Desperate Marriages
CenterPointe Christian Church
11/13/05
Special Note: This message was built completely around a wedding. We perfomed a mock wedding while pausing to preach at specific moments. This is the whole service. We decorated, had a young couple get married, dressed and all. If interested in more detail e-mail me at brian@mycpointe.com. Very well received by our congregation.
Prelude Music on CD
Narration 1 – Introduction (KEVIN)
Remember when you first fell in love? Remember how you gushed over her, bought her flowers, and took her on dates? Remember how you wanted to share every moment with him and thought he was the best man on earth? Most of us have been there. So we decide to get hitched, settle down, tie the knot…we decide to get married. We make grand plans of what the wedding day will be like. What will we wear? What will we say? Where will we go? We spend months and months and months planning for that one big day, but what about the days, weeks, months, and years to follow? How much time do we spend planning what that will be like? Unfortunately, we can get so caught up in preparing for the wedding that we overlook preparing for the marriage. Now, you’d rather go out with the guys than with your girl, the only flowers you buy are for a day of yard work, and the only dates in your life are shriveled up fruits. If you have to spend another minute together it might be your last, and you wonder if you’d want him if he were the last man on earth. It’s an understatement that our households are desperate. So we’re going to take a step back in time. We’re going to revisit the big day – to look more closely at the things we said and did. Hopefully we will gain some new insight to what we were supposed to be doing. I better go, the ceremony is starting.
I Will Be Here – (Matt Hamyln)
Lighting of Candles: 2 of the ushers
Bridal March:
Dave Kujak on Keyboard
Jim & Charlie Stand up from front row
Aimee enters from back
Welcome – Jim Acquisto & Wedding Party
We warmly welcome each of you to this joyful occasion of the marriage of Charlie Keller and Aimee Hayden.
The Lord God has said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.’ For this reason a man will leave his Father and Mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:18, 22-24).
Teaching #1: God’s plan for marriage (BRIAN)
The pastor was visiting the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage as part of the lesson. He asked the class, "What does God say about marriage?" Immediately one boy replied, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Did you know what you were doing when you got married?
So many of us went into it blindly, rather clueless.
But we don’t have to be clueless.
So here we are at the marriage altar. What a beautiful scene. So elegant and formal….so well planned and prepared. Many hours have gone into this day.
• She is imagining how she must look to the wedding guests in her lovely dress.
• He is trying to figure out how they make those rented wedding shoes of his so shiny.
• She is concerned that the music didn’t start at the exact right time.
• He is concerned that half the football game will be over before he can get to a radio and get an update on the score.
• She wants them to light the unity candle at the exact same time.
• He wants to know how big he could make the flame on the candle lighter
They are two different people…
Marriage – what an interesting concept. (God really has a sense of humor.)
You take two people – Male and Female who are completely opposite and bring them together to become one. IN MARRIAGE
Why marriage?
MARRIAGE WAS DESIGNED TO MEET THE FIRST PROBLEM OF THE HUMAN RACE: LONELINESS
“And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone ….” (Gen.2:18-22)
• Man was made for fellowship and not for isolation.
• Picture Adam in this beautiful environment - he had the fellowship of God and the company of the birds and the animals, yet he was alone.
• God saw that this was “not good”. So God created woman - a perfect solution for overcoming the man’s loneliness. Our wise and loving Creator made another creature, like Adam, yet wondrously unlike him.
• The creation of man was now complete; the woman complements the man. Man and woman coming together in marriage is God’s ideal of completeness. Woman was designed to be man’s ‘helper’.
• Dr Ed Wheat points out that this term ‘helper’ refers to a beneficial relationship where one person aids or supports another person as a friend and ally. Perhaps you have thought of the woman as a kind of glorified servant. Ed Wheat also points out that the same Hebrew word for ‘help’ is used of God himself in Psalm 46:1 where He is called our ‘helper’, “a very present help in trouble.”
