The Heartbreak of Abandonment
Scripture: I Corinthians 6:19, Romans 8:28, Genesis 37, 39-41, 50:20
Theme: Because people are infected with sin, they will fail us and abandon us. But God is unfailing
and his love is unchanging.
Seed: Personal study
Purpose: To help the congregation realize that God is unfailing in his love for us, that he will never
abandon us and that he will use our pain to bring about good.
Series: Thank God for Broken Hearts
Introduction: Being abandoned. Being abandoned is one of the most powerful ways to have your heart broken. There’s nothing quite like being left alone, away from all you know and love, with very little hope of being reunited with the familiar.
Abandonment breaks our hearts and makes us angry. Some people respond by becoming calloused and bitter. Some people respond by falling into despair and hopelessness. Some respond by learning and growing and developing a heart of compassion for those who have and who will experience the same pain.
Regardless of how/why you are abandoned and regardless of your initial response to abandonment, you can actually thank God for the broken heart of abandonment. That may see like a stretch, especially if you are in the middle of the hurt of abandonment, but as I said last week, God will never waste a hurt.
And just like disappointment, the pain of abandonment can and will be used by God to shape us and form us into who he needs us to be.
Remember, our pain is not our own and it is rarely about us. We need to remember that,
”You do not belong to yourself”
I Corinthians 6:19b (NLT)
Often our heart breaks are so that God can shape us and use us in the lives of others. For that reason alone we should be thankful for broken hearts.
Last week we looked at the heart ache of disappointment. Crushing disappointment will break our hearts but in our disappointment God will shape us and make us more than we currently are.
Today I want to explore the heartache of abandonment. There are times in life when we will feel completely abandoned and alone. There are times in life when will be completely abandoned and alone. But in the midst of the heartache of abandonment, we can be thankful to God because, not only will he use the pain to shape us into his image, but he will reveal to us that though everyone else will fail and hurt us, He will remain faithful and will heal us. When we are crushed by the heartbreak of abandonment, we will experience the healing presence of Christ.
I want to examine the story of Joseph today. Joseph was a young man who experienced abandonment over and over again. His life, as a young man, was a series of painful, devastating abandonments and yet in his life we see the hand of God at work, healing Joseph and saving others.
Let’s look a Joseph’s story together and see why we can find reasons to thank God for the heartbreak of abandonment.
Story of Joseph
Joseph was the 11th of 12 boys. His father, Jacob was an old man when Joseph was born and Joseph was the son of Jacob and the Rachel, the one woman he loved more than any other. Because of this, Joseph was Jacob’s favorite son. The Bible tells us that Jacob loved Joseph more than his other sons. Before the story even gets going we have a recipe for disaster.
Not only was Joseph daddy’s favorite, but he was pain in the neck to his brothers. The story of Joseph which starts in Genesis 37 begins by telling us that Joseph was fond of bringing a bad report about his brothers to his father. Jacob doesn’t help the situation. Not only is Joseph his favorite and not only does Joseph love to rat out his brothers, but his father gives Joseph a special gift; A beautifully, embroidered coat – a coat of many colors.
Joseph loves to tell on his brothers, he is daddy’s favorite and his father gives him special gifts that are not discreet. All of this works against Joseph. His brothers grow to hate him and even refuse to speak to him.
Joseph doesn’t take the hint though. Not only is he daddy’s favorite and a little tattle tale, but he then begins to have dreams, big dreams. Joseph has a dream that he and his brothers are harvesting wheat in the field and suddenly their bundles of wheat bow down to his. The implication is clear. He has a dream that one day his brothers will bow before him. Joseph, being spoiled and undisciplined can’t resist the urge to tell his brothers about the dream. This just adds fuel to the fire. Not only do they despise him, but now he has the gall to tell them that someday they will bow before him. To the middle-eastern mind of the day this would have been a tremendous insult. The older brothers did not bow and worship the younger.
