10 year-old boy said, “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
4. When asked why do people fall in love, a 7 year-old boy said, “It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything, and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.”
C. The younger ones aren’t the only ones that give us a chuckle. The older ones can do so as well.
1. I read about a golden anniversary party that was thrown for an elderly couple.
2. The husband was very moved by the occasion and wanted to tell his wife what he appreciated about her.
3. She was very hard of hearing, however, and often misunderstood what he said.
4. With many family members and friends gathered around, he toasted her and said, “My dear wife, after 50 years I’ve found you tried and true.”
5. Everyone clapped for them, but his wife was a little irritated and asked, “What did you say?”
6. So, he repeated it again, a little more loudly, “After 50 years, I’ve found you tried and true!”
7. His wife, now visually upset, shouted back, “Well, let me tell you something: after 50 years, I tired of you, too!”
8. Certainly, we hope that if all of us make it to our 50th anniversary, that won’t be our feelings.
D. Since we are talking about faithfulness in marriage, I thought it would be good to begin by honoring those who have already had a measure of success by remaining faithfully married for a number of years.
1. Those who have been married at least 10 years, but not yet 20 years, please stand.
2. Those who have been married at least 20 years, but not yet 30 years, please stand.
3. Those who have been married at least 30 years, but not yet 40 years, please stand.
4. Those who have been married at least 40 years, but not yet 50 years, please stand.
5. If you have been married 50 years or more, please stand…if you can!
6. Couples, we salute all of you. Your devotion to one another inspires all of us.
7. Your example sets a standard to which the rest of us can aspire.
E. Allow me to say a special word to some of you who didn’t stand.
1. I know that some of you are single. Others of you are widows or widowers.
2. Some of you are or have been divorced.
3. I am well aware that it is not always comfortable for you when we start talking about marriage in the church.
4. But I hope you understand that we all, regardless of marital circumstances, have a stake in good, long-term marriages.
5. We need to honor faithful marriage even if it is not always our personal experience.
F. Before we go too far into this subject, I want to emphasize that as we address this subject we must speak with clarity and boldness, and with a spirit of gentleness and compassion.
1. The institution of marriage, and God’s plan for it is the same for every one of us, but the experience in marriage is unique to us, because each of us and our marriages are unique.
2. No two people are the same, nor are any two marriages exactly the same.
3. When I look at my own experience in the home that I grew up in and in the marriage I have lived in for 21 years, I consider myself very blessed.
4. My experience in these things have been easier and simpler than many of your experiences, and for that reason, I try not to be judgmental or quick to offer advice.
G. My childhood was divided into two segments. The first half was spent with my mother and biological father, and the second half was spent with my mother and step-father following the death of my biological father.
1. In all honesty, I’m not sure where I would be today had my father lived.
2. Unbeknown to me as a young child, my parents did not have a great marriage.
3. My mother was a good mother and faithful wife, but she quietly and privately endured life in a less than healthy marriage.
4. Had my father lived, I might not have graduated from a home with an intact mother and father.
5. After my father’s rapid and untimely death from cancer, my mother married a man many of you know – Hugh Grimsley.
6. Hugh’s first marriage ended in divorce after his repeated attempts to hold the marriage together.
7. I think my mother and step-father came into their second marriage with a real commitment to invest in their marriage and try to keep from having a repeat of their first marriages.
8. In that sense I was the beneficiary of lots of positive pictures of what marriage can be.
9. Hugh and Pat have not and do not have a perfect marriage, but I have fond memories of real care and concern for each other.
10. I have memories of loving affection, romantic communication, and kind gestures.
11. Certainly there were times of frustration and friction, but there was lots of humor and love.
H. All of this has been a real asset for me as I have spent the last 21 years with Diana.
1. Ours has been a very, very good marriage.
2. We have both reached back into our childhood’s for the good examples and patterns that our parents set for us, and for the most part these things have served us very well.
3. We have both tried to continue to grow in the Lord, and serve Him by serving each other.
4. We have tried to obey God’s instructions for marriage, and for Christian life in general and this has kept us out of a lot of marriage pitfalls.