• Man and woman, meant for each other and totally suitable for each other - spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically.
• It is possible for you to be living in the same house with your mate but because you or your
mate’s needs - spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physically are not
being met by each other, you could still be lonely.
• However, this is not God’s design for you; his design is COMPANIONSHIP and COMPLETENESS for the two of you together.
Why Marriage?
1 – MEET THE NEED OF LONELINESS
2 -- MARRIAGE WAS DESIGNED TO BRING HAPPINESS, NOT MISERY
“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23).
• Author, Ed Wheat calls this the world’s first love song! Adam is delighted with the sense of unity and equality he has with the woman.
• He expresses a tremendous excitement, a joyous astonishment. *The phrase “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh,” became a favorite Old Testament saying to describe an intimate, personal relationship.
• Finally Adam had found the one to complete him, who could take away his loneliness and who was as dear to him as his own flesh.
• God has designed marriage for our joy and happiness; his purpose has never changed.
Marriage is God’s plan. It always has been. My question for you to consider today and over the coming weeks is this, “Is God The Center of Your Marriage?” The Center of Your Life?
PRAY – PRAY – PRAY
Exchange of Vows – Jim Acquisto & Wedding Party
Charlie & Aimee, you stand before God and these witnesses to make a promise to Him and to each other. As you do so, would you each in turn repeat after me?
I Charlie take you Aimee to be my wife – to have and to hold from this day forward – for better for worse – for richer for poorer – in sickness and in health – to love and to cherish – until we are separated by death – as God is my witness – I give you my promise.
I Aimee take you Charlie to be my husband – to have and to hold from this day forward – for better for worse – for richer for poorer – in sickness and in health – to love and to cherish – until we are separated by death – as God is my witness – I give you my promise.
Teaching # 2: Commitment to Each Other (BRIAN)
Children & Marriage
“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.”
Kirsten, age 10
“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.”
Alan, age 10
When asked to give the right age to get married, six-year-old Freddie said,
“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.”
Freddie, age 6
In answering the age-old question about whether it is better to be single or married,
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.”
Anita, age 9
And, when asked how best to make a marriage work, 10-year-old Ricky perceptively replied: “Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.”
Ricky, age 10
When you make these vows you are doing two things. You are leaving and cleaving or committing to each other.
MARRIAGE MUST BEGIN WITH A LEAVING OF ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH A PERMANENT RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.
“Therefore shall a man LEAVE his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24)
In this three-part commandment at the beginning, God ordained the institution of marriage.
Marriage begins with a LEAVING:
• Leaving all other relationships.
• The closest relationship outside marriage is specified here, implying that if it is necessary to leave your father and mother, then certainly all lesser ties must be broken, changed, or left behind.
• Leaving our parents does not mean to abandon then; it does not mean to leave them in the lurch.
• The bonds of love with parents are lasting ones. However these ties must change in character so that the man’s full commitment is now to his wife.
• And the wife’s commitment is now to her husband. The Lord gave the man this commandment, although the principle applies to both husband and wife, because it is up to the man to establish a new household that he will be responsible for.
• He can no longer be dependant on his father and mother; he can no longer be under their authority, for now he assumes headship of his own family.
• The adult must continue to honor his parents and care for them when necessary and assume responsibility for them rather than responsibility to them.
• Giving your full commitment to each other as husband and wife means giving other things a lesser priority - your business, your career, your house, even your hobbies, your talents, your interests, or yes, even your church work.
• Unless you are willing to “leave” everything else, you will never develop the beautiful oneness of relationship that God intended for you.
Think about the vows you made once
For better, for worse,
For richer, for poorer,
In sickness and in health,
Till death do us part.
That is a serious, radical promise.
• It is radical because we have no idea what is going to happen after the wedding.
• But we promise that we are going to be there for the other one no matter what happens.
• We make this commitment because love is more action than feeling.
• In our culture, we allow emotions to rule us.
