Lighten Up
John 10:10
9-19-04
EPIC Only
I want to begin this morning by posing a question for your consideration. Before I ask the question think of something that you would really like to do—something you would find very challenging, something you know would be personally enriching—but you’ve never attempted it because you’re afraid that you probably could not do it. I want you to get that something clearly in your mind before I proceed with the questions. Maybe it is something physical like running a marathon or climbing a mountain; maybe it is something spiritual like fasting or praying; maybe it’s a ministry expression like playing an instrument or teaching a class; maybe it’s educational like taking a class or learning a language. What is it that you would like to do sometime in your life that you have always pulled back from, feeling it’s just not possible—yet something inside you says you will not be fully complete without at least giving it a try? Now let’s play a little game of “what if”. What if you applied yourself and actually did it? How would that feel? What if you tried it and failed? Would you really be any worse off than you are right now?
Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...”(John 10:10. Thirteen million Americans suffer from a thief called “phobia”.[1] It breaks into homes and robs people of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness everyday. Some people can’t even go out of their homes because of phobias. There are every kid phobia you can imagine. Aerophobia is fear of drafts. Odontophobia is fear of teeth. Chaetophobia is fear of hairy people. Pladophobia is fear of baldness or bald people. There is even a phobia for being afraid of being afraid. It’s called Phobaphobia.[2] Thirteen million people are a lot of people. There are no doubt people in this room who could testify of their personal battles with phobias.
Phobias are a severe form of fear and because of their severity it is fairly easy to see how they kill the joy in people’s lives—rob them of personal fulfillment. But we all face battles with more subtle forms of fear. Sometimes we simply don’t try things that we would really like to do because we’re afraid that we will be embarrassed or unsuccessful.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy...”
Jesus set his own purpose in direct contrast to that, “...I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full”(John 10:10) About three years ago I made a decision. It was not an easy decision to make because it confronted a fear in my life—a fear of failure. Of all the subjects I have ever taken in school my poorest aptitude was in learning languages. The memorization was very hard for me. I did not learn English using phonics so I even have trouble pronouncing English words at times. Sometimes when I have to read words that I don’t know how to pronounce I have to deal with fears of embarrassment because in school I mispronounced words quite often. In other subjects, especially those related to logic I could waltz through them without much trouble. But languages were hard for me to grasp.
My decision three years ago was this: to either learn Spanish or Greek. With the quality people in my life who can speak Spanish and already provide that strength here and considering my love for the word of God I decided that Greek would be best for my situation. So last year I signed up for a Greek class. I had all kinds of knots in my stomach as I attended the first session. In fact, many days I had to deal with my fears and go to class knowing I would probably be called on to read Greek sentences that would be difficult for me to pronounce. I’m telling this story because we all have to deal with some fear. I never prayed over a class more in my life than that class. Do you know what God did? He not only gave me grace to finish the class. He enabled me to make an A+ in both semesters. It feels good to have faced that fear.
As I look back over that experience I see four important elements in that success.
1. One element was lots of desperate prayer. It’s amazing how easy it is to pray when you’re about to do something that scares you to death.
2. Another essential was following what I sincerely believed to be the will of God for my life. Not everybody is supposed to learn Greek. I’m not even trying to be a Greek scholar. But there is a level of proficiency in it that I think God wants me to have.
3. Another is the willingness to risk embarrassment and face the fear.
4. Finally, a commitment to work hard toward the goal. Hard work alone would have not gotten me there. But God in His wisdom did not spare me the hard work. Those four elements are almost always a part of the process and will likely be important factors for your success.
I’ve noticed something interesting. My greatest struggles with fear always have a significant relevance to what God has called me to do. Perhaps it should put it this way—the fear stood as an obstacle to fulfilling the call God has on my life. I know God has called me to be a man of the word. Language is an important part of that. I knew years ago that God had called me to preach. You have no idea the battles I had to fight in order to speak publicly. As I look back over those battles I now realize that my most effective ministry has been on the spiritual ground God gave me in those battles.
Is there a fear robbing you of fulfillment in your life? “What if I fail?” Is that any worse than never trying? “But what if I fail?” But what if you don’t? I have come to this understanding about life—if you succeed at everything you try, you are probably not trying enough things. Life is to be a discovery—a discovery of God, a discovery of who He has made you to be, a discovery of what works and what doesn’t work. Life is to be an adventure in trusting God. It was for Abraham. It was for Joseph. It was for Moses. And it is for you and me.