Joseph, for all of his wisdom later in life, was certainly a slow learner as a young man. After this episode with the dream, he has another. He dreams that he and his brothers each have a star and that his father and mother are the sun and moon. He dreams that his brother’s stars and the sun and the moon all bow to him. Again, he isn’t wise enough to keep his dreams to himself. He goes and tells his brothers about this dream too. Again they hate him for it. His father rebukes him but tucks it away in the back of his mind. He knows that there is something special about Joseph.
A little later Jacob sends Josephs ten older brothers to pasture the sheep quite some distance away. And then a few days later he sends Joseph to go and check up on them. So Joseph goes to do one of his favorite things, spy on his brothers. As he’s approaching them, miles from home, they recognize him in the distance and they decide to get rid of the pain in their necks once and for all. They plan to murder him. But their brother Ruben steps up and intervenes. He tells them to throw him down into a dry well and leave him to die. That way his blood won’t be on their hands. However the Bible tells us that Ruben really planned to come back later and rescue him and return him to their father.
The men take Joseph, the beat him and then they throw him in the well. But apparently Ruben has gone to take care of other business. After they’ve thrown Joseph in the well they see a caravan of traders that are heading to Egypt. They decide that they should sell Joseph. That way they haven’t killed him plus they can make a little money as well. So they sell their brother into slavery for 20 pieces of silver.
Joseph is now experiencing the sheer terror and absolute heartbreak of abandonment. He went from being the favored son to being property. A slave to be sold in the slave markets of Egypt.
Upon arriving in Egypt Joseph is bought by a man named Potiphar. Potiphar was the captain of the guard for Pharaoh. Joseph becomes a slave in Potiphar’s house and he does a wonderful job. The Bible says that God was with Joseph and everything he did prospers. Joseph is so competent that Potiphar puts Joseph in charge of the entire household. We are told that with Joseph in charge, Potiphar did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.
If this were the end of Joseph’s story it would be a story of limited success. Joseph goes from daddy’s favorite to being sold into slavery to being the top dog in the house of the captain of the guard of Pharoah. He has a comfortable position and a great deal of authority and he is still a very young man. But the story doesn’t end here.
Potiphar’s wife can’t help but notice Joseph. He was young and handsome and she noticed him and decided she wanted him. Mrs. Potiphar was the wife of a powerful and wealthy man and I assume that she was used to getting what she wanted. Right now what she wanted was Joseph and she kept pursuing him. She continually tried to get him to go to bed with her, but he refused. He was going to remain loyal to God. I love Joseph’s response to her. He doesn’t say doing such a thing would be a sin against Potiphar. He doesn’t say it would be a sin against his family or his upbringing. He says he won’t do such a thing and sin against God.. Even though he has been abandoned by his family and sold into slavery, he does not give up on God. He remains faithful to God and seeks to do the right thing so as not to sin against God.
One day while he’s alone, working in the house, Mrs. Potiphar comes in and makes her move once again. She grabs him by the coat and says “come to be with me.” Joseph does the right thing and heads for the door. In fact he gets out so fast that he leave his coat in her hands. She’s hurt, angry, and embarrassed so she cries rape. She tells everyone that Joseph came to her and tried to sleep with her but when she resisted he ran out, leaving his coat behind. She tells the same story to Potiphar, who is understandably angry with Joseph. He believes his number one servant has taken advantage of his kindness and betrayed him. Potiphar has Joseph thrown into prison.
Once again Joseph is face to face with the heartache of abandonment. First his family abandons him and now his master. To make matters worse, Joseph has not only avoided doing what is wrong, he has done what is right and the result is that he is abandoned and forgotten, left to rot in prison for a crime he didn’t commit. Joseph understood heartache and abandonment. But the story doesn’t end there.
While in prison Joseph was a success. We are told that God was with Joseph and that everything he did in prison was a success and so the warden put Joseph in charge of the entire prison. We are told that the warden paid no attention to anything under Joseph’s care. Again, Joseph rises to the top because God is with him.
