MAINTAINING YOUR INTEGRITY IN THE WILDERNESS?
David is on the run. In this part of the story of David’s life everything has broken loose. Quiet suspicions that Saul is trying to kill him are now loudly in the open. Even Jonathon who struggled to grasp how his own father could possibly consider murder now knows that Saul is insane. As a result of Saul’s madness, David has lost his place in the royal court, he has lost his wife, and he has lost touch with his friend. Fearing for his life, David flees to the wilderness, and there makes four dreadful decisions. Let me share these thumbnail sketches with you…
1. David’s “Down” Events
a) Lying to the Priest – David has left the royal courts so fast that he did not take any food or arms with him. So he travels to the city of priests, Nob, where 86 priests and their families lived. The narrator tells us that when David approached Ahimelech the priest, he trembled. Ahimelech was obviously afraid and we can assume that he knew David was a fugitive. He was also suspicious since David, a military officer, was traveling alone without an armed guard as was the custom. He was traveling alone and it was the Sabbath, which meant he shouldn’t have been traveling at all. How does David explain himself to the priest?
David tells Ahimelech that he is on a secret mission for King Saul and he is not at liberty to discuss the nature of that mission. His men are awaiting him in another location. What he needs is bread or some kind of food.
Ahimelech says the only bread available is consecrated bread – that is, bread which is dedicated to the LORD. This bread sits on a table for seven days and then is eaten only by priests. It represents the presence of the LORD. Breaking the rules slightly the priest gives David this bread, particularly because David has assured him he is working for the king.
Next David asks for a weapon of some sort. For some reason the sword of Goliath has been stored here and has been dedicated to the LORD as well and therefore belongs to God. Ahimelech gives David this sword and David leaves.
What the narrator has implied but not said outright is that David lied to the priest. Curiously, the sin here is not that David ate bread reserved for God and his priests, for Jesus affirmed this act of mercy in Matthew 12:3, and in fact, David would not have to had to lie to receive this bread. No, it is the lie that stands out here, and it gets worse.
b) Faking insanity – In fleeing from Saul, David decides that the best place to hide is in the territory of the Philistines. In essence, David hides among the enemies of God and his people. Thinking he won’t be recognized he goes to Achish, leader of the Philistines and offers his services. But David is carrying the sword of Goliath, he’s in the city of Gath, the home town of Goliath, and he’s a fairly well known character around there. The Philistines do remember the guy that killed their cousin and the subsequent humiliation they experienced at his hand. They even know his little song of fame: “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” David has allowed himself to be captured by men who would love to get revenge for the death of Goliath.
David, a cunning and shrewd actor, spins a façade of deception. He starts blubbering saliva down his lips and onto his beard, babbling nonsensical words, and spreading graffiti all over the town gates. I don’t doubt he would have wet his pants if it would help his ruse. All of this was a sure sign to the people of that time that David was insane. Achish responds with a comical statement: “Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me?” So Achish sends David away since he has enough lunatics on his staff.
The lies and the deception work and so the story goes.
c) Lying to Achish – Some time later David actually secures the affection of Achish and becomes his personal body guard. If we read on in chapter 27 we find that we are not told why Achish accepts him now if he wouldn’t before. But here he is living among the enemy to escape the madness of Saul. Not wanting to live under the watchful eye of his Philistine master, David asks for a town of his own and receives Ziklag as his allotment.
For their own protection and for the reward of loot that comes from attacking one’s enemies, David raids nearby tribes that pose a threat. His tactic is to sweep in, kill every man, woman and child so that there are no witnesses, and do a clean sweep so as to leave no evidence of their attack.
Here comes the lie. When Achish asks where David went raiding, David would reply that he attacked towns in Judah or other allies of Israel. In truth, David was actually becoming a hero among the towns of Judah for eliminating these pesky nomad-terrorists. But as far as Achish was concerned, David said he was attacking his own people. Good, Achish thought, David is becoming a stench in Israel’s nose, he is sure to be my servant forever.
d) David’s dilemma – Finally in chapter 29, Saul and Israel are about to fight Achish and the Philistines. David has a dilemma. He can’t fight against Saul, his king whom he swore to serve forever. But he’s with the Philistines. Actually he is in position to be the rearguard with his men. That means if there is a retreat or an attack from behind, David will have to fight the fiercest battles for Achish to protect the army. However, the Philistine generals feel uneasy leaving their backsides exposed to an Israelite while fighting Israelites. Wouldn’t he be back in Saul’s good books if he attacked us from within? And they bring up the little ditty again that made David famous.
Achish goes to David and says, “Sorry buddy, the generals feel uneasy about you today. You can’t fight with us. I trust you but they don’t. You better leave.” David replies, “Why can’t I go and fight against the enemies of my lord the king?” This is a little cryptic. And it goes to prove the deception that David has been playing all along. Those generals who were suspicious of David, who felt uneasy about having him take up the rear of the army…they were right. That phrase “my lord the king” is not Achish, though Achish is convinced David is honorable, the king David refers to is actually Saul. Despite everything Saul has done, David is still loyal to Saul.
2. Lost in the Wilderness
I was surprised when I studied these passages just how much David had lied and deceived people. Being a kind of hero we can justify away much of what David did and say that he had to do what he did to survive. Watching some of our favorite movies though, I think you would be surprised too at how much we gloss over what our heroes do to win the girl or save the day. The end justifies the means. It’s situational ethics. So Mel Gibson sleeps with that girl; Jude Law kills the bad guys – it’s okay they’re the heroes. Well they’re not God’s heroes.
