Forgive God, Others and Yourself
By Pastor Jim May
If there would be one word that I could use to describe the attitude of many of the people that I meet every day, that word would be “bitter”. Every word that comes from their mouth is bitter. Anything that requires something of them draws out the bitter spirit that’s locked on the inside. The world is a bitter place, unless you know the Lord Jesus Christ who can transform that bitterness into sweetness.
Bitter people are angry all the time. They are angry with their spouse for not being the perfect mate that they thought they would be. They are angry with their children for a number of reasons; the inconvenience of raising them, the cost of raising them and the toll that their children take upon their parents emotionally and physically. They are angry with their boss because he or she forces them to be where they don’t want to be, and to do what they don’t really want to do. They are angry at life, because they can see it slipping by and they have begun to realize that many of the plans and dreams that they had will never become a reality. They are angry with anyone who gets in their way, limits them in any way, or who disagrees with them in any way. People are just bitter and angry, and it shows in their spirit and attitude. It doesn’t take much to trigger an explosion of anger!
The saddest part is that it is not only the worldly crowd who seems to be so bitter but that same bitterness pervades the church as well. Everywhere I go I meet angry Christians. They are angry with their brothers and sisters in the church and most of the time that anger stems from a misunderstanding.
I heard a story just this week about one such incident where someone became angry with another person because of a misunderstanding.
One lady went into the airport to catch a flight for a distant city. She was early for her flight and had plenty of time to spare so she went into one of the airport shops and purchased a book to read and a bag of cookies to munch on. Then she went out into the seating area by the gate to await the plane.
Two seats over a man was sitting and reading his newspaper. As she sat there she reached down on the seat between them and took out cookie and began to eat it. Then she saw the man reach down and take a cookie too. Her first thought was that this man was being a little strange. After all, he didn’t ask, he just took one. Oh well, it was only one cookie - no big deal.
As time went on and they continued to read, she noticed that time and again the man would reach down and take a cookie, and each time he did she became a little angrier at his inconsiderate ways. Oh the audacity; the unmitigated gall; the arrogance of that man to continue eating “my” cookies without even a thank you, and without asking for permission.
Finally there was only one cookie left. What would he do now? Would he be so bold as to take the last cookie? He reached down, picked up the cookie, looked her in the eye, and with a grin and a snap of his fingers, he broke the cookie in half and gave half to her. She was enraged and incensed at this behavior. How could he be so forward and selfish? It was all she could do to hold her tongue and not give him a piece of her mind!
At last the flight attendant called for her to board the plane. She was glad to be rid of this impetuous, ill-mannered and inconsiderate man once and for all, and as she boarded the plane she wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of saying anything to him or even looking his way. She stared straight ahead and got on her plane and sat down.
As the plane was taxiing down the runway, she decided to reach into her bag to get her book out and finish it. That’s when she saw it – “her bag of cookies, in her bag, unopened.”
That’s when she realized that the man had kindly been sharing “his cookies” all along. She was the one with the gall to take what wasn’t hers without asking. She was the inconsiderate, ill mannered, and arrogant “cookie thief”. What must that kind man think of me!
I’ve seen some times similar to that when I would get angry over something that someone said or did that I knew wasn’t right, only to find out later that they were right and I was wrong.
There is no more bitter taste in the world than to have to “eat crow”, and I know because I’ve had to eat a lot of it. I think I would rather have a taste of Castor Oil from my childhood days.
Sometimes anger will continue grow in the spirit and heart until it becomes a “root of bitterness” and then that bitterness shows its ugly face any time things don’t go just the way they think that it should.
Have you ever seen someone with a bitter spirit? Nothing can appease them. Nothing is ever good enough for them. They aren’t happy with themselves and so they can’t be happy with you either. Their bitterness will begin to quench the spirit in you as well and it won’t be long, if you don’t get away from them, that their bitterness will begin to take root in you too.
Christians should never develop that kind of spirit! If they do, then let me tell you that it’s not the Holy Spirit but the spirit of the antichrist, the spirit of Satan if you will, that will be in them.
Ephesians 4:26-27, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil."