• We talk about “falling” in love or out of love, as though it were something beyond our control.
• But the truth is, real love is impossible without commitment.
• We are not committed to someone because we love them; we love them because we are committed to them.
We need the kind of commitment and love Christ has for us.
Romans 8:35 -- Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
Marriage is God’s plan. It always has been. My question for you to consider today and over the coming weeks is this, “Is God The Center of Your Marriage?” The Center of Your Life?
Exchange of Rings – Jim A. & Wedding Party
Because of your love for each other and to proclaim to the world that you are committed to each other, will you each seal your sacred covenant by the giving of a ring in pledge that you will faithfully perform your vows?
WE WILLL
Charlie, as you place this ring, a visible sign of your commitment in marriage, on the third finger of Aimee’s left hand, repeat after me:
Aimee, this ring I give you -- my personal gift and my personal promise -- of love and trust -- and pride that you are my wife. -- We will wear these rings -- and the world will know -- that I am yours and you are mine.
Aimee, as you place this ring, a visible sign of your commitment in marriage, on the third finger of Charlie’s left hand, repeat after me:
Charlie this ring I give you -- my personal gift and my personal promise -- of love and trust -- and pride that you are my husband. -- We will wear these rings -- and the world will know -- that I am yours and you are mine.
Teaching # 3: Christ’s Love Never Ends (BRIAN)
Think with me about rings.
Kevin shared a few thoughts with me regarding rings and weddings.
There’s boxing rings
• You will most likely fight.
• Let me encourage you to leave the gloves on.
• Be each other’s sparring partner so that rather than trying to defeat the other in battle, you are merely sharpening one another as the Scripture tells us to in
• Proverbs 27:17. “As iron sharpens iron, a friend sharpens a friend.”
There’s the 3-ring circus.
• You will have many times filled with fun, laughter, and joy.
• Look forward to your time together as you would look forward to the circus.
• Have fun. Laugh.
• Sometimes you will feel like you are walking the tight rope or taming the lions.
• Then other times you will feel like you are soaring through the air of the flying trapeze.
• You may have to love each other when she reminds you of the bearded lady or he smells like the elephants.
• Remember what the Scripture says in Colossians 3:23 that “whatever you do, do it with all your heart.” Love each other and HAVE FUN!!!
There are wedding rings.
• As they are made of precious metal, so also your relationship as husband and wife should be precious to you.
• Treasure one another as the priceless gift God intended you to be for each other.
• These rings are not mere decorations or accessories, they are an outward symbol to the entire world saying, I have found the perfect and precious one God has chosen for me.
• These rings are unending circles. So also should your love for one another be unending.
• And that enduring commitment of love for one another will help you go through the times of refining that only come in the midst of the fire. So hold tight to that commitment.
Just as these rings are a symbol of a love that never ends, we have a symbol in the church to remind us of a love that never ends. That symbol is communion.
Many times in a wedding a couple will take communion together as a recognition and commitment to Christ being the center of their marriage.
As we take communion together let me share that verse with you from Romans again.
Romans 8:35 -- Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:
When you take communion this morning, I want you to take time to think about your marriage and examine where you’ve let your spouse down. If your not married take time to examine yourself and see where you’ve let God down.
Confess your shortcomings to God. Then take communion with a thankful heart that His love will never leave us.
Marriage is God’s plan. It always has been. My question for you to consider today and over the coming weeks is this, “Is God The Center of Your Marriage?” The Center of Your Life?
Communion – pass trays down rows (Ushers) (SONG – BREATHE)
Unity Candle - Jim A. & Wedding Party
Charlie and Aimee have chosen to light a unity candle as a demonstration of their oneness in marriage.
The unity candle.
The two side candles represent their individual lives. The larger, center candle symbolizes their joining together as one in marriage.
As you symbolize your union by the lighting of this candle, remember these words of Jesus, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” Always let Christ’s light burn brightly in your lives, giving you comfort and guidance along the way of marriage.
