A Command With A Promise
Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
Introduction
Last Sunday evening we had a helpful video and lively discussion on the topic: "How to Really Love Your Child." Tonight the video and discussion guide is on "The Key to Discipline."
Parenting has always been a challenge but it seems that the 21st Century has some of the greatest challenges to parents. A true story is told by a mother that demonstrates the frenzied pace of parenting:
Why my child was six months old, I reentered the workforce. I was anxious about how I would juggle the morning chores-feeding and dressing the body and myself, pack a lunch and the baby’s bag, dropping her off at day care, and still getting myself to work on time. One frantic morning, I strapped the baby in the car seat and pulled out of the driveway ten minutes ahead of schedule. ’Mommy is so efficient,’ I happily told my little girl. My smugness disappeared a few blocks later when I looked down and realized I was still in my bathrobe.
"Honor your father and your mother." I personally found it easy to honor my mother and a challenge to honor my father. God’s commandment makes it clear that we are to honor parents, our mother and our father.
I. Honor Comes With the Role of Being a Parent
Honor is not linked to your parent’s character of quality of life. "Honor" means to value highly, care for, show deep respect for, and obey with a proper attitude.
Disrespect is to treat as worthless the role of your parents.
The Bible doesn’t say, "Honor your father and mother if they don’t discipline you, disagree with you or don’t let you have your way all the time."
You are to honor your parents because they are your parents. In good times and bad times you are to respect your parents. Why? Because they are your parents! Unconditional love demonstrates honor and respect regardless of whether your parents deserve it or not.
Gary Samlley defines honor: "deciding to place high value, worth, and importance on another person by viewing him or her as a priceless gift and granting him or her a position in our lives worthy of great respect."
What about obsessive parents/ Love them and give them and yourself space. Nowhere in the Bible does it say you are to receive continual abuse.
Scripture gives no other option then to honor your parents.
The fifth commandment comes in the middle of the Ten commandments. Obedience to the commandments is like the fold in your life. In many ways your destiny hinge on how you respond to the commandments. Obedience or disobedience to the fifth commandment affects your future, but has no affect on your past. Its primary affect is on your life right now.
How should you honor your parents? How was I to honor my Dad that missed many days of my growing up years? I longed for my dad to take me places with him. He wasn’t there for my school activities. He wasn’t there when I had a lead part in an elementary school Operetta. My mother from 1st grade through High school and college had to live the roles of both father and mother. She did it through lots of love and prayer.
My mother had the role spoken of in I Thessalonians 2:11-12, "For you knot that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom of glory."
How do you deal with disappointment and heart ache? You deal with it only by the grace of God. Extra grace is required for many situations.
Grace is the unearned favor from God. You are totally in debt to God. God gives his love and grace to you time and time again. What should you do with the grace? Hoard it and stubbornly hand on to it. Or pass the grace on to others?
Maybe your dad wasn’t there for you, but you can be there for your sons or daughters. By God’s grace you can comfort and encourage them. You can encourage and give hope to many other young men and women that feel lonely and lost as they seek for every opportunity to fill the gap and void of love.
By God’s grace we can choose to accentuate the positive experiences we have with our parents. I was privileged to give tributes at both my mother and father’s funeral. I found it easy to remember happy times with my mother and I choose by an act of my will to focus on the positive things about my father.
My mother modeled for my sister me and me a life full of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. She did not complain or criticize my dad or others. She focused on the good and positive. My mother always did the best with what we had and did not complain. My mother lived the words of Jeremiah 6:16: "Thus says the Lord, ’Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where good way is, and walk in it, then you will find rest for your souls."
All through school and as Pastor in Kansas City and then Taylor, Michigan, my Mom was my prayer partner and encourager.
There may be some of you that say, "You don’t know my parents. The fifth commandment does not apply to me!" Here is a Biblical truth; "There are no exceptions for any of the Ten Commandments. The fifth commandment applies to your life whether or not you have good, godly and loving parents. The Lord doesn’t list any exceptions or special conditions for not obeying His Commandments.