How certain of the outcome does it have to be before you will try it? I read something amazing the other day about the African impala. An African impala can jump to a height of over 10 feet and can cover a distance of more than 30 feet in that jump. Yet these awesome creatures are kept in zoos with walls only 3 feet high. How is that possible? It’s possible because they will not even attempt a jump if they if they can not see where their feet will land.[3] Do we have any impala’s here this morning? I think there is a little of that in all of us—the fear of the unknown. I challenge you to order something different at the restaurant next time. Live dangerously. Don’t get jalapeños with it but take a little risk. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
In my lifetime I have noticed an escalation of fear in America. Of course, 9-11 and terrorism has had its effect. But even without that, the media has really helped us all live fearfully. You can have one person out of 200,000,000 die from some freak incident and what happens? First, the media makes millions of dollars reporting it. Then bored Americans watch it and talk about it and never put it in perspective. Of course, we should observe common sense, prudent safety precautions. But keep the risk in perspective. You may be ignoring something far more significant. Write this down, frame it, and somehow remember it: There is no way to eliminate all risk in life. Life is full of risk—but it is also full of opportunity. A fulfilling life is not found in eliminating all risk. A fulfilling life is found in committing ourselves to the Lord and His purpose for us and then trusting His care and guidance.
Another question to consider: can you tolerate the imperfection of life as experienced in these mortal bodies? I’m not saying that we shouldn’t pursue excellence in our endeavors. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t do our best. But there is a difference between a healthy pursuit of excellence and neurotic perfectionism. One is productive; the other becomes counter-productive. One nurtures a hopeful expectation for the future. The other leads to a sense of defeat and depression.
I found the following comparison of a perfectionist to a healthy striver to be helpful.[4]
(Note: To view this chart go to this sermon at
www.gracechapelchurch.org or the site in footnote 4)
Characterisitics of Perfectionist:
Is never satisfied by anything less than perfection
Enjoys process as well as outcome
Becomes dysfunctionally depressed when experiences failure and disappointment
Is preoccupied with fear of failure and disapproval––this can deplete energy levels
Sees mistakes as evidence of unworthiness
Becomes overly defensive when criticized
Proverbs 12:25 in NKJV says, “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression...”
If we are trying to make this life perfect, we are going to experience a lot of anxiety and disappointment. We’re not in heaven yet—and life here is not perfect. Romans 8 says the whole creation is groaning, longing for that perfection. And we as children of God are also longing for that day. Won’t it be wonderful to shake all the mortality off one day and live with God eternally in glorified bodies? That day will come. But it has not yet come. Life is not perfect; but it is good. It is good because we serve a good God and He is working all things together for our good. We have to learn how to rest in that.
When we are fearful, when we expect perfection we tend to become controlling of other people. That can have devastating effects upon our relationships and personal happiness. Sometimes we just need to lighten up—lighten up on ourselves and lighten up on others. I’m not saying we should lower the standards God has set in His word. But we do need to keep things in perspective and appreciate the process as well as the end He has in mind. Everybody here is work in process. God isn’t finished with any of us yet. But He is doing a good work in all of us. And I am persuaded He is able to complete the job He has begun.
The clip you are about to see is from the movie, “Parenthood”.[5] In this movie Gil Buckman (played by Steve Martin) and his wife are struggling to be perfect parents.
Gil is having a real hard time dealing with the uncertainties of life. And because of all his fears of what might go wrong he is missing out on a lot in life. He even misses the wisdom conveyed in Grandma’s story about the roller coaster verses the merry go round. See if you can catch it.
Begin: Chapter 15: 01:48:56 (When Gil says, “I love you.”)
End: Chapter 15: 01:55:56 (When Gil hugs his wife.)
Discussion of Sermon and Clip
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[1] John Haggai, Winning Over Pain, Fear and Worry (New York: Inspirational Press, 1987) p.159.
[2] Sermon by Lynn Floyd entitled, “How to Fight Your Fears” and other sermons on the subject of fear available at http://www.sermoncentral.com/
[3] From sermon by Joel Smith entitled “The Magi: Serious Seekers” available at http://www.sermoncentral.com/
[4] http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/perfection/perfect.html
[5] Directed by Ron Howard at Universal Studios
