Single’s Mind: "God, Don’t You Care If I Ever Get Married?"
Text: 1Cor.7:25-35
vacMidway – Sun. Nov. 6, 2005
0. INTRODUCTION:
(The pastor should be on the pulpit presiding over the offering before the sermon as usual. One of the ushers should dress like Jesus. The pastor should explain that we dress an usher as Jesus so that we could remember why we are taking these offerings.
Offering should be taken from the back to the front. When it gets to the front rows, this conversation breaks out between Jesus and a man in the congregation...)
Jesus: Hi, would you like to give an offering?
Man: Sure, I’ll give you an offering (As he pulled a few bills out of his wallet, a couple credit cards fell out too.)
Jesus: What are those?
Man: Oh, those are my credit cards.
Jesus: You’ve got credit cards?I’d like those too.
Man: What? (Slowly handed over his Visa and MasterCard)Boy, I guess all I can use now to pay things is my checking account.
Jesus: You’ve got a checking account?
Man: Well, yeah... Here, if the cash isn’t enough, I’ll write you a check.
Jesus: Just give me the whole checkbook.
Man: The whole checkbook??? (Astounded) Then how will I make the payment on my car?
Jesus: You’ve got a car?
Man: I suppose you want my car?
Jesus: Yeah!
Man: But how will I get to my job?
Jesus: You’ve got a job??
Man: Yes...
Jesus: Well, I’d like your job.I mean; I’d like to have control over how you do your job.
Man: OK... Well, at least my home is still my own castle, right?
Jesus: You’ve got a home??
Man: Yeah... What? - You want my house?
Jesus: I want to be the ruler of your house.
Man: Boy, this is all really something. I wonder what my wife will say when I tell her about this...
Jesus: You’ve got a wife??
Man: You want her too???
Jesus: Yes, and your children. Especially if you think they’re yours.
Man: And I suppose you want me too? (The man said in something of a combination of amazement, surrender, and relief).
Jesus: Bingo! Yes, I want you, all of you.
(Pastor will start the message by commenting the skit[i])
So what do you think about that? In a sense, it is true that God wants you. All of you! But in another sense, does God literally want your car, your house, or even your love life too?
In the early churches, some people got super-spiritual and started promoting an ascetic life-style. Some people in the Corinthian church might have taught that you should solely focus on the “spiritual” life:
- If you are “spiritual”, then perhaps no matter what you do and how you live, you are still belong to God. (This explained the sexual immorality seen in Chapter 5 and 6).
- If you are “spiritual”, then perhaps married people should just treat each others as brothers and sisters instead of husband and wife.
- If you are “spiritual” and your spouse isn’t, then perhaps you should leave him or her to pursuing God.
- And if you are “spiritual” then perhaps the unmarried people should not even get married at all. (This explained the questions Paul was answering in Chapter 7).
As we continue our series “Symbiosis – Life Together”, last week we learned about marriages and this week we will continue with the issues of singleness. Today we will focus on verses 25-35 of 1st Corinthians 7, which is part of Paul’s correction about the spiritual misconceptions above:
25Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. 27Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. 28But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; 30those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
[Prayer]
1. MOTIVATION:
Some of you probably rolled your eyes when you see the title of the message today: “God, don’t you care if I ever get married?” May be some would even be offended, but no doubt that would be the prayer we all pray as we growing up.
I remembered the time I whined to one of my friends about my lack of a girlfriend and he tried to comfort me, saying that God will be my best friend. I cut him off, “Sure, but I could not break off half of my candy to share to Him.”
Having dealing with loneliness is bad enough; we also constantly get blasted by everything around us to make us feel worse:
- You went into a movie theater, and see Tom Cruise told his girl: “You: complete me!” You left the theater feeling less than completed in your life.
- You came to our church and the head pastor constantly wanted to hook you up with someone else, as if you are not capable of taking care for yourselves.
- Your parents and relatives think that all your problems stem from being single. They believed that you won’t get anything permanent until you get married.
- You feel worthless when all your friends started to pair up, just like when you were picked last in PE.
Well, you are not alone – there are plenty of people around you travel on this same station called singleness. If Singleness is a Station in Life, Here are some Destinations.
2. INFORMATION:
a. First destination: Life is about ENJOYMENT
“Those who use the things of the world…”
The first type of people sees single life is about pleasure. Why would you want to settle down? Let’s live to the max, engage in all kind of experience that this world has to offer…
ILL: The rich fool (Luke 12:16-21) wants to enjoy life.
The problem is that enjoyment is not the end of life! That’s why we should enjoy life but
“…as if not engrossed in them” (v.31a)
b. Second destination: Life is about Finances and Possessions
“Those who buy something…”
The second type of people sees single life is about Finances and Possessions. They are ambitious, they wants to get ahead. While you are not tying down to family life, you can take more risks and try to make as much money as you can. They are upwardly mobile, willing to pack up and go as opportunity present itself to them. Companies look to them to carry heavy travel schedules. They want to have money to spend on anything they want without waiting for a sale. Their bumper sticker read, “Those who die with the most toys win!”