The New Testament also repeats the fifth commandment in Ephesians 6:2-3: "Honor your father and mother - which is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
The Lord does not overlook the pain that parents may cause their children. Matthew 18:6, "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea."
Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Fathers are not to make angry or annoy, irritate or cause pain, in their children.
As parents you are to honor your children. Parents place your teens in a highly respected position. The next time your teen comes into the room, drop your jaw, and gasp, take a deep breath. Tell him or her how luck you are to have a son or daughter that is such a valuable person. "I can’t believe that God entrusted me with someone as valuable as you." The teen may say, "Dad you are so weird!" But he will remember it and appreciate it later. See you teenager as a priceless possession.
Most of all demonstrate honor to your children by your actions.
"I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day.
I’d rather one should walk with me than merely show the way.
The eye’s a better pupil and more willing than the ear.
Fine counsel is important, but example’s always clear.
The best of all the preachers are the men, who live their creeds,
For To see the good in action is what everybody needs.
I can soon learn how to do it if you’ll let me see it done.
I can watch your hands in action though your tongue too fast may run.
And the lectures you deliver may be very wise and true,
But I’d rather learn my lesson by observing what you do.
For I may misunderstand you and the fine advice you give.
But there’s no misunderstanding how you ant and how you live.
How do you show honor and love to Loved ones? Love is spelled
T I M E. You might say, "Why should I spend time with them when they make me feel miserable?" You can spend time with your parents and other loved one and take the initiative to keep the atmosphere positive.
When my dad retired we had him spend extended time with us. One time he stayed for one month. We discovered that two weeks worked out much better. Every chance we get we spend time with Carollyn’s mother. We call her at lease weekly and often more.
Parents feel honor when you call just to see how they are doing and to tell them that you love them. You can show honor in little ways - hand written notes a birthday gift, and special days.
As parents it’s helpful to build up each other in front of your children. It doesn’t hurt to tell your children they are privileged to have such a wonderful mother. When our children were young Carollyn always made a big deal about my coming home. I’d walk through the door and Carollyn would joyfully call out, "Your Daddy’s Home." The kids would come running and put their arms around my legs and ride on my feet. My four kids always enjoyed it when I would lay on the floor and gently wrestle with them. All four would try to pin me down. I’d try to get up with a child on each arm and leg.
As parents our goal should be to not only honor our parents but to be honorable parents. Some parents could echo the words of Rodney Dangerfield; "I don’t get no respect." Every family can start a new tradition of honor in the home.
• Behave with integrity at home and at work? Do you kids see that?
• Model respect for your parents to your kids? Speak well of your parents and mention their good points. Help your kids understand the reasons behind any negative behavior toward them by their grandparents.
• Have a healthy attitude toward other authority figures.
• Treat authority figures and those under you with respect.
"Honor your father and mother so you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
You are commanded to honor your Parents. When you honor your parents you are given a promise.
II. A Promised Blessing.
This is the only commandment that has a promised blessing: "that you may live long in the land."
Why does the fifth commandment have a promised blessing for all that obey?
There are a number of factors that might apply. A shorter life span is the possible result of not obeying this commandment.
When honor is lacking in the home there is conflict. Conflict causes stress and stress when prolonged over a period of time results in physical illnesses of various kinds.
When this tender commandment is obeyed the obedience brings positive results. To obey the fifth commandment is to escape bitterness. When you are free of bitterness you are able to enjoy a life of joy and abundant living.
God is saying, "If you honor your parents, I will return the favor and honor you."
Jesus said that all that love and honor Him would keep his commandments. John 14:15, "If you love me you will obey what I command."
Jesus promised that all that keep the commandments would abide in God’s love. John 15:10, "If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love."
One of the keys to enjoying the promised blessing is forgiveness. God’s grace and forgiveness are intertwined and linked together in the bond of love. When I was able to forgive my Dad with no strings attached - unconditional forgiveness - I was set free to make the best of the times when I was with my Dad.
