Extreme Home Makeovers
Framing Values Into Our Kids
Psalm 127:1
Woodlawn Baptist Church
September 18, 2005
Introduction
(The idea for this sermon title and series came from Outreach Magazine)
Imagine the scene with me. You’ve decided to build your own home; found the right place to build, chosen the look you’re after and the foundation has been laid. You walk up to a blank slab, the place where you hope to build a home that will stand the storms of life and where you will grow together as a family. You intend to raise your kids here, spend your holidays together, drink your morning coffee and enjoy the evening meals together. Today you stand facing an empty foundation, and with the exception of a few pipes sticking up out of it, it is absolutely up to you how the home proceeds from here.
We’re going to be talking about framing values into our kids today, but before we do, let’s take a moment to read Psalm 127.
“Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it; except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage from the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who hath is quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.”
The Bible says that children are a heritage, or a gift from God, and they have been given especially to you by God. He has placed them in your stewardship to raise, and like the house you will build; the final outcome is largely up to you. As I speak to parents today who are still raising their children, I realize that some of you have already raised yours. They are grown and gone, and though they may not answer to your authority any longer, don’t ignore the place of influence God has you in.
Now, the first time I walked up to an empty slab, I’ll have to admit that the feeling was very intimidating. A blank slab is a far cry from living rooms and bathrooms and bedrooms and closets, but as I worked with some guys who were experienced at framing, I learned five principles that I want to apply to raising children.
Know the Plan
Why are you raising your kids the way you’re raising them? Maybe you haven’t thought about it much, but we all raise our kids with a certain end result in mind. It may be that you want them to have a great education, so your discipline, their extracurricular activities, bedtimes and your talks in the car seem to return over and over to doing well in school. Maybe you want them to have it better than you did, or you want them to behave a certain way. You want them to enjoy life, be laid back, easy going and playful, so perhaps you give them lots of room and not so many rules. Whatever that ideology is, whether you consciously think about it or not, determines how you raise your children.
The problem is that most of us don’t consciously think about the end result, so we take a haphazard approach to framing their lives as though we hope they will turn out okay by accident.
Listen, before anything else can be done: before the first nail can be driven, you’ve got to know what you’re building. In other words, what is the house supposed to look like? If you don’t know, then you’ll spend your days frustrated and confused. “Is this going to look right?” “Will I be happy with this when we’re through?” “Will others see it and laugh or will they say ‘Good job?’” That first house I helped build was built with no plans. The owner and the carpenter I worked for had verbally agreed on the general idea of the home, but it was never drawn out on paper, so those of us who had to do all the framing were constantly frustrated. Every day it seemed like we were asking, “Now what?” And what I’ve come to realize is that many, if not most parents spend their days asking that very same question when it comes to raising their children.
Do you know God’s plan? Have you looked over the blueprints? Think through this with me. God says in His Word that you were created for His glory.
“Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.”
Every human being: every man, woman, boy or girl has been created for God’s pleasure. We were created for His glory. Our chief purpose is to glorify God by enjoying Him. Now, if that’s the primary purpose of every human being, then that’s the primary purpose for each of your children. They too were created to make God happy.
God gives that boy or girl to you like an empty slab that you are to frame up a house on, and when it is all built it is to be a mighty reflection of His glory. Listen to me: your kids don’t really belong to you. That’s not your son or daughter – they belong to God – they are His, and He has only placed them in your care for a brief time to make them God worshippers, and that is a tall order. If your kids are going to bring glory to God and are going to grow into adults who please Him, then certain things must be present:
Salvation – The Bible says that “without faith it is impossible to please God…” They need to know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior because only believers can glorify God the way He wants to be glorified.
Love – Not only do our kids need to know Christ as their Savior, but they also must be lovers of Him and other people. “By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, that you have love for one another.” In other words, it will be evident that they love people because of their love for God, and when that kind of love is present then God is well pleased.
Hunger – Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness…” I just told you that “without faith it is impossible to please God.” But the rest of that verse goes on to say that “he who comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” In other words, they have a hunger or a desire for spiritual things.
Christlike Character – Throughout the Scriptures we’re taught that God’s desire for us is that we be conformed to the image of His Son Jesus Christ: His image as it is expressed in our actions, our attitudes and in our thoughts. Why? Because our willingness to be conformed to that image expresses a desire to be like Him, which communicates a fondness for Him that makes Him happy.
Now, that’s the plan. When you’re through framing your kids you ought to be able to step back and see someone who is saved, a lover of God who has a great desire to be like Christ, to love like Christ, and to live like Christ.
