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The Power of Words
People will be rewarded for what they say; they will be rewarded by how they speak. What you say can mean life or death. Those who speak with care will be rewarded.
Proverbs 18:20
This morning we speak of the power of words and the critical importance of taming the tongue.
I love words. I have always loved words because of their many abilities to communicate knowledge, to inspire action, to calm the fearful, to encourage the depressed, to express anger, and to display beauty with words that paint a picture.
I love a good story teller who with his voice draws an image in your mind that is more real than what a filmmaker puts on the silver screen.
Words are powerful and beautiful because they contain so much of life itself.
In fact, I think of word as containers. Some are round, like pie plates. Some are rectangular, like bread pans. And some are oversize like big mixing bowls. Some are colorful and even gaudy while others are tough and resilient. They will hold up under intense heat and you can even put them in the freezer and they won’t crack.
You can put so much into these containers.
Our words can be filled with love, joy, happiness and blessing or they can be filled with sarcasm, unbelief, all kinds of negativity, and even hate.
Words can curse and words can bless. Words can encourage and bring life. Words can discourage and bring death.
The words that you hear linger with you.
Biting, stinging, hurtful words we speak to our wife, husband, or children as they leave the house in the morning can rob them all through the day.
Loving and tender words of encouragement can linger too, and keep them encouraged all through the day and bring them to victory.
Clearly taming the tongue is critical to good relationships and good living
Taming the Tongue is Critical to Good
Relationships and Good Living
A Bit – Small but Controlling
A Rudder – Extremely Influential
A Raging Fire – Dangerously Destructive
A Wild Animal - Uncontrollable
A Spring – either Sweet or Bitter
A Fruit – either One Kind or Another
James 3:1-12
James speaks of the power and influence of the tongue. In the third chapter of his letter to all Christians everywhere he teaches us that the importance of controlling the tongue.
He uses in quick succession six images that speak of the power, influence, danger and profundity of the tongue.,
It is a bit, a rudder, a raging forest fire, a wild animal, a spring of either sweet or bitter water, or a fruit of one kind or another.
What comes from the mouth has the power to make life good or miserable and it will do the one and not the other or it will do the other and not the one. It is either – or – not both. How you control your tongue is critical to your spiritual health and your well being.
We would do well to follow sound Biblical counsel in
how to tame the tongue.
Strangely enough, the first step to taming the tongue is to not use it at all.
James puts it this way in the first chapter of his letter.
1st: Listen Before you Speak
My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily…
James 1:19
The best way to gain control of your tongue is to listen more than you talk.
Dale Carnegie says that you can make more friends in two weeks by becoming a good listener than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.
We don’t listen very well. Many people listen only so we can talk. We aren’t really listening to what the other person is saying we’re just listening for a pause so we can speak – this is especially true of an argument (where two people talk and no one is listening at all!)
There are some who don’t talk or listen and that’s not good either!
In his book, What’s So Amazing About Grace, Philip Yancey tells the true story of a Texas couple who had trouble with pride. An argument ensued one day when the husband felt that his wife had spent too much on sugar at the grocery story. The argument was never resolved. They lived together for forty years without speaking a word to one another. One day the husband took out a lumber saw and sawed their home exactly in half. He nailed up planks to cover the raw sides and moved one of the halves behind a row of scruffy pine trees on the same acre of ground. There the two, husband and wife, lived out the rest of their days in separate half-houses.
Learn to listen well. Steven Covey who wrote the book called “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People talks about the habit of listening with the intent to understand. Let me share briefly some of the skills involved in effective listening.
Listening Skills
Look at me when I am talking to you.
Sometimes we’re like the couple who were with some friends and the subject of marriage counseling came up. Mary said, “Oh, Tom and I will never need counseling. We have a great relationship. He was a communications major in college and I majored in drama. He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.”
It is important to focus in on the person and listen with the intent to understand.
I went to a seminar a number of years ago and heard John Maxwell speak. What really interested me was not what he was talking about but how after the speech he met with each person and for a minute or so gave them his undivided attention. He didn’t yawn, look away, gaze about the room, or fidget with his keys. He focused on each person and listened. I was impressed and walked away having learned an important lesson – look at me when I’m talking to you!
Be a mirror
It’s important to reflect both content and emotions with different words to the person you are listening to. It’s not a matter of repeating back the same words and inflections – a tape recorder can do that. It’s a matter of reflecting to them the content and emotions of what they are saying – if you get it they are impressed that you actually heard them – if you don’t get it they’ll quickly and gratefully correct you.
When you wife says she’s frustrated because of the kids you need to respond that it sounds like the kids have been keeping her so busy she doesn’t have the energy to go out to eat. If that’s not correct she will let you know – trust me!
Ask questions for clarification but don’t interrupt
Probe gently to find out what it is that the person is saying. Ask questions like, “What do you mean by saying you’re outta here?” Or, “I’m ready to kill those kids!” Gently! Gently!
This is an area where the guys need a little help. Unfortunately we men don’t get what the women are saying. I found this list of definitions and thought I should share them with you.
WORDS WOMEN USE
"FINE"
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks——this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
"FIVE MINUTES"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
"NOTHING"
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
"GO AHEAD" With Raised Eyebrows!