When it comes to unconditional forgiveness and love Jesus is our example. The prophet Isaiah foretold the ministry and mission of Jesus in Isaiah 53:3, 5-9, Living Bible.
"He was oppressed and he was afflicted, yet he never said a word. He was brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before his shearers is dumb, so he stood silent before the ones condemning him. From prison and trial they led him away to his death. He was buried like a criminal in a rich man’s grave; but he had done no wrong, and had never spoken an evil word."
Think of it! - Jesus was not only abandoned by his disciples; His enemies spat upon him and beat him and inflicted intense pain - yet he forgave them.
Here is a principle of life - when it comes to forgiveness - The innocent party almost always pays." The one who has been offended is the one that usually pays the price. But in the light of present joy and a life set free it is a price worth paying.
Remember Satan retains a strong hole in a person’s life that refuses to forgive.
III. The Lord Gives the blessing
" Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."
The Lord God gives the promise. Only God at work in a person’s heart makes it possible for that person to carry out and obey the fifth commandment.
Only the grace and love of God can give you genuine forgiveness of life experiences.
Honor is two sided - honor your mother and father - your children are also to honor you. By honoring your parents you are aligning your life with God so God can bless you. The question is, "How much do you want the Lord to bless and use you?"
You have the provision of a blessing from the Lord. Don’t forfeit it by refusing to obey the commandment to honor your parents.
A radio talk show host was interviewing a sports celebrity. The sports hero shared his life story of how he had made it to the top and received the money and power that went with it. As time went on he lost it all. The talk show host asked him a simple question: "What did you learn form all that?" the sports star replied, "I learned one important thing…I should have listened to my mother."
Once upon a time when families lived in extended units, with children and grandparents living together, there was a home in which a man lived with his son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren. The meals they ate together were always a wonderful time of sharing. As the years went by, the man’s health began to decline. He couldn’t help as much around the house, and his hands began to shake. He sometimes would spill his food on the table or even on the rug.
One day when he was shaking particularly badly the spoon and bowl he was holding dropped on the floor and broke spilling the food all over. The son said to his father in anger and frustration, "Dad, I can’t take it any longer. Can’t you control yourself? You will just have to eat by yourself in your room." And so the son gave his father a wooden bowl that could not break, and for every meal would bring food to the father’s room.
Time went by and the meals at the dining room table were much quieter and neater. The old man was very lonely eating his meals in his room, but he didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to make his son even more upset.
Several weeks later the son came home and found one of his children making something out of wood. "What are you making?" he asked. "I’m making a wooden bowl," answered the younger boy. "It’s very nice, but what will you use it for?" "Oh, it is not for me, Dad, its for you."
"For me?" Well maybe we can keep fruit in it. The son answered: "It is not for you yet, Dad, I’m saving it for when you get older and your hands begin to shake. When I see it is too hard for you to eat with us, then I will give it to you, so you can eat in your room."
The father silently walked into the house and went to his own father’s room. "Dad, I’m sorry for what I have done. How many years did you take care of me, assuring me that I would grow out of clumsiness? Never once did you make me eat a meal in my room; and look at what I have done to you. Can you ever forgive me for not giving you the respect you deserve?"
That night the father and grandfather returned to the dining room able. Thought the table was a little less quiet and a little less neat, the family felt blessed!
Response: In the near future find ways to honor your parents…
1. Treat your mom and day to something special.
2. Encourage your grandparents to tell your children stories of "the good old days."
3. Send a video of yourself and your family to distant parents and grandparents.
4. Forgive your parents for the mistakes they may have made.
5. Ask your parents advice on tough issues you are facing… and listen!
6. Take your children to see them.
7. Model respect for them to your children.
8. Call them and thank them for the sacrifices they made in raising you.
9. Tell them they are valuable to them and you are praying for them.
10. Tell them that you love them.