These verses sound a little paradoxical don’t they? (A paradox is a seemingly contradictory statement that may still be true). One verse seems to say, “don’t give place to the devil by being angry”, and yet the other verse says, “be angry and don’t sin”. Come on Lord; make up your mind. Which one is right? Do I get to pick which verse I want to believe or what?
The fact is that anger is not a sin if it is placed against the right thing and in the right manner. Even Jesus became angry on occasion.
In Matthew 21:12, "…Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves…" It sounds to me that Jesus became a little angry with those who commercialized the House of God and turned it into a place to make a profit and personal gain by taking money from God’s own people. I wonder how many churches and ministries Jesus would go into today and throw out a lot of their “fund raising” programs?
In the 23rd Chapter of Matthew I think Jesus became angry again. This time he wasn’t angry with the merchants who cheapened the worship of God and God’s House, he was angry with the Religious leaders who weren’t living right. Jesus called them some pretty harsh names like “generation of vipers”, “hypocrites”, “serpents”, “blind guides” and “whited sepulchers filled with dead men’s bones”. That makes some of the words we use seem tame by comparison to what the Pharisees were hearing.
Anger that is directed against sin is good as long as it doesn’t turn to revenge and violence against the sinner. I hate abortion with a passion. I believe, upon the Word of God that it is murder and nothing less. But that doesn’t give me the right to become angry with the doctors and nurses and go try to do them harm. I should hate the sin, but love the sinner enough to try to win them to Christ.
Anger that is directed against the evils of this world is right and good, but let us not forget that God reserves vengeance for His own right. We are never given permission to take revenge for the evils of this world except through the law of the land and the courts, as bad as they may be sometimes.
When anger turns to bitterness and we decide to take matters into our own hands, then we circumvent the will of God and we become just as guilty of sin as that person whom we are trying to get back at.
I have seen that “root of bitterness” in the church quite often. In just about every church where I’ve ever attended, if you looked, you could spot those who bore a grudge against another and had that “root of bitterness”.
One day, two monks were walking through the countryside. They were on their way to another village to help bring in the crops. As they walked, they spied an old woman sitting at the edge of a river. She was upset because there was no bridge, and she could not get across on her own. The first monk kindly offered, "We will carry you across if you would like." "Thank you," she said gratefully, accepting their help. So the two men joined hands, lifted her between them and carried her across the river. When they got to the other side, they set her down, and she went on her way.
After they had walked another mile or so, the second monk began to complain. "Look at my clothes," he said. "They are filthy from carrying that woman across the river. And my back still hurts from lifting her. I can feel it getting stiff." The first monk just smiled and nodded his head.
A few more miles up the road, the second monk griped again, "My back is hurting me so badly, and it is all because we had to carry that silly woman across the river! I cannot go any farther because of the pain." The first monk looked down at his partner, now lying on the ground, moaning. "Have you wondered why I am not complaining?" he asked. "Your back hurts because you are still carrying the woman. But I set her down five miles ago."
That is what many of us are like in dealing with our families. We are like that second monk who cannot let go. We hold the pain of the past over our loved ones’ heads like a club, or we remind them every once in a while, when we want to get the upper hand, of the burden we still carry because of something they did years ago.
Bitterness and anger will not only destroy you spiritually but they will take a heavy toll on your physical body as well. Anger brings on stress and stress is a factor in many different physical ailments both emotional, mental and physical, such as: Psychosomatic, or mental illnesses, digestive problems and stomach ulcers, headaches, high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, grinding and breaking teeth and also chronic fatigue.
More importantly than all of these physical ailments, bitterness and anger, if they are allowed to remain, will ultimately destroy your soul. We have to get rid of them or die both spiritually and physically.
Hebrews 12:14-15 says, "Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled…"
Romans 12:18 says, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men."
Even Paul knew that it wouldn’t be possible to live in peace with everyone, all the time. Some people are just not peaceable. They seem to thrive on a fight and love an argument. And sometimes you just can’t avoid them no matter how hard you try.
So what do you do in those instances where you can’t avoid being in the middle of an argument? Very simply, all you have to do is agree with them, even if they are wrong, take the fault, even if it’s not yours to take, and let them think that they have won.
Arguing won’t settle the matter, so don’t argue.