But there is more abandonment in Joseph’s future. While in prison Joseph meats the chief baker and the chief cup-bearer for pharaoh. These would have been officials in Pharaoh’s court. For some reason they had offended him and he had thrown them into prison. Here they meet Joseph.
One night both men have dreams that disturb them. In the morning they are both obviously disturbed and Joseph asks them why. They say that it is because they had dreams, but that there is no one who can interpret them. Joseph tells them that interpreting dreams is God’s business but he’d listen to their dreams if they would be willing to share with him.
So the cup bearer shares his dream with Joseph and God enables Joseph to interpret the dream. Joseph tells the cup bearer that his dream indicates that in three days he will be called before Pharaoh and restored to his former position. Joseph then says, when that happens, please remember me and put in a good word to Pharaoh for me so that I may get out of prison because I’ve committed no crime and there is no reason for me to be here.
Then the baker tells Joseph his dream and again Joseph, with the help of God, is able to interpret the dream. He tells the baker that in three days he too will be called before Pharaoh, but instead of being reinstated he will be executed.
In three days both men are called before Pharaoh. The baker is executed just as Joseph said and the cup bearer is restored to his position, just as Joseph said. However, the man forgets Joseph and says nothing to Pharaoh.
For a third time Joseph comes face to face with abandonment. He is left to sit in prison, an innocent man. For the third time in his young life Joseph experiences the crushing heart break of abandonment. Abandoned, forgotten and alone, Joseph remains in prison, an innocent man, all the good he has done for others lost to memory.
Joseph certainly understands abandonment. But God was not done with Joseph just yet. We are told that for two more years he sat in prison, how long those two years must have felt. But one day Pharaoh has two dreams and they disturb him very much. He calls all of his wise men and his magicians and his leaders together and asks them to interpret his dreams but they cannot. No one in Egypt can interpret Pharaoh’s dream and then the cup bearer remembers Joseph. He tells Pharaoh that there is a man in prison who can interpret dreams. Pharaoh calls for Joseph to be cleaned up and brought before him.
Joseph comes to Pharaoh and Pharaoh says, “I hear you can interpret dreams.” Joseph replies, “Only God can interpret dreams but tell your dreams to me and maybe God will help me interpret them for you.”
Pharaoh tells his dreams to Joseph. The first dream has 7 fat cows that come up out of the Nile River, they are strong and healthy and they grazed along the banks of the river. Then 7 thin, scrawny, sickly cows came up out of the river. They swallowed up the healthy cows but remained thin and sick.
In Pharaoh’s second dream he sees 7 strong, healthy heads of grain growing on a single stalk. Then 7 weak and blighted heads of grain appear and swallow up the 7 healthy ones but the weak ones don’t get any better.
Pharaoh wants to know what these dreams mean and Joseph tells him. The seven healthy cows and the seven healthy heads of grain mean that there will be seven years of great harvests. Bumper crops will be the norm for seven years and there will be wealth and plenty. But they will be followed by seven years of famine.
Joseph tells Pharaoh he needs to plan ahead. He needs to find someone who will oversee the country for the next seven years making certain that a percentage of the crops are stored away so that when the seven lean years come they will have enough food to feed the people. Pharaoh thinks that this is such a great idea that he immediately places Joseph in charge of the project. Joseph is made the number two man in all of Egypt, second only to Pharaoh himself.
Joseph gets a wife, he has two children and a successful life. Once the famine begins it spreads beyond Egypt all the way up to Canaan where Joseph’s family live. They have to go and get food from Egypt to survive. In the process Joseph reveals himself to his brothers who don’t recognize him and eventually, at the invitation of Pharaoh himself the entire family, 70 in all, is brought to Egypt to live in peace and safety.
That’s Joseph’s story in a nutshell. Joseph was a man who was well acquainted with heartbreak. He had been abandoned time and time again. Every time life seem to be going his way and God seem to be blessing him, he would face another setback and be abandoned. His heart was broken time and time again due to abandonment and yet Joseph learned a great deal through his trials.