Choose the Right Materials
Some of you have torn into enough houses to know that not all houses are built equal. Framing with the right materials means that in some places treated lumber is required. In other places you’ve got to know when to use 2x4s or 2x6s or some other dimension. Will you use finger-joint studs? Warped or twisted studs? Yellow-pine or cedar or some other material?
What about when it comes to framing your kids for God’s glory? Just like a home has to be framed with the right materials, your kid’s life must be framed with the right values. A God-honoring, God-glorifying life will only be built when our kids accept and believe the truth concerning…
1. Family – a biblical family is made up of one man and one woman who have committed their lives together before God and man for life; that the husband is the head of the home and the wife is his heart’s greatest desire aside from God himself. A lot of things can fall under family, like family time, love for kids, biblical values about sex and dating and discipline.
2. Mercy – God has called each of us to demonstrate His mercy to others. We have to pick through all the self-absorption and the harsh, condemning nature within us to give of ourselves to others who are in need.
3. Respect – God is no respecter of persons, and neither should we be. Kids must accept and believe in respect for parents, respect for authority, respect for government, respect for the things of God and for God Himself.
4. Self-Control –There are times when we must wait. We live in a drive-through society where you can have anything and everything right now. Our kids must accept and believe that exercising self-control is not only God-honoring, but it is also what is best for us. The young person who cannot exercise self-control is destined for a life of regret, but when we frame self-control into our kid’s lives we build glory where it all too seldom exists.
5. Gratitude – From their earliest days we must train our kids to be grateful people. Demand a “thank-you” for everything they have. Teach them not to just ask God for stuff, but to find reasons to thank Him: to praise Him.
6. Love – Love is a choice we make. They must be shown how to love one another, how to love their enemies and how to love God.
7. Accountability – Children need boundaries, then they need consequences for crossing those boundaries. They need parents who are not afraid of them and who are not afraid to call their feet to the carpet when necessary.
8. Justice –There is right and wrong. They need to be told no. They need to be told yes. They need to be taught that there is not such thing as love unless there is also justice.
9. Equity – Treat all people and situations fairly.
10. Honesty – Tell the truth and to be people of truth.
11. Integrity – Frame into their lives the understanding that God sees us when no one else does. God’s not playing spy games on us, but wants to know that we can be the same when no one is around that we are when everyone is around.
12. Responsibility – Frame into your kids the value of responsibility. You seldom hear about kids with chores anymore, or negative consequences when the chores are not done. They need to learn to be responsible for themselves, whether that means cleaning their own rooms, helping you with the dishes or laundry or feeding the animals, or all of that and more. Regardless, give them some responsibility and frame it into them while they are young.
We can go on and on. What about framing into their lives a value for eternity, or Christian service? A few weeks ago one of the young kids in Sunday School: one of our churched kids asked mom what an offering was. Are you teaching your kids the value of giving to God? Have you chosen to frame into their lives the stewardship of life? Do they realize that their possessions are gifts to be used for God’s glory? Do they know they only have limited time on earth to make a difference? Do they understand that money is a tool God uses in our lives? We could name things for a long time, but I think you get the point. You cannot build a quality home with inferior materials. Neither can you build a God-glorifying life with inferior or unsuitable values.
No one ever walked into a lumber yard and said, “I’m building a house, I’ll just take whatever lumber you give me and do the best I can with it.” Once the plan is known, materials are carefully chosen to make it happen. Listen to me – the same careful attention ought to be given to our kids. If we really understand God’s plan – what the end result is to look like, then we ought to stop running through the daily routine as though we’re just going to do the best we can with whatever comes along and start consciously choosing the values that need to be present in the lives of those kids God has given to us.
Frame According to Code
If there is any one step that builders don’t like, it is this one. I even hear people say and have said myself, “I want to build outside the city limits so they can’t tell me what to do.” Now that sounds fine – but I want you to think about what we’re saying. I realize that many city codes have become ridiculously strict, but by and large the codes that apply to framing are good codes, and they are in place to ensure that the home you build will be built correctly. There are certain things that you just cannot do when framing, things that an inspector cannot let you slide on.
Now its one thing to resent building codes, but do we do the same thing with God’s codes as they apply to building the lives of our kids? Do we resent being told what to do or how to do it? Perhaps resent is too strong. What if I just put it this way – do you realize that God is the ultimate building inspector and that you’ll answer to Him for the way you have framed up the lives of your kids? Thankfully He doesn’t wait until you’re done – He likes to drop by from time to time, like today, to point out where you need to be careful, to show you a better way or even to show you something that needs to be corrected.