David is supposed to be the man after God’s own heart. But his integrity is pretty weak when we look at these four snapshots of lies and deception. Is it okay in certain circumstances to lie if it helps the cause? Abraham lied, Isaac lied, Rahab lied, one of the prophets lied. And God blessed them anyways, sometimes even using their deception to accomplish his purposes.
Why did David lie? He had the promise of God that he would be king one day. Shouldn’t he have trusted God to protect him and preserve him for the throne? His actions with Ahimelech cost the lives of 85 priests and their families. Only one man escaped Saul’s revenge for helping David. There were deadly consequences for doing what he did. Why did David do it?
Fear! David fled to the familiar wilderness but got lost in the spiritual wilderness where he felt all alone, without resources, without his best friend, and seemingly without God. When faced with these trials he panicked. We’ve been there. When we try to explain our actions later we try to claim insanity – “I was so scared I didn’t know what to do so I lied.” Fear can motivate us to cross the line of truth if it means saving our bacon if only for the present.
The wilderness is a place of testing. When Israel sinned before the LORD he had them wander in the wilderness for 40 years. There they were refined into the people God wanted. Where was Jesus tempted? In the wilderness. You, me, all of us in this world, are in the wilderness of testing and trials. It is in this place, this wilderness, that God prepares us, shapes us for something he has planned for us or just for life itself. How will we respond to the crises we face each and every day?
We could be really hard on David, highlight his failings, destroy his hero status…but we have to remember something first: He is us. And there is something you should know too, and there is much pressure on us as Christians in this regard…you should strive to be perfect, do your best, be the person after God’s own heart, try with all your heart to succeed and be a shining example…but you should know this one thing…you will fail. You will fail to be perfect. You will fail to conquer your sin. You will fail to be a shining example. You will fail to maintain your integrity.
3. Keep Coming Back
David was human. And so are you. It is inevitable that we will sin. What made David a man after God’s own heart is not his moral perfection or sinless life. Rather it was this inclination that whenever David realized he had sinned, such as lying and deceiving people, he would go to God. He kept coming back to God.
When he was afraid, David saw God only through the mist of his circumstances, instead of viewing the circumstances from the vantage point of God’s presence and help. Fear is what also keeps us from going to God after we sin, thinking that God is so angry with us that we dare not approach him. That is the devil’s tool and delight – to make us afraid of God and never approach his throne.
David was incessant in returning to God. He ran to God almost without hesitation. After he faked insanity before Achish he wrote Psalm 34 while hiding in a cave. Here’s a few snippets of what he said:
“I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” (v. 4)
“…blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” (v. 8)
“The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (vv. 17-18)
These words reveal a lot about God. One thing we see is the sovereignty and compassion of God as he uses a bad idea to save his future king. While David lacked trust in God in the face of his enemies, and God could have saved him by some other means, God used the insanity plea to deliver David. This also shows God’s mercy. But most of all, these words remind us that God does not reject those who spirits have been crushed.
In your wilderness experience you may be crushed by the reality that you have sinned. You have tried to resist your weaknesses and temptations but have failed to win the day. Haunting your memories are the words of God “Be holy because I am holy” and “No one who lives in (Jesus) keeps on sinning” (1 John 3:6), or some other truths. And you wonder how can a person live a victorious Christian life when you still have those nagging sins? Does anyone have a handle on pure living?
The answer is “no”. For all have sinned and have fallen short of God’s perfect ways. You are fighting a losing battle if you try to conquer sin. You can’t. It’s in your genes to sin. But if you have accepted Christ as the master of your life you have been infused with new genes. Those genes are repulsed by sin so that whenever you sin you are disgusted with yourself. One of two things can happen as a result: either you believe the lie and accept the fear that God is finished with you, or you will agree with God that this is sin and it has no place in your life. The second choice is the beginning of victory. Paul said, “…if I do not do what I want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me” (Rom. 7:16-17).
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying we should surrender to sin’s impulses and say that we can’t help sinning. It is a fact that we will sin, but David’s example is our help in this problem: Keep coming back to the LORD.
4. Trust in God’s Integrity
You see, when it comes down to it, integrity is possessed in limited amounts where you and I are concerned. A person can earn a reputation as being honest. But is that person honest all the time? Some express the godliness that all of us Christians should have better than others. Does that mean that they are more godly? Is it possible to maintain our integrity in this wilderness of testing and trial? I don’t believe we can.
This is where the accusation that all Christians are hypocrites finds its root. But the difference between us and the world should not be that we are perfect and they are not. Rather it is that we admit our sinfulness and agree with God that it is sin while running to him for help.
God’s integrity is the only integrity we can trust. The ancient verse is true: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” In our human relationships love can falter, a spouse can desert you. Jesus never will. He loves you the same today as he did when he hung on the cross, and he will love you the same tomorrow and forever. That is an integrity you can trust.
You know what’s truly amazing? Jesus is… “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Ed Neufeld shared his thoughts with me on this verse. He said that if it were us, and we had been tempted but never sinned, we would lord it over other people. We would have a really high horse to ride. But Jesus was tempted, did not sin, and he feels sorry for us when we sin. That’s incredible compassion. So when we approach the throne of God we get mercy, not condemnation, and we find grace to help us in our need. Our need…our weakness…our failure…we find grace to help us when we sin.
If you are under a lot of pressure to be perfect, join the club. Better yet, join the club that puts that lie to rest. God doesn’t really expect you to come to him perfect, he just expects you to come.
AMEN