5. Certainly we have had our times of disagreement, and pain as we have failed to understand each other or given each other what was needed.
6. But, God has helped us to work toward forgiveness and repentance so that we would not repeat the same mistakes.
7. Praise God for all the grace and help that he provides!
I. Now please understand, I say all this to emphasize that marriage is a complex relationship, perhaps the most intricate on the face of the earth.
1. Unfortunately, most of us don’t realize this when we say, “I Do.”
2. We may think that the dynamics of a good marriage just happen, or depend on some mysterious blend of having the “right” people together.
3. But more often than not, being right or wrong for someone depends not on some mysterious compatibility quotient, but on how willing and able we are to love and serve our spouse.
4. That willingness and ability to love and serve our spouse is dependent on a myriad of complex issues, characteristics and experiences.
5. None of these can be used as an excuse, but certainly can be helpful in understanding why we may have more difficulty in marriage than others might have.
J. Why am I spending so much time making this point? Because we all need to realize just how difficult and complex marriage really is.
1. I have agonized all week as I’ve studied and written this sermon, because I want to say something helpful, not hurtful.
2. In I Corinthians 7:28, Paul wrote, “But those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”
3. That is the reality, but at the same time I don’t want to be overly negative.
4. Marriage is fun. Marriage is good. Marriage may be all that you want and hope. But more than anything, having a good and faithful marriage is work.
5. It requires tremendous effort and constant attention.
K. What I want to declare as clearly as I can is that no matter how hard or bad a marriage has been, God can help us make it better. (I believe that from the bottom of my heart.)
1. The good news of Jesus Christ is that we do not have to remain as we are.
2. I can personally experience a change in myself which will bring a change in my marriage.
3. Jesus is in the business of changing lives and marriages.
L. So, when any of us find ourselves in a place of dissatisfaction in our marriage, then we have three choices.
1. First, we can choose to settle for the blahs.
a. Minnie Pearl used to say, “Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.”
b. Some of us have allowed our marriages to cool off to the point that we are just existing.
c. Maybe we ignore each other and are pouring our lives into other things.
d. Or maybe we are in a constant state of war, deliberately hurting each other by launching verbal attacks, put downs, and other unkind and ungodly behavior.
e. One choice is to settle for these kinds of blahs.
2. Second, we can choose to bail on our marriage.
a. The average length of marriage in the U.S. is 7.2 years.
b. We live in a time when it is easier to get out of a marriage, than it is to get out of a book of the month club.
c. Because of the pain that some people find themselves in, in some marriages, I’m surprised that there is not even more divorce.
d. Some of you have endured more frustration and pain in marriage than anyone deserves, and I admire your ability to hang in there. Thank you for not bailing.
e. Divorce is not the answer.
f. In most cases, divorce causes more problems for a person than it alleviates.
3. By far, the best choice for all of us is not bailing from marriage, or settling for the blahs, but building a better marriage.
a. Now I know what you are thinking – “David, you’ve got to be kidding! Do you know how difficult it is to live with my spouse? There is no way.”
b. While I admit that I do not know about all your difficulties, I do know that it is possible to build your marriage.
c. I’m convinced that most, if not all of us, want a better and more successful marriage.
d. The problem is that we are stuck – stuck in our patterns and ruts.
e. We simply don’t know where to begin or how to make a change that will work.
f. I will not pretend to stand here and know the prescription that will make it all better.
4. I wish it were that simple, but it isn’t.
M. So, where should we begin as we think about building our marriage?
1. The story is told of a little boy who sat through a Sunday school class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and turned water into wine.
a. When he got home, his dad asked him what he learned in Bible class.
b. The boy thought a moment and then answered, “If you’re having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there.”
2. That’s not just good advice for weddings. It is great advice for the marriage as a whole.
3. Jesus needs to be at the center of the marriage, and that works best when he is at the center of both people in the marriage.
4. When that is not possible, then make sure he is at the center of your heart, even if he is not at the center of your spouse’s heart.
5. The presence of Jesus in my heart and mind will enable me to be the person I should be regardless of what my spouse does.