Some of us have family members that love to argue and we get tired of having to always take the fault to quiet them down. Look at it this way, “whoever takes the fault and stops the argument is the most “godly”, so why not let it be you? Even a sinner can be more “godly” than a saint, if he takes the blame and stops the fight!
If there is a “root of bitterness” between Christians the Bible gives us some direct instructions on how that should be handled and solved. Are you ready for this?
Matthew 5:21-24, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift."
We all agree that killing for the sake of killing, premeditated murder is a sin that will bring us into not only the courts of the land, but into the judgment of God for our sin. But Jesus said that if you are angry with your brother without just cause, you are already in danger of that judgment. Why does He say this? It’s simply because anger so quickly turns uncontrollable and where does it stop? It stops when the source of that anger is eliminated. The sin in our heart becomes sin that is committed and sin that must be judged.
The Jesus takes it a little further. He says that if we say to our brother or sister, “Raca”, then we are in danger of facing the judgment of the courts. What does He mean by “Raca”? It was a term that was the most derogatory term that one Jew could say to another. It showed their utter contempt for another. It meant that they were “vain, worthless, empty headed, and weren’t worth spitting upon.” I wonder if that’s the same thought that many have when they call someone else, “stupid” or “idiot”? If we say those words with the same attitude of our heart that the Jew called another man, “Raca”, then we are just as guilty of sin and we too are in danger of facing the courts of Heaven.
Jesus then takes that anger to its ultimate heights of sin. He says that if a Jew was to call another brother a “Fool” that he would be in danger of Hell’s fires. By now the anger has burned within him like the fires of hell itself. He has gone beyond being angry, beyond being contemptible, to being filled with hate and having murder in his heart.
A Jew just wasn’t allowed to call another Jew a “Fool”. It meant far more to them than being ignorant, slow mentally, or foolish as we would think of it today. It meant that they were " wicked, ungodly, graceless creatures, who deserved eternal damnation.” These were God’s chosen people and no man has the right to give them that kind of stigma. If we condemn others to such character assassination and degradation, then we place our own souls in danger of hells fires through our own lying and hatred filled heart.
Looking again at Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus said, "Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift."
God won’t accept the gift of a heart that is filled with hatred, anger and bitterness. That heart has to be cleaned out, purified, and forgiven by the Blood of Jesus. But before that cleansing can come there must be a time of repentance and reconciliation toward that brother or sister for whom we bear some animosity.
We are to forget doing anything for God, because none of it will be accepted, until we have done all we can to make it right with our brother or sister. If they won’t accept our apology and forgive in return, then their blood is own their own hands. But we have to make sure than we have forgiven them if our service to the Lord is to be accepted.
Corrie ten Boom has long been honored by the Christian church as an example of faith in action. She was arrested by the Nazis along with the rest of her family for hiding Jews in their home during the Holocaust. She was imprisoned and eventually sent to the Ravensbruck concentration camp along with her beloved sister, Betsie, who died there just days before Corrie was released on December 31, 1944. Corrie traveled everywhere as a missionary, preaching God’s forgiveness and the need for reconciliation but her principles were tested to the max just a few years after her release.
Corrie said, “It was in a church in Munich, Germany that I saw him, a balding heavy-set man in a gray overcoat, and a brown felt hat clutched between his hands. People were filing out of the room where I had just spoken. It was 1947 and I had come from Holland to defeated Germany with the message that God forgives.
I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones.
My memories came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights, the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor, the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister’s frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!
Betsie and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland and this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent.”
"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he said. "I was a guard in there." He did not remember me.
"But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein," his hand came out, ... "will you forgive me?"
And I stood there — I whose sins had to be forgiven every day — and could not. Betsie had died in that place — could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, hand held out, but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
I had to do it — I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "If you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." ...
And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion — I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. "Jesus, help me!" I prayed silently. "I can lift my hand, I can do that much. You supply the feeling."
And so, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart!"
For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.
Let us live by God’s Word and by Corrie’s example. Let’s forgive one another, so that God can forgive us. Don’t let any “root of bitterness” grow in you. Get rid of the anger and the grudges that we might have and let God bring the healing that we need so desperately.