Let’s take the remaining few minutes and explore the lessons in Joseph’s life. What did he learn and what can we learn when faced with the heartbreak of abandonment.
• People will abandon you…but God will NEVER LEAVE YOU
Joseph learned that people will abandon you. His brothers, his own family, betrayed him and abandoned him. Yes he had been a spoiled little brother and their father had favored him over them without mercy, but to sell your own brother into slavery, knowing that you will probably never see him again is a pretty serious act. His brothers abandoned him.
Potiphar abandoned him. Yes, Joseph was accused of a crime, but Potiphar did nothing to investigate, he refused to consider the years of hard, faithful and successful service Joseph had given to him. He abandoned Joseph to prison.
The Cub-Bearer abandoned Joseph. Joseph helped the man by interpreting his dream and gave him a good interpretation. He asked to be remembered but he man forgot Joseph, allowing an innocent man to remain in prison for another two years.
Joseph learned that people will let you down. Maybe you’ve experienced the heartbreak of abandonment by someone you loved or depended upon. Maybe a husband or a wife left you. Maybe your parents abandoned you or the company you worked for abandoned you. It doesn’t have to be complete abandonment either. Emotional abandonment can be equally painful and devastating. Our hearts break when we are abandoned and as a result we feel like there is no one we can trust, no one we can turn to.
But throughout his experience Joseph also discovered that God does not abandon us. In Genesis 39 we are told that God was with Joseph.
• Genesis 39:2 “The Lord was with Joseph”
• Genesis 39:3 “The Lord was with Joseph”
• Genesis 39:21 “But the Lord was with Joseph”
• Genesis 39:23 “The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.”
Repeatedly in scripture we are told the God will not abandon us.
The Lord is the One Who goes before you. He will be with you. He will be faithful to you and will not leave you alone. Do not be afraid or troubled."
Deuteronomy 31:8 (NLV)
I will not fail you or abandon you
Joshua 1:5b (NLT)
Be satisfied with what you have. For God has said,
"I will never fail you.
I will never forsake you."
Hebrews 13:5 (NLT)
God promises to stick with us. When people fail us and abandon us, God remains faithful to us, he may not take away the storm we must face, but he will ride it out with us.
But you may wonder if God will remain faithful to us if we haven’t been faithful to him. But we read in 2nd Timothy.
If we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself.
2 Timothy 2:13 (NIV)
God loves us and he will stay with us, when everyone else abandons us, he is faithful and true. God will never leave us.
In the midst of the heartache of abandonment we learn that God is faithful. When people fail us, God never fails.
• People will hurt you…but God will HEAL YOU.
Joseph learned that people will hurt you. But no matter how badly people hurt you there is peace in knowing that God will heal you.
Joseph’s brothers certainly hurt him. They didn’t just abandon him to slave traders, they SOLD him to slave traders. They were paid 20 pieces of silver for their little brother. The pain in Joseph’s heart and soul must have been crushing. Yes he was a pain in the neck, but to be sold into slavery by your brothers must have crushed his spirit.
Potiphar’s wife must have hurt Joseph badly as well. She lied and accused him of attempted rape causing him to be thrown into prison. I’m sure the anger and the frustration and the disappointment must have been overwhelming. She hurt him deeply and cost him greatly.
The Cup-bearer also hurt Joseph. Joseph helps the man out and he forgets about him. Again Joseph is hurt by disappointment and abandonment.
The fact is people will hurt us. Sometimes it is intentional, as in the case of Joseph’s brothers and Potiphar’s wife and at other times it is unintentional, as in the case of the Cup-bearer. However, intentional or unintentional, people still hurt us.
However, we can find peace in knowing that when people hurt us, God will heal us.
In Psalm 3 we read
O LORD, I have so many enemies;
so many are against me.
So many are saying,
"God will never rescue him!”
But you, O LORD, are a shield around me,
my glory, and the one who lifts my head high.