ILL: The rich young ruler life was about Wealth and therefore forfeited Jesus (Mat.19:22)
The problem is that “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Mat. 6:21). That’s why we might have finances and possessions but always live
“…as if it were not theirs to keep” (v.30b)
c. Third destination: Life is about Emotional Well Being
“Those who mourn… those who are happy…”
The third type of people is not as self-centered as the first two. They don’t see single life as free time to indulge in pleasure, or drive time to accumulate wealth. They see life is an emotional rollercoaster. Life is both tear and laughter, and so they live fully engage in the emotional experience.
But is our emotional experience all there is? Are we living for a happy time (especially when you are around friends) – or perhaps the reverse: comfortable living with the blues (especially when you are alone)? It is easy for singles to be controlled by their emotional experience, but apparently that’s not recommended by Paul, we live…
“…as if they did not …as if they were not” (v.30a)
Clarification:
We are not to be emotionless, and certainly not hard–hearted or indifferent. Love does not allow such attitudes. But Christian love is much more than emotion... When a husband, wife, child, or dear friend dies or becomes crippled or diseased, we do not laugh or celebrate. On the other hand, the mature Christian does not fall apart and lose all hope and purpose and motivation… [Unfortunately] with our emphasis on celebration and happiness it is also easy for believers to get carried away with rejoicing over those things that pass away. A personal success, an inheritance, or a business promotion sometimes excites us more than a spiritual victory. [ii]
d. The Next destination: Life is about Marriage.
“Those who have wives…”
O, some of you read this and thought, “I wish this were true, that I’ve found that special someone…” Most of us see single life is just waiting for marriage. When you hear the Bible says, “It’s not good for man to be alone” [Gen.2:18] you would say, “Amen!” And when you hear a sermon said, “The only thing that lasted through eternity is relationship” you would respond “Preach on, brother!”
But I have a shocker for you. As good as the Lord God personally designed for us; marriage is NOT the Ultimate Will of God for our lives!
- Marriage as part of "this world in its present form is passing away" (v.31b). Jesus himself said that marriage wouldn’t be there in heaven: “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” (Mat.22:30)
- The Ultimate Will of God for us is something bigger than this temporal world: that we will be more like Christ as Rom.8:29, and many other scripture alluded to: “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”
- If marriage were the ultimate destination for the single life; why would Jesus walked this earth as a single guy all his life? Why would Paul in this chapter think that being single like him was such a good thing? (v.7,8)[iii]
- You are a complete person in God; you are not incomplete just because you don’t have a mate!
Therefore, don’t get all wrapped up about marriage relationship. Even for people who have already found their mates, Paul advice that they
“…should live as if they had none” (v.29b)
Clarification:
[This] does not teach that marriage is no longer binding on believers or that their marital responsibilities are reduced. Marriage lasts only for life, and is therefore as brief as life. Paul is teaching that marriage should not reduce a Christian’s obligation and devotion to the Lord… The responsibilities of marriage are no excuse for slacking the Lord’s [devotion][iv]
If as a single, you are so focus about relationship, thinking that marriage is the ultimate goal for your life and neglect your devotion to God; then when you are married, you will continue to devote your life to that marriage and neglect your devotion to God even more. This is why Paul brought up the danger he saw…
“32I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.”
Paul is NOT condemning married people, he just merely states the reality, as John McArthur said:
The married person’s interests are divided between the earthly and the heavenly. And so it should be… It is not that the married believer has divided spiritual loyalties or that the unmarried is more spiritually faithful. Many married believers are holy in the sense of being highly devoted to the Lord, and many single believers are divided in their spiritual interests… Married Christians should not feel guilty about being married and unmarried Christians should not feel guilty about getting married… Marriage does not prevent great devotion to the Lord, and singleness does not guarantee it. But singleness has fewer hindrances and more advantages. It is easier for a single person to be single-minded in the things of the Lord. The married Christian has no choice. His interests must be divided. He cannot be faithful to the Lord if he is unfaithful to his family: “If anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Tim. 5:8).[v]
ILL: Phillip (of the seven in Acts) was my favorite example. When he was younger, he was reported to be “full of faith and the Holy Spirit” (Acts 6:5), serving on the first ministry team of the church in Jerusalem. When persecution broke out, his ministry teammate Stephen was killed, Phil left and went on the first cross-cultural mission trip to Samaria, where He led the whole region to Christ (Acts 8:5-8). Then on a short notice from God, Phil left the whole thriving Samaritan ministry and went on a dessert road to intercept the Ethiopian official, led him to Christ and through him establishes the church in Ethiopia[vi]. After that event, God moved him to Caesarea (Acts 8:40).
Here, the tempo of his life changed, apparently he settled down at Caesarea until Luke and Paul met him a few decades later (Acts 21:8). What happened? I believe that apparently Phil got married; Luke recorded that Philip had “four virgin daughters who prophesied” (Acts 21:9) when he met Phil.