God’s code of course is His Word – and it instructs you on how to go about framing those values we just mentioned into your kids. Deuteronomy 6:4-13 is just one great place to turn to.
“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord: and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates. And it shall be, when the Lord thy God shall have brought thee into the land which he sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give thee great and goodly cities, which thou buildest not, and houses full of good things, which thou filledst not, and wells digged, which thou digest not, vineyards and olive trees, which thou plantedst not; when thou shalt have eaten and be full; then beware lest thou forget the Lord, which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. Thou shalt fear the Lord thy God, and serve him, and shalt swear by his name…”
Without going into a lot of detail, look back through there and notice some of the primary ways you pass on the values God is looking for.
You must live them.
It is absolutely imperative that you be a lover of God – not a Sunday lover or even a church lover but a God lover. “Love the Lord thy God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.” You live those values by loving God, by fearing God according to verse 13, and in every other way possible. In other words, the first and most important way you pass on godly values to your kids is to be an example to them.
Do you value family or just yourself? Are you a man or woman of mercy or are you condemning in your judgment of others? For example, how have your kids been hearing you talk about the hurricane victims? Can they see your heart breaking for those people or do they just hear you talking about how dumb they were for staying there? Are you a person of self-control? Are you responsible?
You must tell them.
God said to talk about those values when you’re sitting around, when your walking around, in the morning and in the night time. In other words, all the time. Take advantage of teachable moments and tell them about the values that God longs to see in their lives. Tell them they exist to bring God glory. Tell them what makes God happy. Tell them what respect is. Tell them about love and honesty and integrity and equity. Teach them!
You must make them the center of your home.
Bind them on your hands and between your eyes? Write them on the doors of your house? In other words, keep them present in all you do. When God is blessing you – don’t forget Godly values. When you enjoy the blessings of life – don’t forget to honor God in those blessings.
How do you frame values in your kids? You live them, tell them and keep them the center of your home. You cannot teach honesty if you’re a liar. You cannot teach them responsibility if you’re skipping work or calling in sick. You cannot teach them love for worship from the shopping mall on Sunday morning. You cannot teach them gratitude unless you teach them to give and to be thankful.
And let’s not forget that we’re talking about framing according to code – our work will be inspected and is being inspected even today. How are you doing? Before I close, there’s one final point I want to make, and that is to…
Remember That Frou-Frou Can’t Make Up For Bad Framing
I am amused at the way people will walk into a home and see only the fixtures or cosmetics. They like the lights or the tub or the carpet on the floor, and while those things are important, if the house has been built with bad materials or with disregard for building standards it will not last. You can dress it up any way you want to – underneath it all is something less than desirable.
Don’t make the mistake or fall into the trap that so many are falling into today. There is an image of Christianity in the world that has been widely accepted, but it is not the Christianity of the Bible. The outward appearances may be nice: your kids are in church, they carry their Bibles, they don’t curse and may even treat the old people nice, but underneath it all is there anything of real substance?
That may be difficult to tell – but you know whether you’re framing in the right direction or not. You know whether you’ve been going at it haphazardly or whether you’re raising your kids on purpose, with God’s purpose in mind. You know whether you’ve been setting the right example and whether you’ve been teaching your kids what I’ve mentioned today.
You see, you may not be able to predict the final outcome, but that’s not an excuse to do everything in your might with a heart bent on loving God to frame them in that direction. And do you want to know the beauty of it all? When God inspects your work, He does not give you a green or red ticket based on the final product like a city inspector does. He grades you on your faithfulness to the process. Your kids will answer for whether they accept what you’ve done or not.
Conclusion
Today as we close, I sense that some of you live with great hurt because as much as you tried, your kids grew up and fell away from the Lord. They know better, but they are at home today where they have been for many years. They’ve made their choice, but you still live with the hurt of knowing that they have rejected the most important thing in their lives. Would you give that hurt to God today?
Perhaps you look back and realize that you didn’t do what you should have, or that you didn’t set the example you could have and rather than hurt for your grown kids, you live with regret. Well listen, regret doesn’t change anything. It only keeps you returning to the past. If your kids are still alive then you still have time to influence them, and that’s all you can do – so do it! Ask God for wisdom, for opportunity, and keep framing on purpose.
Some of you here today are like me – you’re still in the process. How are you doing? Let me invite you today to come before the Lord and ask Him to inspect your work; to inspect your life and give you the answers you’re looking for, and then do whatever He tells you to do.