This is a dare, one that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
"PLEASE DO"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a "That’s Okay"
"THANKS"
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome
"THANKS A LOT"
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
2nd: Think Before You speak
3 Those who are careful about what they say protect their lives, but whoever speaks without thinking will be ruined.
Proverbs 13:3
Listening skills are important but they are only the first step to taming the tongue. The second step is to think before you speak.
You simply must learn to choose your words carefully. You remember I spoke of words as if they were containers. Well sometimes the words contain meanings we aren’t fully aware of and we can say things that communicate something other than what we intend to communicate.
The first challenge is communicating what you mean to communicate.
When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used meant, "Bite The Wax Tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that meant "Happiness In The Mouth."
When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life". But the slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From The Grave."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. In Spanish "No Va" means "Does Not Go"
Ask your self – am I using the right container – am I saying what I think I am saying?
2nd: Think Before You speak
"The ears are always open, ever ready to receive instruction; but the tongue is surrounded with a double row of teeth, to hedge it in, and to keep it within proper bounds."
Barnes’ Notes
You aren’t always communicating what you should.
The second challenge is communicating what you should communicate!
Have you ever said anything you later regretted?
I once asked a lady in an attorney’s office when she was due to have a baby – she wasn’t pregnant. There is no way out of that one. None. You simply have to eat the foot in your mouth. Chew and swallow because you are not getting out of this one. That’s why if I see a woman today who is 8 months and 29 days pregnant and ready to rush the hospital – I still don’t say anything about a baby until they bring it up. Period. It is simply not worth the risk.
A number of years ago in Marquette I once visited a family who had come to church where I ministered. They had an old dog. He was one of these Mexican hairless kinds so he kind of looked like a big aged rat. While I visited with the family he sort sat in the corner and wheezed with an occasional cough. This was not a healthy animal – so what did I say? Well, I said, “If that were my dog I’d have it put to sleep.” I wish now that I had asked if it was pregnant!
It’s important to think before you speak. Shooting from the hip may be fast and furious. It may be romantic if you have a six-gun and live in the old west but if you are shooting from the hip with your mouth it is not accurate and you often end up with a mouth full of feet.
Know what you are going to say before you say it. Then ask yourself the question, Do I really want to say that?
Let your tongue out of its cage only when necessary
3rd: Chose Well What You Say
Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
Col 4:6
Is it True
Is it Hurtful
Is it Inspiring? Will your words build up someone?
Is it Necessary?
Is it Kind
A well regarded speaker of words means speaking with a certain amount of culture and class. It means that you understand the words and the meanings they contain and you thoughtfully deliver them to the people you are communicating with.
Occasionally, I am called upon to speak and I carefully think about what I’m going to say and how I’m going to say it. I will write and rewrite every potential word. I use my delete key as much as the other keys and I even practice the delivery.
I’m not saying that you need to go to this much trouble to talk with your kids or your spouse – but hear me well – the things you say to them are as important as the things I am saying here and now.
Consider your words carefully they contain much meaning and much power.
A woman once wrote the editor of Christianity Today with this story: “One afternoon, my four-year-old niece Paige and my six-year-old daughter Ashley started an argument, which grew louder and louder. I was about to intervene when my daughter stormed down the stairs. "Mom," she yelled, "Jesus wants us to be the salt of the earth and Paige is being the pepper!”
Are you being salt? Or are you being the pepper?
4th: Chose Well What You Don’t Say
4 Also, there must be no evil talk among you, and you must not speak foolishly or tell evil jokes. These things are not right for you. Instead, you should be giving thanks to God.
Ephesians 5:4
The Greek word for silly talk is a compound word. It is the combination of moros and lego. Lego is speaking or laying forth in words and moros is where we get our English word MORON.
In other words, Am I going to sound like a moron if I say this?
Coarse jesting is referring to vulgar or “Adult Humor.” And innuendo’s.
Ask yourself “Would I be embarrassed or ashamed if God heard me say this?”
5th: Get a Bigger Camel
But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.
Col 3:8
You’ve heard of the straw that broke the camel’s back? Well, you need a camel that will hold more straw.
You cannot control what others say or do, but you can always control how you respond.
When things get heated, commit yourself to never escalate. Finish the conversation when you can speak calmly.
Thomas Jefferson once said that when you get angry count to ten before you respond. He said if you get really angry, count to 100 before you respond.
Michael Costin, a 40-year-old single father of four, was beaten to death on July 5, 2000 in front of his own children at a hockey rink in Reading, Massachusetts. The man who attacked him was reportedly angry because Costin had refused to intervene in a youth hockey game that Junta thought was getting too physical.
The Power of Words
4 Jesus answered, “It is written in the Scriptures, ‘A person does not live by eating only bread, but by everything God says.’ ”
Matthew 4:4
Words are powerful. It is the word of God that saves us. By his word – Jesus Christ himself – we are redeemed and brought back to life.
Cherish the word of life and cherish the words of life you share with others.
Prayer. Father let the words that come from my mouth be words of life and light. Let me be an encouragement to my spouse and my children. Help me to take away all the abusive speech that tears and destroys and fill me with your presence and power as I use your words as my words. In Jesus Name, Amen