Was Phillip less spiritual when he got married as compared to when he was still single? Not at all! But was it easier for him to live for God when he was single? Definitely! Imagine what kind of responsibility he would have felt during the Jerusalem persecution if he needs to care for his wife and four kids? What kind of bag would he need to pack to leave his Samaritan ministry center to go to the middle of the dessert road waiting for the Ethiopian official?
This is why Paul said in verse 26, given “the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are”: single; and in verse 28: “those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this…”
So even marriage is as good as it could get, because of its temporal nature, it ends up to be in the same of other categories of pursuit we mentioned earlier about Emotional Experience, Wealth and Pleasure.
e. THERE IS ONLY ONE ULTIMATE DESTINATION FOR LIFE (SINGLE or MARRIED): THE SINGLES’ MINDS SHOULD BE SINGLE-MINDED ABOUT GOD
“That you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord” (v.35c)
Ask yourself then, what else beyond this temporal world, which you can live for - besides God?
3. APPLICATION: So, what should we do?
a. DECIDE TO BE SINGLE-MINDED FOR GOD NOW: Put your concern about relationship with people behind your concern about relationship with God. Stop asking, “God, don’t you care if I ever get married?” and start asking, “God, how do you want my life to be now?” God will take full responsibility for the lives of the people who fully devoted to Him! (That doesn’t mean that you will always get what you want, but God will always meet what you need.) After all, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Pr 19:14)
b. CONTINUE TO PURSUIT GOD’S STANDARD FOR RELATIONSHIP. The Bible said that, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Pr 18:22). Of course, there is a searching aspect in finding a mate, and when you are searching for something valuable, it would take more time. I believe that many of you are still single today because you have high standard, because there are things that you will not do, because there are people who you will not associate with, and because of commitments you will not compromised. In fact you are single because of Christ – he raised you to a higher standard.[vii]
c. RECOGNIZE THAT SINGLENESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD. Paul said that singleness is a gift from God: “I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that” (v.7). To some it might be a gift of a whole life time, but to most of us, it’s a gift for a season. There are definite and distinct advantages of being single, not the least of which is the opportunity to place a greater focus on Christ and His work.[viii] You see, by its nature, single living is a self-centered lifestyle and, because of that, carries with it the tendency for the single person to become self-involved and depressed. It takes special effort, therefore, for the single person to look beyond himself or herself to others. But it is a necessary thing to do and, the Scriptures say, intrinsic to living a fulfilled life.[ix] God gave us this gift of time to focus on Christ, walk with Him and follow His footstep, so we can be prepared to do well in the rest of our lives later. So, thanks Him now for His gift and make the most out of it while you still can.
4. INSPIRATION (and imagination):
What would be like if we really act on this believe that singleness is a gift from God?
- We would stop asking people, “When are you going to get married?” It’s also produce less romantic suspicion and more trust between young men and women.
- Your self-esteem would be aligned with how God see you, a complete person (not as incomplete couple). Therefore, you would also be more confidence about yourself.
- Jim Talley, who has ministered to singles for decades, once said on “FamilyLife Today” radio broadcast, “We have to realize that singleness is an opportunity for us to focus on our spiritual walk”[x]
- As a result of that focus, you will be more like Christ and better prepared should you become a husband or wife in the future[xi].
- More mission/outreach would be done; more people would be heal/restore; church would grow in numbers of people and ministries.
What would it be like if you really get single-minded about God regardless of if you are married or not?
- God will fully take responsibility for how you would turn out and becoming.
- You won’t be lonely. “Loneliness is not peculiar to singles alone. It has to do with relationship. A person can be married and still be lonely; and another is single but not lonely. People become lonely when they’re out of relationship”[xii]
5. REITERATION & conclusion (remember this):
There was a young man who grew up here just like any of us.
He had the option of living his single life for pleasure. I mean the guy has so much resource at his disposal. When you and I throw a party, we max out at hundred of people; when he threw a party, it’s more like for a couple of thousand. But he didn’t live for pleasure.
He had the option of living his single life for possessions and power too. He was offered a vast amount wealth in his youth, and major politicians used to attend his birthday parties. But he didn’t live for possessions or power.
He was engaged with the full emotional experiences of life, not just laughing in parties of the rich, but also sympathizing with the plight of the homeless. But emotional engagement was not his life goal either.
His life and character had such charisma that many girls fell head over heel for him. A few women even acted like groupies: stalking, and following him everywhere on his tour. His family and relative didn’t have any shortage of good recommendations for him either. But he refused to get serious with anyone[xiii].
On that subject, he made this famous statement: “Some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven” [Mat. 19:12, NLT].
Yes, that was Jesus the bachelor.
Jesus had given up everything, even His own life for our life. Now it is our turn. What are we devoting our lives for?
As the worship team leading us through the reflection of hymn #97 (“I have given up all for you, what have you giving up for me?”), let us prepare to answer that question as we take communion…
For full footnotes and formatted text or feedback, see
http://i12know1stdraft.blogspot.com/2005/11/god-dont-you-care-if-i-ever-get.html#comments
Drop me a line too if you want the PowerPoint slides.