N. Marriage counselors tell us that marriages can be built and changed by one of the parties making personal changes.
1. In her book, Divorce Busting, Michele Weiner-Davis writes, “Relationships are such that if one person makes significant changes, the relationship must change. Too many marriages go down the drain because each spouse is waiting for the other to change first…Change your marriage by changing yourself…By changing yourself and how you respond to your spouse, you can change your marriage. I’ve seen it happen again and again.” (Pg. 20-21)
2. I like the story told of the man who decided he was going to do something different to try to show is wife how much he loved her. So, before going home from work, he showered, shaved, put on some choice cologne, and bought her a bouquet of flowers. He went to the front door and knocked. His wife answered the door and exclaimed, "Oh no! This has been a terrible day! First I had to take Billy to the emergency room and get stitches in his leg, then your mother called and said she’s coming for 2 weeks, then the washing machine broke, and now this! You come home drunk!”
O. So, what should I change to change my marriage?
1. A great place to start is 1 Corinthians 13.
2. Take a look at God’s definition of love and ask yourself, “Is this a picture of the kind of love that I give to my spouse?”
3. If not, then ask God to help you to begin to offer that kind of love.
4. We notice that Paul doesn’t describe true love as feelings. He describes true love as actions.
5. True love gives without expecting in return.
6. True love acts to bring out the best in others.
7. True love outlasts everything else.
8. True love is God’s love. It is the kind of love he has offered to us, and it is the kind of love that he can enable us to offer to others.
9. These characteristics of love do not come naturally nor easily, but they are worth cultivating.
P. Will you be the one who starts the change that will bless and change your marriage?
1. Start by giving respect and love even if it is unearned.
2. Commit to continuing to do so even if there are no immediate results.
3. Continue loving and respecting your spouse as a loving act of obedience to the Lord.
4. God can and will bless us if we honor him in this way.
Q. You may have noticed that this sermon has not followed a traditional sermon outline with three or four points.
1. Nevertheless, I hope that in spite of the fact that there are no points that the sermon is not pointless.
2. The main point is that marriage is to be honored and protected and maintained.
R. I want to close with a letter that Ann Landers received.
1. “Dear Ann Landers: I’m going to tell you about a love story that I witness every time I go to the nursing home to see my husband who has Alzheimer’s disease. Unfortunately, I know firsthand how this terrible illness affects family members, but I would like the world to know what love really is. I see a man who, I understand, has spent the last eight years caring for his wife who has Alzheimer’s. They have been married more than 50 years. He cooks and feeds her every bite of food she eats. He has bathed her and dressed her every day all these years. They have no other family. She lost a baby at birth and they never had any more children. I cannot describe the tenderness and love that man shows for his wife. She is unable to recognize anyone, including him. The only things she shows any interest in are two baby dolls. They are never out of her hands. I observed him when I parked my car beside his the other day. He sat in his old pickup truck for a few minutes, then he patted down, what little hair he had, straightened the threadbare collar of his shirt and looked in the mirror for a final check before going in to see his wife. It was as if he were courting her. They have been partners all these years and have seen each other under all kinds of circumstances, yet he carefully groomed himself before he called on his wife, who wouldn’t even know him. This is an example of the love and commitment the world needs today.”
2. We are blessed to have had and to continue to have examples of this kind of faithfulness in marriage here in our church family.
S. An old joke says there are three rings in marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and suffering.
1. Every marriage has its share of those three.
2. As we close today, I hope that the Lord will use something that has been said today to move our marriages forward; to keep them growing and blessing..
3. Make no mistake about it: marriage is hard work. Any marriage that has achieved intimacy and been a blessing through the years has been worked on.
4. As we sing a song of invitation this morning, perhaps you need to take your spouse by the hand and make a prayerful commitment that no matter how much work it takes, you are going to place the same value on your marriage that God does, and you are going to work together to make your marriage everything God intends for it to be.
5. Let’s surrender ourselves and our marriages to the Lord, and allow Him to go to work.
6. Lord, teach us to be faithful in marriage!