Light Unity Candle & Special Music
Teaching # 4: Oneness (Brian)
Finally, if your marriage is going to be what it ought to be, there has to be a Weaving! A becoming of one.
Genesis 2:24 -- 24Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
Note that it says, “they become one flesh. In other words, they weave themselves into each other’s life.
• It’s a process– not an instantaneous event.
• “One flesh” doesn’t happen just because the preacher says, “I now pronounce you husband and wife”;
• it doesn’t happen when you sign the legal documents;
• it doesn’t happen in a motel ten miles down the road.
• It is a life long process!
Men, according to a recent survey 84% of women feel they don’t have intimacy (oneness) in their marriages.
• A large majority of female divorcees say their married years were the loneliest of their lives.
• God has called us to love our wives as ourselves and to lay down our lives that we might be one with them.
• Even this verse seems to place the responsibility on the man.
God’s plan for marriage is that two become one.
• This is much more than just sharing the same residence, the same food, and the same bed.
• It is two people giving themselves to one another until their lives are woven together into one.
• Husband, wife, let me ask you. Are you developing true companionship in your marriage?
• Is your marriage more than a joint checking account and the children?
• God wants much more than that for you. He designed marriage for companionship!
Let me give you a few suggestions to develop this oneness God is talking about.
Make A Vow – stick with your spouse forever, through thick and thin.
Give your Time: Only as you make room in your life for you mate can you weave your life into hers/his.
Work Hard: Marriage is hard work– hardest task you’ll ever attempt!
Be Forgiving: You will be hurt, disappointed, and offended by your mate. And the only way you can recover is to commit now to granting forgiveness. There are 12 words that will keep any marriage together: “I was wrong, I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you.”
Avoid Criticism: Now, you don’t have to be a football fan to know this very important principle– YOU DON’T TACKLE THE GUY WEARING THE SAME COLOR UNIFORM! Listen, your spouse is your teammate, easy on the criticism.
Prayer: your marriage better be a matter of prayer with and for one another.
Fun: Do things that are fun. Laugh together. Enjoy life.
Most Importantly – KEEP CHRIST CENTER
The Goal – Marriage for a lifetime – (PALMER & ELVA YOUNG PICTURES)
Marriage is God’s plan. It always has been. My question for you to consider today and over the coming weeks is this, “Is God The Center of Your Marriage?” The Center of Your Life?
Pronouncement – Jim A. & Wedding Party
Because Charlie and Aimee have desired each other in marriage, and have witnessed this before God and this assembly affirming their acceptance of the responsibility of such a union, and have pledged their love and faith to each other, sealing their vows the giving of rings, I do proclaim that they are husband and wife in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Those whom God has joined together let no man separate.
You may now kiss the bride.
Introduction of Newlyweds
I am proud to present to you Mr. & Mrs. Charlie and Aimee Keller
Recessional
Charlie & Aimee Exit down Center Isle
Jim Acquisto exit down center isle
Narration 2 – Offering - Kevin
I don’t know about you, but that sure brought back some memories for me. Some are wonderful memories of our big day and our lives together, but others are sad memories of how I fell short of some of those promises I made. But if their big day is like ours was, it’s not over. We still have to go to the reception, have our first dance, and oh yeah, get lots of gifts. Some of you may have brought a gift this morning. Not a gift for the couple here, but a gift to God. If you brought a gift to share this morning, you can do so while our couple shares their first dance. Won’t you join me in welcoming to the dance floor, our happy couple, Mr. & Mrs. Bob & Ginger Burns.
Offering – Bob & Ginger dance (pass offering baskets)
Wrap Up/Invitation – Brian
Marriage is God’s plan. It always has been. My question for you to consider today and over the coming weeks is this, “Is God The Center of Your Marriage?” The Center of Your Life?
Invitation Song: Be the Center – Kevin
Closing Comments -- Kevin