I cried out to the LORD,
and he answered me from his holy mountain.
Psalm 3:1-4 (NLT)
When we are attacked and pressed from every side, God promises to shield and defend us. While people will hurt us, God protects us. But it goes further than just God protecting us. God actively works in our lives to bring healing.
Look at the story of Jesus and the leper found in the book of Mark.
A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean."
Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.
Mark 1:40-42 (NIV)
[Explain that Jesus touched the man to heal him. A leper was not allowed human contact, they were excluded from society. The physical touch of Jesus would have been emotionally healing as well as physically healing.]
God loves to heal us. And he is willing to touch us when no one else will. Joseph learned that people will hurt you, but God will heal. We need to take that lesson to heart. People will hurt us. We will be abandoned and hurt by people and they will leave scars upon our souls, but God will bring healing.
• People will wrong you…but God will USE IT FOR GOOD
Joseph learned that people are going to wrong you. Maybe it’s your family, maybe it’s your employer, maybe it’s a coworker or a child or a next door neighbor or a bet friend, but people are going to wrong you. Sometimes they will wrong you by mistake and sometimes they will wrong you on purpose, with genuine malice in their hearts
Joseph learned that even though people will wrong you, God is still in control and God will take their evil actions and use them for good. When his brothers came to him at the time of their father’s death and sought to ensure that Joseph wouldn’t seek revenge he told them.
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Genesis 50:20 (NIV)
Joseph’s brothers hated him and wanted to get rid of him. They did wrong to him but God used it save many lives. If Joseph doesn’t in up in Egypt and eventually end up as the leader of Egypt second only to Pharaoh, then the entire family of Jacob potentially perishes in the famine. God took man’s evil intent and used it to bring about great good.
In our own lives, people are going to do wrong to us. People will hurt us, people will abandon us, but God will take it and use it for His glory and for our good.
We read in Romans 8:28
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Romans 8:28 (NLT)
The Apostle Paul, who wrote these words, doesn’t tell us that everything IS good. He tells us that God will use everything FOR OUR good. There is also another caveat we need to be aware of. Paul doesn’t tell us that everything will work out for the good of everyone. He says that all things work together for the good of THOSE WHO LOVE GOD AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE FOR THEM. For this promise to be claimed in our lives, we need to have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
But we can know that, if we have a relationship with Christ, God will use our circumstances, no matter how painful, for our ultimate good.
People will do wrong to you, but God will use it for your good if you will let him.
Conclusion: Joseph was abandoned. He was abandoned by his brothers. He was abandoned by Potiphar. He was abandoned by the Cup-bearer in the prison. But Joseph was never abandoned by God.
In his abandonment he learned that people fail. People hurt us and leave us and do wrong things to us because they’re imperfect. But God is perfect and when people fail us, rather than grow angry and bitter and resentful, we need to use it as an opportunity to highlight God’s faithfulness.
No matter what others do to you, God will not fail you.
No matter what you have done to others, God will not fail you.
God is faithful and will use the hurts we experience at the hands of others to prepare us to be used by him in greater ways than we have ever dreamed possible.
One final thought: Don’t give up on other people. I know that in my message today people come off looking pretty bad. You may wonder if there is ANYONE you can depend upon. I know that people will fail you. People are imperfect. You are just as imperfect as they are, but God can use everything for his glory and our good.
This is not to highlight the failings of other people. This is to help us focus on the unfailing nature of God. When abandoned by people, love them anyway. Jesus loved people who failed him over and over again. Peter denied Jesus three times, right when it counted the most. And yet Jesus still comes to Peter and forgives him and loves him. Don’t’ give up on people when they fail, just learn to lean on God.
Broken hearts hurt, but we can thank God for broken hearts. The broken heart of abandonment teaches us that God is unfailing. When we are abandoned and wronged and hurt by others we learn that we can run to Jesus for shelter, comfort and healing. Thank God for broken hearts.
Let’s Pray
